Author mortensorchid Posted July 17 Author Share Posted July 17 10 hours ago, NuevoYorko said: What stuck the two of you together? Yes, some people are together for years without knowing each other. Why did you choose that for yourself though? I am surely projecting but I don't understand how a relationship could really take root if the people don't know much about each other at all. Anyway, how are you doing. When you visit him do you feel that the two of you are connecting? Do you have some support from friends or family members of your own? I am fine. Hard as a rock. Someone has to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted July 20 Author Share Posted July 20 I found out some things from a friend of his. She and I had met once or twice before, I reached out and told her about him yesterday. We met at the hospital, I showed her him in his hospital bed. He acts like a toddler at times, smiling and laughing and acting silly. He is in and out of restraints (he tries to pull the tubes out sometimes, other times he doesn't), his general health goes up and down (he could breath on his own for about 10-11 hours unassisted, but then started slowing down so they put him on a BiPap machine again). On the way out, she asked what they do / don't know about him. I told her about the cirrhosis, she said she was not surprised. The two of them shared an office at one point (they are teaching at a local university), she said he would come into work sometimes with alcohol on his breath. I was surprised to hear that. They asked me if he drinks, I said yes he does. I wouldn't call him an alcoholic, but he can and does put it away the times we were together. COming into work with alcohol on your breath is not good. So, like I said, do we truly know someone? No, we don't. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 20 Share Posted July 20 When you have currihosis you are an alcoholic. Now his immune deficiency disease explains his physical pain, the light head, the difficulty breathing but it does not explain why he's regressing to a toddler, how doctors explain that? Too much alcohol can actually affect the brain and cause all sort of cognitive problems. I wonder why you keep saying *we never really know someone*? Is it your way to explain why you have not noticed your boyfriend is an alcoholic? I have a childhood friend who was a fonctionning alcoholic. She drank almost every day. Still she managed her own company, raised her kids, etc. About 2 years ago her pancreas shut down. She was one year in an indused coma. She's awake now but she's paralyzed and lost her vocal cord. You don't need to be a drunk in the street to be an alcoholic. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 21 Share Posted July 21 (edited) 5 hours ago, mortensorchid said: So, like I said, do we truly know someone? No, we don't. I'm sorry, but I think this reflects an unhealthy relationship. You mentioned earlier that even some married couples don't know each other well, but the fact they are still together doesn't mean they are happy or love each other. Unless someone deliberately hides part of themselves, we can get to know each other. It's about conversation and questions and shared experienced and observation. Heck, I know my partner like the back of my hand. He never surprises me by doing something completely out of character. My best friends never surprise me by doing something out of character. And that's because we take the time to learn about each other and share in return. If you try all this and that person doesn't let you in, then they aren't a good relationship option. Nor is a person who never takes the time to try and get to know the other. Edited July 21 by basil67 5 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 21 Share Posted July 21 I tend to agree with basil, this is the whole purpose of dating - to get to know the other person and learn things like whether or not he is an alcoholic… 6 hours ago, mortensorchid said: He acts like a toddler at times, smiling and laughing and acting silly. He is in and out of restraints (he tries to pull the tubes out sometimes, other times he doesn't), There is such a thing as ICU delirium, and it is more common than one might think. Perhaps that is part of the reason for his behavior… I am still wishing you both well, hoping he continues to improve. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted July 21 Share Posted July 21 When you're in a serious, long-term relationship with someone, you should know them deeply and truly. All this business about being in a relationship with someone and not really knowing them, that is not normal. I'm sorry. It sounds like you and him both had/have deep-rooted issues that get in the way of your being able to have a healthy, normal relationship. Maybe that is what attracted you to each other. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted July 24 Author Share Posted July 24 I informed his job that he is in this state on Monday (he is a college professor) - they will be trying to contact him and they will be wondering where he is. They want to start a GoFundMe for his medical expenses and I said that would be wonderful. He has good and bad days, dementia tends to be like that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 27 minutes ago, mortensorchid said: dementia tends to be like that. Hs has dementia on top of his guillain Barré syndrome? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 @mortensorchidI'm sorry but I'm not really sure what to think of the relationship you have with this guy. You have said just here on this page that you two never really knew each other that well and to be honest there haven't been many indicates that you two were ever in a serious long-term relationship. In another thread you talked about having fantasies about much younger men (guys that would have bordered on being illegal) simply because you weren't getting action with this guy like you once were. Were you two ever very serious and was it ever a mutual thing between you. Or was it a situation where it was a casual thing and you developed feelings for him? Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 Yes since when did he come down with dementia as well? Is this officially diagnosed or is it just something you are saying he has because he might seem a little forgetful at times? If he really had dementia you would have noticed life altering problems long before this latest health issue? @mortensorchidare you exaggerating things a bit? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 24 Share Posted July 24 I too am somewhat confused about whether this is an actual relationship. You say that you don't really know him....plus it took you two weeks (!) to do a wellness check on him. Sounds more like a FWB than a boyfriend 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted July 24 Author Share Posted July 24 It's strange, some days he's alert-ish, others he's not. He seems to improve here and there. Like once I said to him "Say my name, what's my name?" He said Debra, I said no that's your mom, what's my name? He didn't know. Then I asked "Who am I? Who am I to you?", he said "Doctor". I said no I'm not the doctor. His friend came down to meet me and see him the other day. When he came into the room, he smiled and said his name (correctly). I asked him how does he know this guy? He said he's another teacher at the college where he teaches (which was right). I asked what my name was, he said it correctly. Then I asked who I am, he said I was his girlfriend. Then he will tell us that he went outside today and saw someone who beat him up, which wasn't true. Today he was transferred to a rehab center. Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted July 25 Share Posted July 25 (edited) 1 hour ago, mortensorchid said: It's strange, some days he's alert-ish, others he's not. He seems to improve here and there. Like once I said to him "Say my name, what's my name?" He said Debra, I said no that's your mom, what's my name? He didn't know. Then I asked "Who am I? Who am I to you?", he said "Doctor". I said no I'm not the doctor. His friend came down to meet me and see him the other day. When he came into the room, he smiled and said his name (correctly). I asked him how does he know this guy? He said he's another teacher at the college where he teaches (which was right). I asked what my name was, he said it correctly. Then I asked who I am, he said I was his girlfriend. Then he will tell us that he went outside today and saw someone who beat him up, which wasn't true. Today he was transferred to a rehab center. Mortensorchid are you making this story up? If he truly had memory issues that significant he would have been having issues long before you ever started this thread (which started out you just worried he was ghosting you) and if it came about because of some health issue recently his doctors would have been very concerned (you seem to have only started talking about memory issues within the last few posts) and infact in a post you made July 14th you said he had a brain scan which detected nothing out of the ordinary. And him having friends who take the time to visit him in the hospital who have yet to meet you only further implies that you were never in an actual relationship with him Edited July 25 by Sony12 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted July 25 Author Share Posted July 25 I am not making this up, he is acting like this. He said he has a tendency for dementia in his family. Why he is acting like this, I have no idea. The mind is a strange thing, there is no telling what it will or won't do. Fact. I will start a new thread under physical health to update on his condition. Today he was transferred to a rehab facility. Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted July 25 Share Posted July 25 10 minutes ago, mortensorchid said: I am not making this up, he is acting like this. He said he has a tendency for dementia in his family. Why he is acting like this, I have no idea. The mind is a strange thing, there is no telling what it will or won't do. Fact. I will start a new thread under physical health to update on his condition. Today he was transferred to a rehab facility. You already have a thread in that section which you started before this one. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 25 Share Posted July 25 1 hour ago, mortensorchid said: I am not making this up, he is acting like this. Does he have a diagnosis? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mortensorchid Posted July 25 Author Share Posted July 25 10 minutes ago, basil67 said: Does he have a diagnosis? Cirrhosis of the liver, IBS. Possible neurological damage but that is still unknown, may be Guillian-Barre Syndrome. Link to post Share on other sites
OKtoday Posted July 25 Share Posted July 25 Why does he not have health insurance as a Professor? I thought they had great benefits. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OKtoday Posted July 25 Share Posted July 25 43 minutes ago, mortensorchid said: Cirrhosis of the liver, IBS. Possible neurological damage but that is still unknown, may be Guillian-Barre Syndrome. What stage is his Cirrhoses of the liver? Is this causing his whole body to shut down? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 25 Share Posted July 25 1 hour ago, mortensorchid said: Cirrhosis of the liver, IBS. Possible neurological damage but that is still unknown, may be Guillian-Barre Syndrome. May be? So it's not even sure he has guillian-Barré syndrome after his 3 spinal tests? Possible neurological damage is not like having dementia . Why do you bring up dementia at all? Are the doctors updating you directly or you're getting second hand information from family? I'm sorry but why are you by his side at all? He spent the last couple months rejecting you, refusing to see you, probably lying about his IBS acting up to keep you away all the while he was drinking himself to death. On the other end, while he's home with his organs failing, you spoke of long lost love you are still dreaming about, talking of lusting younger men, talking about your boyfriend NOT being *it* for you. Then this happens and you're by his side spoon feeding him and playing the loving girlfriend. It's like watching a weird movie. 7 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 25 Share Posted July 25 18 hours ago, Gaeta said: I'm sorry but why are you by his side at all? Perhaps it's nice to feel needed.... Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 26 Share Posted July 26 On 7/24/2024 at 7:54 PM, mortensorchid said: He said he has a tendency for dementia in his family. Why he is acting like this, I have no idea. It’s not dementia, as dementia does not suddenly occur or progress this quickly. It could be any number of things - ICU psychosis, or a side effect of the medication, or neurological damage from the disease, or just the burden of illness… but it’s not dementia. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted July 26 Share Posted July 26 On 7/24/2024 at 10:51 PM, OKtoday said: Why does he not have health insurance as a Professor? I thought they had great benefits. Nope, a lot of college professors in the US are "adjunct professors" which is a job with zero benefits. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted July 26 Share Posted July 26 I am still wanting to understand why you are suddenly talking about his "dementia" as if it's been diagnosed. Obviously you aren't getting informed of any of his medical information since you are not on his "advance care directive." So you're just assuming that he has dementia because he has memory issues and dementia is in his family? Or what? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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