Fear I am being ghosted [UPDATED - he's now in a nursing home]

[mortensorchid]

Today he was moved to a LTac facility.  It's a nursing home more or less.  I saw him, he's confused still.  He doesn't know my name, he doesn't know why he's in the place.  He thinks I am a doctor sometimes, sometimes he thinks I am his mom.  This is ... Not good.  This is where he is going to stay because he's... Shutting down bit by bit.

I a vacuum someone said?  Yes.  I am numb, unfeeling.  I tell him I love him.  And this is the end.

[Gaeta]

Morten, are you even reading what people are writting and asking?

 

[semble]

9 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Morten, are you even reading what people are writting and asking?

Maybe she is the actual patient.

[mortensorchid]

9 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Morten, are you even reading what people are writting and asking?

 

Yes I am.  

[NuevoYorko]

3 hours ago, mortensorchid said:

Yes I am.  

So what's the scoop?   

You know ... it's your own business what you choose to post here.   Anyone can post whatever they feel like.  But you have received support and empathy here and it's really starting to seem like you're just messing around with people.   

What you've described is, obviously, a very serious situation but you are just dropping little clues as if you are chumming the waters.   Yes, you have our attention.   Is that all you were looking for?  Is this part of your "James Bond" persona?  

 

 

[semble]

I don't get why there are so many doubters.

So what she referred to his mental state as "dementia" and she's re-evaluating the relationship in this time of crisis and realizing she doesn't know the guy nearly as well as she thought she did.

That doesn't make her a liar.

 

[Sony12]

1 minute ago, semble said:

I don't get why there are so many doubters.

So what she referred to his mental state as "dementia" and she's re-evaluating the relationship in this time of crisis and realizing she doesn't know the guy nearly as well as she thought she did.

That doesn't make her a liar.

 

 

When people seem to change their stories a bit and begin posting contradictory information to what they posted before it does begin to make people think they are at best not being completely honest and at worst just making up a story (which there does seem to be a bit of on this site).

For instance her dementia claims completely go against what she has said before where after someone outright brought up dementia she said the doctors did a brain scan and didn't detect anything out of the ordinary.

That to go a long with the fact that this thread was started to talk about him potentially ghosting her and now she is supposedly sitting by his side in the hospital having the doctors update her on all the latest news. 

[semble]

40 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

 

When people seem to change their stories a bit and begin posting contradictory information to what they posted before it does begin to make people think they are at best not being completely honest and at worst just making up a story (which there does seem to be a bit of on this site).

For instance her dementia claims completely go against what she has said before where after someone outright brought up dementia she said the doctors did a brain scan and didn't detect anything out of the ordinary.

That to go a long with the fact that this thread was started to talk about him potentially ghosting her and now she is supposedly sitting by his side in the hospital having the doctors update her on all the latest news. 

She used the word "dementia" to describe his muddled mental state due to his acute medical issues. So what she used a "wrong' but generally descriptive term to describe his decreased cognitive ability. If I say it's going to rain and it's only a drizzle, is that a lie?

He was probably "ghosting" her because he wasn't feeling well, due to the conditions that ultimately worsened and resulted in him being hospitalized!

It's like you're scraping at the post looking for a reason to discredit a long term poster who has given no reason to doubt her credibility.

Someone also said she's reading without responding, which is ridiculous. The poor girl has specifically replied to many posts and provided answers to questions that were asked by various posters.

 

[Sony12]

2 hours ago, semble said:

She used the word "dementia" to describe his muddled mental state due to his acute medical issues. So what she used a "wrong' but generally descriptive term to describe his decreased cognitive ability. If I say it's going to rain and it's only a drizzle, is that a lie?

He was probably "ghosting" her because he wasn't feeling well, due to the conditions that ultimately worsened and resulted in him being hospitalized!

It's like you're scraping at the post looking for a reason to discredit a long term poster who has given no reason to doubt her credibility.

Someone also said she's reading without responding, which is ridiculous. The poor girl has specifically replied to many posts and provided answers to questions that were asked by various posters.

 

Well if you believe she is being honest good for you. Her story just seems a little too unbelievable.

[Gaeta]

2 hours ago, semble said:

The poor girl has specifically replied to many posts and provided answers to questions that were asked by various posters.

What did she answer to:

1. How far along is the cirrhosis. No answer

2. She said they diagnosed him a guillian-Barré syndrom then in this page she said *not sure*. No answer

3. We asked where she gets her information, from doctors directly or from family. No answer.

4. We asked why she used the term dementia. No answer.

5. Several time was asked why she's by his side as they had talked like 2 times in 2 months and she was on here talking about missing an ex and lusting younger men. No answer.

[Sony12]

9 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

What did she answer to:

1. How far along is the cirrhosis. No answer

2. She said they diagnosed him a guillian-Barré syndrom then in this page she said *not sure*. No answer

3. We asked where she gets her information, from doctors directly or from family. No answer.

4. We asked why she used the term dementia. No answer.

5. Several time was asked why she's by his side as they had talked like 2 times in 2 months and she was on here talking about missing an ex and lusting younger men. No answer.

I do remember that thread about how she was finding 18:year olds to be hot stuff.

[balletomane]

3 hours ago, semble said:

She used the word "dementia" to describe his muddled mental state due to his acute medical issues. So what she used a "wrong' but generally descriptive term to describe his decreased cognitive ability. If I say it's going to rain and it's only a drizzle, is that a lie?

He was probably "ghosting" her because he wasn't feeling well, due to the conditions that ultimately worsened and resulted in him being hospitalized!

It's like you're scraping at the post looking for a reason to discredit a long term poster who has given no reason to doubt her credibility.

Someone also said she's reading without responding, which is ridiculous. The poor girl has specifically replied to many posts and provided answers to questions that were asked by various posters.

 

I believe she is telling the truth about his current situation (or at least what she believes to be the truth). This is why I'm concerned.

Morten's recent threads have made it clear that until recently she was at best lukewarm about this man. She didn't seem too perturbed at the thought that he might be ghosting her, and she wasn't in any great hurry to check on him when he went AWOL. I think it's safe to say that most people in committed relationships wouldn't let two weeks elapse before they got worried enough to investigate.

Then she finds that he's very ill, and overnight, the lack of interest evaporates and she's now the devoted girlfriend, showing up at the hospital every day, getting detailed updates on his progress that are supposed to be strictly confidential, calling this man's colleague (whom she's barely met and he isn't even friends with) in order to have in-depth chats with her about his medical history, and so on. This is where I do get sceptical about elements of the story. As a doctor, I know just how unlikely it is that ICU staff would be so laissez-faire about information governance. There's no way that they're giving personal medical details to someone who has no formal documented connection with the patient. I don't think Morten is lying per se, but I do think she is speculating and presenting her speculation as the truth. While that's a fairly natural thing for people to do when they're worried, there seems to be more than worry at work here. Perhaps I'm misreading things, but several of Morten's posts make this whole situation sound as if it's some exciting dramatic social opportunity. She gets to be the centre of attention and concern, summoning people to his bedside, commanding an attentive and curious audience online, describing this poor guy's illness as if each day he suffers is a new episode in a favourite TV serial. It feels prurient. Again, I accept I might be wrong, but this is how it's coming across to me and it seems in bad taste considering she and this man had had maybe two conversations in a month before he became so very unwell.

[basil67]

52 minutes ago, balletomane said:

Morten's recent threads have made it clear that until recently she was at best lukewarm about this man. She didn't seem too perturbed at the thought that he might be ghosting her, and she wasn't in any great hurry to check on him when he went AWOL. I think it's safe to say that most people in committed relationships wouldn't let two weeks elapse before they got worried enough to investigate.

Further to this, OP says that she is numb and is unfeeling.  I understand being numb, but there must be SOME feeling.   Nothing about sadness or shock at the situation, frustration with doctors over lack of dx, frustration about him not being proactive about seeking help earlier,  guilt for not checking on him, fear for his future, or even secretly being happy that the 'relationship' has ended   

I don't know how one can see themselves as a girlfriend and be unfeeling about the situation.  Heck, I'd be really sad/shocked if this happened to an acquaintance or an ex from an zillion years ago

[Gebidozo]

Frankly, much like @semble , I think that perhaps people have been too harsh on the clearly distressed OP. Demanding a more coherent narrative and precise medical terms in such a tragic situation just seems unnecessary. The OP isn’t a doctor and isn’t here for medical advice either, she obviously just wants to vent, get stuff off her chest, share her sorrow.

That said, the story does seem strange to me. I agree with @Gaeta that it feels like a weird movie. Possibly the OP just feels guilty about everything that had happened between her and her BF prior to this terrible escalation of his disease. She regrets not having known or loved him enough. She wants to do something for him now, and is devastated because it might be too late.

I’m so sorry you’re going through all this, OP🙏

[semble]

I understand the skepticism given a few posts that go into more detail about some of the contradictions and apparent inconsistencies.

That much being said, given that there's no way to really know, it's not helpful to a person that may be in a serious crisis situation and may be looking for help and support.

It also may deter others from posting because they may be concerned about being the subject of ridicule, criticism and doubt if their story may appear to lack credibility.

Questioning the honesty of a poster is also against the Forum TOS.

If you think giving advise to a questionable poster is a waste of time, then scroll on, it's not the only thread on this board.

 

 

[FMW]

On 7/26/2024 at 8:19 PM, mortensorchid said:

(He's)Shutting down bit by bit.

- - -

I am numb, unfeeling.  I tell him I love him.  And this is the end.

It seems you are saying he is both mentally and physically shutting down, is that correct?  By "the end", do you mean he's nearing death or your relationship is at an end?

I probably expect medical science to always be able to explain how/why things like this happen, but I would be trying to get more definite answers.  If I couldn't get info from the doctors due to privacy issues, I would be trying to find answers somewhere else, including asking/begging his next of kin to get specifics from his doctors.  The progression of this and his decline has been frightening in my view.  

A quick Google search indicates cirrhosis can cause a condition called hepatic encephalopathy (HE) which can cause dementia like symptoms.  But unlike dementia, HE is reversible.  I would be pursuing more info.

[NuevoYorko]

My issue is not whether the events are real or not.   Nobody on boards like this can know what's really going on with other people, so we are just operating on some kind of faith or maybe it doesn't even matter if things are "real" or not.  The advice that people bring to something that may have been "creative writing" or hypothetical can still be valuable to somebody who reads it.

As @mortensorchid is aware, I've mentioned more than one time over the years that they post so many topics and often just ignore all the input from people.   

It's actually upsetting to read about someone going to the end of their lives without a single person who "knows" them near.   Whether it's fiction or real life it's a very sad situation.   

[OKtoday]

I think at a better time, it would be healthy to reflect on what happened here between the two of you.

Being able to see the truth of what was going on with a boyfriend that you have been seeing for 2 years is a very important skill to have. It will serve you better next time when investing in a relationship. Not realizing that your boyfriend of 2 whole years had a drinking problem so severe that it is killing him and shutting his system down is an important thing to recognize. He must not have been functioning well in many areas of his life for some time and with you.

Yes, it is very sad the position he is now in and for you too. And it would be of great value to recognize some of these qualities beforehand and be truthful to yourself that this did not happen overnight for either one of you. 

It surprisingly seems like a journey the two of you must have knowingly walked together for a couple years now but want to ignore it and call it other things.

 

[mortensorchid]

On 7/27/2024 at 6:13 PM, Gaeta said:

What did she answer to:

1. How far along is the cirrhosis. No answer

2. She said they diagnosed him a guillian-Barré syndrom then in this page she said *not sure*. No answer

3. We asked where she gets her information, from doctors directly or from family. No answer.

4. We asked why she used the term dementia. No answer.

5. Several time was asked why she's by his side as they had talked like 2 times in 2 months and she was on here talking about missing an ex and lusting younger men. No answer.

1) I don't know

2) They dxed him with this.  Otherwise I know nothing further.

3) Both

4) He clearly has dementia

5) Life is complicated 

[Gaeta]

It's clear you are not interested in answering questions anymore. It's your right. 

I hope you ask for more answers from doctors and family.  You do know cirrhosis is a death sentence but his family and you don't ask how far along it is 🤔...there are just too many loose ends here.

Good luck Morten.

PS. The saying goes:  Life is complicated only for complicated people.

[BaileyB]

I can’t actually imagine all you are feeling right now Mortensorchid. I’m very sorry that this has happened and I hope you are able to find some support for yourself going forward. This is really hard…

[NuevoYorko]

Just for the record, if anyone here is interested - nobody can determine whether a patient has dementia or not just by observing behavior.   A relative of mine - elderly - appeared to suddenly be losing her marbles and it turned out that it was caused by a serious urinary tract infection.  I don't know the medical aspects but evidently this "delirium" is  common.  I don't know if it happens with other diseases.

Also since this man is evidently in late stage alcoholism he would have severe withdrawals from alcohol, which probably happened since he was incapacitated in his home.   

Cirrhosis itself can cause pretty extreme mental symptoms.  

Anyway - @mortensorchid, I hope you have some people around for support.  I hope that some long time friends or family who know and care about this man show up for him in this bleak time.   I'm sorry for you and him.

 

[basil67]

4 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

A relative of mine - elderly - appeared to suddenly be losing her marbles and it turned out that it was caused by a serious urinary tract infection.  I don't know the medical aspects but evidently this "delirium" is  common.  I don't know if it happens with other diseases.

Yes, this one is really common.  As is post-operative delirium.  My dad's delirium was caused by myeloma (blood cancer) which was reversed with chemo.  

I feel that Mortens is using the term 'dementia' to describe his current presentation. Not as an actual diagnosis

[BaileyB]

21 minutes ago, basil67 said:

My dad's delirium was caused by myeloma (blood cancer) which was reversed with chemo.  

My mom’s delirium was cause by the high dose steroids she took for her myeloma and then, they said it was a result of the “burden of the disease.” 

Yes, as was said above, it’s very common for women especially to become loopy when they have a UTI. 

Lots of things can cause delirium - and that is very separate diagnosis than dementia. 

Hopefully, he has been transferred to a rehab facility because recovery from Gillian-Barre is possible but it takes time. 

Of course, if he is in liver failure because of the cirrhosis that is another story entirely… he would require medial intervention or supportive care. But, we don’t know that this is the issue - he has multiple issues, i would want to know more about his medical status to know whether there is some hope for improvement/recovery. 

Edited July 30, 2024 by BaileyB

[mortensorchid]

I see him often.  He is in a LTC rehab facility at the moment.  He has good and bad days, like most people who have suffered from TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury - as it was determined since he went for a long time without oxygen).  He knows my name, he says silly things at times it's like talking to a toddler.  He eats food now instead of it being fed in a tube through his nose.  I get there around dinnertime when the trays are being served, I cut his meat up and feed him as he's not able to work a knife and fork.