Sweetiepop Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 Just wondering, I know a male and he is recently out of a marriage from last November. Would you consider this male as someone who is still healing or would they be ready to get into another relationship? His marriage lasted 1 year but they are together from 2015. question is : is it too soon for me to even get involved in a situation like that? I don’t know all the ins and outs of why they broke up, it’s too soon and I don’t want to be the one to start that topic, he is 35 years old so could he possibly just be looking something casual? And I don’t want to get hurt like I have in the past. any thoughts on this?? Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 I think 6 months is about right with the IMPORTANT caveat that really it's different for different people. Perhaps give him a try while keeping an eye out for any truly significant signs that he's really not over the ex. WRT to looking for casual or serious, ask him to be honest with you about what his intentions are and try to gauge the response. People who are going to lie about something like that are going to do so, but plenty of people will be honest when asked directly, so that's the best you can do IMO. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 1 Share Posted July 1 I probably wouldn't until they've been divorced for at least a year. Depending on when last Nov was and when the divorce settles, the holidays in between, filling for divorce and etc. Things can get complicated quickly between people rebounding and the like. If you want to at least say hi and let him know that you exist then by all means but nothing more and nothing less. Then, if you two happen to eventually go out on a date I would approach it where I'd want to get a sense of what he is looking for, and start slowly, and if you see some red flags than don't ignore them. It's up to you to see if you want to go further in the dating realm with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 2 Share Posted July 2 (edited) It’s different for different people in different situations. Sometimes they are ready to fall in love the next day after signing the divorce papers, because the divorce was long overdue and their love for the spouse had been dead long before the official separation took place. Sometimes they can’t get over the ex for years and keep longing for them, unable to find solace in a new romance. You’ll need to know the man better before you make such a decision. Edited July 2 by Gebidozo 4 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 2 Share Posted July 2 A really important part of the equation is who ended the marriage. If he ended it, then he's probably fine to move on. If she ended it, and he was heartbroken, it could take quite some time for him to be ready All in all, if you go into this, protect your heart until you've been together long enough to find out what his deal is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 2 Share Posted July 2 Things I would want to know - who ended the marriage, have they separated six months ago (ie. the legal aspects of divorce are still to be settled) or did he sign his divorce papers six months ago, are they still living together, do they have children… Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweetiepop Posted July 2 Author Share Posted July 2 19 hours ago, BaileyB said: Things I would want to know - who ended the marriage, have they separated six months ago (ie. the legal aspects of divorce are still to be settled) or did he sign his divorce papers six months ago, are they still living together, do they have children… Unsure yet as of who ended it, no kids involved and a divorce can’t happen as they ate catholic so it’s an annulment and it can at minimum take up to 13 months and no they aren’t still living together. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 2 Share Posted July 2 (edited) 1 hour ago, Sweetiepop said: Unsure yet as of who ended it, no kids involved and a divorce can’t happen as they ate catholic so it’s an annulment and it can at minimum take up to 13 months and no they aren’t still living together. I'm not Catholic so I had to Google this. In my country, an annulment is not legally recognised and the couple also need to divorce within one year of the annulment. It's also important to note that the parties don't need to agree to divorce, If he wants one but she refuses on religious grounds, he can still apply for one and have it granted. In short, if he's not willing to go through a divorce, I would not be willing to date him Edited July 2 by basil67 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 2 Share Posted July 2 1 hour ago, Sweetiepop said: Unsure yet as of who ended it, no kids involved and a divorce can’t happen as they ate catholic so it’s an annulment and it can at minimum take up to 13 months and no they aren’t still living together. If they already applied for annulment, then it’s exactly the same as civil divorce. A very strict Catholic won’t have sex with anyone else until the annulment kicks in, though. I don’t know how observant that man is, you probably should learn more about his spiritual beliefs and his views of sex, love, and marriage. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 2 Share Posted July 2 (edited) 27 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: If they already applied for annulment, then it’s exactly the same as civil divorce. Ahhh.....I went back it turns out that I misread it. The bit I read actually says that "An annulment can only be granted in limited circumstances. If those circumstances do not apply, then the parties will need to be separated for 12 months and apply for a divorce if they wish to end the marriage." It also says: There are limited situations where an annulment can be sought from the Family Court, namely: Where either party at the time of the marriage was already married to someone else (e.g., bigamy) The parties are within a prohibited relationship (e.g., close blood relatives) There was a procedural irregularity (e.g., the marriage celebrant was not authorised) There was a lack of consent by one or both parties (e.g., duress, fraud, etc.) One of the parties was not of marriageable age (i.e., at least 18 years old) @Sweetiepop with the exception of duress or unauthorised celebrant, these are all screaming red flags...are you sure you want to be involved with someone who's marriage qualifies for an annulment? Edited July 2 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OKtoday Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 He may not be the bad guy here. He could have requested the annulment because it was a short lived marriage and she wasn’t who she portrayed herself to be, falling under “fraud” who knows…. You’ll find out more when you get to know him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 @Sweetiepop I just want to say that I think you have a really good head on your shoulders and are considering this situation very thoughtfully. That being said, it's hard to determine whether someone is fully healed from a past relationship or if they are ready to jump into a new one. Each person heals and moves on at their own pace. Based on the information given, it does seem like your friend may still be healing from the end of his marriage. It's only been a few months and his marriage lasted for a few years before that. This doesn't necessarily mean that he is not ready to get into another relationship, but it's possible that he may need more time to fully heal and move on from his previous marriage. I don't see anything wrong with casually dating this person and getting to know him, but I would advise not getting too emotionally invested until you have a better understanding of where he is at in terms of his healing process. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 It's different for different people. Some people have checked out way before the actual end date, while some people felt like they were "blindsided" and need more time to heal. 12 hours ago, Sweetiepop said: Unsure yet as of who ended it, no kids involved and a divorce can’t happen as they ate catholic so it’s an annulment and it can at minimum take up to 13 months and no they aren’t still living together. Umm yeah, I wouldn't even go there personally. He's still legally married, and things could get very messy. I don't know of any country in the world that legally prohibits Catholics from getting a divorce, so his choice to not get a divorce is still a personal choice, albeit one that is influenced by religion. Choices have consequences, so if he chooses to not go down the legal divorce route, he should understand that most women aren't going to want to get involved with him until he's legally single. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 (edited) That fact that none of those circumstances would apply for the average Joe (or if they do, that is a huge red flag as Basil said), would make me think that this man either hasn’t a) seen a lawyer and educated himself on the process for divorce or b) he is not being entirely truthful with you. Either way, I would say that he is not ready for a serious relationship as he is still legally married to another woman. He would have to have divorce papers in hand for me to consider dating the man… Edited July 3 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 (edited) 1 hour ago, Els said: I don't know of any country in the world that legally prohibits Catholics from getting a divorce, so his choice to not get a divorce is still a personal choice. Agree. And anyone who is choosing to stay married, is not a potential dating or relationship partner - for me. Edited July 3 by BaileyB 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 Just to be clear about the Catholic issue: an annulment is an acknowledgment of the invalidity of a Catholic marriage. In other words, it’s like a divorce applied to a Catholic church wedding, i.e. the sacrament of marriage. It has nothing to do with civil marriage and civil divorce. Any Catholic can have both if he so wishes. If that man never was in a civil marriage, he doesn’t need a civil divorce. The annulment is sufficient for the cessation of his Catholic marriage. If, in addition to the Catholic marriage, he also had a civil marriage, then he definitely needs to get a divorce, and he can do it in any country, otherwise he’ll stay legally married. That divorce is not against the rules of Catholic church. Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 Basically, an annulment is only of consequence if he (or she) wants to get married in the Catholic church again. Otherwise, a civil divorce is all he needs. If annulment is so important to him, does it then follow that he is strict about other church teachings, eg., no pre-marital sex? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 (edited) 4 hours ago, introverted1 said: Basically, an annulment is only of consequence if he (or she) wants to get married in the Catholic church again. Otherwise, a civil divorce is all he needs. If annulment is so important to him, does it then follow that he is strict about other church teachings, eg., no pre-marital sex? .....no contraception? Edited July 3 by basil67 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 2 hours ago, basil67 said: .....no contraception? As a Catholic, I can sort of testify that I’ve never, ever met a Catholic who wouldn’t use contraception. As another Catholic guy I know put it, “Do you see those huge Catholic families with 10 kids anymore now?” Yes, it’s still officially forbidden, but I don’t think anyone except the most conservative, secluded Catholics takes that seriously anymore. Annulment is completely different, most Catholics would want to have the sacrament of marriage, and the only way to divorce then is to have the annulment. Then again, most Catholics would also have a civil marriage, and would get a civil divorce. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 5 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: As a Catholic, I can sort of testify that I’ve never, ever met a Catholic who wouldn’t use contraception. I have. My aunt and uncle Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 Has this person asked you out? How do you know them? Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 On 7/2/2024 at 5:54 PM, Sweetiepop said: no kids involved and a divorce can’t happen as they ate catholic so it’s an annulment and it can at minimum take up to 13 months and no they aren’t still living together. I think he's lying to you. I am Catholic and it is extremely *extremely* rare to get an annulment. He's going to use that excuse to drag you along. If he lived with his gf for 8 years before marriage then this man is not a practicing Catholic and wanting an anulment is a HUGE game he's playing. A Catholic marriage has 2 facets. One is religious and one is legal. The legal side of the marriage can be undone through divorce. The religious side cannot be undone. We can marry only once in a church unless we are a widow then we can remarry in a church. Nowadays many of couples get remarried in a Catholic Chuch, the priest registers the civil marriage and the couple just does not get the religious blessing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 (edited) On 7/2/2024 at 2:54 PM, Sweetiepop said: Unsure yet as of who ended it, no kids involved and a divorce can’t happen as they ate catholic so it’s an annulment and it can at minimum take up to 13 months and no they aren’t still living together. A valid marriage is permanent. In order for a marriage to be considered invalid, I believe that the issue must have existed before the wedding. The Church allows for separation in cases of abuse and/or adultery, but, these alone might not be enough for an annulment since they occurred after the wedding. Not sure the reasons surrounding their divorce but neglect and abandonment do not nullify a marriage. If one were a baptized Catholic and married outside the Church without proper permission from your bishop, the marriage is considered invalid due to lack of proper form. This applies worldwide, regardless of location. Lack of form results in an automatic annulment by marriage tribunals. The Church understands that there are circumstances where divorce and living separately may be necessary for safety, such as in cases of abuse. In these cases, a separation of bodies is permitted, but the marriage is still considered valid and does not allow for remarriage. Like mentioned, he can obtain a civil divorce, he just can't remarry in church. A relative married (Catholic) and separated but never filed for divorce as neither had plans to remarry. They stayed married for decades but no desire to be with the other and lived completely separate lives with the exception of their children. Edited July 4 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 4 Share Posted July 4 (edited) How old are you Sweetiepop? Has this male dated anyone since he separated last November? Is he separated or divorced? Edited July 4 by stillafool Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweetiepop Posted July 5 Author Share Posted July 5 19 hours ago, stillafool said: How old are you Sweetiepop? Has this male dated anyone since he separated last November? Is he separated or divorced? I’m 29 and his words were ‘officially single from January’ and yeah he has been on some from he has been separated, he is lovely tbh and in regards to the annulment he hasn’t said he wouldn’t get one I was just asking about it lol, he has been nothing but nice from ive been talking to him and I don’t see any red flags at all so far, actually get on really well with him and that’s rare! Link to post Share on other sites
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