Gaeta Posted July 19 Share Posted July 19 42 minutes ago, ZA Dater said: Again its how the world works seemingly That's the 4 walls of the box you put yourself in. That's how you *perceive* the world works so you make it your reality. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 19 Share Posted July 19 16 minutes ago, ZA Dater said: I feel I the most attractive version I am ever going to realistically be but again I am just invisible. Mr. Charisma arrives and me being Mr. Useful as not chance. This sentence alone proves, beyond all doubt, that you are still very far from being the best version of yourself. Just look how much self-pity and dull insecurity are present in this thought of yours. You’re still at a very low level of your development as a man, basically the level of a high school “nerd” who’s jealous of “jocks” that “get all the girls”. This envy, insecurity, and general whiny attitude are the first things that have to go if you wish to have any success with women. You can’t imagine how much women don’t like these traits. When I was at a lower level of myself, all full of self-pity and bitterness, I could almost physically feel my own unattractiveness. Women can’t stand spiritual weakness, envy, and lack of confidence in a man. You must understand that and proceed accordingly. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted July 19 Share Posted July 19 58 minutes ago, ZA Dater said: I am not fun and never likely to be. What I am is the person who will walk to the end of the earth for those he cares about, I am the guy who is loyal to fault and puts others ahead of him. Nothing I do on any given day is funny in any shape or form, finance is simply not funny unfortunately. I know funny accountants. Everyone has a sense of fun in them I believe, it's about finding laughter in the ridiculous tragedy of life. I too have a tendency to be a bit dour at times, I addressed this by getting into music and comedy. If you are capable of being amused by something (which is pretty much everybody I know), you are capable of finding fun and lightness in your life. The thing about being dour and down on yourself all the time is it's not particularly attractive, quite the opposite. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 19 Share Posted July 19 13 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: The trick is to like women who like you, to be able to find “your” women and to not waste any time or effort on women who aren’t “yours” to begin with. Amen to that! I tell women on here all the time - give your attention to men who want to date you! There is a pool of people interested in you...pick one among those! Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted July 19 Share Posted July 19 10 minutes ago, Gaeta said: That's the 4 walls of the box you put yourself in. That's how you *perceive* the world works so you make it your reality. Yes, again it's a very important part of your problem that you lack the humility to admit that you know very little, because it would probably overwhelm you with the thought of how much work you have to do. But it really is the first step to getting where you want to be. You admit you have very little in the way of romantic experience, but you know exactly how people operate in their love lives. If you think about that for even just a moment you realise it doesn't make any sense. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 19 Share Posted July 19 2 minutes ago, FredEire said: I know funny accountants. Everyone has a sense of fun in them I believe, it's about finding laughter in the ridiculous tragedy of life. Marilyn Monroe said: If you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything. All the men in my life have a common denominator: they made me laugh! A man doesn't need to be a clown to make a woman laugh, he just needs to not take himself too seriously, he needs to de-dramatize situations, to see the funny in most situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted July 19 Author Share Posted July 19 24 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: My criteria are quite simple. I like “naughty”, sensual women who enjoy sex, look cute enough, are intelligent, funny, but are able to be faithful in a long-term relationship. But the most important criterium is that they must be attracted to me, like and appreciate what I have to offer. That’s why I’ve never failed to get together with a woman I wanted. Height, age, presence or absence of kids, career, etc., are all nonsensical criteria, in my opinion. It’s just a brainy construct. The trick is to like women who like you, to be able to find “your” women and to not waste any time or effort on women who aren’t “yours” to begin with. Unfortunately for me I never 1: Have any who do like me 2: Those who do like me I am highly unattracted to because lack of intellectual stimulation and severe lack of physical attraction among many others things I do not find at all attractive. Your post above though has actually made me feel a bit better. Person I do like has everything I like, on some level she say complimentary things but honestly she is also a fantastic communicator (something else I find attractive). Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted July 19 Author Share Posted July 19 14 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Amen to that! I tell women on here all the time - give your attention to men who want to date you! There is a pool of people interested in you...pick one among those! I might just as well give up them completely. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 19 Share Posted July 19 1 minute ago, ZA Dater said: I might just as well give up them completely. You need to lose that self pity. I have a cousin who's born with a paralyzed leg. She walked all her life with protheses and crutches - use wheelchairs once in a while. I'd forgive her the occasional self-pity but she never had that attitude. Guess what? She married 3 times. If she had lived her life repeating 'nobody wants me' she'd spent her life alone. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted July 19 Author Share Posted July 19 24 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: This sentence alone proves, beyond all doubt, that you are still very far from being the best version of yourself. Just look how much self-pity and dull insecurity are present in this thought of yours. You’re still at a very low level of your development as a man, basically the level of a high school “nerd” who’s jealous of “jocks” that “get all the girls”. This envy, insecurity, and general whiny attitude are the first things that have to go if you wish to have any success with women. You can’t imagine how much women don’t like these traits. When I was at a lower level of myself, all full of self-pity and bitterness, I could almost physically feel my own unattractiveness. Women can’t stand spiritual weakness, envy, and lack of confidence in a man. You must understand that and proceed accordingly. All this has been helpful because basically if I have to choose from people who find me attractive I will simply not bother. I go out, I try be me, I try exude good manners, I am well spoken, I am thoughtful, I am honest and I am loyal. But I am not funny. Or fun. Confidence, I've had very little my entire adult life, there is an reason why but its overly boring and I have bored enough people on here. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 19 Share Posted July 19 Just now, ZA Dater said: All this has been helpful because basically if I have to choose from people who find me attractive I will simply not bother. I go out, I try be me, I try exude good manners, I am well spoken, I am thoughtful, I am honest and I am loyal. But I am not funny. Or fun. Confidence, I've had very little my entire adult life, there is an reason why but its overly boring and I have bored enough people on here. Well, there you go. You know what you need to work on first and foremost: confidence and fun factor. You have to lose the self-pitying attitude ASAP. No man can think himself boring, insecure, unfunny, and hope to have success with women. It just doesn’t work that way. Women don’t like men who wallow in misery. You have to view yourself lightly, with humor and irony, not sternly and ponderously or with a whiny, complaining undertone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted July 19 Author Share Posted July 19 13 minutes ago, Gaeta said: You need to lose that self pity. I have a cousin who's born with a paralyzed leg. She walked all her life with protheses and crutches - use wheelchairs once in a while. I'd forgive her the occasional self-pity but she never had that attitude. Guess what? She married 3 times. If she had lived her life repeating 'nobody wants me' she'd spent her life alone. Well as you just said: date people who want to date you. I do not find any of the people who want to date me at all interesting so I might as well give up. Its good advice you have given. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted July 19 Author Share Posted July 19 8 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: Well, there you go. You know what you need to work on first and foremost: confidence and fun factor. You have to lose the self-pitying attitude ASAP. No man can think himself boring, insecure, unfunny, and hope to have success with women. It just doesn’t work that way. Women don’t like men who wallow in misery. You have to view yourself lightly, with humor and irony, not sternly and ponderously or with a whiny, complaining undertone. You and Gaeta gave me the advice I needed to hear 'date people who want to date you''. For me that is an utter turn off and enough to walk away. I am never going to be funny or view myself lightly but I can go about life adding value to the lives of others around me, I can go about life being loyal and kind. If being that person is not enough to attract anyone I really find interesting then so be it. Women do not like inexperienced 40yo men with no relationship history either. At least I can look. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 19 Share Posted July 19 7 minutes ago, ZA Dater said: I do not find any of the people who want to date me at all interesting so I might as well give up. Continue until you find. If it's not that important to you then give up. Everything in life depends on your level of motivation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted July 19 Author Share Posted July 19 15 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: Well, there you go. You know what you need to work on first and foremost: confidence and fun factor. You have to lose the self-pitying attitude ASAP. No man can think himself boring, insecure, unfunny, and hope to have success with women. It just doesn’t work that way. Women don’t like men who wallow in misery. You have to view yourself lightly, with humor and irony, not sternly and ponderously or with a whiny, complaining undertone. The only thing which will give me dating confidence is dating success, that I realized a long time ago hence me trying to find success. I'll keep trying with this person I really like because well I really like her and in a pathetic way I can live in my head a bit. I once spent the day with someone amazing, shopping, lunch, new haircut and it was really nice, why, she was super attractive, engaging company and I felt confident with her. Do you think attraction can be to some extent how someone makes you feel? Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 19 Share Posted July 19 3 minutes ago, ZA Dater said: The only thing which will give me dating confidence is dating success It’s not real confidence then. Confidence is a cultivated state of mind and spirit, not an automatic reaction to an event. You first gain confidence from within, then you have success, not the other way around. That’s how it has been since the beginning of the world. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted July 19 Author Share Posted July 19 Just now, Gaeta said: Continue until you find. If it's not that important to you then give up. Everything in life depends on your level of motivation. As of now the level of hopelessness is actually very high based on "date those who will date you", honestly I've taken some blows on this forum but as true as it might be I do actually feel pretty awful right now. The advice I guess is common sense and it does explain my constant rejection so at least that question was answered. Tomorrow I will go and do what I always do, have breakfast on my own somewhere, the day after I am arranging an event so I get to spend time around people I do enjoy, though I am the only single person so that odd one out scenario is once again present. Thank you once again for the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted July 19 Author Share Posted July 19 Just now, Gebidozo said: It’s not real confidence then. Confidence is a cultivated state of mind and spirit, not an automatic reaction to an event. You first gain confidence from within, then you have success, not the other way around. That’s how it has been since the beginning of the world. Well then unfortunately I will never amount to much at dating, which is the case. Why would anyone I like actually pick me, what do I have to offer? Mostly the only reason I have ever been able to spend time around people I find amazing is I have something to offer but nothing they would want to date me for, its enough to get me a conversation and some attention in that sense but as with the last person kindness counts for nothing. I have tried to fake confidence before and look you are right someone with no confidence and no fun is simply nowhere. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 19 Share Posted July 19 3 minutes ago, ZA Dater said: As of now the level of hopelessness is actually very high based on "date those who will date you", honestly I've taken some blows on this forum but as true as it might be I do actually feel pretty awful right now. I really don’t understand why you feel awful about having to date those who will date you. That is literally what everyone else does. I’ve only ever liked women who liked me, if a woman wasn’t interested in me I quickly lost interest myself. These are just normal mechanics of romance, you seek out “your” people and get together with them. I fail to see the point of seeking out women who aren’t into you. I honestly can’t fathom what could possibly compel you to do that. Attraction and love can only be mutual, why waste your time and energy on people who don’t like you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 19 Share Posted July 19 (edited) 10 minutes ago, ZA Dater said: Why would anyone I like actually pick me, what do I have to offer? Whatever you have to offer, seek out women who like that. There is no reason to like women who wouldn’t pick you, who don’t like what you have to offer. See, I don’t go to, say, gyms or nightclubs, trying to impress women with my athletic prowess or dancing skills. Why? Because that’s not what I have to offer. I spend zero time and effort on women who are primarily interested in athletic guys, great dancers, or whatever else I’m bad at. I only focus on women who like what I do have to offer. It’s a very simple strategy and it can’t fail. Edited July 19 by Gebidozo Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted July 19 Author Share Posted July 19 4 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: I really don’t understand why you feel awful about having to date those who will date you. That is literally what everyone else does. I’ve only ever liked women who liked me, if a woman wasn’t interested in me I quickly lost interest myself. These are just normal mechanics of romance, you seek out “your” people and get together with them. I fail to see the point of seeking out women who aren’t into you. I honestly can’t fathom what could possibly compel you to do that. Attraction and love can only be mutual, why waste your time and energy on people who don’t like you? Because there is nothing I find attractive about people who want to date me. Absolutely nothing, all you are referring to here is the "league" system. I spent 10 years on dating apps, I have a pretty good idea of who finds me attractive and if those of my "people", no thanks I am better off not dating at all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted July 19 Author Share Posted July 19 Just now, Gebidozo said: Whatever you have to offer, seek out women who like that. There is no reason to like women who wouldn’t pick you, who don’t like what you have to offer. See, I don’t go to, say, gyms or nightclubs, trying to impress women with my athletic prowess or dancing skills. Why? Because that’s not what I have to offer. I spend zero time and effort on women who are primarily interested in athletic guys, great dancers, or whatever else I’m bad at. I only focus on women who like what I do have to offer. It’s a very simple strategy and it can’t fail. Nobody clearly likes what I have to offer because if they did I would not be 40 and never fallen in love and never felt loved either. Nor would I have been a virgin until the age of 38. Clearly nobody likes what I have to offer. My entire dating life its been about trying to win people over, trying, hoping that maybe one day I'd find someone who I'd feel really amazing around and I have found those people but none were ever interested and it would appear this latest person is not interested either. No surprise there. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 19 Share Posted July 19 1 minute ago, ZA Dater said: Because there is nothing I find attractive about people who want to date me. Absolutely nothing, all you are referring to here is the "league" system. I spent 10 years on dating apps, I have a pretty good idea of who finds me attractive and if those of my "people", no thanks I am better off not dating at all. This is one of the weirdest attitudes I’ve ever encountered. I really don’t know how to help you. Everyone man I know, myself included, dates women who like them. Nobody wastes time on women who don’t like them. Maybe in high school some guys were infatuated with some unattainable popular girls or whatever, but every guy I know has outgrown that teenage thinking and got in touch with reality. Dating is about mutual attraction only. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ZA Dater Posted July 19 Author Share Posted July 19 2 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: This is one of the weirdest attitudes I’ve ever encountered. I really don’t know how to help you. Everyone man I know, myself included, dates women who like them. Nobody wastes time on women who don’t like them. Maybe in high school some guys were infatuated with some unattainable popular girls or whatever, but every guy I know has outgrown that teenage thinking and got in touch with reality. Dating is about mutual attraction only. I have no attraction to the sort of people who will date me, absolutely none, bear in mind this has been determined after 10 years on OLD and the sort of matches I got there. Agree mutual attraction, I have never seemingly found that. Hence when I do find someone I do like I do try put my best foot forward, hoping she might actually like me too. What irks me most is when I through stupidity mess up the very, very, very very rare opportunities I do get. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 19 Share Posted July 19 You only value yourself through the eyes of these beautiful women. If a beautiful woman of 5'10'' tall, shaped like a model, smart & witty gives you attention then you feel valued. You have value even when nobody looks at you. What is that value? Find it..... Link to post Share on other sites
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