rose27 Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 10 years ago, I dated someone for about a year. There was a strong connection but he was so toxic at the time and I ended up having to leave for my own sanity. 3 years later he reached out to me to apologise for his behaviour. He seemed sincere and looked like he’d made some huge changes, but I didn’t feel the connection with him so kept him in my life as a friend. It’s been 6 years and we’ve been friends for that whole time even when he dated a couple of people. I often questioned if I should give him another chance as he’s mentioned how much he still loves me and would do anything to have me in his life. But then I remember the past and I panic. I also don’t feel physically attracted to him anymore. The only reason I’m now questioning if I want to be with him is probably due to disappointment with my current dating life. All I’ve been is disappointed by men who have taken me for a ride and won’t commit. Then there is him - someone who genuinely wants me in his life, marriage and all. I know this seems like I’m settling and maybe it is, but can love grow again? I am so tired of trying to find ‘the one’ and I keep thinking that maybe he’s still there for a reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 I think there are two separate questions here. 1) Can you give him another chance? In my opinion, yes, you can. People can change. If you’ve seen clear signs of improvement, it is entirely possible that he’s a different man now and will never relapse. 2) Should you be together with him even though you aren’t physically attracted to him anymore? In my opinion, no, you shouldn’t. I don’t think any man in this world can be happy with a woman who doesn’t love him as a man. Being together with him just because you’re disappointed is humiliating to him and to you. If you ever feel again that you want him as a man, I’d say go for it. But don’t “settle”. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 No, because getting with a man you have no attraction to just to not be alone is settling and you will never be happy with him. Also it isn't fair to him. He deserves a woman who loves him the way he loves her. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 3 Share Posted July 3 No, he clearly isn't someone who can make you happy. You left him for a reason; he's changed, yes, but you're not attracted to him. That may be because he's isn't right for you, even with the changes he's made. You're growing and changing all the time; he still isn't the one for you. Let go and keep growing. The right man-whoever he may be-is out there waiting for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Vicky876 Posted July 9 Share Posted July 9 (edited) There might be some questions still to ask yourself: there must be ‘something there’ I reckon, if it’s advice you’re seeking. Or perhaps you seek a confirmation of some sorths? Is it a fear of things repeating that witholds you and has your heart guarded? It sounds like the past was traumatic to you, perhaps also makes you atracted to men that aren’t emotionally available because sometimes it can feel more ‘safe’, because it allows you to not be fully available either? If he is a genuine friend, you might need to talk about that first, not only for whether you two should or should not, but for you in order to heal? Edited July 9 by Vicky876 Link to post Share on other sites
Lauriebell82 Posted July 15 Share Posted July 15 (edited) It does kind of sound like you are settling for your friend because you aren't having any luck in the dating world. And to be honest I understand and have been there myself! When I was dating after my divorce I *almost* gave a friend whom I wasn't physically attracted to but knew was into me and would have made a wonderful boyfriend/husband a chance! But the problem with "trying" to find someone attractive who you just don't is that it doesn't work very well. Even if there is SOME kind of emotional connection there, if there isn't a huge physical one then there will always be something missing for you. I personally would keep this man as a friend and focus more on yourself and having patience in the dating world. I am so incredibly glad that I DIDN'T settle for someone whom I wasn't attracted to because I let this guy down gently and about a month later met my current boyfriend of 7 years! So even when you feel like giving up-don't. The right guy is out there-you just have to find him! Edited July 15 by Lauriebell82 Link to post Share on other sites
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