MM dumped and ghosted me all of a sudden

[sassybosschic]

I found this web page about a month ago and was hesitant at first to share my story. I appreciate everyone wanting to read this long topic, but I have kept this from everyone in my life; parents, siblings, parents so I need a venting space. I accept any form of judgements and opinions from everyone, as I'm starting to think I'm so naive when it comes to men/dating etc.  Im currently a medical student, but prior to starting school I was volunteering at a hospital daily. I was 23 at the time and have remained a virgin all my life. I met this man late 2022 August, who I discovered to be 40 years old, later on, and I slowly was hesitant to open up to him. In my head, I had contemplated that this man was old in his age, however appearance wise did not appear that way. He never wore a ring and was peaking interest in me? I kept it co-worker related convos. I was quite intrigued as I never had guys my age approach, possibly due to my resting B face.  He was Never pushy with trying to talk to me, as he was a traveling-nurse on the oncology floor of the hospital working night shifts. He grew further interest in me, as he was seeing me every day when I would pass by. I would never greet him first, but rather he would also be the one staring at me. I often get looks from people in general when I'm out in public, and im not sure why as I dont dress provocative in any way and usually keep things to myself. Anyways, he would start conversations with me on the daily basis, asking me about what I do, what my goals are, music I listen to etc. etc.We learn that we like the same music, sports team here in the city, etc. He give me complements that I appear as a very smart "girl" and classy. He also would ask me to smile more as my smile was pretty. One day while coming into work, he gives me a note. I didn't think much of it, so I waited until after my shift to open it in my car. I discover he had written his phone number to me. I msged him that very night and we being texting after hours from work. It wasn't until December when I tell him that I have a lot of school interviews and I will be working less at the hospital. He was very understanding with it, but told me he would like to give me something for all the hard work I was doing. I would like to tell you all, im a girl raised in a single parent home and have worked my booty off to get to where I am today, in addition to, taking care of my disabled brother. I found the MM gestures to be so warm at that time and I told him that he didn't have to get anything for me, I usually dont receive gifts from my own family. While working through the shift, he msged me asking when I get off work and if I was interested in meeting up with him in his car. I knew it was risky to see him after work, as it was my first time with him alone outside of co-workers and the hospital. I had msged what for, and he had a said "a surprise". Idk what had pushed me to go see him that night, the Devil or some Vudo spells, but I ended up sitting in his passenger seat. We talked briefly and it was peaking midnight and I knew my mom was going to question where I was. He comes closer to me to tell me he got me a gift and pulls out a very own stethoscope of my favorite color. I was speechless and just stared at the gift and him altogether. I felt a sudden wave of emotions take over me and I started crying in FRONT OF HIM, THE FIRST GUY IN MY LIFE. He comforts me telling me what's wrong, is something bothering you, and I express to him how tough life has been for me in general and how I never really except these things from me. I have only relied on myself prior to meeting him, and never thought I would have feelings for someone. I stop crying and he wipes my tears. I turn on his radio in his car and music starts playing. Idk at that moment I was just so comfortable with him, talking to him for 3-4 months while at work, through text, and there was nothing sexual. while in the car, he leans over and asks if he could kiss me, "I've been thinking of kissing you, since I first met you". He became my first kiss. we have a lil makeout session and I pull away and tell him I need to go home as my family would think something is up. He understood. I had asked him where he was going after that, and he said he was getting ready to pack and go back home. His truck was filled with clothes on hangers, his work bag, etc. I believed him and I left. 2023 arrives, we continue to msg each other through text. It wasn't until February of 2023 that I hear from his other co-worker on his floor asking him if he still is separated from his wife". I felt the deepest ick in my stomach turn and my mind begins to swim with thoughts. There is no fking way that the first guy I let in my life/emotions, first kiss, etc, is married?? We meet again in his truck sometime that month in February and I confess to him when he asked me if something is wrong. I tell him "when were u going to tell me you're married? You don't wear a ring what's up". MM asks me where I'm getting this information from and I tell him I was observing his conversation with his co-worker let's say her name is Megan, and she had asked him about his life. MM goes off a monologue telling me how he has had problems in his marriage for years, he got married in 2008 when he was 27, his wife was 23; he cheated on her with another healthcare provider when he worked in his small town and was caught around 2017. His wife cheated on him with her boss around the same time too according to him. He showed me a note on his phone after getting information regarding his wife "having an affair with someone at her job" small town bullshit. they have no children, which I found to be strange as he had mentioned before he wanted children himself? He has dogs which he competitively trains when he is not working. MM told me he has been travel nursing for the past 3 years to get out of his small town as he hates it there. He never once mentioned his wife to me, although has stated "I have called her names and such, was disrespectful" MM has never once cussed me out or Called me names. I end up crying in his car again screaming at him that I don't want to be your affair partner, a homewreaker or your fking side piece. He tells me to relax as I was getting worked up and holds my face to his and tells me that I'm not home wreaking anything, "s*** has been destroyed already. I havent had sex with her in over a year now. "I never thought of you as any of that ever, nor do I think of you as my side piece". at that point I didn't know what to believe from him. I end up venting to him how he was the first guy I ever kissed, had a makeout session with, and that I'm a virgin. after seeing how upset I was, I tell him I need to go home and he tells me to get some rest and quit "beating myself up and assuming things". Well my dumb self continues to talk to him at work. Less through texts up until around June 2023. We meet up again in July 2023 but at his place. He rents a space while he is up in the city working. He treats me as if we are in a relationship. We get more physical, however, I always pull away and have never had SEX with him period. I'm ashamed to say but the furthest thing I have done was just give him a BJ x2. I didn't let him penetrate me in any way with fingers, only rubbing. He did want to go further but I had told him no I don't think I'm ready. I guess my own intuition was saving me in that moment.  I know his schedule is that he works M-T and leaves early Friday to drive back home for The Weeknd and returns on Monday to the city. idk why it took me so many months to try and search his spouse on the internet but I find her. She has no posts of them together, nor pictures, only pictures of their dogs. Her profile pic is them from 2019 together and posts r mainly involving banking and accounting life. I didn't see him Aug-Nov as he switched contracts and left for a new hospital. we still msged and talked on the phone daily. Come December 2023, I notice his msgs r less. He doesn't call me anymore. I begin to freak out and tell him we have to have an honest conversation with each other, I don't want to play any mind games. He msges to tell me: 

"Hey. I just say your msg. rough shift tonight. Ofc I care about you and I think of you. I don't want you stressed out. We both are for plenty of reasons. I want you to focus on school and if im divorced down the road and you're done with school. idk what's going to happen with me and her." I txt him to ask him so like do u love ur fking wife all this time?? and he replies "I care about her." and then I respond with but that's what you tell me too on the daily basis?? I go off on him and cuss him out. He tells me he can't see a partner that is disrespectful towards each other to ever work. I turn cold and tell him, "so is that why you have the audacity to treat your wife like s***? Bc you're not going to treat me that way I guarantee you don't know me like that fool". he basically cuts me silent for a couple of days. no txt and left me on read. He msged back after 2 weeks, "my mother is sick. I want you to live your life." ??? I became so emotionally confused, damaged from this dude. I try to respond back to him asking what happened, etc, and I figure out that I'm blocked through txt. LOL I have never been blocked by someone. I drive by his place one night during the whole NC and its just  his truck, so at least I knew he was in town.  peaks 2024 Jan, my 24th birthday arrives and I get a text from him wishing me a HBD. I tell him thanks and hope everything is ok. Over that time phrame of being blocked, I searched him on google and found an obituary of his mother, she really did pass away. I felt so disgusted with myself bc during that time when I was cussing him out, exposing his behavior, he didn't once inform me that his parent was sick. MM msged back yeah, just trying to fix up another contract for the year. I hope school is well for you. We dont talk anymore through text until March 2024. idk what happened but I was just missing him, his voice, our conversations and had msged him just to see what was up with him. He never once has avoided answering my texts whenever I would msg, he always has been responsive. MM tells me he has just been working and doing competitive dog trials. I ask him if things are good at home I guess?". He tells me that nothing has changed at home, "I haven't done anything with spouse over 2 years now." idk what else to tell u, like I've said in the past to you". So I asked him if he has a new AP his age or something for the sudden change in behavior. He tells me absolutely not, I'm not interested in anyone else." Our last meet up in person was April 2024 in his car. We makeout. We talk and listen to music. He asks about my life/school. I ask him about his job/hobbies. We msg March-early Mary and then MM suddenly stops showing interest again. I grow frustrated because I started to get paranoid that this MM has future faked, and lied to me these past several months (peaking 2 years now off-on). there is no way in hell that him opening up to me with this amount of information and buying me things that I didn't; ask for to be all a lie. I send him a long txt and Ik I'm starting an argument telling him how your stabbing me in the back by just ghosting me all of a sudden all I ever wanted was for someone to be loyal and truthful to me, I know MM probably hates me now or something. MM msgs back "I haven't stabbed u in the back. never said I dont hate u or dont like. Why this conversation again? I'm not talking s*** to anyone about your business. I don't tell people my own s*** load of issues" I respond to him telling him that I'm not like the other OW he had an affair with plus the other woman he was with had children. I wanted to be taken seriously and If I'm such a problem in your life why cant you just tell me to fk off for good". He leaves me on read for a couple of hours. Hits me with a "why are you talking about this? Im not stabbing u in the back. Ok have a good night. I find out he blocks me again through text. about three weeks ago, he reaches out again to me asking me about how school is going. I keep it short and sweet with him. This MM works himself to death working 24/7 so I doubt he even thinks about me. I ask him how strange u msg me again considering u probably never reach out first, it's usually just me having to initiate everything when I'm curious about him and how he is doing. I question him if we should treat each other  as exes basically at this point, considering he has been so off-on. Idk if he has been dealing with issues at home, his marriage, his life in general. He hits me with the "I want us to be friends. doesn't mean I wouldnt ever talk to you". I tell him you dumping me now after ghosting me, and then when I have txt him to see how he is doing he always responds and acts like I'm not a problem to him. "Im not trying to be mean or anything. yes I have been open to u about many things" I basically tear up reading his last text to me while I was in my car after a long day of studying. My last text to him was me being paranoid that there is probably some other girl, or u only cared about ur spouse these entire 2 years u were talking to me and expressing your feelings for me" He reads the msg and responds with "you always assume stuff" and I tell him OK. and that was our last conversation. I mean was he wanting to stay friends being genuine, soften the blow, or keep me as a back-up option?? Like I'm not beyond gorgeous anything, pretty average so Idk I didn't imagine to be dumped by a guy?? 

 

I truly don't know where to begin with this shitshow of emotions that I feel for this MM and this entire "co-workers situationship, friendship, relationship, affair" I dont even know how to process what this was. I never told anyone about this as I was ashamed for even considering this man actually cares about me. He came on onto me. I never had any intentions of meeting a MM nor getting deep with someone emotionally, and trying physical thing such as kissing, oral etc) With such a strange exit from MM, I truly don't know what had happened to him? Was any of my outrageous behavior dragged him away? Ofc I started to become jealous that possibly he was keeping things from me, flirty with someone else or something. idk his marriage seemed awfully strange to me. to spend an entire 15+ years with someone and not have children with someone, have an affair prior to meeting me, and remaining miserable? He even told me ofc his "wife wanted kids" I just didnt want them"  Is there any chance this MM will come back and indeed he wants to pursue an actual relationship with me as we discussed in the past? I definitely am spending all my time trying to evaluate what dragged me into this man, whether it is childhood trauma, being fatherless, naive, inexperienced, etc. I cant get over how this MM treated me and have been left so confused. In the past 2 years that we have talked he has blocked me over 2 times. I never had blocked him once, I always wanted to talk things through as normal mf person would. Is there any chance he will reach out to me again? I mean he knows I'm about to start the 2nd year of my MD schooling and soon will be out in the hospitals. He dumped me through text and I'm fighting the urge to msg him again as it's almost 1 month no contact. I never meant to hurt him through my rough words and exposing his behavior on how shitty he is. I don't get the sense he would, but he has left me thinking I just don't know the person I met anymore. Any suggestions to even process how to act around him if I do see him around in the future? I was just going to continue glowing up and walk past him as If I dont know him Lol. Such an awful lesson obtained from this man entering my life. 

[sassybosschic]

I forgot to include in my thread... as Im new to this chat. I had suspicions that maybe his wife was having her own AP on the side and that explains his sudden changes in behavior? I had mentioned something to him about his spouse sleeping with her boss in the past and if he thinks she would ever do such a thing again, and his response was strange. "Idk if she still does talk to him or anyone"  Like what in the world this MM is so confusing, damaged, both? 🤔

[basil67]

I'm sorry, I can't read your message due to very few paragraph breaks.   You'll find that you'll receive more responses if you edit it and repost.

[NuevoYorko]

I too could not read that wall of text.  

Just based on the title, I can tell you that married people who are involved in affairs generally don't feel like they owe any kind of explanation to women that they decide not to see anymore.  They are still accountable to their wives.  

[S2B]

Start dating an available man! He got close to you and was inappropriate while married! That is not someone you want to be involved with.

he’s a jerk! He’s not leaving his wife! He likely has a woman in every city he works - posing as a single guy. 
 

he’s bad news. Make sure you delete his info and  block every way he could reach you - you do this to help yourself move forward!

Edited July 4 by S2B

[sassybosschic]

I made a new thread with my same situation just spaced out more for easier reading. 

[semble]

I don't understand why people can't read a thread unless it's broken into paragraphs. Is it an eye movement or focusing disorder of sorts? You get to the end of a sentence and start the next one. Whether it's 5 sentences in a row or a 100, makes no difference.

The married man doesn't care enough about his wife to remain faithful, why would he care about some random woman who came along after?

Cheaters are all about themselves, and those who will have an affair with a person knowing they've got a spouse at home are also being selfish and setting themselves up for failure. Lots of single people out there. Make better choices.

[sassybosschic]

14 hours ago, S2B said:

Start dating an available man! He got close to you and was inappropriate while married! That is not someone you want to be involved with.

he’s a jerk! He’s not leaving his wife! He likely has a woman in every city he works - posing as a single guy. 
 

he’s bad news. Make sure you delete his info and  block every way he could reach you - you do this to help yourself move forward!

Thanks for your insight. I have deleted his number but never blocked it. You truly think this guy will try to contact me in the future? He has told me in the past he basically has my birthday memorized in his head 🤔, which I found to be odd as shouldn't his attention be on his wife? He would even text me on the weekends when he would return home to see his dogs and wife.  

[NuevoYorko]

7 hours ago, semble said:

I don't understand why people can't read a thread unless it's broken into paragraphs. Is it an eye movement or focusing disorder of sorts? You get to the end of a sentence and start the next one.

Well - you'd have to be highly motivated.  If you want free advice from strangers you would do well to present your issue in a way that's reasonably easy to digest, which would include punctuation and paragraphs.  

[BaileyB]

3 hours ago, sassybosschic said:

You truly think this guy will try to contact me in the future?

You clearly want the man to call you because you’ve asked the same question several times. 
 

3 hours ago, sassybosschic said:

He has told me in the past he basically has my birthday memorized in his head 🤔, which I found to be odd as shouldn't his attention be on his wife?

Why the need to analyze - who cares? This is such a petty, little thing… about a man that you are no longer seeing… should never have been seeing… it’s time to get out of the weeds and move on. 
 

3 hours ago, sassybosschic said:

He would even text me on the weekends when he would return home to see his dogs and wife.  

Indeed, this is what all married men do. 
 

3 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

If you want free advice from strangers you would do well to present your issue in a way that's reasonably easy to digest, which would include punctuation and paragraphs.  

Agree 100%.

There are also not many people who want to read a 5000 word essay on a message board… 

[semble]

3 hours ago, NuevoYorko said:

Well - you'd have to be highly motivated.  If you want free advice from strangers you would do well to present your issue in a way that's reasonably easy to digest, which would include punctuation and paragraphs.  

I don't have an issue with text walls but I agree that a post will get more responses if it's not too long with a lot of unnecessary / irrelevant details.

[Alpacalia]

4 hours ago, sassybosschic said:

Thanks for your insight. I have deleted his number but never blocked it. You truly think this guy will try to contact me in the future? He has told me in the past he basically has my birthday memorized in his head 🤔, which I found to be odd as shouldn't his attention be on his wife? He would even text me on the weekends when he would return home to see his dogs and wife.  

You're just looking for confirmation that he wants to be with you and not her. The fact of the matter is, he's married and he's not leaving his wife for you. It doesn't matter how much he may flirt or say things to make you believe otherwise. 

[S2B]

4 hours ago, sassybosschic said:

Thanks for your insight. I have deleted his number but never blocked it. You truly think this guy will try to contact me in the future? He has told me in the past he basically has my birthday memorized in his head 🤔, which I found to be odd as shouldn't his attention be on his wife? He would even text me on the weekends when he would return home to see his dogs and wife.  

Loads of married men want attention from other women but the safety and security of their wife at home.

he will try and contact when he knows you are moving on… block him.

he’s wasted years of YOUR life at this point - because YOU allowed him to.

you take back YOUR power by blocking him so you don’t expect to hear from him.

[basil67]

13 hours ago, semble said:

I don't understand why people can't read a thread unless it's broken into paragraphs. Is it an eye movement or focusing disorder of sorts? You get to the end of a sentence and start the next one. Whether it's 5 sentences in a row or a 100, makes no difference.

From Grammerly:  Paragraph breaks act as signposts for your reader. They can indicate that you're changing topics or introducing new information, and they're visual markers to keep your readers from losing their place in the text.

Even in published books, if the author's writing style includes paragraphs which take up half the page I don't bother even trying to start reading it because I keep losing my place.  

Edited July 4 by basil67