MM sudden ghosting/dumped

[sassybosschic]

I found this web page about a month ago and was hesitant at first to share my story. I appreciate everyone wanting to read this long topic, but I have kept this from everyone in my life; parents, siblings, friends, so I need a venting space. I accept any form of judgements and opinions from everyone, as I'm starting to think I'm so naive when it comes to men/dating etc.  Im currently a medical student, but prior to starting school I was volunteering at a hospital daily. I was 23 at the time and have remained a virgin all my life. I met this man late 2022 August, who I discovered to be 40 years old, later on, and I slowly was hesitant to open up to him. In my head, I had contemplated that this man was old in his age, however appearance wise did not appear that way. He never wore a ring and was peaking interest in me? I kept it co-worker related convos. I was quite intrigued as I never had guys my age approach, possibly due to my resting B face.  

He was Never pushy with trying to talk to me, as he was a traveling-nurse on the oncology floor of the hospital working night shifts. He grew further interest in me, as he was seeing me every day when I would pass by. I would never greet him first, but rather he would also be the one staring at me. I often get looks from people in general when I'm out in public, and im not sure why as I dont dress provocative in any way and usually keep things to myself. Anyways, he would start conversations with me on the daily basis, asking me about what I do, what my goals are, music I listen to etc. etc.We learn that we like the same music, sports team here in the city, etc. He give me complements that I appear as a very smart "girl" and classy. He also would ask me to smile more as my smile was pretty. One day while coming into work, he gives me a note.

I didn't think much of it, so I waited until after my shift to open it in my car. I discover he had written his phone number to me. I msged him that very night and we being texting after hours from work. It wasn't until December when I tell him that I have a lot of school interviews and I will be working less at the hospital. He was very understanding with it, but told me he would like to give me something for all the hard work I was doing. I would like to tell you all, im a girl raised in a single parent home and have worked my booty off to get to where I am today, in addition to, taking care of my disabled brother. I found the MM gestures to be so warm at that time and I told him that he didn't have to get anything for me, I usually dont receive gifts from my own family.

 

While working through the shift, he msged me asking when I get off work and if I was interested in meeting up with him in his car. I knew it was risky to see him after work, as it was my first time with him alone outside of co-workers and the hospital. I had msged what for, and he had a said "a surprise".

 

Idk what had pushed me to go see him that night, the Devil or some Vudo spells, but I ended up sitting in his passenger seat. We talked briefly and it was peaking midnight and I knew my mom was going to question where I was. He comes closer to me to tell me he got me a gift and pulls out a very own stethoscope of my favorite color. I was speechless and just stared at the gift and him altogether. I felt a sudden wave of emotions take over me and I started crying in FRONT OF HIM, THE FIRST GUY IN MY LIFE. He comforts me telling me what's wrong, is something bothering you, and I express to him how tough life has been for me in general and how I never really except these things from me. I have only relied on myself prior to meeting him, and never thought I would have feelings for someone. I stop crying and he wipes my tears. I turn on his radio in his car and music starts playing. Idk at that moment I was just so comfortable with him, talking to him for 3-4 months while at work, through text, and there was nothing sexual. while in the car, he leans over and asks if he could kiss me, "I've been thinking of kissing you, since I first met you". He became my first kiss. we have a lil makeout session and I pull away and tell him I need to go home as my family would think something is up. He understood. I had asked him where he was going after that, and he said he was getting ready to pack and go back home. His truck was filled with clothes on hangers, his work bag, etc. I believed him and I left. 2023 arrives, we continue to msg each other through text.

 

It wasn't until February of 2023 that I hear from his other co-worker on his floor asking him if he still is separated from his wife". I felt the deepest ick in my stomach turn and my mind begins to swim with thoughts. There is no fking way that the first guy I let in my life/emotions, first kiss, etc, is married?? We meet again in his truck sometime that month in February and I confess to him when he asked me if something is wrong. I tell him "when were u going to tell me you're married? You don't wear a ring what's up". MM asks me where I'm getting this information from and I tell him I was observing his conversation with his co-worker let's say her name is Megan, and she had asked him about his life. 

MM goes off a monologue telling me how he has had problems in his marriage for years, he got married in 2008 when he was 27, his wife was 23; he cheated on her with another healthcare provider when he worked in his small town and was caught around 2017. His wife cheated on him with her boss around the same time too according to him. He showed me a note on his phone after getting information regarding his wife "having an affair with someone at her job" small town bullshit. they have no children, which I found to be strange as he had mentioned before he wanted children himself? He has dogs which he competitively trains when he is not working. MM told me he has been travel nursing for the past 3 years to get out of his small town as he hates it there. He never once mentioned his wife to me, although has stated "I have called her names and such, was disrespectful" MM has never once cussed me out or Called me names. I end up crying in his car again screaming at him that I don't want to be your affair partner, a homewreaker or your fking side piece. He tells me to relax as I was getting worked up and holds my face to his and tells me that I'm not home wreaking anything, "s*** has been destroyed already. I havent had sex with her in over a year now. "I never thought of you as any of that ever, nor do I think of you as my side piece". at that point I didn't know what to believe from him. I end up venting to him how he was the first guy I ever kissed, had a makeout session with, and that I'm a virgin. after seeing how upset I was, I tell him I need to go home and he tells me to get some rest and quit "beating myself up and assuming things". Well my dumb self continues to talk to him at work. Less through texts up until around June 2023.

We meet up again in July 2023 but at his place. He rents a space while he is up in the city working. He treats me as if we are in a relationship. We get more physical, however, I always pull away and have never had SEX with him period. I'm ashamed to say but the furthest thing I have done was just give him a BJ x2. I didn't let him penetrate me in any way with fingers, only rubbing. He did want to go further but I had told him no I don't think I'm ready. I guess my own intuition was saving me in that moment.  I

know his schedule is that he works M-T and leaves early Friday to drive back to his small town for The Weeknd's. idk why it took me so many months to try and search his spouse on the internet but I find her. She has no posts of them together, nor pictures, only pictures of their dogs. Her profile pic is them from 2019 together and posts r mainly involving banking and accounting life. I didn't see him Aug-Nov as he switched contracts and left for a new hospital. we still msged and talked on the phone daily. Come December 2023, I notice his msgs r less. He doesn't call me anymore. I begin to freak out and tell him we have to have an honest conversation with each other, I don't want to play any mind games. He msges to tell me: 

"Hey. I just say your msg. rough shift tonight. Ofc I care about you and I think of you. I don't want you stressed out. We both are for plenty of reasons. I want you to focus on school and if im divorced down the road and you're done with school. idk what's going to happen with me and her." I txt him to ask him so like do u love ur fking wife all this time?? and he replies "I care about her." and then I respond with but that's what you tell me too on the daily basis?? I go off on him and cuss him out. He tells me he can't see a partner that is disrespectful towards each other to ever work. I turn cold and tell him, "so is that why you have the audacity to treat your wife like s***? Bc you're not going to treat me that way I guarantee you don't know me like that fool". he basically cuts me silent for a couple of days. no txt and left me on read.

He msged back after 2 weeks, "my mother is sick. I want you to live your life." ??? I became so emotionally confused, damaged from this dude. I try to respond back to him asking what happened, etc, and I figure out that I'm blocked through txt. LOL I have never been blocked by someone. I drive by his place one night during the whole NC and its just  his truck, so at least I knew he was in town.  peaks 2024 Jan, my 24th birthday arrives and I get a text from him wishing me a HBD. I tell him thanks and hope everything is ok. Over that time phrame of being blocked, I searched him on google and found an obituary of his mother, she really did pass away. I felt so disgusted with myself bc during that time when I was cussing him out, exposing his behavior, he didn't once inform me that his parent was sick. MM msged back yeah, just trying to fix up another contract for the year. I hope school is well for you. We dont talk anymore through text until March 2024.

idk what happened but I was just missing him, his voice, our conversations and had msged him just to see what was up with him. He never once has avoided answering my texts whenever I would msg, he always has been responsive. MM tells me he has just been working and doing competitive dog trials. I ask him if things are good at home I guess?". He tells me that nothing has changed at home, "I haven't done anything with spouse over 2 years now." idk what else to tell u, like I've said in the past to you". So I asked him if he has a new AP his age or something for the sudden change in behavior. He tells me absolutely not, I'm not interested in anyone else." Our last meet up in person was April 2024 in his car. We makeout. We talk and listen to music. He asks about my life/school. I ask him about his job/hobbies. We msg March-early Mary and then MM suddenly stops showing interest again.

I grow frustrated because I started to get paranoid that this MM has future faked, and lied to me these past several months (peaking 2 years now off-on). there is no way in hell that him opening up to me with this amount of information and buying me things that I didn't; ask for to be all a lie.

I send him a long txt and Ik I'm starting an argument telling him how your stabbing me in the back by just ghosting me all of a sudden all I ever wanted was for someone to be loyal and truthful to me, I know MM probably hates me now or something. MM msgs back "I haven't stabbed u in the back. never said I dont hate u or dont like. Why this conversation again? I'm not talking s*** to anyone about your business. I don't tell people my own s*** load of issues" I respond to him telling him that I'm not like the other OWhe had an affair with plus the other woman he was with had children. I wanted to be taken seriously and If I'm such a problem in your life why cant you just tell me to fk off for good". He leaves me on read for a couple of hours. Hits me with a "why are you talking about this? Im not stabbing u in the back. Ok have a good night. I find out he blocks me again through text. about three weeks ago, he reaches out again to me asking me about how school is going. I keep it short and sweet with him.

This MM works himself to death working 24/7 so I doubt he even thinks about me. I ask him how strange u msg me again considering u probably never reach out first, it's usually just me having to initiate everything when I'm curious about him and how he is doing. I question him if we should treat each other  as exes basically at this point, considering he has been so off-on. Idk if he has been dealing with issues at home, his marriage, his life in general. He hits me with the "I want us to be friends. doesn't mean I wouldnt ever talk to you". I tell him you dumping me now after ghosting me, and then when I have txt him to see how he is doing he always responds and acts like I'm not a problem to him. "Im not trying to be mean or anything. yes I have been open to u about many things" I basically tear up reading his last text to me while I was in my car after long days of studying. This entire situation has been starting to affect my academics. 

My last text to him was me being paranoid that there is probably some other girl, or u only cared about ur spouse these entire 2 years u were talking to me and expressing your feelings for me" He reads the msg and responds with "you always assume stuff" and I tell him OK. and that was our last conversation. I mean was he wanting to stay friends being genuine, soften the blow, or keep me as a back-up option?? Like I'm not beyond gorgeous anything, pretty average so Idk I didn't imagine to be dumped by a guy?? Or maybe his own spouse was back to having her own AP? 

I truly don't know where to begin with this shitshow of emotions that I feel for this MM and this entire "co-workers situationship, friendship, relationship, affair" I dont even know how to process what this was. I never told anyone about this as I was ashamed for even considering this man actually cares about me. He came on onto me. I never had any intentions of meeting a MM nor getting deep with someone emotionally, and trying physical thing such as kissing, oral etc) With such a strange exit from MM, I truly don't know what had happened to him?

Was any of my outrageous behavior dragged him away? Ofc I started to become jealous that possibly he was keeping things from me, flirty with someone else or something. idk his marriage seemed awfully strange to me. to spend an entire 15+ years with someone and not have children with someone, have an affair prior to meeting me, and remaining miserable? He even told me ofc his "wife wanted kids" I just didnt want them"  Is there any chance this MM will come back and indeed he wants to pursue an actual relationship with me as we discussed in the past? I definitely am spending all my time trying to evaluate what dragged me into this man, whether it is childhood trauma, being fatherless, naive, inexperienced, etc. I cant get over how this MM treated me and have been left so confused. In the past 2 years that we have talked he has blocked me over 2 times. I never had blocked him once, I always wanted to talk things through as normal mf person would. Is there any chance he will reach out to me again? I mean he knows I'm about to start the 2nd year of my MD schooling and soon will be out in the hospitals.

He dumped me through text and I'm fighting the urge to msg him again as it's almost 1 month no contact. I never meant to hurt him through my rough words and exposing his behavior on how shitty he is. I don't get the sense he would, but he has left me thinking I just don't know the person I met anymore. Any suggestions to even process how to act around him if I do see him around in the future? I was just going to continue glowing up and walk past him as If I dont know him Lol. Such an awful lesson obtained from this man entering my life. 

[Alpacalia]

He sounds like trouble and a mess.. Has he ever shown you divorce papers? I think you should just chalk this up to a lesson learned and move on to someone that is single. I am also sensing you were crushed by your family needing to work, as well as loving disabled brother. Maybe that's why you jumped at this man like you did. It may be time to be on your own for awhile.

[BaileyB]

1 hour ago, sassybosschic said:

Is there any chance this MM will come back and indeed he wants to pursue an actual relationship with me as we discussed in the past?

Why would you want this serial cheat? Seriously. He sounds truly awful. 

This is a whole lot of words to tell what is unfortunately a ridiculously common story on this website…

When you learned the man was married, you should have walked away. Full stop.
 

1 hour ago, sassybosschic said:

MM goes off a monologue telling me how he has had problems in his marriage for years, he got married in 2008 when he was 27, his wife was 23; he cheated on her with another healthcare provider when he worked in his small town and was caught around 2017. His wife cheated on him with her boss around the same time. I told him I don't want to be your affair partner, a homewreaker or your fking side piece. He tells me to relax as I was getting worked up and holds my face to his and tells me that I'm not home wreaking anything, "s*** has been destroyed already. I havent had sex with her in over a year now.

He told the story that all married men tell and you fell for his story - hook, line, and sinker. It’s a hard lesson to learn - but hopefully you are starting to figure it out…

 

[sassybosschic]

15 hours ago, Alpacalia said:

He sounds like trouble and a mess.. Has he ever shown you divorce papers? I think you should just chalk this up to a lesson learned and move on to someone that is single. I am also sensing you were crushed by your family needing to work, as well as loving disabled brother. Maybe that's why you jumped at this man like you did. It may be time to be on your own for awhile.

Thank you for the reply. He has never showed me divorce papers, however strangely enough when we were still at the co-worker stage of our relations he used to joke around for me to help him "sign the papers". Like he has no children so what is keeping him with her? Believe me, I wanted to end this before the start of 2024 as I was getting emotionally burdened, but he told me he didn't want me completely out of his life and wanted to remain "friends", not as "exes"; I never had responded to it and then found out I was blocked up until him returning to wish me a happy birthday. I also think, like you, he found me at a very vulnerable time in my life and it was nice to get to know him as a person, but I never thought he would advance to wanting me romantically then becoming cold all of a sudden? I have deleted his number last month since him dumping me, but do you truly think he would return? I made it clear to him that I was waiting for marriage to have sex with anyone. 

Edited July 4 by sassybosschic

[stillafool]

He's never had any plans to leave his wife.  He wasn't wearing a ring because that is his mode of operation.  He travels as a single man, hits on other women and then goes home to his wife.  They may not be having any marital problems that his wife is aware of if you were to ask her.  All cheating MM say they have troubled marriages and don't have sex with their wives.  The truth is just the opposite.  Think about it, if he had told you he was happily married would you have gotten involved with him?  It's the oldest line in the book.  You need to block him from being able to contact you again so you can move on and get over him rather than wonder if he will contact you anymore.  Why do you want him to return.  There's no future with him.  There's nothing keeping him from leaving his wife, he has no children.

Edited July 4 by stillafool

[sassybosschic]

22 minutes ago, stillafool said:

He's never had any plans to leave his wife.  He wasn't wearing a ring because that is his mode of operation.  He travels as a single man, hits on other women and then goes home to his wife.  They may not be having any marital problems that his wife is aware of if you were to ask her.  All cheating MM say they have troubled marriages and don't have sex with their wives.  The truth is just the opposite.  Think about it, if he had told you he was happily married would you have gotten involved with him?  It's the oldest line in the book.  You need to block him from being able to contact you again so you can move on and get over him rather than wonder if he will contact you anymore.  Why do you want him to return.  There's no future with him.  There's nothing keeping him from leaving his wife, he has no children.

When I found pictures of them together, I noticed that he never wore his ring since the story he told me of both them cheating on each other around 2018. He had even shown me the man that his wife had cheated on him with.  I did some searching myself at that time because I wanted to see if he was telling me the truth. He always worked on the holidays too so I figured their connection was not all there. I also thought the same as you, like he has no children so what's keeping him with her, his dogs, to avoid small town gossip?? 

 I agree, I probably wouldn't have even gotten involved with him if he had said he was happily married. I just don't get why would he want to act single if he truly loves his wife? And what would be the point of me staying friends with him as he wanted it so bad? He has plenty of co-workers his own age so I don't get why he pursed me and tried to prove himself to me. He has told me he has feelings for me and cares about my well-being. 

I guess I want him to return because I truly just miss him. First kiss, him pursing me, wanting an interest in my life, and the "what if relationship". Despite how shitty his behavior is, whenever we were together he truly treated me well, never cussed at me, yelled, or made me uncomfortable. Just his hot-cold became so draining. I know if I were to ever reach out, he would respond to me but I truly don't think I should be the first to msg again since he left me on read. It's hard for me to accept he just disappears from my life after having such an impact on me

Edited July 4 by sassybosschic

[stillafool]

6 minutes ago, sassybosschic said:

. He always worked on the holidays too so I figured their connection was not all there. I also thought the same as you, like he has no children so what's keeping him with her, his dogs, to avoid small town gossip?? 

Exactly, no children and his wife had an affair on him too.  That would make any man with good sense run to a divorce attorney if those things happened.  He must really love her to stay.  Maybe he is having revenge affairs to settle the score with his wife but she has not idea.  It is very hard to get over your first love so I understand why you are struggling.  He's terrible to make you have your first experience at love with and older married man instead of someone age appropriate and single who could make your first experience at love something beautiful and memorable. He took that away from you.  He probably does care about you but that is not love.  You need to let him be and find a man who is closer to your age and can give you a real love affair that can lead to a future.  There's no future with this man, he's married.

[sassybosschic]

3 minutes ago, stillafool said:

He's terrible to make you have your first experience at love with and older married man instead of someone age appropriate and single who could make your first experience at love something beautiful and memorable. He took that away from you.  He probably does care about you but that is not love. 

That's the biggest thing by far that hurts me the most even after close to 1 month NC. I have avoided/fear getting close to guys, and then his MM arrives and I fall head over heels for him. I never expected myself to even gain any sort of feelings for someone as I built my own walls to avoid any sort of intimacy. I thought about telling his wife at times, but then I would be doing it for vengeance and I don't wish to do that all. I'm not the seeking revenge type. 

He used to tell me before that I was pretty and could find someone else, but then he would be jealous of other men talking to me at work? this MM was by far insecure in himself too. Plus the buying me gifts I never asked for? I mean if that was a way for him to get into my pants he failed at that 🤷‍♀️. 

What am I supposed to do/act if I were to see him again while working? I will have a higher position than him but I don't know if he would try to talk to me again as nothing happened between us. 

[BaileyB]

50 minutes ago, sassybosschic said:

What am I supposed to do/act if I were to see him again while working?

It seems pretty apparent that you like the drama of this all…

It is possible to be polite and cordial - hello. And then keep walking.

Quote

I have avoided/fear getting close to guys, and then his MM arrives and I fall head over heels for him. I never expected myself to even gain any sort of feelings for someone as I built my own walls to avoid any sort of intimacy.

If your goal is a long term relationship - you need to develop a better picker and have higher standards. You can’t really complain that it didn’t work out when you are fawning over another woman’s husband like this…

Edited July 4 by BaileyB

[stillafool]

5 hours ago, sassybosschic said:

He used to tell me before that I was pretty and could find someone else, but then he would be jealous of other men talking to me at work? this MM was by far insecure in himself too. Plus the buying me gifts I never asked for? I mean if that was a way for him to get into my pants he failed at that 🤷‍♀️. 

What am I supposed to do/act if I were to see him again while working? I will have a higher position than him but I don't know if he would try to talk to me again as nothing happened between us. 

Buying gifts is typical too from men engaging in an affair.  So don't be impressed by that.  Just nod if you make eye contact and continue going about your business. Hospitals are big places so it should be pretty easy to avoid him and go about your business.   Stop worrying about him trying to talk to you and make up your mind that you aren't going to talk to him.  He's married and that's not going to change.  He belongs to someone else.

[S2B]

Why did you start another thread with the same info?

[basil67]

1 hour ago, S2B said:

Why did you start another thread with the same info?

Because the first thread had hardly any paragraph breaks and I commented that she'd get more responses if it was readable.  We no longer have mods who would fix the original thread.  

 

[Starswillshine]

Hi, OP. You mentioned a few times that he never yelled at you. Question: did you grow up in a toxic home where that was normal? This was my life experience, and when I met my ex husband and married him, this was a big thing for me. He seemed like a great husband because he never yelled at me, he didn't get violent with me, he always showered me with attention, complemented me constantly, etc. But this was because i grew up in a very toxic and abusive enviroment where yelling with the normal mode of communication between me and my father, my mom and my father. But for my ex husband, it was basically like an illusionist. A distraction, if you will, so you don't really pay attention to what's going on behind your back. 

You need to stop applying your ideals and morals to this man. This is getting you hung up. He is saying and doing things to keep all the balls in the air. 

Look at the facts. He is married. He has cheated on his wife in the past. He has cheated on his wife with you. Throw out anything he has said about his wife and his marriage. Focus only on the pure facts. You want someone to be loyal to you. Does he sound like a man who is capable of being loyal? He is a traveling nurse who has been unfaithful. 100% this will always be his way. 

Edited July 5 by Starswillshine

[sassybosschic]

5 hours ago, Starswillshine said:

You need to stop applying your ideals and morals to this man. This is getting you hung up. He is saying and doing things to keep all the balls in the air. 

Wow I love that you told me this because I knew even before all this went so deep that I frankly had bigger morals and conscious than him. I have always been the practical thinking typemyself, and when I began to analyze him, he would begin to tell me all these things to try and distract me from the truth. When I think of it now, he was quite manipulative at times and whenever I would call him out on things the blame would be placed on me bc I was "over-reacting". He even told me at one point that I was out of his league and I couldn't find anyone to "match my standards" because they were too much. 😂

@Starswillshine I did grow up in a toxic home with a lot of yelling, my own father walking out on my life and never returning. That was so big of the reason why I wanted loyalty, even in friendship before he made advances me. You're right, his unfaithfulness is not my problem and I shouldn't have even tried to be a free therapist to him. 

 

Edited July 5 by sassybosschic

[sassybosschic]

9 hours ago, S2B said:

Why did you start another thread with the same info?

People were commenting that it was getting difficult to read without spaces between paragraphs; I acknowledged it. It's my first posting on here and I didn't think it would look messy. 

[mark clemson]

On 7/3/2024 at 4:54 PM, sassybosschic said:

"Hey. I just say your msg. rough shift tonight. Ofc I care about you and I think of you. I don't want you stressed out. We both are for plenty of reasons. I want you to focus on school and if im divorced down the road and you're done with school. idk what's going to happen with me and her." I txt him to ask him so like do u love ur fking wife all this time?? and he replies "I care about her." and then I respond with but that's what you tell me too on the daily basis?? I go off on him and cuss him out. He tells me he can't see a partner that is disrespectful towards each other to ever work. I turn cold and tell him, "so is that why you have the audacity to treat your wife like s***? Bc you're not going to treat me that way I guarantee you don't know me like that fool". he basically cuts me silent for a couple of days. no txt and left me on read.

On 7/3/2024 at 4:54 PM, sassybosschic said:

I never meant to hurt him through my rough words and exposing his behavior on how shitty he is. I don't get the sense he would, but he has left me thinking I just don't know the person I met anymore.

Quote

I was just going to continue glowing up and walk past him as If I dont know him Lol

 

Of course you meant to hurt him and you clearly want to continue to now that it's over.

IMO you need therapy before you're ready for a normal relationship, let alone an affair (in the actually not-so-unlikely event you'd want another one, see below) which would naturally be more complicated.

If you've been comfortable being alone for these formative years of your life (late teens/early 20's) you're probably avoidant, possibly severely so. Your behavior and intended behavior also show signs of Drama Triangle dynamics.

Maybe research avoidant attachment and the Drama Triangle and then go see a good therapist if you want to normalize your romantic life. It would make sense BTW that these things tie in to a difficult childhood and/or the patterns you may have learned from your family of origin.

They say "broken attracts broken" and I think that may be part of why you ended up accepting him into your life. I think that unconsciously there's something about him/the situation that drew you in, perhaps some part of you knew it wouldn't/couldn't last (and it likely drew him to you as well). Hopefully therapy could help you recognize this more consciously earlier on and make different choices.

Edited July 5 by mark clemson

[S2B]

Why did you purposely keep in touch with him after you realized he was married and not leaving his wife?

[sassybosschic]

On 7/5/2024 at 12:19 PM, S2B said:

Why did you purposely keep in touch with him after you realized he was married and not leaving his wife?

I did establish a 2 month NC prior to him coming back in my life and wishing me a good birthday and acting as if nothing happened. I never advanced it further, until he had but we got into arguments again. I fell for his story of him going through the process of divorce, considering he has no children. Clearly I was shopping for pain. 

[BreakOnThrough]

These types of men have an uncanny ability seek out women like you, they have a 6th sense, a way to manipulate you so you give them the attention and validation they want, it's all just a game to him.  If he cared about you in any sense, he would have NOT pursued you to begin with and allowed inappropriate boundaries to be crossed, start from there to move on.

Edited July 9 by BreakOnThrough

[cocotiffany]

This man sounds like he is the definition of playing games and taking advantage of genuine, young women like yourself. Honey you didn't do anything wrong, you were coming from a vulnerable place trying to make your ends meet, taking care of your sick brother, working long hours, etc. Ok, if this MM had developed feelings for you, he could've waiting to leave his wife considering he has no children and his marriage has been "a disaster for years". I have no doubt you're probably good looking, smart, caring, etc, everything that he is not and he wanted to simply chase you and see if you could be a lil secret to him. Brush yourself off, forgive yourself and move on. Ok and if he were to come back?? Girl who cares let him, but kill him with kindness. You need to see divorce papers. But I would personally leave this dusty MM in the past and have other men chasing for you. ✊

[winny]

OP - Have you considered therapy? Also, throw this garbage of a man away. Find a nice young single doc for yourself.

[mark clemson]

I'm not convinced OP knows how to have a normal relationship.

On 7/3/2024 at 4:54 PM, sassybosschic said:

I end up venting to him how he was the first guy I ever kissed, had a makeout session with, and that I'm a virgin.

If you even just skim through her post, it's pretty clear any partner she might land will be an emotional punching bag.

There are men who are attracted to drama and even some who "chase crazy." Perhaps her former MM is one of them. However, life eventually teaches most of us to steer clear of such folks, particularly if the "intensity level" seems high.