HE LYING ABOUT SEEING OTHER GIRL

[KERVINA DOVELY]

Hi, 

First of all, i'm french so i will try my best to be understood.

So i was dating this guy, since april, like we wasn't in a real relationship, we was learning to know each other. 

We had 4 dates and the last 2 dates he kissed me. 

I asked him if he was seeing other girl, cause we met on dating app, He was saying that the only person that he was dating for now was me. 

But i catched him, going on date with other girl. 

I called him and he said that the last night he was with his friends, male friends, and i told that i know because of insta that he was with a girl. 

He said, "Ok you right i was with a girl she is just friend, and i told her that i was seeing someone blabla ..." I go like ' You was ready to make me believe that you was with your male friends and told me that you spend the night with them, while you were with a girl".

 And I said if he sees other girls I don't have a problem but I'm out of it because he said before that he would only go out with me so if he sees other girls I won't bother him and let him be free with his thing. We'll no longer go out or see each other. He said she was just a friend. But I saw this girl's story on Instagram and they went to restaurants and movies, it looks like they had great time. 

I told him that if he is really with this girl, I would not bother him anymore and I would thank him because he never asks me for sex and put any pressure on me.

He asked me if I take breakups well, I said even if it's painful life still goes on, he said he was reassured because he was afraid of hurting me if one day it would happen. After that we talk about other things about relationships and stuff.  I had to go to a birthday party and he had to go shopping so we hung up. But I feel like he was mad at me, like I pissed him off.

I was a little hurt by the fact that he lied and I understood that he was seeing other girls, so I closed myself off a little bit. And since that phone call, he hasn't texted me or called me.

I didn't contact him again either because the last message I sent him was on Friday evening and he was with the girl so he didn't answer me. 
And the last call was on Saturday morning, when we had the famous conversation and it was me who called him.

It was on saturday, today is thursday he didn't text me or call me. 

He watching my story on IG but nothing else. 

So, i don't want to talk again because i was the one who sent the messages and calls, rarely him. But he was the one who propose all the dates except that the last one was me. A good guy when he takes me out. Never cancel an appointment. But for calls and texts, I felt like I was talking to a wall sometimes.

And I forget, he said that he can't commit (for now) with me because we don't know each other well. 

So I take all these things as a sign and I closed myself.

It hurts me to see that he doesn't even try to talk to me. But I feel like I should let go.

I only know that he is alive because I saw him watching all the stories on Insta but nothing.

He is the one who lied. It's just confirming me that I'm not the one he wants.

But should i text him for a closure or go silent, i don't like gosthing or silence treatment and i don't feel to text or call him either because i'm the one who sent the last messages and made the last calls. And I am hurt. And I am tired of chasing people for being in my life.

So should I text him for closure or explanation or stay in my corner and not talk.

I don't want him to think I'm ghosting him. I'm just hurt and don't want to chase him again ..

But it seems like he doesn't care because he don' talk to me either.  

So give please give me some advice. 

Thank for reading me. 

 

 

 

Edited July 4 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Gaeta]

Absolutely not!!

I'm a French woman too and we are strong independant women!! We have no time to waste on little clowns like him. We don't put up with that kind of crap right? You go out there and find yourself a real man that wants to be your boyfriend and that does not lie!! 

You do not need closure for 4 dates!! Block him! Turn around and go live your best life! 

Edited July 4 by Gaeta

[stillafool]

1 hour ago, KERVINA DOVELY said:

But i catched him, going on date with other girl. 

^^^This is your closure.  He lied to you that he was only seeing you and it was a lie. That's all you need to know to move on from this guy.  He is dating around and isn't serious about you.

[KERVINA DOVELY]

.

Edited July 4 by KERVINA DOVELY

[KERVINA DOVELY]

Thank you for answering me 🌹✨

Thanks for your advices. 🙏🏾✨

[FredEire]

Yep, honesty is important. If youre dating casually and agree you can see other people what he did might hurt you but he's not really doing anything wrong. But when he lies and says he only wants to see you that's you cue to leave him behind.

It sounds like he wanted to have his cake and eat it. Have you committed to him and not thinking about other guys but still taking the option to see other women himself.

Edited July 5 by FredEire

[KERVINA DOVELY]

23 minutes ago, FredEire said:

Yep, honesty is important. If youre dating casually and agree you can see other people what he did might hurt you but he's not really doing anything wrong. But when he lies and says he only wants to see you that's you cue to leave him behind.

It sounds like he wanted to have his cake and eat it. Have you committed to him and not thinking about other guys but still taking the option to see other women himself.

I couldn't see anyone but him. 
He was the only person I had that connection with. 
It's been a week now, no text, no call, no contact, but he keeps looking at my stories on IG.  I go on with my life as if nothing had happened, but it saddens me a little. But I wouldn't do anything, because he knows what he did.

He always said:
- I can't commit to you right now
- We'll see where it goes 
- I'm afraid of hurting you 
- I'm afraid of wasting your time

I think he just didn't want me. 
 

 

 

 

[KERVINA DOVELY]

18 hours ago, stillafool said:

^^^This is your closure.  He lied to you that he was only seeing you and it was a lie. That's all you need to know to move on from this guy.  He is dating around and isn't serious about you.

Thank you so much for answering me. 🌹✨

[KERVINA DOVELY]

18 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Absolutely not!!

I'm a French woman too and we are strong independant women!! We have no time to waste on little clowns like him. We don't put up with that kind of crap right? You go out there and find yourself a real man that wants to be your boyfriend and that does not lie!! 

You do not need closure for 4 dates!! Block him! Turn around and go live your best life! 

Merci beaucoup de m'avoir répondu. 
Vraiment merci. 

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, KERVINA DOVELY said:

He always said:
- I can't commit to you right now
- We'll see where it goes 
- I'm afraid of hurting you 
- I'm afraid of wasting your time

I think he just didn't want me. 

You're right. When someone says only 1 of these things it means they are not serious about dating us. It's important to recognize the signs and to not date them. 

Only 4 dates since April was also a sign he was not very serious about dating you. When a man wants to get to know us he wants to see us each week if it's possible.

It's not going to work each time you meet someone new. When it doesn't work out then we try to learn something out of it. Eventually you will meet someone amazing that really wants to date you and spend lots of time with you. 

Bonne chance! 🙂

Edited July 5 by Gaeta

[FredEire]

1 hour ago, KERVINA DOVELY said:

I couldn't see anyone but him. 
He was the only person I had that connection with. 
It's been a week now, no text, no call, no contact, but he keeps looking at my stories on IG.  I go on with my life as if nothing had happened, but it saddens me a little. But I wouldn't do anything, because he knows what he did.

He always said:
- I can't commit to you right now
- We'll see where it goes 
- I'm afraid of hurting you 
- I'm afraid of wasting your time

I think he just didn't want me. 
 

 

 

 

He obviously didn't feel the same kind of connection, but he realised you did so he told you what you wanted to hear.

The decent thing to do though would have been to tell you he doesn't feel like he wants a relationship and wants to date other people, which is where it would have ended because you were obviously on different pages.

The Instagram stuff is probably out of regret, but regret isn't a substitution for the genuine feelings he didn't have.

[Alpacalia]

Agree with @FredEire.

It's one thing had he said, "I am still dating some other people and I want to give it time to see if a relationship develops with one of them."

Then you could choose whether to continue dating or not.

But he lied, then broke the date he made, and now is giving you the silent treatment. He's showing you who he is and what he values. Believe him. 

[KERVINA DOVELY]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

You're right. When someone says only 1 of these things it means they are not serious about dating us. It's important to recognize the signs and to not date them. 

Only 4 dates since April was also a sign he was not very serious about dating you. When a man wants to get to know us he wants to see us each week if it's possible.

It's not going to work each time you meet someone new. When it doesn't work out then we try to learn something out of it. Eventually you will meet someone amazing that really wants to date you and spend lots of time with you. 

Bonne chance! 🙂

Thank you so much 😩

It's hurting me but it's life.

[KERVINA DOVELY]

5 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Agree with @FredEire.

It's one thing had he said, "I am still dating some other people and I want to give it time to see if a relationship develops with one of them."

Then you could choose whether to continue dating or not.

But he lied, then broke the date he made, and now is giving you the silent treatment. He's showing you who he is and what he values. Believe him. 

I wish that i never met him.

Thank you so much 

[KERVINA DOVELY]

1 hour ago, FredEire said:

He obviously didn't feel the same kind of connection, but he realised you did so he told you what you wanted to hear.

The decent thing to do though would have been to tell you he doesn't feel like he wants a relationship and wants to date other people, which is where it would have ended because you were obviously on different pages.

The Instagram stuff is probably out of regret, but regret isn't a substitution for the genuine feelings he didn't have.

It's hard to hear but it's true.

thank you so much.

[KERVINA DOVELY]

1 hour ago, FredEire said:

He obviously didn't feel the same kind of connection, but he realised you did so he told you what you wanted to hear.

The decent thing to do though would have been to tell you he doesn't feel like he wants a relationship and wants to date other people, which is where it would have ended because you were obviously on different pages.

The Instagram stuff is probably out of regret, but regret isn't a substitution for the genuine feelings he didn't have.

So i just let the thing like they are.

I don't send closure messages?

We both just keep quiet ?

[Alpacalia]

53 minutes ago, KERVINA DOVELY said:

I wish that i never met him.

I know it feels that way but there's a risk when you give yourself to someone.

The first thing to acknowledge is the fact that HE IS NO LONGER what you want because in the end you'll just get tired if a person is not true to you.

You have to be okay with either outcome in terms of dating and sleeping with someone – 1. They may stay or they may go. Ultimately you can't control that.

When you first meet someone, the feeling you get is called the batting eyelashes. That feeling is never going to be achievable in the event someone doesn't want to be seeing you.

It sucks getting to know someone and losing out on their feelings because it alters the demand supply spectrum bubble of non rejections. But – You have to open up to it.  Every romantic association you have with anyone is not connected to where you stand with them. So the most important thing is, don't blindly fall in love with what you wish they were before they reveal WHO they are in real life based on their potential alone.

The closure itself is satisfying either way but put it on you to realize that there's no point in contacting him because he's 1. not as interested in you as you are him and 2. he's shown by his actions that he can't be trusted. 

[Gaeta]

50 minutes ago, KERVINA DOVELY said:

I don't send closure messages?

No. 

Closure is something you find within yourself by accepting you have been lied to so that makes him someone not worthy of your feeling/attention/time.

What do you want to hear from him? He already told you he lied to you and he does not want a girlfriend. Do you need him to reject you again?

[KERVINA DOVELY]

13 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

I know it feels that way but there's a risk when you give yourself to someone.

The first thing to acknowledge is the fact that HE IS NO LONGER what you want because in the end you'll just get tired if a person is not true to you.

You have to be okay with either outcome in terms of dating and sleeping with someone – 1. They may stay or they may go. Ultimately you can't control that.

When you first meet someone, the feeling you get is called the batting eyelashes. That feeling is never going to be achievable in the event someone doesn't want to be seeing you.

It sucks getting to know someone and losing out on their feelings because it alters the demand supply spectrum bubble of non rejections. But – You have to open up to it.  Every romantic association you have with anyone is not connected to where you stand with them. So the most important thing is, don't blindly fall in love with what you wish they were before they reveal WHO they are in real life based on their potential alone.

The closure itself is satisfying either way but put it on you to realize that there's no point in contacting him because he's 1. not as interested in you as you are him and 2. he's shown by his actions that he can't be trusted. 

You are the best. 
Really you said everything. 
Im not use of this type of situation this is why iam asking a lot of question. 

Dating in 2024 is really weird for me, this is the first time i date someone from a dating app.

But sometimes the right thing is to let them be and respect their choice without doing the right thing. 
Being correct in 2024 is like a flaw.

[KERVINA DOVELY]

3 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

No. 

Closure is something you find within yourself by accepting you have been lied to so that makes him someone not worthy of your feeling/attention/time.

What do you want to hear from him? He already told you he lied to you and he does not want a girlfriend. Do you need him to reject you again?

I don't use of this of situation this is why im asking a lot of question.

im sorry

[Gaeta]

7 minutes ago, KERVINA DOVELY said:

I don't use of this of situation this is why im asking a lot of question.

im sorry

That's alright 🙂 we're here to answer all your questions the best we can. 

[FredEire]

14 minutes ago, KERVINA DOVELY said:

You are the best. 
Really you said everything. 
Im not use of this type of situation this is why iam asking a lot of question. 

Dating in 2024 is really weird for me, this is the first time i date someone from a dating app.

But sometimes the right thing is to let them be and respect their choice without doing the right thing. 
Being correct in 2024 is like a flaw.

I think dating apps have been a disaster for dating. People are more and more insecure, flaky and ok with treating people badly because they can just ghost and get swiping again.

There's not much you can do about what's happened to the dating scene, but you can choose to be different and hold a higher standard. Maybe get off the apps and focus on going to events etc in real life.

[Alpacalia]

20 minutes ago, KERVINA DOVELY said:

You are the best. 
Really you said everything. 
Im not use of this type of situation this is why iam asking a lot of question. 

Dating in 2024 is really weird for me, this is the first time i date someone from a dating app.

But sometimes the right thing is to let them be and respect their choice without doing the right thing. 
Being correct in 2024 is like a flaw.

Dating app culture is a certainly a product of the technological advancements of this time. It's a bit of a mess.

Everything is fast-paced and convenient, including finding potential partners. But at the same time, it has also created a culture of instant gratification and disposable relationships.

It can be overwhelming to navigate this world of dating apps, especially when you're used to traditional forms of dating. I've been very hesitant to try it, but I do know personally people that have had successful relationships from dating apps.

But as I delve into this realm of dating, I realize that it's not just about swiping left or right and swiping through an endless sea of faces. It's about understanding that behind each profile is a real person with their own stories, insecurities, and desires.

I also believe that it's important to not rely solely on dating apps and to still put yourself out there in the real world. Meeting someone in person and getting to know them without the filter of a screen can also lead to a deeper and more genuine connection.

[KERVINA DOVELY]

47 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Dating app culture is a certainly a product of the technological advancements of this time. It's a bit of a mess.

Everything is fast-paced and convenient, including finding potential partners. But at the same time, it has also created a culture of instant gratification and disposable relationships.

It can be overwhelming to navigate this world of dating apps, especially when you're used to traditional forms of dating. I've been very hesitant to try it, but I do know personally people that have had successful relationships from dating apps.

But as I delve into this realm of dating, I realize that it's not just about swiping left or right and swiping through an endless sea of faces. It's about understanding that behind each profile is a real person with their own stories, insecurities, and desires.

I also believe that it's important to not rely solely on dating apps and to still put yourself out there in the real world. Meeting someone in person and getting to know them without the filter of a screen can also lead to a deeper and more genuine connection.

In my case, it was the first time I'd agreed to see a man via an app. 

Me and this man started talking in January. We talked for a week on the app and then he asked to switch to insta. I deleted the app because it's not really something I like. 

From January to April we talked from time to time, and I liked the fact that we chatted a lot before seeing each other. Because I really wanted to feel at ease. 

Then one day around mid-April he said to me "It's time for us to meet, because if I don't propose anything, you're not going to propose anything" it was our first date. We had a second date a week later and then he had to go and see his parents who were in another country. We continued to talk from time to time during this time. A week after his return he asked to meet up, and on our 3rd date he kissed me. 

Then there was the 4th date I proposed, and again there was a more intense exchange of kisses than the previous one. 

He knows I'm religious and want to avoid having sex as much as possible. He's never forced me to do that either. He often said that he didn't want to use God to seduce me, that he wanted to be right with me. 

Our 4th date, the last one, took place on Monday and the famous discussion took place the following Saturday. 

So we talked from January to April, then saw each other between April and June. 

It was my first and my last time on dating app. 

[Alpacalia]

21 minutes ago, KERVINA DOVELY said:

In my case, it was the first time I'd agreed to see a man via an app. 

Me and this man started talking in January. We talked for a week on the app and then he asked to switch to insta. I deleted the app because it's not really something I like. 

From January to April we talked from time to time, and I liked the fact that we chatted a lot before seeing each other. Because I really wanted to feel at ease. 

Then one day around mid-April he said to me "It's time for us to meet, because if I don't propose anything, you're not going to propose anything" it was our first date. We had a second date a week later and then he had to go and see his parents who were in another country. We continued to talk from time to time during this time. A week after his return he asked to meet up, and on our 3rd date he kissed me. 

Then there was the 4th date I proposed, and again there was a more intense exchange of kisses than the previous one. 

He knows I'm religious and want to avoid having sex as much as possible. He's never forced me to do that either. He often said that he didn't want to use God to seduce me, that he wanted to be right with me. 

Our 4th date, the last one, took place on Monday and the famous discussion took place the following Saturday. 

So we talked from January to April, then saw each other between April and June. 

It was my first and my last time on dating app. 

I think that the fact that you spoke from January to April and he didn't make an effort to meet you during this time should be a red flag. It's understandable that he wanted to get to know you more before meeting, but if someone is truly interested and wants to make something happen, they will put in the effort to make it happen regardless. 

So, I wouldn't have really taken him seriously from that point on.