quillsr Posted July 5 Share Posted July 5 Hello everyone, I have no idea where to go or who to talk to, so I am hoping that you could help bring some clarity and what to do. We have been dating for 1 year. The day before we hit the 1-year mark, we had a fight and he is asking to break up. For context, we have been fighting for quite some time now. I tend to be emotional and hurt at the most simple thing like my lipstick was smudge on the glass, so he would not drink on it, even when I wipe it off. I know relationships have difficult times but it feels like we have been on it from the beginning. All of our arguments seem to be the one that will be the tipping point. He doesn’t want me to contact him or to go to him. I have prepared celebrations for the anniversary. I just want us to be okay; I am still invested in making this work. What can I do? Please Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 5 Share Posted July 5 (edited) I'm sorry this happened. But truly, a relationship which has lots of fighting and arguments is not worth saving because it takes two of you to do it, and unless he wants to do this, nothing will change. Wouldn't you prefer a relationship which is calm and nurturing? I must confess to laughing at him when he wouldn't drink from a glass which previously had a lipstick smudge on it. What an idiot 🙄 Please know that him not drinking from the glass wasn't about you - it was about him being stupid. I'm truly wondering why his stupidity made you feel emotional and hurt. Perhaps it would help if you told us more about the issues in the relationship? It might help give you clarity. Re your anniversary, if you can't cancel bookings or have pre-preprepared food, invite your bestie to enjoy it with you. I hope you still have receipts for any gifts Edited July 5 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Author quillsr Posted July 5 Author Share Posted July 5 I appreciate your reply and I would like to continue this discussion. It was supposed to be a laughing matter as you said, but I didn’t laugh and I started to tear up about it. We were both coming from our work and having dinner when this happened so it might be due to the work stress and exhaustion. Each of my friends are currently occupied with their own work, particularly in a critical step of their project. The most recent issue that we had was we had a coincided events that we were both in, since we are in the same industry. There were lots of people there, so it is understandable that there will be difficulties to look for each other and we are also occupied in our own work. Afterwards though, my team time out early for the event, but his had a brief discussion first before letting them leave. I waited for almost an hour, and we were supposed to be meeting in the exit. There are barely any people there but it happened again, that he has difficulty looking for me when I am positioned in an obvious place and I told him where exactly. He was actually very understanding that I was quite mad at the time and he tried to connect with me. I think we are having a bit of difficulty in connecting with each other because I also did try to connect with him as my feelings are lightening. But then, he just left it at that and I am left to think if that is it. Will he not do more to make my frown turn into a smile? We had this fight and it took some days to be resolve. After a few days, the lipstick smudge happened and the coming anniversary. I feel like I require a lot of care as I am very sensitive. It is not fair for him to carry all of that. I am growing as an individual always, but I revert back with the three steps I take forward, I go backward more. We have happy calm and nurturing moments. Before the lipstick smudge issue, we were both discussing our work and our plan for the coming anniversary. I think these past arguments have really exhausted him, so he wanted some peace of mind. I am not quite ready for this to end. I might be ignoring your first statement, but I want to save this. So if you could please provide some insights, I will be the most grateful to you. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 5 Share Posted July 5 33 minutes ago, quillsr said: It was supposed to be a laughing matter as you said, but I didn’t laugh and I started to tear up about it. We were both coming from our work and having dinner when this happened so it might be due to the work stress and exhaustion. No, the lipstick thing wasn't supposed to be a laughing matter. When I said he was an idiot, I meant "uptight and annoying". Seriously though, why did you take it personally? It was never about you, it was about him being a pain in the ass 33 minutes ago, quillsr said: I waited for almost an hour, and we were supposed to be meeting in the exit. There are barely any people there but it happened again, that he has difficulty looking for me when I am positioned in an obvious place and I told him where exactly. He was actually very understanding that I was quite mad at the time and he tried to connect with me. I think we are having a bit of difficulty in connecting with each other because I also did try to connect with him as my feelings are lightening. But then, he just left it at that and I am left to think if that is it. I don't understand. Why didn't the two of you text or call each other with updates? 33 minutes ago, quillsr said: Will he not do more to make my frown turn into a smile? What would you have wanted him to do? 33 minutes ago, quillsr said: I feel like I require a lot of care as I am very sensitive. It is not fair for him to carry all of that. I am growing as an individual always, but I revert back with the three steps I take forward, I go backward more. We have happy calm and nurturing moments. Before the lipstick smudge issue, we were both discussing our work and our plan for the coming anniversary. I think these past arguments have really exhausted him, so he wanted some peace of mind. Have you always been this sensitive, taking things personally when they aren't an insult? Or is it directly related to the behaviour of this guy? Honestly, I wouldn't have the patience for a guy would wouldn't drink from a glass which previously had my lipstick smudge on it. Does he also refuse to kiss you when you're wearing lipstick? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 5 Share Posted July 5 One last question: are you this sensitive and need a lot of emotional support with friends and work colleagues? If not, then your boyfriend is the problem, not you Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted July 5 Share Posted July 5 2 hours ago, quillsr said: I just want us to be okay; I am still invested in making this work. What can I do? Please It doesn't matter if you are invested in making this work; he's not. He has told you that he wants to break up. Nothing you can do can make a relationship work if one person has already decided it's over. Do you really want to be with someone who you have to get on your knees and beg to be with you anyway? Gather up your self-respect and start the process of getting over this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 5 Share Posted July 5 If a man breaks up with you over an idiotic thing such as lipstick smudge, there are only two possibilities: 1) he is really an idiot, or 2) this goes way deeper than that, the relationship has serious problems and he wants out. In either case, he’s made up his mind. There is nothing you can do about that. As hurtful as it is now, try to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
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