stillstrong Posted July 6 Share Posted July 6 Okay, so we've been together for almost three years and have lived together for over two years. In November we had a beautiful baby girl. After her benefits ended, she decided not to go back to work and I became the sole provider. Through our three years together we never fought, but I will admit that since our baby was born the relationship took a backseat. No sex, no intimacy, but neither of us ever said anything about it except jokingly. Anyway, we started having a little tension last week and I said we needed to talk. She agreed. We talk the next day and the conversation implodes. She says she wants to leave, I flip out saying she hasn't even thought about it. It lasts about two minutes. No shouting, but I'm being an A-hole for sure. I go back into my office. She quietly packs up our daughter and drives away. To this day I have no idea where she is. She reached out to my mother to tell her that they're okay. I'm assuming she's at her brothers. She has not reached out to me once except for yesterday basically saying the same thing. I've reached out apologizing for what I said. It's been a mix of giving her space and reaching out to try to work things out. As of a couple days ago I've just gone NC. I'm so confused by all this. It's becoming clear to me that she must have been unhappy for some time. This didn't come out of nowhere. I know I can call the police or a lawyer, etc. I am not ready to go through the official path yet. I'm aware I have a small window to act for custody, etc. I'm not looking for legal advice at this point. Just need to vent and get some ideas as to what is going on. I'm thinking of packing some things soon and finding some temporary housing while this shakes out. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 7 Share Posted July 7 What exactly was the “little tension” last week about? How exactly were you an “A-hole” in that conversation? What exactly did she complain about? Did she give any reasons at all for wanting to leave? A lot of important detail is missing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 7 Share Posted July 7 11 hours ago, stillstrong said: As of a couple days ago I've just gone NC. Do you really think this is wise when you have a baby together, and you currently have no clue where that baby even is? I am frankly quite shocked and concerned that you aren't more concerned about this. Where is your parental instinct? This is a very messed-up situation and as @Gebidozo says above, there appears to be a lot of missing context here. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stillstrong Posted July 7 Author Share Posted July 7 10 hours ago, Gebidozo said: What exactly was the “little tension” last week about? How exactly were you an “A-hole” in that conversation? What exactly did she complain about? Did she give any reasons at all for wanting to leave? A lot of important detail is missing. The tension to me started when I went into our bedroom the evening before the fight and she didn't even acknowledge me. Something she's done here and there which annoys me. So I muttered something while leaving the room and then texted her that we need to talk. The next day we went about our day as normal until the "talk" which is when she left. I was an A-hole because I said I would stop paying for this or that, basically making it about money right away rather than listening to her. 5 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: Do you really think this is wise when you have a baby together, and you currently have no clue where that baby even is? I am frankly quite shocked and concerned that you aren't more concerned about this. Where is your parental instinct? This is a very messed-up situation and as @Gebidozo says above, there appears to be a lot of missing context here. It's not that I think it's wise, it's that I don't have much of a choice. She refuses to speak to me outside of one cold text on Friday. She is a great mother and I trust my baby is safe with her. I agree that it's messed up, it's been eating at me since it happened. My entire family is just gone like that. I do plan to consult a lawyer tomorrow. I guess I just still had hope that she would get over this and come back by now Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 7 Share Posted July 7 3 minutes ago, stillstrong said: She is a great mother Great mothers don't take their baby away from the baby's father without giving him any indication of where they are. Thay shows astonishngly poor judgment on her part. 5 minutes ago, stillstrong said: I trust my baby is safe with her. Great, but also missing the point. See above. 5 minutes ago, stillstrong said: I do plan to consult a lawyer tomorrow You absolutely need to. She cannot just take off with your child. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 7 Share Posted July 7 6 minutes ago, stillstrong said: I said I would stop paying for this or that Stop paying for what, exactly? Link to post Share on other sites
Author stillstrong Posted July 7 Author Share Posted July 7 4 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: Stop paying for what, exactly? She doesn't have a job, so I pay for everything. Her car bill, etc. It was immature of me to say, but definitely doesn't warrant the reaction Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 7 Share Posted July 7 47 minutes ago, stillstrong said: She doesn't have a job, so I pay for everything. Her car bill, etc. It was immature of me to say, but definitely doesn't warrant the reaction I agree. I think what she did is way over the top, and I suspect there is more. Her physical coldness to you would be hard to explain unless there was something else there - unfortunately, perhaps another man. Taking the baby away from you is inexcusable under the circumstances. You definitely need a lawyer. Link to post Share on other sites
tzorno Posted July 9 Share Posted July 9 Could it be she is experiencing postpartum depression? I've never had to experience that with my ex but I have witnessed it with others. Link to post Share on other sites
Author stillstrong Posted July 9 Author Share Posted July 9 8 hours ago, tzorno said: Could it be she is experiencing postpartum depression? I've never had to experience that with my ex but I have witnessed it with others. It's possible, though it would be later than average. At this point idk what the eff is going on. I've spoken to a lawyer and some wheels are in motion there, it's really my only shot since she's still radio silent. This whole thing has been...taxing to say the least. Link to post Share on other sites
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