I (M21) ruined my relationship with (F21) and now I'm blocked on everything and she wont reply

[foamrunner]

Me and my ex dated for 3 years, from the first year of university to the last

I'll be honest, I wasn't the best bf to my ex towards the end of the relationship. I neglected her feelings and took her for granted. She broke up with me because I said some mean things to her and she couldn't deal with it anymore - and tbh I don't blame her. She said "she WISHES the relationship could have still worked" but she felt as if I was embarrassed her of her because "I never posted her on my social media anymore, never affectionate in public" - we broke up at the end of may right before I left to go Asia for 6 weeks.

a lot of people rn probably think i'm a massive a hole (understandable) and I should let go because I was a s*** bf. During our last year of uni, I felt very stressed because of family issues, getting a degree and also making sure I get the highest paying job after uni as possible. I was stuck fantasizing about the future - marrying her, owning our dream apartment together, going to our dream destinations together such as NYC. I sat with her in the library for 2 hours straight helping her practice for a job interview, I helped her with financial stuff such as investing and pensions etc. Instead of also giving her what else she wanted, I didn't. I made mistakes, I thought I was doing the right thing but in reality I was just hurting her by not giving her what she actually needed in the present day.

when we broke up, I practically forced her to block me on everything, she was hesitant but ended up doing it. I still found ways to text her and I was blocked on those also until I only had her email left. I didn't try to contact her for around 2 weeks and during that time I wrote a massive letter acknowledging my mistakes, apologising, telling her from my perspective and telling her I'm making active efforts to change and fix my flaws. I ended the letter by asking if she wanted to meet up for coffee and talk but this time have a conversation where we would communicate. I sent it to her but I received no reply. I emailed again and received no reply. I was practically forced into NC so I didn't try to contact her until I was back in the UK, 2 weeks later. I emailed her again but I received no reply, I tried to call her via no caller id multiple times but she never answered (this seems bad - which it was but I didn't know about NC etc) finally 7 days ago, I sent her one final email apologising for the breakup and for me constantly trying to get in contact with her, I said I won't contact her again but if she wants to ever speak, I will be here (I regret saying the last part). Fast forward to present time, it was her birthday 2 days ago and I didn't contact her but I sent her flowers (I regret doing this) but tbh I don't even know if she ever got them. Even though I'm blocked, I keep viewing her Instagram and she's been out partying and drinking whilst I'm in my room upset and unable to do anything. I haven't smiled in days where as on her story, she looks so happy. It makes me upset - not because she's happy but because its not me who's giving her happiness anymore. I'm trying to force myself to stop viewing her stories because what you do know can't hurt you but I can't stop.

She still follows my mum on Instagram, my mum posts a lot of stories about Christianity and God yet my ex still views every single one even though she is a massive non believer. Why won't she unfollow my mum?? my ex still has posts and story highlights that contain me. On twitter she retweets a lot of stuff about how "once she's done, she's done", "f*** healing, I need my memories erased" or "she doesn't care, you can apologise in 7 languages for all she cares". I'm so upset and confused, why won't she remove my mum if she doesn't care about our relationship anymore?

I keep thinking about "what if I did something different" etc and i'm cycling through holding on with hope and not. I genuinely regret everything I did to her, I don't want to get back with her just "because I miss her so much", I want to get back with her because I want to support her, love her and give her what she needs like before but also with an improved version of me. I'm making active efforts to fix my flaws and issues, for myself ofc! but also with the hope (even though I shouldn't) that she will talk to me again.

im going to continue to remain in NC but I can't do anything productive even though I want to bc she's on my mind, my mistakes are on my mind and I keep wondering what she's up to. My birthday is in 5 days, graduation in 9 days and I keep hoping and wishing that she will wish me a happy birthday or that I will see her on my graduation.

idk if she misses me or even thinks about me. Idk what to do anymore. I would be grateful for some advice or anything.

I don't have as many friends like she does to distract herself everyday and the friends I do have live 2hrs + away from me and are busy with their own lives:(

thanks

Edited July 8, 2024 by foamrunner
adding comments

[basil67]

I'm sorry it's all crashed and burned like this.  But you're still young with many more women to date yet.  And you've got this massive learning experience behind you on what not to do when you're dating.

With regards to her not responding, she's honoring your request to remain in NC, and she's probably moved on now anyway and feeling an enormous sense of relief and living her full life.  Sorry if that sounds harsh, but after the dust settles, this is normally how it goes for a person who ended the relationship.   You will not hear from her on your birthday or graduation.

She doesn't have to block your mum on social media just because she broke up with you. And regarding the different religious views, it's actually reflects well that she has acquaintances who have different life views to her and she can see their posts and not get all bothered.  Respect for different life views is a wonderful trait.  Of course, if the connection really bothers you, ask your mother to block her page.

Drop your hopes with her and start moving on.  Go live your best life

[foamrunner]

6 minutes ago, basil67 said:

I'm sorry it's all crashed and burned like this.  But you're still young with many more women to date yet.  And you've got this massive learning experience behind you on what not to do when you're dating.

With regards to her not responding, she's honoring your request to remain in NC, and she's probably moved on now anyway and feeling an enormous sense of relief and living her full life.  Sorry if that sounds harsh, but after the dust settles, this is normally how it goes for a person who ended the relationship.   You will not hear from her on your birthday or graduation.

She doesn't have to block your mum on social media just because she broke up with you. And regarding the different religious views, it's actually reflects well that she has acquaintances who have different life views to her and she can see their posts and not get all bothered.  Respect for different life views is a wonderful trait.  Of course, if the connection really bothers you, ask your mother to block her page.

Drop your hopes with her and start moving on.  Go live your best life

It wasn’t my request : ( I sent her the letter and she never responded, I messaged her and she never responded so I was practically forced into NC. 
 

yeah 😕 from her IG stories she looks like she’s moved on. She’s out partying, with friends. Going on trips with her friends of both sexes. It doesn’t sound harsh bc I know that’s the truth, I want to let go, I want to lose the hope but there’s a part of me that can’t no matter how hard I try. I keep thinking of the old times or what I could have done differently and then I compare our breakup to how she is now (by looking at her social media) and I kind of ‘crash out’ - I have like 10 minutes where I just absolutely lose it in terms of missing her, really wanting her back and so close to trying to contact her.

Ofc she doesn’t have to block my mum. I’m just a bit confused on why she wouldn’t remove her. We grew up and went to university in places that have all different races and religions so in that aspect I’m not surprised but what I’m just confused about is why? Like she has no reason to follow my mum, my mums stories are just bible quotes or pics of me and my brothers. If she’s moved on from the relationship and me surely there’s no need to still have some sort of ‘association’ to me. Idk it depends on how you look at it.

When I wake up, I always have a massive realisation that she’s no longer in my life anymore. It hurts so badly and I can’t do anything. In the past 3 days, I’ve probably had 1000 calories total. Just before we broke up and I went to Asia, I started getting into running, I was running everyday but compared to now, I can’t even leave my room.

she has so many friends as evidence on her story clubbing, drinking, going on trips but I have no friends I could distract myself with because they live so far away and I have 1 friend who I spoke about this with but he’s going abroad for 2 months:(

 

 

 

 

[basil67]

5 hours ago, foamrunner said:

I practically forced her to block me on everything, she was hesitant but ended up doing it. I still found ways to text her

^ This is why I thought you asked her to block you.   But it was that she was forced to block you because you wouldn't leave her alone?  And now you're still watching her IG anyway?   Honestly, behaving in a way which makes someone end up blocking you is disrespectful to them and makes you look tragic.  The birthday wishes and flowers should never have been sent.  This behaviour ends up having the absolute opposite affect that you hope it would.

She doesn't block your mother because your mother's presence doesn't annoy her.  And as you're seeing her IG feed, it sounds like she hasn't blocked you either.

Get yourself out of the house and start doing things.  You're  graduating in a couple of days! Go you!  Does this mean you'll be going back home where your friends are?   Start by making contact with them and organise a gathering.  Start rebuilding your life

 

[foamrunner]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

^ This is why I thought you asked her to block you.   But it was that she was forced to block you because you wouldn't leave her alone?  And now you're still watching her IG anyway?   Honestly, behaving in a way which makes someone end up blocking you is disrespectful to them and makes you look tragic.  The birthday wishes and flowers should never have been sent.  This behaviour ends up having the absolute opposite affect that you hope it would.

She doesn't block your mother because your mother's presence doesn't annoy her.  And as you're seeing her IG feed, it sounds like she hasn't blocked you either.

Get yourself out of the house and start doing things.  You're  graduating in a couple of days! Go you!  Does this mean you'll be going back home where your friends are?   Start by making contact with them and organise a gathering.  Start rebuilding your life

 

She didn’t want to block me but I kept saying to block me on everything just do it etc. just acting very immature.

I regretted sending the flowers instantly bc then it just added another worry in my head about if she even got them or not and tbh it was selfish of me to even do it.

I used to live in the same area as them but I moved with my family to the complete opposite side.

she blocked me, I kept using one of those story viewer websites. Honestly I don’t even want to do it but I keep getting this urge but ofc it brought more pain when I just saw something I didn’t like. I’m trying to add not viewing her socials to the NC also but those urges. It’s literally like smoking, it will hurt you but you still do it anyway.

I appreciate the advice and for replying! I guess if she really wanted the relationship she would have been willing to work on the issues together. I’m trying though, it’s hard because she doesn’t leave my mind and I always randomly think about her or what she’s doing.

[basil67]

 

18 minutes ago, foamrunner said:

She didn’t want to block me but I kept saying to block me on everything just do it etc. just acting very immature.

I regretted sending the flowers instantly bc then it just added another worry in my head about if she even got them or not and tbh it was selfish of me to even do it.

I used to live in the same area as them but I moved with my family to the complete opposite side.

she blocked me, I kept using one of those story viewer websites. Honestly I don’t even want to do it but I keep getting this urge but ofc it brought more pain when I just saw something I didn’t like. I’m trying to add not viewing her socials to the NC also but those urges. It’s literally like smoking, it will hurt you but you still do it anyway.

OK, you really need to stop yourself from following her when she's blocked you.....it's creepy, disrespectful and frankly, scary.   I mean, we're talking about stalking.  You can be a better man than this!   Besides, the longer you spend stalking her, the longer it will take to heal. 

Quote

I appreciate the advice and for replying! I guess if she really wanted the relationship she would have been willing to work on the issues together. I’m trying though, it’s hard because she doesn’t leave my mind and I always randomly think about her or what she’s doing.

Re the bolded, I don't believe you're representing this story accurately.  Logic tells me that she told you what she wasn't happy with when you were still together.  She tried to get the message through to you.  And when you refused to change, she ended it.  And by the time it got to that stage, she'd lost all desire to be with you.  Your decision to change was too little, too late

Anyway, she will not leave your mind while you're still stalking her.  You need to help yourself get past it

Edited July 9, 2024 by basil67

[Gebidozo]

OP, you’re going through classic post-breakup pains. I felt exactly the same several times in my life (not smiling, not eating, etc., all the same symptoms) and I survived. So will you. This pain won’t kill you, but will definitely make you stronger.

There are a few things you should do:

1) No contact means no contact, and that obviously includes following her on social media. Stop doing that. Don’t check what she’s posting, don’t stalk her, don’t write to her.

2) Stop preoccupying and torturing yourself with meaningless questions such as why she still follows your Mom or what you could’ve done if you still were together with her. You aren’t together, it’s over, she can follow or unfollow whomever she wants to, she will party and have other men and do whatever she wants to be happy. The sooner you’ll accept that, the sooner will your pain subside.

3) Be as busy and as active as you can. Focus on your friends, family, work, hobbies. Start eating normally. Go out. Travel. Learn a new language. Do stuff even if you feel like you’d rather curl up on your bed and cry into a pillow. Fight your pain actively. Rediscover yourself, and live your life to the full, for yourself and for all the other people in your life, not for her.

Edited July 9, 2024 by Gebidozo

[ExpatInItaly]

6 hours ago, foamrunner said:

Ofc she doesn’t have to block my mum. I’m just a bit confused on why she wouldn’t remove her.

Because she has no problem with your mother. Please don't fool yourself into thinking it means anything more. 

She is hurting, but she is done. It's time to accept that this is over so you can move on and apply the lessons learned here to your next relationship. 

[FredEire]

I don't think you're a massive ahole, everything you posted here is pretty normal especially for young people going through a breakup.

At the end of the day your energies just didn't align any more. She thought you were losing interest, truth is deep down it might have actually been her losing interest. There's no one single thing you could have done to change that, it just didn't work.

The only thing you did that I think was a mistake (but again pretty normal), was sending her long messages and flowers etc after the breakup. Running after someone desperately that you ended it with usually won't go well, and even if it does work you're reentering a relationship that ended for a reason. The chances are very high that it will either become toxic if you stay together knowing that at one point you were finished with eachother, or it will end in another even more painful breakup.

It's tough, but if you go through another breakup like this one just take a breath, take all those thoughts of love letters and let them go, don't act on it. You need to now give yourself time to heal and move on when you're ready.

[foamrunner]

@basil67 @Gebidozo @ExpatInItaly @FredEire

Thank you so much for the advice and replies, I appreciate them a lot.

I've been in no contact already for 9 days but I've decided I'm going to go into indefinite NC. This includes, not trying to contact her, checking her social media and or worrying about what she's doing, who she's with etc.

I have a lot of self improvement to work on so I am going to try and occupy improving myself. If you have any tips of working on my anger, working on jealousy, learning to love myself, learning to not rely on others for happiness etc I would appreciate it!

I've just started getting back into reading, both fiction and self improvement, I have started volunteering every Friday, I take language lessons twice a week and I kind of spend the time I am not doing anything (just started it today) -  listening to a podcast about these young guys and their dating experiences and the lessons they have learnt. 

I think the issue I have is that I don't have anybody really to talk to this about, I can't distract myself by going to see friends bc they live quite far away (will try to arrange something) and since a kid I have always hid my feelings away from my family because when I did try, they shut me out. I'm more motivated then ever to actually FIX and IMPROVE myself for future relationships and friendships, if that gives the opportunity to explore a relationship with my ex or not, I actually want to do this for ME. I have/had a big problem with comparing myself to my ex in terms of "she's having so much fun, she's loving life, she doesn't care about me" whilst I am "at home upset, in bed, doing nothing", looking at her social media really affected me badly and it leads back into my issue of jealousy and maybe not being mature because at the end of the day. She's an adult, she can do what she wants

[FredEire]

9 minutes ago, foamrunner said:

@basil67 @Gebidozo @ExpatInItaly @FredEire

Thank you so much for the advice and replies, I appreciate them a lot.

I've been in no contact already for 9 days but I've decided I'm going to go into indefinite NC. This includes, not trying to contact her, checking her social media and or worrying about what she's doing, who she's with etc.

I have a lot of self improvement to work on so I am going to try and occupy improving myself. If you have any tips of working on my anger, working on jealousy, learning to love myself, learning to not rely on others for happiness etc I would appreciate it!

I've just started getting back into reading, both fiction and self improvement, I have started volunteering every Friday, I take language lessons twice a week and I kind of spend the time I am not doing anything (just started it today) -  listening to a podcast about these young guys and their dating experiences and the lessons they have learnt. 

I think the issue I have is that I don't have anybody really to talk to this about, I can't distract myself by going to see friends bc they live quite far away (will try to arrange something) and since a kid I have always hid my feelings away from my family because when I did try, they shut me out. I'm more motivated then ever to actually FIX and IMPROVE myself for future relationships and friendships, if that gives the opportunity to explore a relationship with my ex or not, I actually want to do this for ME. I have/had a big problem with comparing myself to my ex in terms of "she's having so much fun, she's loving life, she doesn't care about me" whilst I am "at home upset, in bed, doing nothing", looking at her social media really affected me badly and it leads back into my issue of jealousy and maybe not being mature because at the end of the day. She's an adult, she can do what she wants

All sounds positive man! Good for you!

You're a young guy, in time this will end up being a valuable albeit painful lesson and you'll have a reference if you go through a similar breakup in the future.

And man, social media is such a curse for relationships. I wish we were still in the days where you would break up with someone and that would be that, you could just let things process naturally because the only way to contact them was by phone or post.

Unfortunately in modern times were fully able to go on their social media and renew our hurt by not only seeing their face again but also what they're doing, where they are and worst of all sometimes who they're dating now. You just have to force yourself not to do it

[FredEire]

Also I'd add that in terms of feeling shitty about your life and the amazing life your ex seems to be having, there's a reasonable chance she feels the same way.

Everyone looks like a VIP celebrity on Instagram, don't fall for it. It's a highlight reel and doesn't represent the real person. Nobody posts a story when they're lying on the sofa depressed eating nachos at 2am.

[ShyViolet]

5 hours ago, foamrunner said:

I've been in no contact already for 9 days but I've decided I'm going to go into indefinite NC. This includes, not trying to contact her, checking her social media and or worrying about what she's doing, who she's with etc. at the end of the day. She's an adult, she can do what she wants

Well it's good that you have finally come to this realization, but do you acknowledge at all that it was not okay the way you stalked her?  Calling and emailing over and over, refusing to stop even though she wasn't replying, and then even sending her flowers.  That was not okay.  That is STALKING and it is a violation of someone's boundaries.

[foamrunner]

2 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

Well it's good that you have finally come to this realization, but do you acknowledge at all that it was not okay the way you stalked her?  Calling and emailing over and over, refusing to stop even though she wasn't replying, and then even sending her flowers.  That was not okay.  That is STALKING and it is a violation of someone's boundaries.

I mean no disrespect but i acknowledged it was wrong? Someone previous also said it was wrong which I know it was. I was in denial about the breakup, whilst it is wrong to ‘stalk’ my ex’s public social media, according to a lot of places online, dumpees constantly trying to look at ex’s social media even when blocked is a common thing even if wrong (before you try to say something like just because people did it online doesn’t mean you should - I found out online that a lot of dumpees do that because I was looking for advice and tools to stop me doing that). As soon as I bought the flowers I instantly regretted it. I have gone indefinite NC for 9 days now and I haven’t looked at her profile for 7 days. I’ve already acknowledged my mistakes. I’ve acknowledged my flaws and I openly said what my flaws were.

Whilst I have respect for you for reading what I wrote, you have seen the previous conversations, I already know what I did was wrong hence going NC so your comment added no value, it was spiteful and was pointless

[FredEire]

31 minutes ago, foamrunner said:

I mean no disrespect but i acknowledged it was wrong? Someone previous also said it was wrong which I know it was. I was in denial about the breakup, whilst it is wrong to ‘stalk’ my ex’s public social media, according to a lot of places online, dumpees constantly trying to look at ex’s social media even when blocked is a common thing even if wrong (before you try to say something like just because people did it online doesn’t mean you should - I found out online that a lot of dumpees do that because I was looking for advice and tools to stop me doing that). As soon as I bought the flowers I instantly regretted it. I have gone indefinite NC for 9 days now and I haven’t looked at her profile for 7 days. I’ve already acknowledged my mistakes. I’ve acknowledged my flaws and I openly said what my flaws were.

Whilst I have respect for you for reading what I wrote, you have seen the previous conversations, I already know what I did was wrong hence going NC so your comment added no value, it was spiteful and was pointless

I think @ShyViolet has a point in that it could make her feel a little creeped out, but I agree that it's a little harsh and it's good that you came to you senses and stopped. It's a good mistake to make as a young guy so you learn and don't do it the next time.

IMO you can message an ex about getting back together if and only if the fundamental issue(s) that made you break up in the first place have changed to the extent that a healthy reconciliation would be possible. As that hardly ever happens, 90 percent of the time the correct thing to do is close the chapter and go through the pain with the support of close friends and family and, most importantly, yourself.

[foamrunner]

17 minutes ago, FredEire said:

I think @ShyViolet has a point in that it could make her feel a little creeped out, but I agree that it's a little harsh and it's good that you came to you senses and stopped. It's a good mistake to make as a young guy so you learn and don't do it the next time.

IMO you can message an ex about getting back together if and only if the fundamental issue(s) that made you break up in the first place have changed to the extent that a healthy reconciliation would be possible. As that hardly ever happens, 90 percent of the time the correct thing to do is close the chapter and go through the pain with the support of close friends and family and, most importantly, yourself.

Whilst the person had a point, what was the point of bringing it up when I’ve already acknowledged it was wrong, a massive mistake and something I regret.

it would have been different if I was saying stuff like ‘how can she just ignore me’, ‘ I messaged her again to see if she got the flowers’ etc etc but I didn’t. I acknowledged my wrongdoings which I really regretted doing. 

Tbh as much as I do want to speak to her and miss her, rn I have no intentions of messaging her anytime soon or even ever because I actually want to improve my flaws. Whilst I still have these flaws, any relationship I get into will eventually turn out the same. It’s obviously going to be very hard and even harder considering I don’t have the support of family and friends but I WANT to be a better person.

I saw someone online say ‘working to improve yourself and NC has a 100% success rate because you might have another chance of an improved relationship with your ex but if not you can start other healthy relationships’

 

Edited July 9, 2024 by foamrunner
Typo

[FredEire]

9 minutes ago, foamrunner said:

Whilst the person had a point, what was the point of bringing it up when I’ve already acknowledged it was wrong, a massive mistake and something I regret.

it would have been different if I was saying stuff like ‘how can she just ignore me’, ‘ I messaged her again to see if she got the flowers’ etc etc but I didn’t. I acknowledged my wrongdoings which I really regretted doing. 

Tbh as much as I do want to speak to her and miss her, rn I have no intentions of messaging her anytime soon or even ever because I actually want to improve my flaws. Whilst I still have these flaws, any relationship I get into will eventually turn out the same. It’s obviously going to be very hard and even harder considering I don’t have the support of family and friends but I WANT to be a better person.

I saw someone online say ‘working to improve yourself and NC has a 100% success rate because you might have another chance of an improved relationship with your ex but if not you can start other healthy relationships’

 

I pretty much agree with that statement, its the only way to let yourself heal.

As I said a healthy reconciliation is very rare and depends on the two people realising the reason they broke up is not longer an issue, not just feeling lonely and not being able to bear the pain of the separation.

The odd time exes can be on friendly terms, but most of the time this just means sending a friendly text the odd time and wishing happy birthday etc, it's not likely to be something all that significant. Being friends with an ex to the extent that I'd be going out with her and her new boyfriend is not something I'd ever want personally, and the same goes for a lot of people I'd imagine.

[foamrunner]

5 minutes ago, FredEire said:

I pretty much agree with that statement, its the only way to let yourself heal.

As I said a healthy reconciliation is very rare and depends on the two people realising the reason they broke up is not longer an issue, not just feeling lonely and not being able to bear the pain of the separation.

The odd time exes can be on friendly terms, but most of the time this just means sending a friendly text the odd time and wishing happy birthday etc, it's not likely to be something all that significant. Being friends with an ex to the extent that I'd be going out with her and her new boyfriend is not something I'd ever want personally, and the same goes for a lot of people I'd imagine.

yeah, my ex is very mature tbh so if we were ever in that situation I can't see us getting back together unless we can get past that issue. I wouldn't even want to get back together if those issues were still there anyways.

I have so much respect for my ex even though she's upset me post relationship and I would always wish the absolute best for her but I could never ever see myself being friends with any ex. Not only would it not work but it would most likely cause issues for bf (if she got one) and my gf (if I got one)

everything reminds me of her and its painful tbh

[FredEire]

5 minutes ago, foamrunner said:

yeah, my ex is very mature tbh so if we were ever in that situation I can't see us getting back together unless we can get past that issue. I wouldn't even want to get back together if those issues were still there anyways.

I have so much respect for my ex even though she's upset me post relationship and I would always wish the absolute best for her but I could never ever see myself being friends with any ex. Not only would it not work but it would most likely cause issues for bf (if she got one) and my gf (if I got one)

everything reminds me of her and its painful tbh

Yep, and all of that is reasonable and normal.

My auntie is somehow still friends with all of her exes except one who she said was toxic and abusive. I think with almost all of them they were friends before they got together which helps because you can just go back to the old relationship. Still, I'm with you, don't think I could ever do that.

[foamrunner]

2 minutes ago, FredEire said:

Yep, and all of that is reasonable and normal.

My auntie is somehow still friends with all of her exes except one who she said was toxic and abusive. I think with almost all of them they were friends before they got together which helps because you can just go back to the old relationship. Still, I'm with you, don't think I could ever do that.

I appreciate you replying! it feels so good having someone to actually speak to about this

[FredEire]

23 minutes ago, foamrunner said:

I appreciate you replying! it feels so good having someone to actually speak to about this

You're welcome mate! We're all just strangers on the internet but this forum has helped me through some tough times as well. At the end of the day no human experience is entirely unique even though we feel alone sometimes. There's no anguish or heartbreak that millions of others haven't also been through.

I'm happy that it's been helpful!

[foamrunner]

Hey! @FredEire@basil67 @Gebidozo

It hasn't been 20 days yet however I wanted to let you guys know that I have been quite a lot better, I have started reading more, I have been doing a lot of running! that post run high feels amazing. I have been focusing a lot on self improvement and bettering myself and it has been helping tbh. I have let go of the possibility of us dating again, im still blocked. I am at the point where the only thing that upsets me is the memories and when I go to places and think "she would have liked this place" or the music!. I think tbh a lot of it is that I miss the affection, the cuddles, someone to talk to emotionally. I don't think I miss her as the person she ended up becoming towards the end of the relationship. The memories are on my mind 24/7 but i have been better at supressing it.

I made the dumb decision to check her twitter account today and before I would have been upset and tried to contact her but now I don't even have any urge. She has been retweeting stuff about how the relationship was the most traumatic experience of her life, stuff about how I'm no where near her type anymore, stuff about how she hates how I put a fake persona on social media (kinda confirms shes looking at my socials even tho im blocked) bc she knows the true me (whatever this even means) or stuff about how I "did her so bad".  When I saw it, my mood didn't change, it didn't hurt, I just thought if that's how she feels then that's how she feels. What I'm curious to know is if this apart of that typical "dumpers relief/resent" stage. Do you know the stage where the dumper is happy to be out of the relationship, finally feels free, hates my guts to absolute pieces. Ofc every person goes through things their own way but I'm just interested to know. Will she resent me forever? will she actually eventually think of the good times we had - if not im fine with that ofc but ig its a shame that the good stuff we had will forever be forgotten.

Also I haven't looked at her instagram since the day we first spoke and it feels amazing not knowing what she's doing. I don't even hate her for how she treated me post breakup (airing, blocking etc) I decided to mentally forgive her bc at the end of the day there is no point hating someone plus we all go through things different and if she doesnt want me anymore then who am i to try change that. She shouldn't define my happiness and at the end of the day as long as I am self improving, self loving someone right for me will come. 

[FredEire]

6 minutes ago, foamrunner said:

Hey! @FredEire@basil67 @Gebidozo

It hasn't been 20 days yet however I wanted to let you guys know that I have been quite a lot better, I have started reading more, I have been doing a lot of running! that post run high feels amazing. I have been focusing a lot on self improvement and bettering myself and it has been helping tbh. I have let go of the possibility of us dating again, im still blocked. I am at the point where the only thing that upsets me is the memories and when I go to places and think "she would have liked this place" or the music!. I think tbh a lot of it is that I miss the affection, the cuddles, someone to talk to emotionally. I don't think I miss her as the person she ended up becoming towards the end of the relationship. The memories are on my mind 24/7 but i have been better at supressing it.

I made the dumb decision to check her twitter account today and before I would have been upset and tried to contact her but now I don't even have any urge. She has been retweeting stuff about how the relationship was the most traumatic experience of her life, stuff about how I'm no where near her type anymore, stuff about how she hates how I put a fake persona on social media (kinda confirms shes looking at my socials even tho im blocked) bc she knows the true me (whatever this even means) or stuff about how I "did her so bad".  When I saw it, my mood didn't change, it didn't hurt, I just thought if that's how she feels then that's how she feels. What I'm curious to know is if this apart of that typical "dumpers relief/resent" stage. Do you know the stage where the dumper is happy to be out of the relationship, finally feels free, hates my guts to absolute pieces. Ofc every person goes through things their own way but I'm just interested to know. Will she resent me forever? will she actually eventually think of the good times we had - if not im fine with that ofc but ig its a shame that the good stuff we had will forever be forgotten.

Also I haven't looked at her instagram since the day we first spoke and it feels amazing not knowing what she's doing. I don't even hate her for how she treated me post breakup (airing, blocking etc) I decided to mentally forgive her bc at the end of the day there is no point hating someone plus we all go through things different and if she doesnt want me anymore then who am i to try change that. She shouldn't define my happiness and at the end of the day as long as I am self improving, self loving someone right for me will come. 

That's great! Sounds like you are dealing with it in a really healthy way.

People tend to resent the other party in the initial stages because they are hurt. Once that hurt fades and their head becomes a bit clearer yes, they're usually more able to remember the good times fondly for what they were. Occasionally people will deal with it by going into a permanent state of "f*** my ex, they were always trash and toxic anyway", but thats their problem frankly and IMO that way of dealing with it lacks a lot of maturity.

Anyway keep going with it, and best of luck!

[foamrunner]

5 minutes ago, FredEire said:

That's great! Sounds like you are dealing with it in a really healthy way.

People tend to resent the other party in the initial stages because they are hurt. Once that hurt fades and their head becomes a bit clearer yes, they're usually more able to remember the good times fondly for what they were. Occasionally people will deal with it by going into a permanent state of "f*** my ex, they were always trash and toxic anyway", but thats their problem frankly and IMO that way of dealing with it lacks a lot of maturity.

Anyway keep going with it, and best of luck!

Thank you! yeah I hope she does eventually but if not then ig i dodged a bullet. I appreciate the help so much

[Gebidozo]

35 minutes ago, foamrunner said:

Will she resent me forever? will she actually eventually think of the good times we had - if not im fine with that ofc but ig its a shame that the good stuff we had will forever be forgotten.

It really depends on the person and their perspective. Some people grow more and more bitter, blame others for their misfortunes, and resent everything and everyone. Other people mellow, learn to see things from the viewpoint of others, do soul-searching, grow spiritually. I think that hurt, resentment and outrage should subside naturally over the course of time, as part of our psyche’s defense mechanism, unless they are being cultivated and inflated artificially. But we can’t know for sure what will happen in every case.