CanHam Posted July 10 Share Posted July 10 My ex boyfriend thinks I cheated on him. I still maintain my innocence that I never cheated. This past Sunday he saw a message written "Hi Love". He went and read all the messages. He saw that I wasn't responding romantically. Now he says I was flirting. Which I never did. If I did want to hide the messages. I would have waited for him to board the flight and read the messages. But, I opened the messages in front of him. I knew I had nothing to hide. That's when he saw the message. I would like to hear your opinion on this matter. Did I cheat or not? Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 10 Share Posted July 10 Unless you left out pertinent information, of course you didn't cheat. Now at the risk of stating the obvious, he's your ex-boyfriend. What comes up on your phone is none of his business and you don't owe him any explanations. If he pulls a stunt like this again, just tell him to F off. Get rid of this idiot so that you can keep your options open for a good guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted July 10 Share Posted July 10 (edited) Why is your ex-boyfriend still hanging out with you when it is clear he hasn't moved on? And why on earth are you still justifying yourself/defending yourself? If you have a kid together or work together, it is understandable that you may have to interact. But he shouldn't be reading your messages, and you should not be discussing your private phone communications with him. If you live together, one of you needs to move out. And you need to set very strong boundaries. Oh, by the way, he can think whatever he wants to think about anything. It's his mind. It's not your job to care what he thinks. And it's not your responsibility to fix it. If he wants to believe you cheated on him, don't stop him. Just shut the door on him so that you can focus on your actual life and the real problems (everyone has real problems) that I'm sure you should be focusing on. Edited July 10 by Acacia98 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CanHam Posted July 10 Author Share Posted July 10 (edited) Guys I labeled him as "ex" because immediately after he read the messages, he dumped me Edited July 10 by CanHam 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Acacia98 Posted July 10 Share Posted July 10 That clarifies things considerably. As someone else mentioned, if you haven't left any pertinent information out, then it sounds like you were not cheating. In that case, he can't have valued the relationship much if he ended it over a non-issue. It sounds rather like he was looking for an excuse to break up with you. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 10 Share Posted July 10 (edited) Let me get this straight. Your then-still-boyfriend read a text message from you to another man, in which you addressed that man as “love”. Even though your then-still-boyfriend read the message in context and saw that the actual content wasn’t romantic or sexual, he decided that was cheating and broke up with you? Well, what can I say… He is an idiot. Normal people don’t break up over such a thing. Of course it wasn’t cheating. If he was uncomfortable with the way you address other men, he could have gently asked you to change the tone somewhat. Instead, he just went ballistic on you. I’d say “good riddance”. Edited July 10 by Gebidozo 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted July 10 Share Posted July 10 Agree with I think most above that you are better off without this BF. Overly jealous and controlling and probably not emotionally reading for a normal, healthy relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CanHam Posted July 10 Author Share Posted July 10 5 hours ago, Gebidozo said: Let me get this straight. Your then-still-boyfriend read a text message from you to another man, in which you addressed that man as “love”. Even though your then-still-boyfriend read the message in context and saw that the actual content wasn’t romantic or sexual, he decided that was cheating and broke up with you? Well, what can I say… He is an idiot. Normal people don’t break up over such a thing. Of course it wasn’t cheating. If he was uncomfortable with the way you address other men, he could have gently asked you to change the tone somewhat. Instead, he just went ballistic on you. I’d say “good riddance”. The Hi love message was from the man. Which I never responded. I didn't even see the message. It's my still then boyfriend who saw it. All I saw was the company pictures that the man had sent. Then he asked me to be their company marketing manager. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CanHam Posted July 10 Author Share Posted July 10 5 hours ago, mark clemson said: Agree with I think most above that you are better off without this BF. Overly jealous and controlling and probably not emotionally reading for a normal, healthy relationship. Yeah, this is coming from someone who once told me to find a boyfriend, in one of our arguments. If we fight, he brings the past up. Next day he forgot what he said. He used to compare me with his ex. Now that he dumped me. He says I am the same mess as his ex girlfriends. I overlooked the red flags from the relationship. It's now that, I see that I tolerated his BS a lot. I do miss him, I won't lie. But painting me as a cheater, whilst I have never cheated in any of my past relationships. He has the nerve to say, it's because they never caught me. That's why it seems like I never cheated 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 10 Share Posted July 10 13 minutes ago, CanHam said: He says I am the same mess as his ex girlfriends. There's another thread here with the same theme, but with genders reversed. I'll tell you what I told him: When someone tells you that all there exes are (negative words), it's a giant red flag that the person you're talking to is the constant. Don't ever date a guy who broadly disparages all his exes And just like the other thread, this guy is now going to add you to his list of girls who are a "mess". And his next girlfriend will also get added to the list no matter how lovely she is 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 11 Share Posted July 11 3 hours ago, CanHam said: The Hi love message was from the man. Which I never responded. I didn't even see the message. It's my still then boyfriend who saw it. All I saw was the company pictures that the man had sent. Then he asked me to be their company marketing manager. So it wasn’t even you who said “Hi, love” to a man, it was a man who said that to you? Your ex is an even bigger idiot than I thought. Good riddance, indeed. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 11 Share Posted July 11 Don't ignore the red flags next time, girl. Get rid of men like this the first time they show you that they are jerks. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 11 Share Posted July 11 7 hours ago, CanHam said: Yeah, this is coming from someone who once told me to find a boyfriend, in one of our arguments. Big red flag. In most cases, people telling their partners to “find someone else” are just looking for excuses to sabotage the relationship. 7 hours ago, CanHam said: He used to compare me with his ex. Another big red flag. Never date anyone who compares you to an ex. Unless you’re actually discussing past relationships and you’re interested to learn more, of course. 7 hours ago, CanHam said: Now that he dumped me. He says I am the same mess as his ex girlfriends. In retrospect, another big red flag was him badmouthing his exes in the first place. 7 hours ago, CanHam said: But painting me as a cheater, whilst I have never cheated in any of my past relationships. He has the nerve to say, it's because they never caught me. It’s a good thing that this pathetic jerk is no longer in your life. I think congratulations are in order. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CanHam Posted July 14 Author Share Posted July 14 On 7/11/2024 at 1:53 PM, Gebidozo said: Big red flag. In most cases, people telling their partners to “find someone else” are just looking for excuses to sabotage the relationship. Another big red flag. Never date anyone who compares you to an ex. Unless you’re actually discussing past relationships and you’re interested to learn more, of course. In retrospect, another big red flag was him badmouthing his exes in the first place. It’s a good thing that this pathetic jerk is no longer in your life. I think congratulations are in order. Well, yesterday around 3:58am. He texted me, I have blocked him on my socials. I forgot to block him on messenger, anyway I did block him after I replied his message. His intention is to, make me feel guilty. He is blaming me, that he has gone back to his mental health medication. He still swears that I am like his exes. Now he is being racist towards me. He is white and I am black. Anyway, I want to appreciate the advices you gave me. When I replied, I was using my head not heart. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 17 Share Posted July 17 (edited) On 7/14/2024 at 7:15 PM, CanHam said: Now he is being racist towards me. He is white and I am black. I think this is over. When it gets to this point you should not want him back. Just move on and heal. Sounds like he was just looking for any flimsy excuse to end it with you. Edited July 17 by stillafool Link to post Share on other sites
Author CanHam Posted July 17 Author Share Posted July 17 8 hours ago, stillafool said: I think this is over. When it gets to this point you should not want him back. Just move on and heal. Sounds like he was just looking for any flimsy excuse to end it with you. I believe so too, him being racist is too low. Says a lot about him. This has tortured me emotionally. I am now filled with regret on why did I date him. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 17 Share Posted July 17 The regret is a very positive stage. It's how we learn and make sure that we don't make the same mistake again So glad to hear you're moving past it Link to post Share on other sites
Tm2024 Posted August 3 Share Posted August 3 On 7/10/2024 at 12:13 AM, CanHam said: My ex boyfriend thinks I cheated on him. I still maintain my innocence that I never cheated. This past Sunday he saw a message written "Hi Love". He went and read all the messages. He saw that I wasn't responding romantically. Now he says I was flirting. Which I never did. If I did want to hide the messages. I would have waited for him to board the flight and read the messages. But, I opened the messages in front of him. I knew I had nothing to hide. That's when he saw the message. I would like to hear your opinion on this matter. Did I cheat or not? As a male. I have been in the same position. I was recently broken up over the same thing. My friend is just a friend who I only talk with on occasion via social media. I miss her but lately I am coming to the conclusion that the situation has been blown out of proportion. I know my ex was insecure and nothing in my messages outside of my friend asking for advice from a male perspective to better handle her marriage. Dont feel you have anything to be guilty about. You were just being yourself and nothing in your messages state otherwise. im sure this is more about him than this is about you. If for some reason you guys do get back together ii recommend having a talk about boundaries with people of the opposite sex. Some people just need that type of assurance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author CanHam Posted August 3 Author Share Posted August 3 3 hours ago, Tm2024 said: As a male. I have been in the same position. I was recently broken up over the same thing. My friend is just a friend who I only talk with on occasion via social media. I miss her but lately I am coming to the conclusion that the situation has been blown out of proportion. I know my ex was insecure and nothing in my messages outside of my friend asking for advice from a male perspective to better handle her marriage. Dont feel you have anything to be guilty about. You were just being yourself and nothing in your messages state otherwise. im sure this is more about him than this is about you. If for some reason you guys do get back together ii recommend having a talk about boundaries with people of the opposite sex. Some people just need that type of assurance. I don't think we will get back together. I have made peace with that. I'm now labeled as a whore. While I have never cheated in any of my past relationships. I was just dating an insecure and broken man. I so regret dating him Link to post Share on other sites
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