Corduroy Posted July 11 Share Posted July 11 I've been dating this woman I met online for the past 2 weeks. Our first date was nice, we ending up sleeping with each other and spending the night together. We text/talk all day and see each other when we can. We had serious talks about our future, moving in together, getting married, having kids. She already met my parents and she wants me to meet her Mom soon. Tonight we had a little argument which led to her telling me there is someone else. She dated him before she met me and ended it because of his red flags and wanted to remain friends. She says there is more chemistry with him than me, and that she understands if I never want to talk to her again. She has been hot and cold with our relationship so far, she wants to end it after an argument then we make up and have sex, and everything is back to normal. I admitted there are other women in my life as well, because of the dating app life. But I told her that she's more important to me and my feelings are real. The other women are on the back burner. IDK how to feel, or what to do. I'm all about monogamy, but should I continue to see her knowing she see's other men? Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted July 11 Share Posted July 11 (edited) There's a number of contradictions here. Everything is going great and you're talking all the time, but she's hot and cold. You're all about monogamy, but you're seeing other women and getting mad that she's seeing other men. She dumped this guy because of his red flags but she still seems more interested in dating him than you. Either way talking about moving in together and meeting parents after two weeks is crazy, you barely know her. You both seem really inconsistent and all over the place, and if you're having arguments after only two weeks it's not a very good sign that what you have is going anywhere good. I think you should just move on, but try to figure out if you really do want monogamy or just to sleep around. Edited July 11 by FredEire 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 11 Share Posted July 11 38 minutes ago, Corduroy said: She says there is more chemistry with him than me, and that she understands if I never want to talk to her again. Exactly, don't talk to her again and move on. You have to understand when women are not genuinely interested in you. She's telling you loud and clear someone else is more important. On a side note, take time to get to know someone before talking marriage and meeting family. You date them in real life at least 3 months before meeting family, and date them 2 years before talking of moving in together 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Corduroy Posted July 11 Author Share Posted July 11 54 minutes ago, FredEire said: There's a number of contradictions here. Everything is going great and you're talking all the time, but she's hot and cold. You're all about monogamy, but you're seeing other women and getting mad that she's seeing other men. She dumped this guy because of his red flags but she still seems more interested in dating him than you. Either way talking about moving in together and meeting parents after two weeks is crazy, you barely know her. You both seem really inconsistent and all over the place, and if you're having arguments after only two weeks it's not a very good sign that what you have is going anywhere good. I think you should just move on, but try to figure out if you really do want monogamy or just to sleep around. I'm not seeing other women, they are on the back burner if things don't work out. Just saying I have options. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Corduroy Posted July 11 Author Share Posted July 11 21 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Exactly, don't talk to her again and move on. You have to understand when women are not genuinely interested in you. She's telling you loud and clear someone else is more important. On a side note, take time to get to know someone before talking marriage and meeting family. You date them in real life at least 3 months before meeting family, and date them 2 years before talking of moving in together I mean, we're getting older. We both wanted to know our intentions with each other. Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted July 11 Share Posted July 11 43 minutes ago, Corduroy said: I mean, we're getting older. We both wanted to know our intentions with each other. It doesn't really matter if you're 15 or 50. Jumping to meeting parents etc after two weeks is madness. You don't know her, you have to take the time to get to know her and see if she's a suitable match. And by the sound of it, she isn't. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted July 11 Share Posted July 11 47 minutes ago, Corduroy said: I'm not seeing other women, they are on the back burner if things don't work out. Just saying I have options. A confident attractive man will always have options. The issue that I can see is there's no consistency. You are already so serious that you are meeting parents, but at the same time you want to take it easy and have women on the back-burner in case it doesn't work out. So which is it? You have to pick a direction. I'd say getting on well but talking to other women at the stage of the game is sensible, but not if you're already talking about huge commitments with her. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 11 Share Posted July 11 2 hours ago, Corduroy said: I've been dating this woman I met online for the past 2 weeks. 2 hours ago, Corduroy said: We had serious talks about our future, moving in together, getting married, having kids. She already met my parents and she wants me to meet her Mom soon. Am I reading this right - you have only been dating the woman for two weeks? 1 hour ago, Corduroy said: I'm not seeing other women, they are on the back burner if things don't work out. Just saying I have options. I would say, she is doing the same thing… Or perhaps, you are moving too fast for her which is why she suddenly has feelings for her ex. Or maybe, she is legit still in love with her ex. Whatever the reason, this is a huge reminder to you to slow your roll and keep your expectations reasonable for the early stage of any new relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 11 Share Posted July 11 1 hour ago, Corduroy said: I mean, we're getting older. We both wanted to know our intentions with each other. You cannot have intentions of marrying someone if you've known for 2 weeks. You can tell the women you're meeting your goal on a dating site is to find someone to date seriously and eventually would lead to marriage and children. How long you think you can keep other women on the back-burner while dating? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 11 Share Posted July 11 Don't get involved in hot/cold people...they are messed up, insecure and manipulative. Their communication skill are atrocious, and cause turmoil in relationships. In other words they are unstable. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 11 Share Posted July 11 Meeting parents or discussing marriage after two weeks? That’s just pure insanity. The whole situation seems so weird to me. Why don’t you just focus on one normal woman who’s only seeing you, and take it really slow… 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted July 11 Share Posted July 11 12 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: Meeting parents or discussing marriage after two weeks? That’s just pure insanity. The whole situation seems so weird to me. Why don’t you just focus on one normal woman who’s only seeing you, and take it really slow… Maybe OP consciously or unconsciously craves the chaos and the rush of dramatic relationships. Unfortunately it's not a road to something that's stable long term and satisfying. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted July 11 Share Posted July 11 (edited) Right, so I get that there are people who strongly wish to be in a relationship and so have a tendency to try to move quickly when they find someone who seems pretty good. But two weeks??? Buddy, she is ONE of the red flags here - and YOU are the other one. Edited July 11 by mark clemson 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Corduroy Posted July 11 Author Share Posted July 11 6 hours ago, BaileyB said: Am I reading this right - you have only been dating the woman for two weeks? I would say, she is doing the same thing… Or perhaps, you are moving too fast for her which is why she suddenly has feelings for her ex. Or maybe, she is legit still in love with her ex. Whatever the reason, this is a huge reminder to you to slow your roll and keep your expectations reasonable for the early stage of any new relationship. Its not her ex, they went out once and still talk Link to post Share on other sites
Author Corduroy Posted July 11 Author Share Posted July 11 We talked this morning, she knows she hurt me intentionally. I told her about the other woman in my life and is okay with me exploring my options. I get what you guys are saying about us only knowing each other for 2 weeks, conversations about marriage, kids and meeting each others parents. It is ridiculous, but she met my parents on accident, long story. For the other things, we agreed what ever happens, happens, no set plans on marriage or kids. I told her I still want to see her, but I'm not going to put my eggs in one basket. We're going to a baseball game tomorrow night. Despite the red flags, I enjoy spending time with her but I'm gonna be cautious. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 11 Share Posted July 11 10 hours ago, Corduroy said: I mean, we're getting older. We both wanted to know our intentions with each other. Then you should know better than to build glass casltes in the sky with someone you met 14 days ago. It would be foolish to think this is going to end well, man. Link to post Share on other sites
Will am I Posted July 11 Share Posted July 11 So many red flags. This story reads more like a two people addicted to eachother than a healthy developing relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted July 11 Share Posted July 11 3 hours ago, Corduroy said: We talked this morning, she knows she hurt me intentionally. I told her about the other woman in my life and is okay with me exploring my options. I get what you guys are saying about us only knowing each other for 2 weeks, conversations about marriage, kids and meeting each others parents. It is ridiculous, but she met my parents on accident, long story. For the other things, we agreed what ever happens, happens, no set plans on marriage or kids. I told her I still want to see her, but I'm not going to put my eggs in one basket. We're going to a baseball game tomorrow night. Despite the red flags, I enjoy spending time with her but I'm gonna be cautious. Just my opinion but conversations like that should come up maybe at the very least after two months of solid dating when you know her a little better and knows there is definitely something to work with there, not two weeks. It's still very much at the fun stage, but somehow it's turned into a telenovela already. How is she telling you she's got some amazing chemistry with some guy she met once and decided not to see again? And someone who does things to hurt you after just two weeks of knowing you is a very big red flag. It sounds like you're hanging in there for the sex, but if you have feelings involved I think it's better to get out now because it seems like it'll only lead to trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted July 11 Share Posted July 11 it's been TWO weeks!!! I have no other comments except that this one^^^ should color all of the conclusions you draw about the meaning of anything and your actions. It's been TWO weeks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Corduroy Posted July 12 Author Share Posted July 12 (edited) Yes 2 weeks. My friends and you guys say this is all bad, I get it. I'm just gonna stick around for the sex, and company. I don't have to get emotionally attached. Also, I have a long commute to work, a few hours away. She lives 7 mins away from my work so I stay with her overnight to avoid the commute during work days. Edited July 12 by Corduroy Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 (edited) 1 hour ago, Corduroy said: Yes 2 weeks. My friends and you guys say this is all bad, I get it. I'm just gonna stick around for the sex, and company. I don't have to get emotionally attached. Also, I have a long commute to work, a few hours away. She lives 7 mins away from my work so I stay with her overnight to avoid the commute during work days. So first you and this “hot and cold” woman discuss marriage and kids and she meets your parents after 2 weeks. All this time, you’re having other women on the “back burner” and she is seeing other men. You’re “all about monogamy” but decide to use this woman for sex and convenient lodging (!) without any emotional attachment. What… a… mess🤭 Edited July 12 by Gebidozo 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 Just......wow .....speechless Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 You're both keeping your options open as a means of blocking out being hurt. Your main focus in the past 2 weeks is children and marriage. Think about where your head is at regarding your dating strategy because to me this girl or whatever was way too intense in the beginning and I think both of you are on an ego trip trying to maintain control of each other. Problem is you're blinded by the hotness from sex and feel good brain chemicals. There is no adult way to handle what's going on between you now because you both are playing a game that you're just not adult enough to admit to which is admit to each other that you're both insecure. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CanHam Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 18 hours ago, Corduroy said: I'm not seeing other women, they are on the back burner if things don't work out. Just saying I have options. Why are you having options? You want the other ladies to be rebounds? Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted July 12 Share Posted July 12 4 hours ago, Alpacalia said: You're both keeping your options open as a means of blocking out being hurt. Your main focus in the past 2 weeks is children and marriage. Think about where your head is at regarding your dating strategy because to me this girl or whatever was way too intense in the beginning and I think both of you are on an ego trip trying to maintain control of each other. Problem is you're blinded by the hotness from sex and feel good brain chemicals. There is no adult way to handle what's going on between you now because you both are playing a game that you're just not adult enough to admit to which is admit to each other that you're both insecure. Yeah it seems like it's at the point you've got used to each other sexually that this is likely to become a car crash as you've both shifted all over the place regarding what you want and she's already been playing mind games with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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