friend with depression

[memes]

I was wondering whether you might be able to help me with my dilemma.

 

Last year, I was going through a difficult break up. Around the same time, I made friends with a guy over the internet, and we corresponded, strictly as friends, strictly emailing.

 

Things settled my life, and my friendship with this guy progressed. He needed major support: depression, passive-aggressive behaviour, deep seated mistrust/hatred of women because of his personal experience.

 

It was difficult going, but I thought that he was a nice enough person, and I thought that behind all of his hurt, there was a worthwhile person to get to know.

 

Well, recently I went through a difficutl and sensitive situation, and asked for his support.

I disclosed some personal information which were hurting me.

Well, he totally misread my email, accused me of rather unethical behaviour, and gave me a lecture.

This was not the first time that he jumped the gun and accused me of behaviour comparable to that of women in his life who hurt him in the past.

 

I am at my teether's end.

I care for this person, as a friend. I don't want him to feel abandoned by another woman - which is his perception currently - but by the same token, I am not a martyr. My life is complicated and difficult as it is right now, and I don't really need the extra stress of stroking his fragile ego and choose my words carefully not to hurt him.

 

I have suggested we take time off to cool off and reconsider the friendship. I don't see this getting any better. I cannot help him, if he does not wish to be helped.

 

I feel like I am fighting a losing battle and there is not solution to it. I think the best thing to do for me right now, is to try to preserve my sanity and to help myself to heal.

 

Any opinions would be appreciated.

[JS17]

I cannot help him, if he does not wish to be helped.

For someone with depression it usually takes hitting rock bottom to decide that help is no longer something that is optional, it's a NECESSITY. You're right, you can't help him if he doesn't want to be helped. If you're willing to risk the friendship you can point him on the right path with resources but he may very well get angry and resent you for it. There's a lot of information on sites geared towards depression on how to help a loved one (friend, family, significant other, etc).