How do You Move on When You Feel Like She Was the Love of Your Life?

[Joeyyy2002]

I'm writing here to share my story and get some advice or support because I'm feeling really lost right now. I just went through a breakup with my girl I knew for 6 years, and it has been incredibly tough. I met her when I was 17. She was cute and had an amazing personality. She wasn't delicate or elegant but she was intelligent and charming.

We started as friends and then we dated for some time, and then we broke up. The break up was hard but I never tried to move on. I thought if I were man enough I would be able to make it work and keep her with me. We kind of grew up during these years. We talked and flirted a lot and finally get back together after 5 years. I felt like we have this amazing bond after everything we have through. For me, deep conversations about feelings are the key to bonding, but we mostly had light chit-chats. About 5 months into the LDR, I admit I got comfortable and wasn't as careful with my words or as attentive as before. I thought she would understand, but she was feeling unloved and unexcited, although she never said anything.

When I noticed her behaviors with me were changing, I openly asked her what's wrong ,so she talked about feeling disconnected but she never fought with me about it. So, I tried to reassure her and show my love more. I sent her a bouquet, used gentle words, and watched the series she wanted to talk about. But by then, she had already lost her feelings for me. She felt that I was only trying to change because she told me to, not because I truly loved her. I kept trying for a week, but she eventually broke up with me.

For a while, I blamed myself entirely. I felt like I didn't value her enough and that it was all my fault for letting this happen. I loved a her for sure and I was loyal, committed and honest. But I wasn't careful with the little details like chit-chats. I would not be mad if she tried to fight with me or argue with me. But she just lost feelings and stepped back.

She was very secretive about her serious feelings and thoughts. Whenever she was stressed or confused, she would go quiet for days and come back with a solution, never opening up to me. This made it hard for us to connect on a deeper level. I tried to understand her and be patient because I loved her deeply, but she just lost feelings and left.

It breaks my heart that she moved on so easily. We had known each other for 6 years, and now it feels like our bond meant nothing to her. I even sent her a message apologizing for not making her feel loved and accepting her decision, but she didn't reply.

Every time I see couples on social media, I feel like I wasn't good enough for her. I remember being jealous of her interactions with other guys and not watching the series she wanted me to watch. I feel like I lost her because I didn't deserve her.

I guess I'm just looking for some clarity and support. How do I move on from this? How do I stop feeling like it was all my fault?

Thanks for reading.

[basil67]

4 hours ago, Joeyyy2002 said:

I admit I got comfortable and wasn't as careful with my words or as attentive as before.

Joey, the only thing which went wrong is that you weren't quite compatible.  What you wrote ^ is completely normal.  Dating and relationships wouldn't be sustainable if we had to be careful and thoughtful all the time.  It's about finding that balance of being a good partner but also relaxing and being your normal self.  

Also, it's wise to be aware that not everyone shares their inner thought processes or feelings.  My husband also sorts through issues in his own head and generally only tells me about the thing when he's thought it through.  And when he does let on something he's thinking about, I know better than to try to delve deeper into it because that's not who he is.

If sharing thoughts and feelings is important to you, there will be loads of women who like to talk about what they are thinking 

[Gebidozo]

OP, you and that girl have known each other for 6 years, but you only dated for a couple of months the first and the second time. That wasn’t a 6 year long relationship. She probably doesn’t feel about love and romantic relationships the way you do. I think you two aren’t very compatible with each other.

You need to move on. People break up after really long relationships, and still move on. She wasn’t “the one”, otherwise she would have stayed with you. It’s time for you to go no contact with her, focus on other aspects of your life, while firmly believing that you can find your true love in the future.