It seems so wasted. do I step back or do I fight for it?

[Joeyyy2002]

I just broke up with my LDR girlfriend. We have dated before when we were 17 but broke up after 4 months of dating. The reason for break up was not quite serious, it was just a teenage break up. But we never felt like we were exes, and we continued to be friends. We went through quite a hard time, because the civil war broke out in my country and we were both struggling in our own lives. But we never lost contact. When things settled down a bit, I tried to reach out to her more and we flirted a lot. And she also seemed to still like me as well. She was quite confused though, since there was another guy called Mike who also liked her. She rejected Mike to choose me. But when I thought we were about to be together again, she cut me off and pushed me away saying she was too busy with her studies. But I assumed that this time she pushed me away since she couldn't let go of Mike. She came back eventually but this time I rejected her coz I felt like she was quite delusional and we both needed to focus on ourselves. But she came back again after 6 months, saying that she doesn't wanna give up on me so easily and she pushed me away since she was worried with her studies. And I believed that because I knew everyone especially young people were kind of scared and worried about their future because of the civil war and the messed up country. That's how we dated again. We were 23 when we started dating and she seemed to be so committed and mature this time.

This time we had to go through a LDR. But we were both quite committed and that's why I thought we will make it this time. But 5 months into the LDRS and I was careless about little details. I admit that I got comfortable and wasn't quite attentive as before . So her behaviors stated to seem off. As soon as I noticed it, I tried to have an open conversation with her thinking if we opened up our disappointments and talked things through, we would solve the problem. But she never admitted that she was mad. Instead she said she lost excitement and she felt like I don't understand her. And she said I would only change just because she told me to not because it was my genuine love. She said as she felt this way, things would never improve. That's how we broke up.

I knew she was childish , so I knew I needed to be carful with these kind of details yet I let all this happen. How do I move on from this situation or should I try to reach out to her after some times? It feels so wasted to end this way, we could have worked things out together. What should I do? I'm stuck between "I am gonna be a man and fight for it" and "I don't wanna make it worse".

[basil67]

I answered in your previous thread.   But to add comments to this one, if she wants to leave, the honorable way is to respect her choice and let her go.  If you've got to fight for it, it's not worth having.  I know all hope seems lost, but I promise you there will be more lovely women in your future

[ExpatInItaly]

2 hours ago, Joeyyy2002 said:

What should I do? I'm stuck between "I am gonna be a man and fight for it" and "I don't wanna make it worse".

Where did you get the idea that fighting for someone who dumped you is "manly"?

That's silly. She said no. A man would respect her choice and leave her alone, and not ignore what's she said and pursue his own agenda anyway. Please, let her go. She doesn't want to continue with you. 

Edited July 18 by ExpatInItaly

[Gebidozo]

As a man, I have to agree, normally when a woman dumps you the only manly thing to do is respect her wish and leave her alone. 

Exceptions could be made in cases in which the woman was pressured, coerced to leave you, for example in conservative societies, where she could be forced by parents to be with another man or something like that. But your case is different. Let her go.

[ShyViolet]

There is no "fighting" for a relationship after someone has broken up with you.  If you need to "fight" for it then you are deluding yourself.  How about you respect her decision and leave her alone now.... you have already tried to be with this woman multiple times and it has never worked out.  You don't "fight" for it, you respect what the other person has told you, keep your dignity and move on.  How is it manly to chase after someone who has told you they don't want to continue the relationship?  Doesn't make much sense to me.