Oli 22 Posted July 18 Share Posted July 18 Me again sorry. He’s just made me really doubt myself. Me and my ex broke up after a year of being together. From the off I feel like I wanted to wait a year before introducing my Sons ages 7 & 5. Eldest having autism. I had been in a very emotionally abusive relationship before, so I wanted to ensure that history didn’t repeat itself with my children being involved. We spent 2 nights/3 days a week together when the children were at their Dads.So not like we couldn’t see each other. I gave him all the time I had spare, I didn’t go out anymore, I didn’t go to my Mums on a Sunday anymore like I used to when he used to stay on the Saturday. It was important to me to have my own time too as I suffer with mental health at times when life gets overwhelming. But I never used that as an excuse not to see him as I was worried it would hurt his feelings. (He didn’t stop me from doing these things). But I remember once he stayed and the night after I was being sick (this was near the beginning) so my Mum had them overnight for me. I just like to be alone when I’m sick as I feel rubbish. He spoke to me and told me he felt like because I didn’t ask him to stay whilst I was poorly that he felt like 2 nights of him on the run was to much for me. Since we have split up he’s made me feel like a bad person, telling me he wasn't a priority and that if i loved him enough i would have been ready before the year. It wasn’t a case of me not loving him enough I genuinely thought it was was best thing for my children and he told me throughout he understood although I knew he wanted things to move quicker. He has left me feeling like I was so wrong in the relationship and now it’s really got into my head and feel doubtful about myself. I just wondered what people’s opinions of this are. (he did meet my children slightly before they year a few times). Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 18 Share Posted July 18 (edited) OP, it would be best if you merged this post with your other thread. Otherwise readers are missing a lot of context about your relationship with this man (ie. that he was one month ouf of his ex-wife's house when he started dating you and is a total hypocrite around exes being in each other's presence when he still has "family days" with his ex-wife) Edited July 18 by ExpatInItaly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 18 Share Posted July 18 10 hours ago, Oli 22 said: Since we have split up he’s made me feel like a bad person, telling me he wasn't a priority and that if i loved him enough i would have been ready before the year. It wasn’t a case of me not loving him enough I genuinely thought it was was best thing for my children and he told me throughout he understood although I knew he wanted things to move quicker. He has left me feeling like I was so wrong in the relationship and now it’s really got into my head and feel doubtful about myself. I just wondered what people’s opinions of this are. (he did meet my children slightly before they year a few times). Thank you Stop second guessing your thoughts and feelings. You weren't wrong. It's best to block exes from contact after a breakup so you don't expect their communication or have to listen to theirs. It causes confusion. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted July 18 Share Posted July 18 Everyone responding to this should read your other thread first. It contains important context. It's really concerning that rather than recognize the red flags in his behavior and end this relationship confidently, you are second guessing the breakup and actually letting him make you think that you were wrong for breaking up with him. This man was controlling, selfish, and tried to make everything all about him. 11 hours ago, Oli 22 said: Since we have split up he’s made me feel like a bad person, telling me he wasn't a priority and that if i loved him enough i would have been ready before the year. WHY are you still talking to him after the breakup??? Why are you letting him continue to put ideas in your head that you are a "bad person" and you were in the wrong for this breakup?? You seriously need to work on your self-respect. You don't have to listen to anything he has to say, and you shouldn't still be talking to him. It's time to leave this guy in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 19 Share Posted July 19 Please block your ex and break all contact. He's trying to manipulate you into feeling guilty about a decision that was completely valid and responsible. Your children's well-being should always come first and you had every right to take your time introducing them to a new partner. Your ex is attempting to make you feel insecure and doubt your own decisions in order to control you and make you second guess yourself. Cut contact, focus on yourself and your children, and don't let anyone make you feel guilty for doing what is best for your family. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted July 19 Share Posted July 19 Look, it's up to YOU to declare yourself a good person. People who are dumped NEVER think there is much logic to the dumping. This guy can't MAKE YOU FEEL any way at all. If I approached you on the street and said you were the Queen of an ancient land, would you believe me and let that affect you? No. Now I admit: I would not want to date someone with kids for a full year before meeting their kids. That's just me. That doesn't mean I'm right. It's just I'd be coming from the opposite view. What if I meet the kids and realize I can't stand them or simpler still, what if I just don't really much like them? Then I will have maybe wasted a year dating the mother of the kids. I would argue my point of view. And I wouldn't shame you ... and if he is shaming you, then that is itself grounds for being dumped. That's further evidence on your side. The challenge is: is he aggressively shaming you? Or are you someone who easily shames in a disagreement? Link to post Share on other sites
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