Black Cement Posted July 20 Share Posted July 20 Long story short, I met this girl years ago. We dated once, nothing ever came of it, but we remained friends nevertheless. We are Facebook friends, and when I posted a picture of me and my new GF at the time & I, she unfriends me. I asked her why and she ignores me. Some time passes, we end up Facebook friends again and it's like nothing happened. Fast forward to this week, I'm in a new relationship, I post a picture, and she unfriends me again. Honestly I could see myself rather being with her, even though we weren't together. Does her actions mean she's hurt and actually does have feelings for me as well? Should I contact her? Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted July 20 Share Posted July 20 (edited) 1 hour ago, Black Cement said: Long story short, I met this girl years ago. We dated once, nothing ever came of it, but we remained friends nevertheless. We are Facebook friends, and when I posted a picture of me and my new GF at the time & I, she unfriends me. I asked her why and she ignores me. Some time passes, we end up Facebook friends again and it's like nothing happened. Fast forward to this week, I'm in a new relationship, I post a picture, and she unfriends me again. Honestly I could see myself rather being with her, even though we weren't together. Does her actions mean she's hurt and actually does have feelings for me as well? Should I contact her? Why on earth would you abandon a new relationship for some girl you went on a date with once and nothing came of it? And why are you in said relationship if you would be that quick to ditch it. Maybe she just doesn't like seeing soppy couple photos on her FB feed, she wouldn't be alone in that. If she had feelings for you I don't think she'd ignore your message and there'd be some follow up to that first date. The real issue is it seems like you've held a candle for her for all these years and don't really want to be in this new relationship. Edited July 20 by FredEire 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 20 Share Posted July 20 The only thing for certain is that you should breakup with your girlfriend. She deserves better than being viewed second fiddle to a woman who comes and goes from your FB 3 Link to post Share on other sites
semble Posted July 20 Share Posted July 20 Do you think you're being honest and fair to your current girlfriend? Do you even care? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted July 20 Share Posted July 20 Also how do you know you would rather be with this girl who you went on one date with? You don't know her very much at all. Is she just more physically attractive to you than your girlfriend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Black Cement Posted July 20 Author Share Posted July 20 My current "GF" and I are not officially together, she even knows about this situation and said I should have never posted that picture in the first place. I regret it and I'm not sure I even want to be with her in the long run. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted July 20 Share Posted July 20 9 minutes ago, Black Cement said: My current "GF" and I are not officially together, she even knows about this situation and said I should have never posted that picture in the first place. I regret it and I'm not sure I even want to be with her in the long run. It's probably a poor choice of words to say "relationship" then. Are you clear with her where you stand with her? Have you said that you want to casual date and don't see something serious? Because if she thinks it's progressing towards something serious and you don't it's going to upset her a lot. Either way as someone who tends to do the same thing a lot it's not helpful dreaming about or chasing "the one that got away", especially when you're seeing someone else. Who knows why she deleted you but her actions (not going on more dates with you/not replying to your message) suggests she was never that into you in the first place or lost interest. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted July 20 Share Posted July 20 It may be that she doesn't want to appear to be an "orbiter" or similar and thus potentially interfere with whatever you have going. Try to make things work out with the new lady. Try genuinely. IF they don't, ping her and see if she wants to give things another go. If she says no you have your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
winny Posted July 20 Share Posted July 20 Are the reasons why things didn't work out between you two in the past changed at all now? If not, then why do you think it will work out now?? It is confusing as to what is your dynamic with the new girl? You don't really seem too much into her else why would you care about this woman from past.. I think you need to be clear on these things first. Also, she seems to be playing some kind of mind games herself.. unfriending you for no real reason when FB has a feature to mute people so you don't see their posts while staying friends. But you know what.. its always best to stay away from exes to avoid all these complications. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Black Cement Posted July 20 Author Share Posted July 20 1 hour ago, winny said: Are the reasons why things didn't work out between you two in the past changed at all now? If not, then why do you think it will work out now?? It is confusing as to what is your dynamic with the new girl? You don't really seem too much into her else why would you care about this woman from past.. I think you need to be clear on these things first. Also, she seems to be playing some kind of mind games herself.. unfriending you for no real reason when FB has a feature to mute people so you don't see their posts while staying friends. But you know what.. its always best to stay away from exes to avoid all these complications. Well she was dating other men too, and I assumed she stuck with a guy. But I know now that she's single. This new girl, we known each other for a few months, go on dates and sleep together. But there are many red flags, I honestly don't see myself being with her long term. She is playing games, like I said it happened last year when I posted a picture of me having dinner with a woman. I added her back later on and everything was fine Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted July 20 Share Posted July 20 11 minutes ago, Black Cement said: Well she was dating other men too, and I assumed she stuck with a guy. But I know now that she's single. This new girl, we known each other for a few months, go on dates and sleep together. But there are many red flags, I honestly don't see myself being with her long term. She is playing games, like I said it happened last year when I posted a picture of me having dinner with a woman. I added her back later on and everything was fine If there are many red flags have you explained to her you want the relationship to be mostly fun/sexual? Don't string her along. I don't know if she care enough to be playing games, to be honest. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 21 Share Posted July 21 Why would you post a picture of you and a girlfriend that you are not "officially" together with on a social media platform? It seems like you were intentionally trying to make this other girl jealous or hurt in some way. Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted July 21 Share Posted July 21 6 hours ago, Black Cement said: This new girl, we known each other for a few months, go on dates and sleep together. But there are many red flags, I honestly don't see myself being with her long term. Why are you even continuing to date a girl when there are "many red flags", that is the most glaring question. Stop wasting your time and her time. Link to post Share on other sites
semble Posted July 21 Share Posted July 21 5 hours ago, Alpacalia said: Why would you post a picture of you and a girlfriend that you are not "officially" together with on a social media platform? It seems like you were intentionally trying to make this other girl jealous or hurt in some way. Interesting thought. Could be that he's trying to get a rise out of the other girl or it could just be innocent. I'm leaning towards the former. So which is it Op? Be honest we're all friends here. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 21 Share Posted July 21 (edited) 5 hours ago, semble said: Interesting thought. Could be that he's trying to get a rise out of the other girl or it could just be innocent. I'm leaning towards the former. So which is it Op? Be honest we're all friends here. Thanks! He said that his current girlfriend/relationship is not "official," so not sure. He also doesn't see the woman he is asking about here as long-term material so it begs the question, why care if she has feelings or not? Regardless of intentions @Black Cement, the fact that she unfriended you twice and ignores you when you try to reach out suggests that she may not be interested in maintaining a friendship or any kind of relationship with you. Edited July 21 by Alpacalia 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted July 21 Share Posted July 21 5 hours ago, semble said: Interesting thought. Could be that he's trying to get a rise out of the other girl or it could just be innocent. I'm leaning towards the former. So which is it Op? Be honest we're all friends here. So it seems like she was the one that got away, the "perfect" girl who you think you messed it up with and has been on your mind for years. That can happen, but I think you probably need a way to forget her if you want any of your actual relationships to work. Someone in another thread advised my with a similar issue that you need to go from a scarcity to an abundance mindset, ie switching from "damn that girl was so special I can't believe I've blown it, I'll never meet anyone like that again" to "theres plenty more women in the world as nice, charming, beautiful etc. as this one, and Im going to meet plenty more of them. This one didn't work out but I know I'll be OK". Might be good advice for you also. I'd at the very least make sure though that this girl knows you're just spending some time together and it won't lead to anything serious, otherwise you're just wasting her time and yours. Link to post Share on other sites
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