leahm939 Posted July 20 Share Posted July 20 (edited) just had a little cry..I've been cheated on a few times in the past by other ex's . We've been together for 2 years and he goes out twice/three times a year with them. He doesn't live with me yet but stays at mine most of the time. He has just been asked out by them to go out for drinks again and he said he would probably stay at his house so he doesn't wake me up from drinking. But I don't care if he does. He knows I don't. He was talking really quiet on the phone aswell and kept saying he loves me and misses my beautiful face and sent me a love song 'about us'. Once i sat next to him and he quickly turned off his messages. I text him saying I miss him and wish was staying here tonight. He's seen it but not replied and keeps going online but not replying. I decided to listen to music and put together a lawn mower he bought a week ago. I totally get he should have space and friendships. He said he wanted a dog too and said today he's not too sure. I'm so mixed up. I don't know what to think. Edited July 20 by leahm939 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 20 Share Posted July 20 Sorry you're feeling so bad. I'm just wanting to clarify before I answer: Your title uses the word "friends" and you're referring to "them" in the body of your text. So this is a group of women? If so, far less of an issue than a 1:1 meeting. How does he know them? Do you trust your partner? And kindly, I know he didn't respond to you saying that you miss him and want him to stay at yours...but he's already told you what he's doing. What exactly do you want him to say? You really want to avoid being needy - it's a relationship killer. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 21 Share Posted July 21 If it's a group of friends meeting then l don't think you have anything to worry about. If it's a 1 on 1 meeting then you have to express what you're comfortable with. I would not be comfortable with my boyfriend meeting 1 on 1 with a female friend at night and with intention of drinking. I would not hesitate to express that to me it's innapropriate. I don't mind my bf meeting his lady friend 1 on 1 but for lunch, or brunch, or a coffee in afternoon. If it's a group outing, is there someone in particular in the group you worry about? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 21 Share Posted July 21 Do you feel that your trust has been broken? I mean, I don't necessarily see a reason why your boyfriend has to go out late at night one-on-one with people he's been hanging out with since before you were even a part of his life. To me, it seems natural for the guy to rebuff the invitation and instead suggest that you guys do something together. He should have friends, yes. But is his status as a regular friend of these girls really that important, more important than yours? That's not a tranquil existence for a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 21 Share Posted July 21 People have different boundaries in relationships. I’d be ok with my lady going out with a group of friends at night. I probably wouldn’t be ok with her going out 1:1 with a straight male friend for drinks very late, and I would tell her that. You’ll need to figure out a way to balance these things. On one hand, don’t worry too much, don’t smother your BF, let him have his fun with friends and relax. Just because some of your exes cheated doesn’t mean this one will. On the other hand, if something is making you perpetually uncomfortable, you must communicate it with your BF. Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted July 21 Share Posted July 21 (edited) 2-3 times a year isn't a lot! It's nice that he cares enough about you to try and make minimal noise though.. If he's being cagey and going quiet when you're around, and then planning a night out with the boyz, I think you might have some cause for concern. This doesn't mean you should freak out or break up, but just keep an eye out for more things like this. Edited July 21 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
Author leahm939 Posted July 21 Author Share Posted July 21 So thanks for your replies. He had a bad night anyway. He said his friends were teasing him constantly all night and making jokes. He doesn't mind it sometimes but it was constant. He keeps saying he wishes he just came to mine last night. But that wouldn't have changed how they treated him. Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted July 26 Share Posted July 26 As others have said everyone has their own boundaries. I'd have no issue with a GF meeting a male friend one on one as long as they were always friends and there wasn't a history going on with them, likewise I wouldn't be comfortable dating a girl who's not ok with me having a relationship with my long time female friends. The buck would stop with her having travelling male friends over to stay in her bedroom or similar stuff, as happened with my ex-girlfriend. It sounds like you're doing as well as you can as in you can't help feeling jealous. Just recognising this as probably somewhat unreasonable and a symptom of your previous heartaches and not acting on it by lashing out is IMO the right thing to do. Your BF isn't the same guy as your exes, so you can't treat him as such. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 28 Share Posted July 28 Well hopefully he will realize he has outgrown these friends. You two can make new friends with other couples/ create a new social group to grow into as you move forward in your relationship ie: living together, engagement, marriage, raising children. Link to post Share on other sites
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