I asked *that* question, and now I feel lost.

[Gebidozo]

5 hours ago, radicalsmadical said:

I admire your positive approach to this, but I can't help but see her differently because she has bounced on 200 or so men. 

It hurts to say that but I do

Break up with her, then. Hopefully she’s find someone who actually loves and respects her.

[ExpatInItaly]

7 hours ago, radicalsmadical said:

I can't help but see her differently because she has bounced on 200 or so men. 

Then this relationship is over. 

You need to end it. 

[radicalsmadical]

4 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Break up with her, then. Hopefully she’s find someone who actually loves and respects her.

And I can find someone I am sexually compatible with and someone who might not view sex as having a cup of tea or going to the loo.

I don't feel any shame for feeling this way.

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, radicalsmadical said:

And I can find someone I am sexually compatible with and someone who might not view sex as having a cup of tea or going to the loo.

I don't feel any shame for feeling this way.

Oh, so she views sex, any sex, with anyone, as having a cup of tea or going to the loo? Are you sure? Did she tell you that herself? 

Because you never, ever mentioned that in this thread. All you said was that she had slept with 200 men. You do realize, I hope, that having slept with 200 men does not equal viewing sex as going to the loo? Do you understand that even when she was doing that, she could have been doing it without holding that view? And especially, do you understand that even if she did hold such a view in the past, it doesn’t at all follow that she has this view now?

On a related note: what is, exactly, your view of sex? What if someone thinks that you view sex as going to the loo? Why does sleeping with 200 men indicate a “going to the loo” view of sex, while sleeping with 45 women does not? At which magic number does the “loo effect” kick in, what do you think? 60? 100? 157? What if she had sex with 200 men and rejected 300 men who wanted to have sex with her, while you had sex with 45 women and also would totally have sex with an additional 500 if they let you?

Sexual compatibility… Hmm. Somehow you didn’t question your sexual compatibility with her when you were having copious amounts of sex with her. Not even her drinking seemed to bother you back then. But lo and behold, after having learned her “number” you’re suddenly turning into a moral crusader, defender of the only possible correct view of sex, indignantly judging a woman you’ve been sharing your bed and your life with.

You do realize that the way you talk about her (“bounced on 200 guys”, “views sex as going to the loo”) makes you sound like a judgmental, hypocritical jerk?

You know what I think? I think you just can’t handle her previous sex life because you’re insecure. You can’t believe that she could have tried 200 guys and still chosen you. Deep down, you’re convinced that some, if not many, of those guys were better than you - perhaps better lovers, or better men in general. And that insecurity has caused you to lose whatever trust you might have had left. In simple terms, you’re chickening out. And looking for an excuse to get rid of her.

Be a man. Tell her honestly, “You’re great, but I’m too weak and lack confidence and self-esteem, and I love my own fragile ego more than you, which makes me unable to accept your past”. And then break up with her.

Edited July 25 by Gebidozo

[basil67]

deleted

Edited July 25 by basil67

[radicalsmadical]

13 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Oh, so she views sex, any sex, with anyone, as having a cup of tea or going to the loo? Are you sure? Did she tell you that herself? 

Because you never, ever mentioned that in this thread. All you said was that she had slept with 200 men. You do realize, I hope, that having slept with 200 men does not equal viewing sex as going to the loo? Do you understand that even when she was doing that, she could have been doing it without holding that view? And especially, do you understand that even if she did hold such a view in the past, it doesn’t at all follow that she has this view now?

On a related note: what is, exactly, your view of sex? What if someone thinks that you view sex as going to the loo? Why does sleeping with 200 men indicate a “going to the loo” view of sex, while sleeping with 45 women does not? At which magic number does the “loo effect” kick in, what do you think? 60? 100? 157? What if she had sex with 200 men and rejected 300 men who wanted to have sex with her, while you had sex with 45 women and also would totally have sex with an additional 500 if they let you?

Sexual compatibility… Hmm. Somehow you didn’t question your sexual compatibility with her when you were having copious amounts of sex with her. Not even her drinking seemed to bother you back then. But lo and behold, after having learned her “number” you’re suddenly turning into a moral crusader, defender of the only possible correct view of sex, indignantly judging a woman you’ve been sharing your bed and your life with.

You do realize that the way you talk about her (“bounced on 200 guys”, “views sex as going to the loo”) makes you sound like a judgmental, hypocritical jerk?

You know what I think? I think you just can’t handle her previous sex life because you’re insecure. You can’t believe that she could have tried 200 guys and still chosen you. Deep down, you’re convinced that some, if not many, of those guys were better than you - perhaps better lovers, or better men in general. And that insecurity has caused you to lose whatever trust you might have had left. In simple terms, you’re chickening out. And looking for an excuse to get rid of her.

Be a man. Tell her honestly, “You’re great, but I’m too weak and lack confidence and self-esteem, and I love my own fragile ego more than you, which makes me unable to accept your past”. And then break up with her.

I need therapy?

[Gebidozo]

4 hours ago, radicalsmadical said:

I need therapy?

I didn’t say that. I don’t think you need therapy, just try to be more confident and loving.

[Els]

11 hours ago, radicalsmadical said:

And I can find someone I am sexually compatible with and someone who might not view sex as having a cup of tea or going to the loo.

I don't feel any shame for feeling this way.

You're all over the place here.

Yes, of course you're allowed to want a person you're sexually compatible with. And that is the reason why I personally wouldn't want to be with a person with 200 previous sex partners - because it means that we view sex in different ways. For what it's worth, I don't think 45 is all that much different from 200 in that department, and it's unlikely that I'd want to be with a person who has 45 previous sex partners either. And all the blackout drinking at 30+ yo is just... yeesh.

But in other posts you're talking about "how can she possibly commit to you" and "you think she's just using you" and completely unrelated generalizations. The number of people a person has had sex with has ZERO bearing on their ability to commit or their genuineness with you. If you think that (more sex partners == less ability to commit), then what does having 45 partners say about your ability to do so?

At any rate, I think it's quite obvious that you need to leave. And maybe do a bit of introspection here.

Edited July 25 by Els

[Mrin]

7 hours ago, Els said:

The number of people a person has had sex with has ZERO bearing on their ability to commit or their genuineness with you. If you think that (more sex partners == less ability to commit), then what does having 45 partners say about your ability to do so?

Right? There is a hypocrisy here that is really gross. OP: by any measure, I am a male slut and have an extremely cavalier attitude about sex. All that being said, when I was your age my body count was in the high 20's - maybe low 30's. You're at 45. Dude, that's some serious horndoggin'. Hell, now that I think about it, probably the only reason you're not in the 150-200 range is that it is WAY harder for a guy to get casual sex than it is for a woman. Honestly, your story is a clear case of the pot calling the kettle black. And your high and mighty attitude about it is so off-putting. "Bouncing on guys".... "Treating sex like drinking a cup of tea".... Criminity dude - You have a body count at 45 at the age of 34. You treat sex like drinking a cup of tea... It's just that your tea is more expensive and harder to get. You need to do some real soul searching.

Edited July 26 by Mrin

[Mrin]

15 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Be a man. Tell her honestly, “You’re great, but I’m too weak and lack confidence and self-esteem, and I love my own fragile ego more than you, which makes me unable to accept your past”. And then break up with her.

I just read your post. Lol. Obviously I couldn't agree more. And this above is exactly spot-on

Edited July 26 by Mrin

[Atwood]

You don't seem to like or admire her very much. It reads as though you didn't like her initially and can settle for her now she's "calmed down". 

I think you both deserve more than a relationship that can be boiled down to "well they're better than they used to be". You appear worried she's using you, but I haven't read much to indicate you're in love with her. 

Not to mention I agree with other posters that you are judging her for behaviour that you yourself have engaged in. The numbers don't really matter at this point, you're both promiscous people (nothing wrong with this by the way) so it's probably worth considering if this is actually the issue or if there's something in your mind trying to come up with justifications for why you're not committed to her.