No matches

[Pete_86]

Hi everyone,

I’ve been using Tinder for a whole year now, both as a paying member and without, and I’ve tried different pictures and texts. I swipe a lot, but still get almost no matches. It puzzles me. Right now I have 40 likes from different women. Compared to that my last date (from the real world) showed me her app and she has around 10.000 likes from guys.

A bit about me:

    •    I’m 37 years old.
    •    I have a 3-year-old daughter.
    •    People rate my looks as above average.

I’ve tried changing my pictures multiple times and experimented with different profile texts. I also swipe often and am active on the app.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Could there be an issue with the app, or is there something I can change to get better results? Any advice or shared experiences would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks in advance!

[basil67]

From what I understand, a lot of men take a scattergun approach, 'liking' the profile of any woman who's half decent.  Whereas women tend to be more thoughtful about who they 'like'.  Given the difference in method between men and women, you'd be better off comparing with other men.

What's your experience so far?  Have you gotten any matches with women who were worth asking on a date?

[Pete_86]

36 minutes ago, basil67 said:

From what I understand, a lot of men take a scattergun approach, 'liking' the profile of any woman who's half decent.  Whereas women tend to be more thoughtful about who they 'like'.  Given the difference in method between men and women, you'd be better off comparing with other men.

What's your experience so far?  Have you gotten any matches with women who were worth asking on a date?

Thanks for your reply, Basil! 
I believe that you’re right about the approach, so it’s not a fair peer. 
I’ve been on three dates since April last year. One of them I dated for 4 month, the other two weren’t my type - but sweet they were. 
The problem is that next to none likes me - I’ve had several women to look my profile through and they don’t understand it. 
 

But if the app works as it should (which I actually was in doubt about), then I simply must try to change small things. 

[basil67]

13 hours ago, Pete_86 said:

But if the app works as it should (which I actually was in doubt about), then I simply must try to change small things. 

I'm not on OLD, but I hear that taking a paid membership gives much better results

[Ami1uwant]

3 hours ago, basil67 said:

I'm not on OLD, but I hear that taking a paid membership gives much better results

Paid generally doesn’t make it better.  Thry might give you more match controls or filters,

[Ami1uwant]

18 hours ago, Pete_86 said:

Thanks for your reply, Basil! 
I believe that you’re right about the approach, so it’s not a fair peer. 
I’ve been on three dates since April last year. One of them I dated for 4 month, the other two weren’t my type - but sweet they were. 
The problem is that next to none likes me - I’ve had several women to look my profile through and they don’t understand it. 
 

But if the app works as it should (which I actually was in doubt about), then I simply must try to change small things. 

I’ve done online dating for a long time. I’m a guy.

 

tinder tends  to have a rep for hook ups and nothing serious. Other platforms might have better luck like hinge or bumble.

 

do u live in a large metro area? Smaller town?

some May rotate different dating sites like tinder, hinge, bumble and things like ok Cupid, match, Eharmony, plenty of fish, and others

maybe something you say in your profile scares women off.  Maybe your pictures gives an impression you are a certain type that women might noT have interest in.

 

if you talk about being the primary parent for a child this does scare off some women. Some women wants kids of their own but don’t want step kids or they don’t want kids but your child is on the young side so this kid will be in your life 10+ yrs while they might have kids but they are about to graduate high school.

 

 

 

 

Edited July 24 by Ami1uwant

[Trail Blazer]

There's nothing wrong with the app, and everything wrong with how people use it.  Men swipe on (almost) everyone, women are selective and only swipe on who they really want to date.

Studies have shown (Google OkCupid's research into this) that around 80 percent of women swipe on roughly 20 percent of men, whereas it is almost in reverse with men.

Think about what happens when; women almost invariably get a match every time they swipe right, and if not straight away, it will inevitably become a match once the guy swipes up to her profile on the stack.

As men realise after a short period of time that the women they've swiped on don't swipe on them, they swipe on more and more women, opening up their prospective dating pool further and further.

Conversely, women, even the ones who are objectively considered average looking, match with guys who are objectively above average looking.  When this happens, it's said that it results in both sexes re-evaluating their own subjective SMV (Sexual Marketplace Value).

When SMV is artificially distorted, it has a negative effect on both sexes.  Above average looking men can get many dates and can happily bide their time, playing the field while waiting for the right woman.

The women dating these above average looking men, believe that they're dating their equal, yet cannot understand why they keep getting used for sex and, as a result, become more jaded and frustrated, thinking that men are jerks while bemoaning, "where are all the good men at!?"

Guys who are their equal do not get a look-in, and are left with the below-average looking women, and thus, either play the field like "Chad" does while waiting for their (average) equal, or pull out of the race altogether while bemoaning "women are shallow and have unrealistic demands."

To be honest, the majority of people, men and women, have very negative experiences on dating apps.  However, it only takes one person to change that.  It just may take a while, and may require using multiple apps at once to maximize your chances at success.

[mark clemson]

Consider making yourself as good looking as possible, breaking out the social skills and looking for people in real life. That can be in addition to, not instead of, OLD.

Meet ups can be a good place to start as a certain % of those folks tend to be "looking".

[Gaeta]

I have a lot of online dating experience and l stay away from apps that show me only pictures. I want to see pictures yes but l want to see below a full pedegree of this person. I absolutely hated tinder. It's just pictures after pictures with no real profiles. There are way better, more serious dating apps.  Why you think everybody make jokes or laugh at tinder. 

[FredEire]

On 7/23/2024 at 7:02 AM, Pete_86 said:

Hi everyone,

I’ve been using Tinder for a whole year now, both as a paying member and without, and I’ve tried different pictures and texts. I swipe a lot, but still get almost no matches. It puzzles me. Right now I have 40 likes from different women. Compared to that my last date (from the real world) showed me her app and she has around 10.000 likes from guys.

A bit about me:

    •    I’m 37 years old.
    •    I have a 3-year-old daughter.
    •    People rate my looks as above average.

I’ve tried changing my pictures multiple times and experimented with different profile texts. I also swipe often and am active on the app.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Could there be an issue with the app, or is there something I can change to get better results? Any advice or shared experiences would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks in advance!

I wouldn't say it's that unusual from my own perspective. Unless you're a male model you're not going to be getting hundreds of likes because purely looks-wise the top 30% ish of women are going to go for about the top 5% of men because they know almost every right swipe will be a match.

And that's just how it is, as a man on OLD you just have to wait for the odd interesting match to come along and wade through a lot of half-interesting things and lukewarm conversations.

From what I hear on womens' side you could literally go on a date every day if you wanted to but the problem is wading through loads of men who want to immediately get in your pants.

Edited July 25 by FredEire

[smackie9]

Apps are just a tool and not a magic bullet to get dates. The magic is in going out and meeting people socially. 

[FredEire]

On 7/24/2024 at 3:43 PM, Trail Blazer said:

There's nothing wrong with the app, and everything wrong with how people use it.  Men swipe on (almost) everyone, women are selective and only swipe on who they really want to date.

Studies have shown (Google OkCupid's research into this) that around 80 percent of women swipe on roughly 20 percent of men, whereas it is almost in reverse with men.

Think about what happens when; women almost invariably get a match every time they swipe right, and if not straight away, it will inevitably become a match once the guy swipes up to her profile on the stack.

As men realise after a short period of time that the women they've swiped on don't swipe on them, they swipe on more and more women, opening up their prospective dating pool further and further.

Conversely, women, even the ones who are objectively considered average looking, match with guys who are objectively above average looking.  When this happens, it's said that it results in both sexes re-evaluating their own subjective SMV (Sexual Marketplace Value).

When SMV is artificially distorted, it has a negative effect on both sexes.  Above average looking men can get many dates and can happily bide their time, playing the field while waiting for the right woman.

The women dating these above average looking men, believe that they're dating their equal, yet cannot understand why they keep getting used for sex and, as a result, become more jaded and frustrated, thinking that men are jerks while bemoaning, "where are all the good men at!?"

Guys who are their equal do not get a look-in, and are left with the below-average looking women, and thus, either play the field like "Chad" does while waiting for their (average) equal, or pull out of the race altogether while bemoaning "women are shallow and have unrealistic demands."

To be honest, the majority of people, men and women, have very negative experiences on dating apps.  However, it only takes one person to change that.  It just may take a while, and may require using multiple apps at once to maximize your chances at success.

Yes I totally agree, the other effect is that dating has become hugely superficial as by the nature of the app you are dating profiles first and people second (although I agree with your analysis here). So when you're going out and serial dating it becomes much more about looks and sex than a genuine connection, meaning that even when you do meet your "match" that person can be all kinds of messed up, especially as you get older.

Edited July 25 by FredEire

[Pete_86]

17 hours ago, Gaeta said:

I have a lot of online dating experience and l stay away from apps that show me only pictures. I want to see pictures yes but l want to see below a full pedegree of this person. I absolutely hated tinder. It's just pictures after pictures with no real profiles. There are way better, more serious dating apps.  Why you think everybody make jokes or laugh at tinder. 

Which apps is better? 

[OKtoday]

I think a lot of profiles are old cancelled members that the site continues to use so don’t feel bad about not getting a response, etc. It’s discouraging for all live, sincere members.

[FredEire]

Fwiw having used OLD for the last ten years I think it's a cancer on dating and society in general. I'd still use it for example when travelling if you know you're just going to be meeting short term but for anything worthwhile I think it's a disaster.

[Els]

Probably worth taking a look at Tinder demographics: https://prioridata.com/data/tinder-statistics/

Apparently, 75% of Tinder users are male, and 60% are below 35. So just based on that alone, your odds aren't looking good on that platform. Have you considered meeting people in other ways?

[Gaeta]

4 hours ago, Pete_86 said:

Which apps is better? 

I met my boyfriend on FB dating. There is no bs. You like people, if they like you back you can talk. There is no way to know if they read your message, no way to know if they are on line, no way to know last time the were online....none of that bs that gives people anxiety. 

[Trail Blazer]

6 hours ago, FredEire said:

I wouldn't say it's that unusual from my own perspective. Unless you're a male model you're not going to be getting hundreds of likes because purely looks-wise the top 30% ish of women are going to go for about the top 5% of men because they know almost every right swipe will be a match.

And that's just how it is, as a man on OLD you just have to wait for the odd interesting match to come along and wade through a lot of half-interesting things and lukewarm conversations.

From what I hear on womens' side you could literally go on a date every day if you wanted to but the problem is wading through loads of men who want to immediately get in your pants.

The other factor I neglected to mention in my post is how the algorithm works.  When the app is first opened, the stack of profile cards are shown in order of the profile's popularity.

So, not only is the average man competing with the top echelon of men, but he's also not getting any kind of comparable exposure where he may have a quirky personality to show off and otherwise balance the ledger just slightly.

Women will not swipe their daily limit, every day.  Women stop swiping when they become overwhelmed with matches.  As has been pointed out, this happens very quickly for attractive women as practically every right-swipe for them results in a match.

The sad reality for the average man is that it's not as though he's being rejected. The highest likelihood is that his profile is simply unexposed to the vast majority of females.  You can't be rejected if you don't exist.

Edited July 25 by Trail Blazer

[Trail Blazer]

5 hours ago, Pete_86 said:

Which apps is better? 

I used all the apps back when I was dating.  For the bulk of 2018 and 2019, I used Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, Plenty of Fish and Match.

I met my long-term partner on Bumble.  I found Plenty of Fish to be very good for getting dates, Tinder was so-so for me.

There are other apps that exist now which are supposed to be okay.  My partner said the younger women at her work seem to be on Hinge.

[FredEire]

1 hour ago, Trail Blazer said:

The other factor I neglected to mention in my post is how the algorithm works.  When the app is first opened, the stack of profile cards are shown in order of the profile's popularity.

So, not only is the average man competing with the top echelon of men, but he's also not getting any kind of comparable exposure where he may have a quirky personality to show off and otherwise balance the ledger just slightly.

Women will not swipe their daily limit, every day.  Women stop swiping when they become overwhelmed with matches.  As has been pointed out, this happens very quickly for attractive women as practically every right-swipe for them results in a match.

The sad reality for the average man is that it's not as though he's being rejected. The highest likelihood is that his profile is simply unexposed to the vast majority of females.  You can't be rejected if you don't exist.

Interesting, I didn't know that.

So basically Chad who was genetically blessed enough to be getting in the 100s of likes is going to be shown first to the average girl because his profile is going to be outperforming most men.

I'd consider myself a somewhat above-average looking guy so I've done alright on Tinder/Bumble etc but to be honest you're talking about very occasionally you'll match with someone interesting and even then the text chatting has to go well and that's even before you've had the actual date.

There's less and less people meeting IRL these days but it makes so much more sense if you're just the average guy. You simply walk up and shoot your shot and hey if she's not interested then you immediately have your answer. And if she takes a liking to you you've skipped all of the BS and you also get a sense of what she's like face to face straight away.

[Trail Blazer]

6 hours ago, FredEire said:

Interesting, I didn't know that.

So basically Chad who was genetically blessed enough to be getting in the 100s of likes is going to be shown first to the average girl because his profile is going to be outperforming most men.

Pretty much.  Chad will get the lion's share of the matches, and Chad will plough through his never-ending quantity of choices.  The women dating Chad will hope they can tame him (assuming they want a relationship) while Chad will tell them what they want to hear, get what he wants and then move on to his next conquest.

The women matching with Chad think that Chad is their SMV equal.  They continue to match with Chads as the next Chad will have swiped right on them (assuming they're reasonably attractive) when they've gone back to the well for the second, third, fourth time after being used up and discarded.  So on and so forth...

Let's face it, if Chad wanted to be in a relationship, chances are, he would be in one and not on Tinder.  Chad is there for fun, but that fact seems to elude and confuse many women when they keep matching with, and getting screwed over by, Chad.

6 hours ago, FredEire said:

I'd consider myself a somewhat above-average looking guy so I've done alright on Tinder/Bumble etc but to be honest you're talking about very occasionally you'll match with someone interesting and even then the text chatting has to go well and that's even before you've had the actual date.

I would, too, and yeah, I didn't find dating apps too laborious, either.  Many dates, a few flings, a couple of relationships, and FWB for a few months, and now a long-term relationship to a beautiful woman I met on Bumble in 2019.

You are right, though, because getting a match is one thing but getting a compatible match is quite another.  So many women just seemed vapid, jaded, lazy, entitled, disengaged or, in one particular case, very damaged.

[basil67]

7 hours ago, FredEire said:

So basically Chad who was genetically blessed enough to be getting in the 100s of likes is going to be shown first to the average girl because his profile is going to be outperforming most men.

For what it's worth, I'm sure I'm not the only woman who's never been into Chads.   Don't give up  

[basil67]

21 minutes ago, Trail Blazer said:

The women matching with Chad think that Chad is their SMV equal.  They continue to match with Chads as the next Chad will have swiped right on them (assuming they're reasonably attractive) when they've gone back to the well for the second, third, fourth time after being used up and discarded.  So on and so forth...

Back when I was young, I avoided guys who would (these days) be called a Chad.  My gut instinct always made me feel that there was something untrustworthy about them.   Perhaps this is what I was picking up on. 

[FredEire]

6 hours ago, basil67 said:

For what it's worth, I'm sure I'm not the only woman who's never been into Chads.   Don't give up  

Haha I'm not worried about that. I'm probably more "Chad" than the majority of guys and have done alright on apps like Tinder in the sense that it's gotten me plenty of hookups but it's a good illustration of why apps like Tinder aren't much good for the vast majority of men.

In addition even Chad when he's passed his 20s and has dated a lot of women and had his fair share of flings is going to eventually feel emotionally empty and heavily question his lifestyle. It's happened to me and it's happened even moreso to guys I know who have body counts in the triple digits.

Basically what I'm saying is that when it comes to dating apps many times even when you "win" you lose. It pushes people to become either frustrated and sexless or oversexed, flaky and cynical. I think traditional face-to-face dating is a far more emotionally healthy way of doing things.

[FredEire]

7 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

Pretty much.  Chad will get the lion's share of the matches, and Chad will plough through his never-ending quantity of choices.  The women dating Chad will hope they can tame him (assuming they want a relationship) while Chad will tell them what they want to hear, get what he wants and then move on to his next conquest.

The women matching with Chad think that Chad is their SMV equal.  They continue to match with Chads as the next Chad will have swiped right on them (assuming they're reasonably attractive) when they've gone back to the well for the second, third, fourth time after being used up and discarded.  So on and so forth...

Let's face it, if Chad wanted to be in a relationship, chances are, he would be in one and not on Tinder.  Chad is there for fun, but that fact seems to elude and confuse many women when they keep matching with, and getting screwed over by, Chad.

I would, too, and yeah, I didn't find dating apps too laborious, either.  Many dates, a few flings, a couple of relationships, and FWB for a few months, and now a long-term relationship to a beautiful woman I met on Bumble in 2019.

You are right, though, because getting a match is one thing but getting a compatible match is quite another.  So many women just seemed vapid, jaded, lazy, entitled, disengaged or, in one particular case, very damaged.

Indeed, maybe the only way to really manage it is to stay heavily focused on your goals and ambitions and regard it as a very secondary thing in your life, which requires a lot of emotional control.

I know a lot of guys with booze and coke addictions and Tinder/Bumble etc. is a handy way to feed their additional sex addiction. I'm 31 in a month and needless to say most of these guys in my friend group are starting to seem more noticeably burnt out and not all that happy.

I was never as extreme as some of the guys I used to hang around with but I'd definitely say I've felt the effects of it and despite having my share of what were fun sexual encounters at the time, if I could turn back time I probably wouldn't use these apps or at least use them a lot more sparingly.

Edited July 26 by FredEire