No matches

[Trail Blazer]

On 8/8/2024 at 10:47 PM, Herkamer said:

All this. Personally, I'm not big on dating apps/sites (I prefer the classic way of just meeting them in person), but if it works for some people, more power to them. But, yeah, Tinder just seems like a 'meh' app. Not so much for Tinder itself but, as you said, the people on it.

I tried dating apps before, and Tinder was one of them. When it came to looks, I never tried going after the hottest women because I know I'm just an average looking man. Not that I'm not attracted to really good looking women, but I knew I'd be spinning my wheels on them. Average looking isn't a bad thing, though, because that's most people, and can still look good. A lot of times with the people who are of great looks, they have some of the worst attitudes and just can be tough to deal with. A lot of times, they can be insecure, self absorbed, and self righteous. Someone who's deemed average tend to be more chill and understanding. Not that it's impossible to be with a really good looking person. Just the chances are not as high.

Whenever I sent a message out to these women I would see as good fits on these dating sites/apps, I never hear back from them. Whenever I did get a message, it was always from a type of person that I didn't find particularly desirable. On Tinder, I just simply got nothing. Then when you a little while back mentioned about the research done on that (women only selecting 20% of men on Tinder while the others were left out to dry), the same could actually be applied anywhere. I can't remember the research organization's name, but they did similar research with women, and found that they find 10-20% of men attractive while 80-90% were deemed ugly (I can't remember the exact numbers, sorry). I couldn't say how accurate the research actually was, but given that the number of singles has gone up over the years and people, nowadays, are only getting together for hookups, no meaningful long lasting relationships, I don't think it's entirely wrong either.

Not everything is about looks, either. You're right on how people's character plays a role as well. Again, looks aren't the most important but they most definitely help, however, regardless on how physical attractiveness, if the person is just someone who isn't very joyful while arrogant, or not very intelligent but acts like they know everything, that should be highly considered as well. So even though if someone may be considered average looking, people could be passing up an amazing human being. As a guy hearing women say "where are all the good men", it's like a dog whistle because there are a ton of good men out there. It's just those women don't want them because X, Y, Z reasons, even though they KNOW they're good people and would treat them right.

Same with men. Seeing dudes constantly simp on good looking women, it's pretty discouraging to see. It's cringe to watch a guy in his mid 50s at the bar hitting on the early/mid 20s female bartender/waitress. Sure, these female workers are nice to them, maybe even striking up a conversation, but you can tell they are not into these men. There's nothing wrong with being confident, as men should be, but I ask myself after seeing these guys if it's really confidence or is it something else, like fear of not being seen as desirable. Whenever I try to talk to one of these guys, they typically ignore me or blow me off. And it's like they get irritated whenever a female bartender they like talks with me and they feel the need to try and interrupt or hijack the conversation to make it about themselves, even though I have no interest in the woman. This happens at a lot of places too, and they always end up empty handed.

It's kind of sad that average people aren't sought after. I won't get bias here (even though I do have strong opinions as to what's causing all this), but I will say that people today have their standards and preferences too high, like almost unrealistically above and beyond. I personally look at it this way (and I understand this isn't everyone):

When it comes to looks, so long as they take care of their bodies, keeping their weight down, toning their body, good hygiene, and dresses well, I'm good with that. Not asking for a supermodel with a female professional athletes body, but someone who is being mindful of what they put into their body and keeping it healthy by eating right, bathing and smelling good, and not dressing promiscuously. It sounds silly, but it helps. Gives me something to be drawn to.

When it comes to what they do, so long as they're working and supporting themselves, I could care less about their occupation and their career. I don't really care about their income either, but, again, so long as they can support themselves. And having fun physical hobby(s) helps too.

When it comes to their personality, be nice and respectable. I will do the same , even if she's not. It's just the right thing to do. Mistakes can be pointed out, but micromanaging and getting mad over minor mishaps is not a sign that someone's incompetent. Being a good person is the most important, but to help enhance that, taking care of your body and able to finance yourself to do more things will do that. You can still be a good person if you don't have either, but it'll simply make you more joyful,

There's more to it, but just as an overall look, having these things, imo, are important. I personally have had no success with dating organizations, so I can't speak on that, but meeting women out in public and them being interested (and I in them) helps because you're not in front of some still screen. Anyway, I thought it was interesting you brought this up because these are things that I have been thinking. I had a friend try to hook me up with one of her friends, and, yeah, I was not into the female friend of hers on hardly anything. And it seems like that many of us single men who have really worked on ourselves aren't left with much. I lost well over 100 pounds, increased my income, spent more time with family and friends (and made new friends), I ballroom dance (which I thoroughly love and has kept me fit), and I have an overall better outlook on life. Even then, it's like women can get together with someone a lot easier with men they're not interested in, than what guys, like me, can with someone that we're interested in.

It's good that you can go out and meet people.  I don't live in my city of birth, and the friends I've made where I live, are all ex-work friends and not ones who I would socialize with at a bar or the like.

My buddies back home, well, most of them now have young kids and it's hard to find a time when they're not otherwise engaged.  I never found meeting people in person all that great.  I wasn't much of a clubber even when young.

Thankfully I don't have this issue as I'm happily in a relationship.  Dating apps worked wonderfully for me as, after my divorce, I was hardly going to go to a local bar and sit there drinking, hoping miss amazing was going to walk in.

I don't know what dating apps are like in the post-Covid world - I can't imagine they've changed too much - but back when I used them, they performed their function and enabled me to meet matches.

All the best in your search.  I'm pretty confident that I won't ever have to use a dating app again, and that is certainly not a bad thing at all. 

They worked for me, but they're extremely flawed just the same, and their for-profit nature doesn't bode well for people matching - it is designed to keep people swiping, hoping, and filling them with empty promises.

[guest976]

21 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

I don't know what dating apps are like in the post-Covid world - I can't imagine they've changed too much

They have.

[FredEire]

6 minutes ago, guest976 said:

They have.

COVID lockdowns have affected people badly in my opinion, not just in dating but in every area of social interaction.

[guest976]

3 minutes ago, FredEire said:

COVID lockdowns have affected people badly in my opinion, not just in dating but in every area of social interaction.

Sadly true.

[Under_The_Bridge]

 

On 7/23/2024 at 2:02 AM, Pete_86 said:

Hi everyone,

I’ve been using Tinder for a whole year now, both as a paying member and without, and I’ve tried different pictures and texts. I swipe a lot, but still get almost no matches. It puzzles me. Right now I have 40 likes from different women. Compared to that my last date (from the real world) showed me her app and she has around 10.000 likes from guys.

A bit about me:

    •    I’m 37 years old.
    •    I have a 3-year-old daughter.
    •    People rate my looks as above average.

I’ve tried changing my pictures multiple times and experimented with different profile texts. I also swipe often and am active on the app.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Could there be an issue with the app, or is there something I can change to get better results? Any advice or shared experiences would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks in advance!

Hey Pete, I used OLD, and from my experience it's NOT about the inherit value a man has INSIDE himself, it's about the VISUAL value a man has. Either it be height, "shoe size", muscles, and maybe pictures too, but I know someone who's super built and he gets more likes than he can handle, and his pictures aren't that great, but he's got one good gym pic that looks p.r.e.t.t.y intense. So.

hahah it's funny actually, to test my theory above, I messaged a girl and told her "hey I got a friend that's a body builder", she ACTUALLY reached out and asked about him LOL. So, I think VISUAL value is ALL that's mattered about with OLD. I can't speak for real life because I do NOT go IRL to find a gf, because I am paralyzingly shy. But people IRL love me when I do get to be around people for long periods of time, like at work, so idk why I have any issues . I gave up at this point, I swipe but not as much as before, it's like 100x the rejection feeling per swipe now I feel like.

Let me add a NOTE: here. That, women are liked also for their visual value, therefore men probably are the SAME way. So ABOVE is not to be taken as if I'm trying to say men SHOULD be valued for their inherit value, my complaint to online dating is that we made society easy for weaker men to succeed and win, thus it makes me think it would be nice if a less than appealing man would be just as valuable, but it appears that the VISUAL appeal of a man still reigns top priority in dating. So what I'm trying to say is, the same way you want the most attractive female, is the same way they want a man I think. Which is fair, they know what a strong man is, and we know what a good female is.

Only problem is, I think being a man, we have to put effort, whereas a female does not have to, they are inherently at their prime. A man has to build that prime image. That's where I fail, because I don't feel like building my image because I don't think it's fair they don't have to. I already am perfect the way I am, and people absolutely love me for who I am. So you could say my only red flag is: lack of muscles. That's about it. Nothing else.

If someone agrees or disagrees with me here, let me know! Because this is an issue I have too, and I think I've nailed down the issue to visual appeal on a man = little to no likes. And then inherit value of the man = not applicable to the equation.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Under_The_Bridge said:

Hey Pete, I used OLD, and from my experience it's NOT about the inherit value a man has INSIDE himself, it's about the VISUAL value a man has. Either it be height, "shoe size", muscles, and maybe pictures too, but I know someone who's super built and he gets more likes than he can handle, and his pictures aren't that great, but he's got one good gym pic that looks p.r.e.t.t.y intense. So.

I'm an older woman, with a mid 20's daughter, and have been surrounded by her friends as well.  And am happy to let you know that I disagree with pretty much all that you've written.  

Yes, it's true that the beautiful women and men get more likes than those who aren't, but that doesn't mean the ones who aren't beautiful get left out in the cold.   And it's true that there are and always will be 'leagues'.   If you're not the hottest guy/girl around, don't go punching above your weight and you'll find someone.

Quote

hahah it's funny actually, to test my theory above, I messaged a girl and told her "hey I got a friend that's a body builder", she ACTUALLY reached out and asked about him LOL. So, I think VISUAL value is ALL that's mattered about with OLD. I can't speak for real life because I do NOT go IRL to find a gf, because I am paralyzingly shy. But people IRL love me when I do get to be around people for long periods of time, like at work, so idk why I have any issues . I gave up at this point, I swipe but not as much as before, it's like 100x the rejection feeling per swipe now I feel like.

Re the bolded, if you want solid data, you need to be able to replicate it repeatedly.  One woman who acts as you expects is just one woman.  Another woman may think he looks like a meathead.   Personally, I don't like the idea of a guy who spends his evenings standing in front of a mirror with weights when he could be home with me eating a nice dinner and chilling together for the night.

If everyone at work likes you, I would imagine that your shyness is what holds you back IRL.  What about when you go to an event where there are friends and strangers?  Can you strike up a conversation with a woman while you're both at the food or drinks table and have the host/event in common?  

Quote

Let me add a NOTE: here. That, women are liked also for their visual value, therefore men probably are the SAME way. So ABOVE is not to be taken as if I'm trying to say men SHOULD be valued for their inherit value, my complaint to online dating is that we made society easy for weaker men to succeed and win, thus it makes me think it would be nice if a less than appealing man would be just as valuable, but it appears that the VISUAL appeal of a man still reigns top priority in dating. So what I'm trying to say is, the same way you want the most attractive female, is the same way they want a man I think. Which is fair, they know what a strong man is, and we know what a good female is.

Do you know what I find appealing about a man?  A genuine smile, which goes all the way to his eyes with a good haircut and nicely dressed.  Basically, to be well presented and look friendly.

For what it's worth, my daughter nearly swiped left on her partner because his looks didn't immediately grab her and she's almost two inches taller than him, but he came in straight away with an intelligent question about her job.  To be clear, her job is not a common one, but the description is in the name (Eg Nurse/Accountant/Computer Programmer).  Previous guys would ask what her job is (I have no idea why they didn't first Google it so that they don't look like idiots) but this guy is intelligent and they've not stopped talking since.   So being able to hold up your end of the conversation and intelligence is as important as anything.  Daughter would actually unmatch with men who had poor grammar and spelling no matter how hot they were.  Nothing would turn her off faster than "your so pretty"  

Quote

Only problem is, I think being a man, we have to put effort, whereas a female does not have to, they are inherently at their prime. A man has to build that prime image. That's where I fail, because I don't feel like building my image because I don't think it's fair they don't have to. I already am perfect the way I am, and people absolutely love me for who I am. So you could say my only red flag is: lack of muscles. That's about it. Nothing else.

You are so wrong about women not putting in effort.  Very few women are naturally beautiful.  Women who make an effort to look good spend a fortune on hair and makeup and clothes.  Some spend 30 mins or more making themselves look great before they leave the house!  They watch what they eat and exercise.  Even the woman who's face looks natural is probably wearing subtle makeup.   And then shall we discuss all the implants and fillers which so many women are doing?   The body mods going on are just crazy! 

Lack of muscles in a man is not a red flag.  To be clear, a "red flag" refers to a warning that there's something about this guy's personality which is not good.  Perhaps scary or controlling or chronically unemployed    

Quote

If someone agrees or disagrees with me here, let me know! Because this is an issue I have too, and I think I've nailed down the issue to visual appeal on a man = little to no likes. And then inherit value of the man = not applicable to the equation.

What worries me most about the view of looks being everything for a man (and I'm sure many share it) is how it's affecting young men and contributing to body dysmorphia in men.  It used to be just women that this happened to, but young men are sadly catching up.

My advice is to look around at your peers.  You will see that there are men who aren't objectively muscled and beautiful who are in great relationships.   So stop looking around with confirmation bias and instead, look with an open mind.  So many average looking couples are walking around the mall together, perfectly happy.

Edited August 14 by basil67
typo

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, Under_The_Bridge said:

If someone agrees or disagrees with me here, let me know!

The weirdness of OLD is not really a matter of agreeing or disagreeing. I believe you aren’t making this up and those are your real experiences. It’s just that my real-life experiences are very different.

I’ve never been to the gym in my life. I’ve always had women around me in real life who liked me and whom I liked. I absolutely don’t care how men with bigger muscles than me are doing in dating. I’m puzzled to see so many posts on the internet that basically boil down to “some guys that look better than me get more girls”. This is some weird quasi-incel thinking that needs to be nipped in the bud.

I never used OLD and I find it hard to imagine why anyone would care for amounts of “likes” and “swipes” or whatever they call it. If OLD really provokes and cultivates such incredibly shallow approach to romance and love as you describe, then stay away from it. If those men and women really choose partners based primarily on their visuals, why would anyone with dignity and self-respect would want to date them?

That said, there is something in your post that I personally find off-putting, and perhaps some women would agree with me. You seem to be concerned about “fairness”, and I detect hints of envy towards men who are more successful than you in dating. There is no fairness in love and we shouldn’t worry about fairness, we should worry about only one thing, whether we have the capacity to love and offer something valuable to a potential partner. Envy, even a weak form, is one of the most unattractive human traits. 

And, of course, seriously thinking that you’re perfect the way you are is a sign of pride, which, again, is a trait that every normal human being finds repulsive.

 

[Gebidozo]

20 minutes ago, basil67 said:

And it's true that there are and always will be 'leagues'.   If you're not the hottest guy/girl around, don't go punching above your weight and you'll find someone.

I’d like to add to this that those “leagues” aren’t the same as in sports, where the teams in a higher league are factually, objectively stronger. The “muscle men” aren’t better than the “nerds” or whoever else is “playing in another league”. They aren’t “getting all the best girls”, it’s an illusion and an incel-ish way of thinking. They are “getting” their girls, while nerds are getting theirs. Their league isn’t higher, it’s just different.

And anyone truly “playing in his own league” will actually always think that his own league is better than others. I wouldn’t want to date the women that the “muscle men” are dating. They aren’t my type, I’m not theirs. Why on earth should I care how many of them can a “muscle man” date? If every “muscle man” in the world is attracting and dating 10 times more of “his” women than I, why should that bother me? I’m attracting women that wouldn’t be attracted to the “muscle men”, and I find these women much more attractive than “theirs”.

So anyone who feels humiliated and outraged when learning the concept of “leagues” should try to understand that it’s just a sports metaphor and not a literal division of human beings into “better” and “worse”.

Edited August 14 by Gebidozo

[Under_The_Bridge]

11 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

The weirdness of OLD is not really a matter of agreeing or disagreeing. I believe you aren’t making this up and those are your real experiences. It’s just that my real-life experiences are very different.

I’ve never been to the gym in my life. I’ve always had women around me in real life who liked me and whom I liked. I absolutely don’t care how men with bigger muscles than me are doing in dating. I’m puzzled to see so many posts on the internet that basically boil down to “some guys that look better than me get more girls”. This is some weird quasi-incel thinking that needs to be nipped in the bud.

I never used OLD and I find it hard to imagine why anyone would care for amounts of “likes” and “swipes” or whatever they call it. If OLD really provokes and cultivates such incredibly shallow approach to romance and love as you describe, then stay away from it. If those men and women really choose partners based primarily on their visuals, why would anyone with dignity and self-respect would want to date them?

That said, there is something in your post that I personally find off-putting, and perhaps some women would agree with me. You seem to be concerned about “fairness”, and I detect hints of envy towards men who are more successful than you in dating. There is no fairness in love and we shouldn’t worry about fairness, we should worry about only one thing, whether we have the capacity to love and offer something valuable to a potential partner. Envy, even a weak form, is one of the most unattractive human traits. 

And, of course, seriously thinking that you’re perfect the way you are is a sign of pride, which, again, is a trait that every normal human being finds repulsive.

 

Nono I'm not talking about IRL I was strictly talking about OLD, sorry! This was strictly my perspective from an OLD perspective. I know IRL is veryy different.

Also the fact that I think I'm perfect the way I am, is the old saying "accept yourself for who you are", instead of trying to change yourself is what I meant lol. I was just saying I like being who I am because I know I am very well liked for being who I am IRL. Like I feel comfortable who I am, if that makes sense? I just have some problems making a connection for dating IRL. Idk what happened to me as a child but something must've happened that makes me paralyzed to find someone IRL.

It's not that I envy per say it's more like uhhh, imagine you show up to a drag race in a pryus racing against a 1000hp Toyota supra. You can't change the pryus without modifying it, so it feels like OLD is geared towards very high value people matching with high value people. I was commenting off observation! I also suck at English and explaining myself so sorry if my message came off weird.

But thank you for your reply it's nice to see others perspectives!

[Under_The_Bridge]

5 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

I’d like to add to this that those “leagues” aren’t the same as in sports, where the teams in a higher league are factually, objectively stronger. The “muscle men” who aren’t better than the “nerds” or whoever else is “playing in another league”. They aren’t “getting all the best girls”, it’s an illusion and an incel-ish way of thinking. They are “getting” their girls, while nerds are getting theirs. Their league isn’t higher, it’s just different.

And anyone truly “playing in his own league” will actually always think that his own league is better than theirs. I wouldn’t want to date the women that the “muscle men” are dating. They aren’t my type, I’m not theirs. Why on earth should I care how many of them can a “muscle man” date? If every “muscle man” in the world is attracting and dating 10 times more of “his” women than I, why should that bother me? I’m attracting women that wouldn’t be attracted to the “muscle men”, and I find these women much more attractive than “theirs”.

So anyone who feels humiliated and outraged when learning the concept of “leagues” should try to understand that it’s just a sports metaphor and not a literal division of human beings into “better” and “worse”.

Well this is a very good point you made as well, I'm glad you brought it up! That's true there are leagues in the sense you described, and I think that does sound like a big deal. Maybe the issue is with OLD is just that the leagues don't have enough people then? So the matches are far in between? Would you agree here? Maybe then there aren't enough people using the dating platform in each "league' then? Hmmm

Edited August 14 by Under_The_Bridge
changes to Grammar

[Gebidozo]

20 minutes ago, Under_The_Bridge said:

Nono I'm not talking about IRL I was strictly talking about OLD, sorry! This was strictly my perspective from an OLD perspective. I know IRL is veryy different.

Also the fact that I think I'm perfect the way I am, is the old saying "accept yourself for who you are", instead of trying to change yourself is what I meant lol. I was just saying I like being who I am because I know I am very well liked for being who I am IRL. Like I feel comfortable who I am, if that makes sense? I just have some problems making a connection for dating IRL. Idk what happened to me as a child but something must've happened that makes me paralyzed to find someone IRL.

It's not that I envy per say it's more like uhhh, imagine you show up to a drag race in a pryus racing against a 1000hp Toyota supra. You can't change the pryus without modifying it, so it feels like OLD is geared towards very high value people matching with high value people. I was commenting off observation! I also suck at English and explaining myself so sorry if my message came off weird.

But thank you for your reply it's nice to see others perspectives!

Then it’s all good, just please don’t compare people to cars😀 If OLD really cultivates that kind of poisonous thinking, just drop it! Start talking to women in real life. You aren’t really paralyzed, it’s an illusion, it’s just your fear talking.

You’re absolutely right that if you’re comfortable with who you are and people like you the way you are, you shouldn’t change just to accommodate the tastes of some shallow people who have nothing to do with you. 

Put yourself out there, be brave and vulnerable. Keep looking for your women, for women who like the traits that you have, and you’re guaranteed to find someone fitting.

Edited August 14 by Gebidozo

[basil67]

11 minutes ago, Under_The_Bridge said:

Well this is a very good point you made as well, I'm glad you brought it up! That's true there are leagues in the sense you described, and I think that does sound like a big deal. Maybe the issue is with OLD is just that the leagues don't have enough people then? So the matches are far in between? Would you agree here? Maybe then there aren't enough people using the dating platform in each "league' then? Hmmm

Reading this, I think you're doing it wrong.  

How would you describe a woman you'd swipe right on?    How would you describe a woman you'd swipe left on?

How would you describe yourself?

[Gebidozo]

15 minutes ago, Under_The_Bridge said:

Well this is a very good point you made as well, I'm glad you brought it up! That's true there are leagues in the sense you described, and I think that does sound like a big deal. Maybe the issue is with OLD is just that the leagues don't have enough people then? So the matches are far in between? Would you agree here? Maybe just less people of the other leagues that don't get enough dates then? Hmmm

I’d say that OLD is just designed in such a way that people outside of the “Shallow Visual League” (which is probably the largest indeed, but why should we care for quantity?) can’t find each other easily there.

Think of it, for the men “playing” in the SVL is enough to put out a silly gym picture so that they will attract women from the same league. The shallow visual stuff is perfectly suited for the internet. Other, deeper stuff isn’t, you have to actually meet a person, have a conversation in order to decide whether you’re attracted or not.

[FredEire]

7 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

I’d like to add to this that those “leagues” aren’t the same as in sports, where the teams in a higher league are factually, objectively stronger. The “muscle men” aren’t better than the “nerds” or whoever else is “playing in another league”. They aren’t “getting all the best girls”, it’s an illusion and an incel-ish way of thinking. They are “getting” their girls, while nerds are getting theirs. Their league isn’t higher, it’s just different.

And anyone truly “playing in his own league” will actually always think that his own league is better than others. I wouldn’t want to date the women that the “muscle men” are dating. They aren’t my type, I’m not theirs. Why on earth should I care how many of them can a “muscle man” date? If every “muscle man” in the world is attracting and dating 10 times more of “his” women than I, why should that bother me? I’m attracting women that wouldn’t be attracted to the “muscle men”, and I find these women much more attractive than “theirs”.

So anyone who feels humiliated and outraged when learning the concept of “leagues” should try to understand that it’s just a sports metaphor and not a literal division of human beings into “better” and “worse”.

I agree with this part. I don't think it's as simple as that a "6" will only attract other "6"s. I'm a nerd with a different sense of humour and I attract nerdy girls. That's fine with me because there's plenty of pretty nerds out there. I've rarely attracted gym bunnies because although I go to the gym it's not really a big part of my personality and I'm not their type, nor are they mine.

It's fine to be a nerd/geek etc. in your way. What's more difficult is being a dork who doesn't pay any attention to their looks whatsoever and is socially naive. Even if that describes you I think almost everyone in that situation can do things to work on and improve themselves, even in the most difficult cases like people with a social problem i.e. Asperger's they can learn by studying how people interact, it would just be a lot more hard work in those cases.

Edited August 14 by FredEire

[Under_The_Bridge]

8 hours ago, basil67 said:

Reading this, I think you're doing it wrong.  

How would you describe a woman you'd swipe right on?    How would you describe a woman you'd swipe left on?

How would you describe yourself?

Describe myself? lol. I mean when I'm around people I would describe myself as extremely kind, polite, loving, caring, every single green flag pretty much. You can ask my co-workers, they were shocked to hear I'm single, one of my friends thought I was loaded with gf's. I was like nooooooooo no way, impossible I told them, it's impossible. So. Nothing wrong with myself. I just look very small, young, I don't look manly, I'm not taken serious in the dating ring maybe, I'm a small fry, but I am extremely respected in the non dating ring, like I stick out among everyone as a shinning star (but not in a masculine sense****), it's weirddd. I'm not half bad looking, I'm athletic built too, and very self starter attitude, lots of energy, it's a wonderful personality, I don't talk a whole lot though sometimes.

So, I mean, life is so infinite, that it's possible for a very well known, well liked, very personable person loving caring like myself to be JUST that, but not have a gf I guess? I guess that outcome is possible in an infinite universe that we live in.

[FredEire]

23 minutes ago, Under_The_Bridge said:

Describe myself? lol. I mean when I'm around people I would describe myself as extremely kind, polite, loving, caring, every single green flag pretty much. You can ask my co-workers, they were shocked to hear I'm single, one of my friends thought I was loaded with gf's. I was like nooooooooo no way, impossible I told them, it's impossible. So. Nothing wrong with myself. I just look very small, young, I don't look manly, I'm not taken serious in the dating ring maybe, I'm a small fry, but I am extremely respected in the non dating ring, like I stick out among everyone as a shinning star (but not in a masculine sense****), it's weirddd. I'm not half bad looking, I'm athletic built too, and very self starter attitude, lots of energy, it's a wonderful personality, I don't talk a whole lot though sometimes.

So, I mean, life is so infinite, that it's possible for a very well known, well liked, very personable person loving caring like myself to be JUST that, but not have a gf I guess? I guess that outcome is possible in an infinite universe that we live in.

I find people who talk about themselves in such glowing terms often have a lot more to work on than they think. How do you know you're "every green flag" if you're not getting dates.

It sounds like putting it down to not being masculine looking enough is just a handy way to make sense of things when there's probably other stuff going on.

If you're extremely skinny and young looking you can get down to the gym and sort that out in a few months, but Ive met many such guys who do quite well with women.

[Under_The_Bridge]

3 minutes ago, FredEire said:

I find people who talk about themselves in such glowing terms often have a lot more to work on than they think. How do you know you're "every green flag" if you're not getting dates.

It sounds like putting it down to not being masculine looking enough is just a handy way to make sense of things when there's probably other stuff going on.

If you're extremely skinny and young looking you can get down to the gym and sort that out in a few months, but Ive met many such guys who do quite well with women.

I mean in a hunter gather sense yeah I probably have a lot to work on, but in a new age sense where we live in a society where weaker people can survive and do things, I defiantly stick out from the crowd as a very well-rounded person IRL. Very unique too.

Not the most attractive but it works, I'm athletic so have that too.

I do need a gym membership too one day so to speak, I just want to see some of my efforts returned to me. I don't want to see a gf like me just for that, when I have all the with banter and everything that they always post about in their bios on their dating apps.

I do talk to girls right now but on a platonic level... but idk. You know it's not a big deal really these are just observations I'm giving you based off things that I've observed*

Idk why but I just can't make that mental connection to find a gf IRL. It actually feels awkward, so idk. I like older women though I feel comfortable around 35-48 maybe.

[FredEire]

1 hour ago, Under_The_Bridge said:

I mean in a hunter gather sense yeah I probably have a lot to work on, but in a new age sense where we live in a society where weaker people can survive and do things, I defiantly stick out from the crowd as a very well-rounded person IRL. Very unique too.

Not the most attractive but it works, I'm athletic so have that too.

I do need a gym membership too one day so to speak, I just want to see some of my efforts returned to me. I don't want to see a gf like me just for that, when I have all the with banter and everything that they always post about in their bios on their dating apps.

I do talk to girls right now but on a platonic level... but idk. You know it's not a big deal really these are just observations I'm giving you based off things that I've observed*

Idk why but I just can't make that mental connection to find a gf IRL. It actually feels awkward, so idk. I like older women though I feel comfortable around 35-48 maybe.

I think from what you're saying one of your issues is a sense of entitlement. "I want some of my efforts returned to me", I want the universe to provide me a gf because I've paid my dues, it doesn't work like that.

The thing is, effort for what? Improving yourself with the only aim being impressing women is coming from a place of insecurity not strength.

Unfortunately today people view alpha males as guys like Andrew Tate and Fresh n Fit because they have fast cars and big muscles and are good at targeting girls with daddy issues. But the former is the deadbeat Dad of about 15 kids and the latter just had a PR disaster trying to distance himself from an unwanted pregnancy with a high-class escort.

For me the real alphas are the guys who sacrifice themselves tirelessly for their own improvement and the improvement of those around them. Their children if they have them, and also their families, friends and associates. That's someone most women will want in their life. If you're doing everything with the purpose of getting laid a lot of women will smell that a mile a way and if they don't figure it out at first they'll see it eventually.

Edited August 14 by FredEire

[Under_The_Bridge]

12 minutes ago, FredEire said:

I think from what you're saying one of your issues is a sense of entitlement. "I want some of my efforts returned to me", I want the universe to provide me a gf because I've paid my dues, it doesn't work like that.

The thing is, effort for what? Improving yourself with the only aim being impressing women is coming from a place of insecurity not strength.

Unfortunately today people view alpha males as guys like Andrew Tate and Fresh n Fit because they have fast cars and big muscles and are good at targeting girls with daddy issues. But the former is the deadbeat Dad of about 15 kids and the latter just had a PR disaster trying to distance himself from an unwanted pregnancy with a high-class escort.

For me the real alphas are the guys who sacrifice themselves tirelessly for their own improvement and the improvement of those around them. Their children if they have them, and also their families, friends and associates. That's someone most women will want in their life. If you're doing everything with the purpose of getting laid a lot of women will smell that a mile a way and if they don't figure it out at first they'll see it eventually.

Nono I'm going off the fact that I'm comfortable with who I am so it would be nice that I get someone who sees that, because a lot of people ask me why I'm single they can't understand. Sorry I'm really bad at communicating. I'm going off the fact of what people tell me and how they view me basically. I mean I don't get around many women as I could, but it's not really like top top priority either, I spent a lot of time traveling alone for instance just to enjoy the freedom of traveling and stuff, I mean if a gf wants to come one day cool, just overall it would be nice if online dating was easier so I could at least get some experience and some fair chances at being heard for who i am and seen for who I am, my point is that a lot of people are quick to left swipe when you have no idea how far that relationship would go if they gave it a chance. Because technically we never truly know if something will work out. You can't use senses to predict the future. I know of perfect relationships that suddenly turned sour for no reason at all for instance! It would just be nice at my convenience to use my phone to find someone, I mean we use our phone for the convince of everything else in life lol I don't even go to the bank hardly ever. :S

Hopefully this all makes sense.

[FredEire]

1 hour ago, Under_The_Bridge said:

Nono I'm going off the fact that I'm comfortable with who I am so it would be nice that I get someone who sees that, because a lot of people ask me why I'm single they can't understand. Sorry I'm really bad at communicating. I'm going off the fact of what people tell me and how they view me basically. I mean I don't get around many women as I could, but it's not really like top top priority either, I spent a lot of time traveling alone for instance just to enjoy the freedom of traveling and stuff, I mean if a gf wants to come one day cool, just overall it would be nice if online dating was easier so I could at least get some experience and some fair chances at being heard for who i am and seen for who I am, my point is that a lot of people are quick to left swipe when you have no idea how far that relationship would go if they gave it a chance. Because technically we never truly know if something will work out. You can't use senses to predict the future. I know of perfect relationships that suddenly turned sour for no reason at all for instance! It would just be nice at my convenience to use my phone to find someone, I mean we use our phone for the convince of everything else in life lol I don't even go to the bank hardly ever. :S

Hopefully this all makes sense.

Yeah fair enough! OLD is absolutely superficial, after all we're just judging off a picture and a bio neither of which even have to be true.

That's why I think it's better to meet people the old-fashioned way, OLD is slowly making people more confused and insecure than ever. The next big romance is only a swipe away, until you realise they're not your fantasy and they're just a person who farts and looks ugly with their hair all over the place in the morning like everyone else 😂 And then it ends and back to swiping.

I've seen examples of people staying grounded and making it work but it's not a net positive for most people in my opinion.

[justwhoiam]

On 7/23/2024 at 8:02 AM, Pete_86 said:

Hi everyone,

I’ve been using Tinder for a whole year now, both as a paying member and without, and I’ve tried different pictures and texts. I swipe a lot, but still get almost no matches. It puzzles me. Right now I have 40 likes from different women.

    •    I’m 37 years old.
    •    I have a 3-year-old daughter.
    •    People rate my looks as above average.

I’ve tried changing my pictures multiple times and experimented with different profile texts. I also swipe often and am active on the app.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Could there be an issue with the app, or is there something I can change to get better results? Any advice or shared experiences would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks in advance!

Hi Pete,

I should see your pictures and profile to comment on what might be keeping women away. But here are a few observations:

- Some have already mentioned that Tinder might not be the best dating app. As far as I know, that app is mainly for hookups and quick encounters. So, what is your goal? If you’re looking for a steady partner, then Tinder may give off different vibes to the women on there. eHarmony and Match.com are good for long-term relationships, and I’d say Bumble might be the best for just dating rather than hooking up.

- You started dating online when your daughter was only 2; that could be a bit of a red flag for many women. I don’t know anything about you, but if that’s on your profile or if you’re letting the other person know about it in the very first message exchanges, it could lead to them moving on to different profiles very quickly.

- For comments on your profile and pics, I’d need screenshots. Feel free to send me temporary pictures through imgbb.com links in a private chat. You can then decide whether I should reply privately or here with my comments.

On 7/23/2024 at 9:49 AM, Pete_86 said:

I’ve been on three dates since April last year. One of them I dated for 4 month, the other two weren’t my type - but sweet they were. 
The problem is that next to none likes me - I’ve had several women to look my profile through and they don’t understand it.

Three dates in 15 months doesn’t seem worth paying for. But why did you go out with women you already knew weren’t your type? Or did you find that out after going out with them? That would mean a 4-month relationship and two first dates. Who are these women analyzing your profile? How old are they? How are you related to them? Where are they from? Some women will be okay with men who are decent enough, while others need to feel a sexual attraction to the guy they’re looking at, or they already know there probably won’t be any chemistry in real life. A downside of dating apps (especially Tinder) is that some women have been in the game long enough to refine their criteria, which can be a bit odd, leading them to quickly eliminate men. A friend of mine was turned off by a guy she was getting to know when he messaged her the next day with "Hi" and then "How's it going?" That killed the potential for conversation, and she stopped writing. Crazy, right?

On 7/24/2024 at 4:43 PM, Trail Blazer said:

it's said that it results in both sexes re-evaluating their own subjective SMV (Sexual Marketplace Value).

When SMV is artificially distorted, it has a negative effect on both sexes.  Above average looking men can get many dates and can happily bide their time, playing the field while waiting for the right woman.

The women dating these above average looking men, believe that they're dating their equal, yet cannot understand why they keep getting used for sex and, as a result, become more jaded and frustrated, thinking that men are jerks while bemoaning, "where are all the good men at!?"

Guys who are their equal do not get a look-in, and are left with the below-average looking women, and thus, either play the field like "Chad" does while waiting for their (average) equal, or pull out of the race altogether while bemoaning "women are shallow and have unrealistic demands."

This is funny. Pete, try this website: https://www.smv.world to find your SMV, then let us know!

@Trail Blazer There are women who aren't into men who'd be traditionally considered handsome and can't stand vain guys. I'm one of them 🙂

[Trail Blazer]

On 8/13/2024 at 7:39 PM, guest976 said:

They have.

How?

[Trail Blazer]

8 hours ago, justwhoiam said:

Hi Pete,

I should see your pictures and profile to comment on what might be keeping women away. But here are a few observations:

- Some have already mentioned that Tinder might not be the best dating app. As far as I know, that app is mainly for hookups and quick encounters. So, what is your goal? If you’re looking for a steady partner, then Tinder may give off different vibes to the women on there. eHarmony and Match.com are good for long-term relationships, and I’d say Bumble might be the best for just dating rather than hooking up.

- You started dating online when your daughter was only 2; that could be a bit of a red flag for many women. I don’t know anything about you, but if that’s on your profile or if you’re letting the other person know about it in the very first message exchanges, it could lead to them moving on to different profiles very quickly.

- For comments on your profile and pics, I’d need screenshots. Feel free to send me temporary pictures through imgbb.com links in a private chat. You can then decide whether I should reply privately or here with my comments.

Three dates in 15 months doesn’t seem worth paying for. But why did you go out with women you already knew weren’t your type? Or did you find that out after going out with them? That would mean a 4-month relationship and two first dates. Who are these women analyzing your profile? How old are they? How are you related to them? Where are they from? Some women will be okay with men who are decent enough, while others need to feel a sexual attraction to the guy they’re looking at, or they already know there probably won’t be any chemistry in real life. A downside of dating apps (especially Tinder) is that some women have been in the game long enough to refine their criteria, which can be a bit odd, leading them to quickly eliminate men. A friend of mine was turned off by a guy she was getting to know when he messaged her the next day with "Hi" and then "How's it going?" That killed the potential for conversation, and she stopped writing. Crazy, right?

This is funny. Pete, try this website: https://www.smv.world to find your SMV, then let us know!

@Trail Blazer There are women who aren't into men who'd be traditionally considered handsome and can't stand vain guys. I'm one of them 🙂

Undoubtedly so.  Just like there are men who are into really, really thicc [sic] women.  There are outliers in every facet of life.

Having said that, I'm not sure that many women actually like vain guys.  It's more a trait that often comes with being handsome, which many women do like.

[Gebidozo]

5 hours ago, Trail Blazer said:

Undoubtedly so.  Just like there are men who are into really, really thicc [sic] women.  There are outliers in every facet of life.

Having said that, I'm not sure that many women actually like vain guys.  It's more a trait that often comes with being handsome, which many women do like.

I wonder what being “handsome” even means. All my life, I’ve been with women who told me being handsome doesn’t matter. I never considered myself handsome yet I’ve always had success with women. I’ve seen some of my friends, definitely none of them looking like models, conquering the hearts of many women. 

I’m just curious how those “handsome” guys look like and what kind of women fall for them.

Is that you on your profile photo? Are you considered handsome? Do you consider yourself handsome? I’m asking because I look a bit similar to you😃

[FredEire]

1 hour ago, Gebidozo said:

I wonder what being “handsome” even means. All my life, I’ve been with women who told me being handsome doesn’t matter. I never considered myself handsome yet I’ve always had success with women. I’ve seen some of my friends, definitely none of them looking like models, conquering the hearts of many women. 

I’m just curious how those “handsome” guys look like and what kind of women fall for them.

Is that you on your profile photo? Are you considered handsome? Do you consider yourself handsome? I’m asking because I look a bit similar to you😃

In my experience being handsome is an "in", women will be more willing to have that initial conversation with you and you won't have to work as hard but from there on if you don't have the personality to match you will struggle.

On the other hand average or below average looking guys will have to work harder to have those initial interactions because they won't be the first guy a girl notices at the party. But they can still be the one she ends up taking interest in over Rico Suave who ended up having the personality of a cabbage.