Creating a character that "has class".

[Admiral Thrawn]

That's right. Unfortunately, my other thread has become 'contaminated' with an influx of negative posters, that I have decided to make a new one.

 

It's not about how much money you have, what income you have, or what car you drive, it is about who you are, and what makes you different from other guys. You are a 'cultured' person who has class, and that is what sets you apart from the crowd.

 

Developing this type of character involves going away from 'baser' aspects into more refined tastes. Let's see, memorising various poetic quotations, knowing a bit about art and/or classical music, learning to play an instrument or playing an instrument, understanding a different language, and maintaining an air of distinction that sets you apart. You are high-class now, at least thought, and you are acting like it. When a girl sees you, you are a cultured guy with class, you have an air of mystery.

 

So, do things, and experience things that will cultivate a sence of culture and class, that will set you apart from other guys.

 

Does anyone have anything to contribute to this throught?

[agnf666]

That was very well said... I do wish that things were this way.... but they will never be... I think alot of it has to do with the media...

[Admiral Thrawn]

Of course, the idea of this relates to a UPS - unique selling proposition - how you are packaging and selling yourself to be 'different' from the other guys.

 

If most guys do not have culture or class, then you are different.

If most guys do not know a foreign language, then you are different.

 

These are just some easy ideas that make you different from other people.

 

Flashing cash, or having money, does not really make you that different, because allot of guys have money, and allot of girls like the guys because of the money and are scheming them, who are not genuinely interested in the guys anyway. People in the Mafia have lots of money too. You want to go with a girl who wouldn't care about going with a Mafia-boss because he has lots of money?

 

With your new air of distinction, you will likely attract principled women, such as the likes portrayed by Sginorey Weever (sp?), or people who are impressed with more finer and refined virtues as opposed to eyeing your net worth, your job, your car and your house, and leave you for the next guy as soon as the chips go down. There are plenty of sexy, principled women of character out there, that are not into going after married people, or people with money.

 

As far as the media is concerned, I do not think that is true:

1) 40-year-old virgin ---> The guy worked at an electronics store (probably

minimum wage + commission)

 

2) Hitch ---> Albert was a junior accountant, not a rich dude.

 

I think allot of movies and shows ultimately shows that higher type of virtues or merits win out, so I do not necessarily see this as a message that is being reinforced by the media.

 

There is no shortage of shallow characters either, but would you really want to date someone, who will go for someone working in the Mafia, or a drug dealer because they like money? I dont know about you, but I wouldn't.

[a4a]

 

There is no shortage of shallow characters either, but would you really want to date someone, who will go for someone working in the Mafia, or a drug dealer because they like money? I dont know about you, but I wouldn't.

 

No but who would want to date a person that cannot pay their own bills or does not have reliable transport....... granted if you are teen or in college that can be over looked..... but an adult......nope not me!

 

Having some cash flow does show a person that is responsible, or for the most part vs. a person that is searching the couch cushion for a quarter.

 

So of course people with a resonable amount of financial stability or that have excess cash will be more attractive........ its not always the rich ones that are willing to spend the cash on a prospective partner......some are cheap as all hell.

 

a4a

[Nicholas]

Of course, the idea of this relates to a UPS - unique selling proposition - how you are packaging and selling yourself to be 'different' from the other guys.

 

But the entire idea is rooted on the perception that females have some sort of attraction algorithm rooted in their heads, and that by doing and saying the right things, you can secure your place in their hearts.

 

I don't think that's the case. I think a lot of this love business is (by necessity) random--at least on the surface. This is why so many people become jaded and bitter with the idea that they did "everything right" but still didn't get the desired results.

 

As for being 'refined', 'pricipled', 'distinguished' and all that, I sometimes find those types of people obnoxious. People who won't shut up about how they're reading something really good, or how they just love to go to the symphony. It seems so fake.

 

I think you should do what really interests you, whether it's watching professional wrestling or NOVA. The worst that could happen is that you'll end up alone. The best that could happen is you'll meet someone who appreciates who you are, instead of who you're trying to be.

[loony]

 

Gold Pile's threads at least had some humor and he didn't have this hypocritical touch.

[Admiral Thrawn]

No but who would want to date a person that cannot pay their own bills or does not have reliable transport....... granted if you are teen or in college that can be over looked..... but an adult......nope not me!

 

A girl can not ask a prospective date how they are paying their bills? Anyone can buy a car these days. Even reliable used cars can be purchased for five hundred bucks. As far as paying bills go - how are they going to know how you are surviving - as long as you are not asking * them * for money to pay bills, or a loan - then it is not going to be that obvious, unless you volunteer information.

 

Dating is not that serious anyway, it's not like you are marrying someone, or going LTR. People can go "Dutch" to save on dating costs. Coffee dates are cheap.

 

Having some cash flow does show a person that is responsible, or for the most part vs. a person that is searching the couch cushion for a quarter.

 

So of course people with a resonable amount of financial stability or that have excess cash will be more attractive........ its not always the rich ones that are willing to spend the cash on a prospective partner......some are cheap as all hell.

 

I dont think I will spend too much money on a date myself.

 

But the amount you spend does not really mean anything about your living situation. As you suggested, you could be relatively poor, and spend like you are rich - maybe it is a credit card, or maybe you are not paying rent and living with parents, and spending that money instead, right?

[Admiral Thrawn]

 

Gold Pile's threads at least had some humor and he didn't have this hypocritical touch.

 

What a loony. "Hello, I want attention, I like dissing guys!"

[Outcast]

What's tiresome is that you're not interested in improving yourself to improve yourself. All your plans and schemes are about 'getting girls'. Your motivation in life is 'getting girls'. Your suggestion about travel, etc. is not about broadening your own interests or because it fascinates you, but about 'getting girls'.

 

And that's not even close to being classy.

[Nicholas]

Admiral, did you read my post?

 

What if you stopped taking yourself so seriously, and got rid of the notion that success with women is a function of how well you execute your plan to conquer women?

 

I think if you softened your rough edges, in terms of the innate superiority complex, and simply got deep into things that really interested you, then you'd be happier, with or without a girl. Then, if you ever got one, you could be certain that she was interested in you for who you are, instead of what you did to impress her.

 

It makes it a lot easier to hold onto a relationship if there's no effort exerted into passing yourself off as something you're not.

[Admiral Thrawn]

Of course, the idea of this relates to a UPS - unique selling proposition - how you are packaging and selling yourself to be 'different' from the other guys.

 

But the entire idea is rooted on the perception that females have some sort of attraction algorithm rooted in their heads, and that by doing and saying the right things, you can secure your place in their hearts.

 

That seems to be the premise of about most of the things that are out there on the market today. It seems to be a thriving market and people are buying into it, spending even thousands and tens of thousands on that premise. To discover the 'right' attraction triggers, etc....

 

I don't think that's the case. I think a lot of this love business is (by necessity) random--at least on the surface. This is why so many people become jaded and bitter with the idea that they did "everything right" but still didn't get the desired results.

 

Well, at least some products have money-back guarantees.

 

I've learned, by reading profiles from lavalife, that girls are people who have a wide variety of different interests, just like we do, and that connecting them in one stereotypical way is not necessarily going to work. The connections just work naturally when you meet the right person.

 

However, that being said, I'm still somewhat sold on the premise, that there are certain truths or formulas of attraction. Where they would likey work best, if they were true, would be to convince someone who is borderline attracted to you, to go for you. If someone really does not like you, or there is like zero compatability or even anti-chemistry, then I do not think any strategy in the world would work. On the converse, if there is super-chemistry, and she really likes you, then you do not need any 'strategy' or game.

 

It just happens, I guess, that allot of people are on the borderline, who may like you, but who may like allot of other guys.

 

As for being 'refined', 'pricipled', 'distinguished' and all that, I sometimes find those types of people obnoxious. People who won't shut up about how they're reading something really good, or how they just love to go to the symphony. It seems so fake.

 

To be honest, I'm on an ivory tower and pulling these concepts out of a hat.

I stay at home most of the time. I do not know any of such people myself.

Obviously, you know people better than I do and know this.

 

I guess you'll know if this type of 'prop' will work or not. Are these type of guys successful with the ladies?

 

I think you should do what really interests you, whether it's watching professional wrestling or NOVA. The worst that could happen is that you'll end up alone. The best that could happen is you'll meet someone who appreciates who you are, instead of who you're trying to be.

 

Right, as long as the interests are reasonably refined and not vulgar.

 

I still think impressing by showing money, or lying about being married, is a crude and vulgar way to score points, and that there are more refined ways of doing so, wouldn't you agree?

[Admiral Thrawn]

What's tiresome is that you're not interested in improving yourself to improve yourself. All your plans and schemes are about 'getting girls'. Your motivation in life is 'getting girls'. Your suggestion about travel, etc. is not about broadening your own interests or because it fascinates you, but about 'getting girls'.

 

And that's not even close to being classy.

 

That is the premise of this section.

[Outcast]

It seems to be a thriving market and people are buying into it, spending even thousands and tens of thousands on that premise. To discover the 'right' attraction triggers, etc....

 

Like the diet market, it thrives by making money off the poor fools who believe the sales pitches.

 

That is the premise of this section.

 

No it isn't. It's not called 'thinking up schemes to scam women into liking you'.

 

You're what - maybe 17?

[Admiral Thrawn]

What if you stopped taking yourself so seriously, and got rid of the notion that success with women is a function of how well you execute your plan to conquer women?

 

What do you suggest?

 

I think if you softened your rough edges, in terms of the innate superiority complex, and simply got deep into things that really interested you, then you'd be happier, with or without a girl. Then, if you ever got one, you could be certain that she was interested in you for who you are, instead of what you did to impress her.

 

I never said that having a girlfriend is a source of personal self-validation.

Of course, I've been without a girlfriend for over 29 years and I'm still here.

 

It makes it a lot easier to hold onto a relationship if there's no effort exerted into passing yourself off as something you're not.

 

Holding on to a relationship is not an issue here. Connecting with a stranger, who you know absolutely nothing about, other than her looks, and is in your physical proximity is. What do you say, what do you do, what thoughts should be going through your mind, etc....

[Admiral Thrawn]

Like the diet market, it thrives by making money off the poor fools who believe the sales pitches.

 

 

 

No it isn't. It's not called 'thinking up schemes to scam women into liking you'.

 

 

The premise would INCLUDE 'thinking up schemes to scam women into liking you', or ANYTHING related to converting an absolute stranger, to a lover or girlfriend, or even a friend.

[Nicholas]

What do you suggest?

 

I did make a suggestion. Find something you're interested in (something inanimate) and pursue it. Join groups of people who are also interested in it. Be passionate about stuff.

 

There's nothing wrong with these various endeavors of yours (learning a language, etc.) -- it's your motives that are suspect. Do something that really interests you.

 

For example, I like blues music, a lot. I collect live recordings, I know a little history about it, and I often go and see shows. Whether or not a girl is also interested in blues music, they often see that I'm passionate about that, and, in their head, think 'Gee, if he's passionate about [whatever], then he'd probably be able to direct the same energy towards me.'

 

I never said that having a girlfriend is a source of personal self-validation.

 

That was just a hunch of mine.

 

Holding on to a relationship is not an issue here.

 

But I assume it will be, when you get one in the first place. I'm just saying, let's say you do something that isn't really interesting to you (for example : Samoan Opera) and a girl is intrigued by how "distinguished" you've presented yourself.

 

Now, in order to hold onto that relationship, you have to pretend to be interested in Samoan Opera, when really you're not. Whereas, if you've just presented yourself as you really are, if someone is intrigued by that, then all you have to do is keep being yourself.

 

What do you say, what do you do, what thoughts should be going through your mind, etc....

 

You can't script stuff like that. Just be yourself, minus the efforts to control women.

[Admiral Thrawn]

What do you suggest?

 

I did make a suggestion. Find something you're interested in (something inanimate) and pursue it. Join groups of people who are also interested in it. Be passionate about stuff.

 

There's nothing wrong with these various endeavors of yours (learning a language, etc.) -- it's your motives that are suspect. Do something that really interests you.

 

For example, I like blues music, a lot. I collect live recordings, I know a little history about it, and I often go and see shows. Whether or not a girl is also interested in blues music, they often see that I'm passionate about that, and, in their head, think 'Gee, if he's passionate about [whatever], then he'd probably be able to direct the same energy towards me.'

 

What motives? But I want to go to Quebec and learn French.

 

Anyway, I already know what you are talking about, because I have already done that, and intend to do so in the following year. It is perhaps good advice to other people who are reading.

 

I think a good girl to guy ratio would also be something that would be helpful in an activity, you dont want to feel like you have to compete for scarce resources, but vice-versa.

 

What do you say, what do you do, what thoughts should be going through your mind, etc....

 

You can't script stuff like that. Just be yourself, minus the efforts to control women.

 

Sure you can. It's done all the time in the movies. (just kidding)

[Nicholas]

I don't think you get it. I think the women you're after do get it, which is why you can come off as being shallow.

 

You're never as transparent as you think you are, which is why it would be help to be as genuine as possible.

[Neptune]

I think Nicholas is going in the right direction. When women say just be yourself, I think they mean it. But what they are saying is to let her chose if she likes you or not.

 

Live life with passion. And when you meet a woman that is attracted to you, she will be in sync with what works for you. There really is no other choice. And if you live life without a woman, then at least you have lived your live with passion. And f*ck women for farting around with married men and all the dumba$$ things that you can count on women doing.

[Nicholas]

But what they are saying is to let her chose if she likes you or not.

 

Brilliant, that's exactly what I'm saying. She will, no matter how superior you think you are, resent your efforts to convince her of it.

[Admiral Thrawn]

It goes without saying, that when you are developing refined tastes, to go in a direction that you are interested in, but do get some exposure in different types of venues that would expand your tastes to see if you would like them or not.

 

I would like to see if anyone here has 'refined' tastes, and how that has helped them, or not helped them with the ladies?

[Lonely nice guy]

Hardly an expert here, but here's my few cents worth. If you're constantly acting to attract girls, you won't. Be yourself. Now you can say "Well, I've been myself for 29 yrs and I haven't had a girlfriend, so I have to be someone else" Perhaps. You have to ask yourself why you are here at 29 inexperienced. Desperation is the biggest turn-off.

 

Doing all those things you say, learning French, becoming a more refined person is great if you do it for yourself, not for her. Being refined and classy is for some, not for others. You'll find women at the symphony and wine tasting, and you'll find different women at hockey games and beer drinking contests. Go to places that interest you, not her. You'll look a fool if you go to a wine tasing and you can't tell the difference between a Merlot and a Chardonnay.

 

You and I are obviously giving off the wrong vibs that women see through. That's where you and I need to start. Just get on with your own life first. Watch and be aware of your body language, because if you're in a foreign place to you, your body language will show it. If, for instance you're at the symphony and all the music you know is Metalica, listening to Mahler will bore you and it will show in your body language. Be yourself, talk to women in your natural setting, and take some decisive steps there.

 

BTW, I'm considered a classy person with refined tastes and the women can't keep their hands off me. :laugh: :laugh:

[malachai]

i think you may be getting ahead of yourself, AT. i posted in your "foreign language" thread also regarding this. if you want to become more "refined" or "classy" by educating yourself in the fine arts, it isn't just going to come by reading a couple of books or visiting a few art galleries or listening to a few cd's. and if you do learn a little by doing these things, how are you going to get through hour long discussions armed only with introductory knowledge? once your girl sees that you can't hold up a conversation for very long, she'll see right through you.

 

to get to that point, it takes time. and i seriously don't know anyone who would be willing to put in the effort needed just to gain an "angle". you need a passion to learn, because it takes more than a couple of weeks or months to become truly educated in something.