BaileyB Posted July 26 Share Posted July 26 5 hours ago, Patricia Moore said: Or men being keen on getting to know a younger women or even flirt with her, even if they both know it isn't going anywhere? This. I think most men would be excited by the idea of a younger woman who talks or flirts with them… I think he is enjoying the attention… but they are flirting with fire, perhaps. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheEternalPessimist Posted July 26 Share Posted July 26 4 hours ago, Gebidozo said: Wow, this is… incredibly harsh. Are you from a very strict, conservative household? In my circle, it’s completely ok for anyone to be friendly and privately talk to anyone. I can’t even fathom monitoring such things, it would be utterly exhausting. And why immediately suspect sexual interest? I just hanged and talked with an 18-year old student of mine (I’m 48). My fiancée knows very well that I’m not sexually interested in anyone besides herself, so of course she’d be ok with me just chatting with other women, young or otherwise. Least of all, being suspicious of a relative just seems so strange to me. There are certain things that are sacred, taboo - I imagine not just for me, but for most men? You don’t lust after your buddies’ ladies. You don’t lust after your lady’s relatives or friends. My fiancée doesn’t have a niece, but if she had, the thought of harboring any sexual feelings for her would appear blasphemous to me. I should have specified 'with a 25-year-old relative' but either way I still think it would be inappropriate and suspicious. And no I'm not from a very strict, conservative household, it's just that there are certain things that you do not do once you're married and once you reach a certain age. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 26 Share Posted July 26 (edited) 1 hour ago, TheEternalPessimist said: I should have specified 'with a 25-year-old relative' but either way I still think it would be inappropriate and suspicious. And no I'm not from a very strict, conservative household, it's just that there are certain things that you do not do once you're married and once you reach a certain age. I still fail to understand what is inappropriate and suspicious in being friendly and chatting with a younger person of the opposite gender while not having the slightest sexual sentiment towards them, let alone an intention to act upon it. Especially when it’s a relative. Edited July 26 by Gebidozo Link to post Share on other sites
TheEternalPessimist Posted July 26 Share Posted July 26 It really depends how it's done but usually there is some flirting involved even if we don't necessarily realize it. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 26 Share Posted July 26 2 hours ago, TheEternalPessimist said: It really depends how it's done but usually there is some flirting involved even if we don't necessarily realize it. Really? I don’t know…. I like young people. I work with them all the time, teach them. Sometimes I just spend time with them socially, usually boys but sometimes also girls. I really have zero desire to flirt or anything like that. I only have eyes for my fiancée, and they all know it. Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted July 26 Share Posted July 26 Every couple's a little bit different. If my wife were to attempt kick me out of the house for merely talking with a young woman, I'd take her up on it and leave, and consider myself MUCH better off without a level of jealousy, distrust, and controlling behavior that TBF sounds almost deranged and/or an "excuse" to become emotionally abusive to me. BUT different things work for different people and perhaps the supposed father in this marriage is fine with this. Or perhaps just to insecure to leave. There are male domestic abuse victims out there who can't find in themselves to leave, so I suppose anything's possible. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted July 26 Share Posted July 26 devil's advocate here, just two points of consideration. 1. this insecure scenario about a "younger woman" is also heavily relying on 100% believing that your 25 year old niece wants to have sex with your husband, who is her uncle. regardless if your husband may believe she is attractive, the onus would be on the niece finding her much older uncle attractive enough to sleep with. is this the most reasonable outcome of this observation that you came up with? 2. would this thread exist if it wasn't your niece, but your nephew? maybe i'm with @Gebidozo on this one, that this seems to be suggesting an incestual relationship, though i know they aren't "blood related" and yes these things happen all the time, but that's quite a suspicious jump, unless this type of family behavior is common with your family members. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted July 27 Share Posted July 27 On 7/26/2024 at 4:38 PM, Patricia Moore said: Would you say it's mostly younger women who test out their feminine allure? Men are certainly sensible to that. Or men being keen on getting to know a younger women or even flirt with her, even if they both know it isn't going anywhere? Not always, but plenty of young women develop a bit of a fantasy about some older guy they know as a natural part of development. I recall half the girls in my high school having a crush on the PE teacher. Not so many girls are so bold as to strike up a friendship outside the normal realms of interaction. I agree most men would be aware of it, and some will bask in the doe-eyed attention in a harmless ego-stroking kind of way, but I don’t know that I’d be comfortable with my partner encouraging a friendship that I felt a little excluded from, and I wouldn’t be thrilled if there was a flirty element in the way they interact. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Patricia Moore Posted July 27 Author Share Posted July 27 (edited) 9 hours ago, MsJayne said: Not always, but plenty of young women develop a bit of a fantasy about some older guy they know as a natural part of development. I recall half the girls in my high school having a crush on the PE teacher. Not so many girls are so bold as to strike up a friendship outside the normal realms of interaction. I agree most men would be aware of it, and some will bask in the doe-eyed attention in a harmless ego-stroking kind of way, but I don’t know that I’d be comfortable with my partner encouraging a friendship that I felt a little excluded from, and I wouldn’t be thrilled if there was a flirty element in the way they interact. My niece is a very warm and affectionate person, that's just the way she is. Surely my husband will have noticed that as well. As BaileyB said, he probably enjoys the attention. As long as he doesn't misinterpret it, I don't think I should be too concerned. I think two words you've used are key here. I would feel excluded if I knew they were getting together, other than the occasional, fortuitous chat. They get along really well at family reunions and I'm OK with that. I can't tell if they see or have seen each other by themselves. A red flag for me would be flirtatious behaviour, either his or hers. Difficult to say at this point. Trust is very important in a relationship. Edited July 27 by Patricia Moore 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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