Thinking about suicide

[2 Scared 2 Live]

I can't do this anymore. I have prayed, and prayed, and prayed, nothing seems to get better for me. My kids are sick of me crying and being angry and depressed. My H is tired of it. My mom said to go get some counseling or talk to a pastor. What can they do? Hand me money so I can get out of the financial crap I am in. I had to write a bad check just for rent today. My landlord was so apt on us NOT BEING LATE with our rent checks when we moved in here it was crazy!

 

He even emailed my mil and told her he hoped we could make the rent on time with natural gas doubeling. Insurace was due or we would be canceled by the 4th. Car payment was a month over due, had to pay my $200 gas bill or they were going to shut us off yest if I didn't get it paid! I'm so tired of not having money. I know there is wose things out there but I can't do this, I can't.

 

We are constantly overdrawing the account. Not because I mean to do it, we need food, bills paid, things to live. And this is the WORST we have ever been in. I already borrowed money from my mil last month, I can't do it again, she has none to give. I guess when the checks bounce I will be taken to jail,loose my job, my family name that is well known and popular around here will be ruined. I just feel like my kids and H would be better off w/o me. NOTHING, can help me w/ my financial problems right now. Sure, I can get a second job, so can my H, but that doesn't help the situation right now.

 

I thought I had enough in the checking acct but to my horror I messed it up big time. I keep thinking my life could be worse, my kids could be terminally ill, H could be, I could be, things like that, and I am so thankful that they aren't. I am just so scared that these checks are going to land me in jail. I don't know what to do anymore. I have contiplated suicide in the past because of money problems.

 

I can't pay my cc bills anymore because of money. I hate my life! I HATE money, and I wish it would just all end! Sorry, I just needed to get this off my chest. I thought seriously hard about just parking my car on the railroad tracks, putting on a blindfold, and turning my stereo up (so I wouldn't hear the damn train and chicken out) and have the train hit me. I did nothing but cry all the way to pay my rent (landlord not home) and home again. It was crying so hard I almost lost control of my car. I can't do this anymore.

 

And H is no help with getting rid of things we don't need. He doesn't spend a lot of money, he just thinks he has to have cable tv, and internet, which we don't. I am so scared what is going to happen when the checks go through and I have no money to cover them. I hate thinking about doing this to my family, but I honestly think they would be better off with me, a depressing, not happy, miserable, yelling, angry person in their life.

[Visitor]

I feel for you - I feel a lot of the things you feel and have often 'just wish I would die", however as a single parent, I have no choice but to survive somehow for another 10 years or so, and then I can do whatever I want. I fantasise about dropping out of society and joining a commune, or moving someplace where no one knows me and I'll just become a different person and forget who I am, but I guess I am trying to say, suicide is not an option for parents - no matter how bad it gets, you have kids who depend on you and need you and you have a duty to them - even a depressed, crying, yelling mom is better than none.

 

Anyway, you have to see a doctor or therapist and probably get a script for something like Xanax which will immediately calm you down enough so you can think straight. Then you need to call a family meeting and tell them things will change and get some help. Call social services and ask for welfare aid, a referral to a therapist or support group, and possible take sick leave from work for as long as you can

 

Anyway, you are not alone... a lot of us feel the pressure you do, and my heart goes out to you, but you need to take action now to prevent anything bad happening.

 

Good luck

[Touche]

Make a plan. Sit down with a clear head, and with your husband. Can you get financial assistance from the government? Take the steps needed..just one at a time. Maybe you can each work on the weekends...one one weekend and the other the next, just until you pull yourselves out of this.

 

Many people have been in your shoes and pulled themselves out of it. You can too!

 

But you've got to work together. Your husband has to cut out all things you don't absolutely have to have right now. You can always get them back later. Just dig yourselves out of this hole first. Set yourselves a goal of when you will be financially out of this mess. Do a time line.

 

The worst thing is to lie back and give up. Take control of it now! You don't have to live like this forever, you know.

 

And believe me, your kids would rather be poor than motherless. Please don't do that to them. Please don't. Don't do it to yourself.

 

Good luck, dear. Let us know how you're faring, ok?

[Gold Pile]

Your Husband is 50% of the team, right? What makes this a problem only for you?

I'm not fast to recommend certain drugs and shrinks to anyone...but if you're ready to end it all, then by all means see doctor now.

 

Big picture: Even bankruptcy is better than ending your life.

 

In most couples I find one party is basically responsible for the troubles.

Maybe the husband buys drugs or booze. Maybe he asks the wife for cash to go pay the utility bill, but he spends it on ..whatever. He intercepts the mail so you never see it.

 

Maybe thats not the case here...just is what I often see.

 

Get help Monday or Tuesday.

[Touche]

If what you're describing with the husband is true then I'd lay down the law with him. Don't let him get you in a worse mess. I swear it would be better to leave him and go to a women's shelter than stay. And they can offer you assistance as far as where to go to get help, and food and shelter you can afford.

 

Take advantage of the assistance your government can provide. I've NEVER said that to anyone. Don't really believe in it deep down but we're all paying for it and some people REALLY need it on a short-term basis. I just have a problem with those who take advantage of it.

 

But don't let your kids suffer. Leave if you have to. Get that assistance. There's no shame in needing a little help in life at certain points. Who hasn't really been in similar circumstances? So don't be too proud to seek outside help, ok?

[newbby]

i dont think your financial situation is the problem.

you have depression.

you need to get this sorted.

i have been there.

you need to sort out your depression. then the practicalities will be easier to deal with.

[lindya]

I agree with - well, everyone really. Medical assistance and debt counselling is required, and that will help you develop a cohesive strategy for dealing with this.

 

Your thoughts of suicide are a natural response to the level of stress you're under. In order to stop feeling suicidal and start feeling better, you need help in breaking the situation down into manageable chunks. Right now, it looks like

 

debt

potential housing problem

depression

anxiety

problematic family relationships resulting from the above

 

There are professionals out there who are well used to helping people to deal with each of these areas, and I think your first step is to identify them. That step will probably be easier if you consult with your doctor and find out what local advocacy groups can assist you.

 

Clearly it's important for you to analyse how the deterioration in your finances started, and what - if any - unnecessary spending patterns could be avoided. That's something you might need to discuss in a safe environment with someone who isn't going to start passing judgement on you for any financial slip ups you make. God only knows, many very intelligent people have made some incredibly silly financial decisions in their time.

 

Counselling could provide you with the support you need to examine this situation more calmly and objectively.

[Visitor]

Hi Scared,

 

I hope your feeling better Let us know how it's going

[newbby]

being suicidal f'ing sucks so get yourself some help please. you need it. believe me it can get worse. good luck and universal love to anybody feeling this way.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

I don't know if you are involved with a church or not... but even if you aren't, please go to see a priest, minister or rabbi. Many congregations have a person dedicated to help people through crisis. They may be able to help you arrange a loan or grant to help you with your immediate needs, and provide you with access to a counselor or psychiatry referral to help you get the support you need. Please call someone. And if you don't know where to start, The Salvation Army or Catholic Charities have many locations for people in need. Please let us know how you are doing.

[2 Scared 2 Live]

Hi everyone and thanks for the replies. I'm feeling a little better today. I'm still worried about the bad checks that I wrote, which I never should have but didn't realize I was that overdrawn in my account. I don't know what I will do when I go online to see that they had cleared and I am several hunderd dollars overdrawn! I'm scared I will be arrested for doing it.

I'm so sick of this, so sick of worrying about these checks. So sick of struggeling pay check to pay check. As for my H, still no help with him letting the cable and the internet go, but he doesn't spend money on anything else so I am thankful for that. He has been applying for better jobs. Our bills are just more than what our income is. And we've thought about bankruptcy but I heard with the new laws we can't file anymore, is that true?

 

I have been diagnosed with depression several years ago but my IC never put me on any medication, or referred me to see someone else to perscribe them. Several years later I couldn't take it anymore and seen my regular doctor who perscribed me an anti-depressant. I stopped taking them about a year ago as things were getting better. **** starting happening again not too long ago with my H's change in jobs, a lot less pay. I was laid off for a few weeks last summer from my job so I called about housing, food stamps, and utitilties. Even with H's low paying job we still did not qualify for any of those. H doesn't even make $8 an hour, I was making $150 a week in unemloyment and we still didn't qualify so I know we wont qualify for anything now.

 

I have no money, nothing, and my kids lunch money is due tomorrow! I'm already on reduced lunches and I can't even afford to pay for their lunch. I had to borrow $10 for my son the other night for gas in my car and I am almost out already. My son told me it was pretty sad when his parents have to borrow money from him. I don't know how we are going to get out of the bad checks that will clear. And this isn't the first time, we are always overdrawn. Half the time it's grocery checks thinking they wont clear b4 we get paid and they do. If it's not one thing it's another with money. I owe the mechanic $350 for my car repairs and my H's has over $200 in doctor bills we can't get paid off because of money. H said he is going to try really hard to get another job and if he can't he promises to get another job but he has promised that for a year almost. I just hate living like this. I'm scared to get taken to court for not paying on our CC bills because we can't afford to pay them. Just plz pray for me and my family and thanks again for the great advice. Maybe I need to go back on my anti-depressants. I just don't know how that is going to keep me from worrying about those checks clearing in the next day or two. GOSH I was soo dumb! I just felt really bad about being late for my rent but instead I wrote bad checks.

[jen_jen_heartbroken]

Don't worry. You're not going to go to jail. Either the checks will bounce and not clear, or your bank will cover them and charge you overdraft fees. You'll still owe the money for the checks you wrote, but you're not going to jail.

 

Bankruptcy laws have changed, but that does not mean that you won't qualify, as most of the new laws only affect those who really do have the means to pat their debts...and it doesn't sound like you do. It may be worth it just to call a lawyer to have them evaluate your situation and get a consultation, which is usually free.

 

You and your husband definitely need to form a plan to get out of your debt and increase your income. There is no over night fix to this. It's going to take hard work from BOTH of you. But the first thing you need to do is to reach out for help. Talk to the clergy of your church. Contact the unemployment office -- most states have job placement counselors in these offices to help you, even if you're currently employed. But because you are not, you are in the best position to get the most help. If you show up there and you tell them that you are eager to get to work and you ask them to help you find the best paying job available to you, then you're going to get a much better outcome than waiting for something to come knocking on your door. If you're tenacious, persistent, positive and determined, then you CAN get out of this mess.

[Basic]

http://www.stretcher.com/index.cfm for example. Try "frugal living" and "voluntary simplicity" searches or tightwad gazzette.

 

You'd be amazed at how much junk we all waste money on.

 

Time to make the hard choices, see a lawyer. He'll be your top priority to pay.

Go bankrupt, not consumer debt counseling.

 

The landlord and such will be very angry if they don't get the money they're owed. But they will be much, much more angry if you also waste their time and insult them by lying to them. Not easy but don't stall them with a bogus check.

[penkitten]

i believe that you qualify for subsidized housing.

each state and county has different yearly / monthly gross income qualifications and i know that here ( louisville ky ) you could qualify to live in hud or rural development programs (section 8)

i manage a property.

 

you can look them up online and find out if your income exceeds the limitations.