Alpacalia Posted July 27 Share Posted July 27 Unexpected Kiss - Friends and Lovers - LoveShack.org I was wondering, what is everyone's thoughts on when you start talking to/dating someone and they flirt with someone else in front of you? Some may not see it as a big deal, while others may see it as a red flag. Personally, I believe that if you are talking to someone and getting to know them, they should have their focus on you. Flirting with someone else feels disrespectful and can make me question their intentions and level of interest in me. It also shows a lack of boundaries and could be a sign of potential infidelity in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 27 Share Posted July 27 Eeeep - blatantly flirting in front of you is not good! How brazen was the flirt? Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 28 Share Posted July 28 Could you please describe the flirting in detail? What exactly was he saying / doing? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alpacalia Posted July 28 Author Share Posted July 28 (edited) 4 hours ago, basil67 said: Eeeep - blatantly flirting in front of you is not good! How brazen was the flirt? It wasn't overtly brazen but I could tell there was a bit of electricity in the air. I mean, are these things sometimes to be expected? It just doesn't seem kosher to me. Keep in mind we're newly dating. What about if you're just at a talking stage? Or dating stage? Or married? Does it make a difference with the examples I gave up above when they are openly and in the crowd at the beginning of the relationship as compared to when they do it 1.5 weeks after you've met once and smooched here and there but not yet considered exclusive? I recall my most recent ex. One year and a few months into our relationship we were out to dinner and the waiter that served us was quite attractive. We didn't flirt but I noticed myself toiling my hair without even realizing it. But I certainly didn't go out of my way to do so, nor carry any conversation or means to extend the interaction. Edited July 28 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 28 Share Posted July 28 Well, people are very different in what they perceive as flirting. Some people just have a flirtatious way of looking and talking, sometimes they aren’t even aware of that and it doesn’t mean anything sexual to them, it’s just the way they are. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Ami1uwant Posted July 28 Share Posted July 28 6 hours ago, Alpacalia said: Unexpected Kiss - Friends and Lovers - LoveShack.org I was wondering, what is everyone's thoughts on when you start talking to/dating someone and they flirt with someone else in front of you? Some may not see it as a big deal, while others may see it as a red flag. Personally, I believe that if you are talking to someone and getting to know them, they should have their focus on you. Flirting with someone else feels disrespectful and can make me question their intentions and level of interest in me. It also shows a lack of boundaries and could be a sign of potential infidelity in the future. Some background needed 1. is this a woman he knows? 2. If this was at a bar it’s natural for a waitress or bartender to be flirtatious with male customers. 3. some people have a natural friendly personality, they are social extroverts while you might be more introverted. 4. to adults can talk. What makes it flirting? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 28 Share Posted July 28 Depends what you consider flirting. I don't think it's appropriate to flirt with others. If i'm out with someone l expect them to give me their full attention. I guess l'm lucky, l never had to deal with my date being flirty with others whether it's 3 days or 3 years. If l was playing with my hair unconciously to another man, l would honestly analyze why l did that. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alpacalia Posted July 28 Author Share Posted July 28 Thanks. So we were out and a mutual acquaintance said to the guy I'm seeing to please get her a napkin and he said "yea, no problem." He then proceeded to walk ahead of me and get the napkin for her and handed it to her with a smile. I felt terrible. I tried to brush it off and acted like it wasn't a big deal, but it stung. Am I overreacting or is this a warning sign? Obviously this wasn't blatant flirting but I think it was enough of a "oh, let me show her how fast I can do this" for it to bug me. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 28 Share Posted July 28 11 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: He then proceeded to walk ahead of me and get the napkin for her and handed it to her with a smile. That's it? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 28 Share Posted July 28 1 hour ago, Alpacalia said: Thanks. So we were out and a mutual acquaintance said to the guy I'm seeing to please get her a napkin and he said "yea, no problem." He then proceeded to walk ahead of me and get the napkin for her and handed it to her with a smile. I felt terrible. I tried to brush it off and acted like it wasn't a big deal, but it stung. Am I overreacting or is this a warning sign? Obviously this wasn't blatant flirting but I think it was enough of a "oh, let me show her how fast I can do this" for it to bug me. I think you’re overreacting. He was just being nice. If that is all he did, I don’t think this could qualify as flirting even by very strict standards. I can definitely be more flirty than that, so is my fiancée. We’re both playful, we often joke with other people, make cute and funny faces, nudge or pat people playfully, and so on. All that really has no sexual connotations at all. 1 1 Link to post Share on other sites
semble Posted July 28 Share Posted July 28 3 hours ago, Alpacalia said: Thanks. So we were out and a mutual acquaintance said to the guy I'm seeing to please get her a napkin and he said "yea, no problem." He then proceeded to walk ahead of me and get the napkin for her and handed it to her with a smile. And then what happened. There's GOT to be more to this story for you to start an entire post about him flirting. Cause that ain't flirting honey. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 28 Share Posted July 28 3 hours ago, Alpacalia said: Thanks. So we were out and a mutual acquaintance said to the guy I'm seeing to please get her a napkin and he said "yea, no problem." He then proceeded to walk ahead of me and get the napkin for her and handed it to her with a smile. I felt terrible. I tried to brush it off and acted like it wasn't a big deal, but it stung. Am I overreacting or is this a warning sign? Obviously this wasn't blatant flirting but I think it was enough of a "oh, let me show her how fast I can do this" for it to bug me. I wouldn't count that as a flirt. Not even a mild flirt. It's all good 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alpacalia Posted July 28 Author Share Posted July 28 Thanks guys! I just got a twinge of jealousy there for a minute. I'm over it now!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
semble Posted July 28 Share Posted July 28 9 minutes ago, Alpacalia said: Thanks guys! I just got a twinge of jealousy there for a minute. I'm over it now!! Whew. I was about to ask you if any of his kids owns a rabbit. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Alpacalia Posted July 28 Author Share Posted July 28 (edited) 45 minutes ago, semble said: Whew. I was about to ask you if any of his kids owns a rabbit. 😆. Haha that was funny. Edited July 28 by Alpacalia Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 28 Share Posted July 28 A twinge of jealousy is normal...brush it off. Have to remember when you are dating someone attractive, they are going to be attractive to others. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 28 Share Posted July 28 7 hours ago, Alpacalia said: Thanks guys! I just got a twinge of jealousy there for a minute. I'm over it now!! Is the mutual acquaintance a flirty girl who likes to get attention from guys? If so, maybe that is what triggered you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted July 28 Share Posted July 28 (edited) You're way off here. That's not even close to flirting. What he did was more along the lines of chivalry and kindness rather than flirting. Some people ask for favors when they don't feel well or when they're insecure or just in a bad way. And some women will turn to a friendly male to make their request. Sounds to me like this woman needed a napkin to blow her nose or something like that---and maybe was just too embarrassed to get the napkin herself or to request it from a worker. I've had friends in situations like that who had back pain and didn't want to walk or who were fighting through a headache ... and they would ask for something simple, like a glass of water even while waiting. And the smile at the end? He wasn't going to frown! The smile said, "I did you a favor and I'm not resentful." That's it! Funny: I was out with a young woman that I mentor. We were in coffee shop talking--about her process of deciding whether she wants to marry her partner. Well, I spilled some coffee on myself. Without me asking, she bolted up and went to get me a napkin. Like with lightning speed, the way I used to do when I was out with my parents and they needed a napkin or a clean fork and so on. She wasn't flirting with me. She was taking care of me (her much older friend) and using her ample youth energy to be kind. Now THIS would qualify as flirting. Your guy gets up and gets the napkin. Returns. Hands the napkin to the other woman and then says, with a long smile, "I'll always get a napkin for a pretty woman." THAT would be flirting! And sometimes that would be OK, if it was clear he was joking or if you all were simply friends. Question: what would you have wanted him to do in response to the request from the mutual acquaintance? Lots of people, men and women, would really look harshly upon a guy who didn't do what he did. Now if she continued to seek his attention throughout the rest of the evening, THEN that could be a problem--and the problem would have been that SHE was flirting. p.s. I think I last left you when you were offended by this guy going for a kiss and you didn't feel any romantic interest in him. Did things change or did I misinterpret the previous post? Edited July 28 by Lotsgoingon 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 29 Share Posted July 29 21 hours ago, Alpacalia said: Thanks. So we were out and a mutual acquaintance said to the guy I'm seeing to please get her a napkin and he said "yea, no problem." He then proceeded to walk ahead of me and get the napkin for her and handed it to her with a smile. I felt terrible. I tried to brush it off and acted like it wasn't a big deal, but it stung. Am I overreacting or is this a warning sign? Obviously this wasn't blatant flirting but I think it was enough of a "oh, let me show her how fast I can do this" for it to bug me. What he did is a gentleman gesture. It gave you a little pintch to the heart because you're starting to like him *that way*. I like it when my bf and l are in public and he goes out of his way to help others, even the nice looking ladies. It shows how lucky l am that he's mine 😁 2 Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted July 29 Share Posted July 29 Yeah as others have said I think it's an overreaction. For me in your shoes and a guy asked the girl I was dating for a napkin and she blanked him or said "ugh kind of busy here get it yourself 🙄" it would be far more off-putting. For me it's actually a green flag rather than a red one, it shows he's enthusiastic and happy about helping the people around him, even in small ways. 2 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts