Silent rejection

[Yurii]

I recently asked a guy out on a date, but he hasn't replied, and it's been about two weeks. I feel really sad and have lost my confidence. I like him a lot. It took a lot of courage for me to ask him out. It would have been okay if he politely rejected me by saying something like, "You're nice, but I'm not interested." That way, I could have clarity and stop doubting his feelings. Choosing to "keep silent" is a clear attitude, but it's a hurtful way to respond. I know that with time, I will forget about him, but right now I feel terrible. I even had the idea to ask him why he could not answer me. We are not close, but we know each other in a way that we should respect each other. I hope to get some opinions and positive comments. Thank you.

[basil67]

I'm sorry this happened to you.    I remember my daughter having a male classmate when she was 14. They got on well together and so she asked him if he'd like to hang out after school.  His reaction was to disappear and never speak to her again 😬   Yeah, it hurts and can be embarrassing

My advice is to remember that in the act of asking him out, you showed more courage than all those women who've never dared try to go after someone they are interested in.   And those who don't take risks achieve much less in life than those who do.  Of course, not all risks work out, but failing and picking ourselves up and starting over is how we learn resilience - the secret to recovering after adversity.   The more we fail at different things, the more we practice recovery.  

You will start to feel better soon, and you'll realise that not only that this didn't kill you, but it's helped you learn that you can pick yourself up, overcome rejection and get back out there!

Lastly, remember that your self worth is not contingent on what some guy feels for you.  It's about having faith in yourself and being a good person.  And knowing that you'll be loved by the right guy.  And even then, relationships start and breakup, but in the end you'll find your Mr Right.

 

[ExpatInItaly]

Ah, sorry this happened. 

Some people are just really not gpod at letting someone down. It would be have been the considerate thing to respond in some way, even if to decline. I wouldn't follow up and ask why he didn't rreply, though. I would let it go. 

But I am curious about the comment below. How do you know each other? 

3 hours ago, Yurii said:

we know each other in a way that we should respect each other.

 

[Yurii]

4 hours ago, basil67 said:

I'm sorry this happened to you.    I remember my daughter having a male classmate when she was 14. They got on well together and so she asked him if he'd like to hang out after school.  His reaction was to disappear and never speak to her again 😬   Yeah, it hurts and can be embarrassing

My advice is to remember that in the act of asking him out, you showed more courage than all those women who've never dared try to go after someone they are interested in.   And those who don't take risks achieve much less in life than those who do.  Of course, not all risks work out, but failing and picking ourselves up and starting over is how we learn resilience - the secret to recovering after adversity.   The more we fail at different things, the more we practice recovery.  

You will start to feel better soon, and you'll realise that not only that this didn't kill you, but it's helped you learn that you can pick yourself up, overcome rejection and get back out there!

Lastly, remember that your self worth is not contingent on what some guy feels for you.  It's about having faith in yourself and being a good person.  And knowing that you'll be loved by the right guy.  And even then, relationships start and breakup, but in the end you'll find your Mr Right.

 

Thank you for cheering me up. I don’t feel embarrassed, but I do feel hurt :((( My mind knows exactly what is the right thing to do, but my heart leads me in a different direction. I will read your advice again and again to keep myself in positive thoughts.

[Yurii]

1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Ah, sorry this happened. 

Some people are just really not gpod at letting someone down. It would be have been the considerate thing to respond in some way, even if to decline. I wouldn't follow up and ask why he didn't rreply, though. I would let it go. 

But I am curious about the comment below. How do you know each other? 

 

I know it’s the right thing to forget him and keep moving on. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy these days, but I don't always feel good. Sometimes I check if he's online or not, and I know how silly it is, but I can't seem to stop. I wish I could unfriend him, but that would make me ruder and more immature than him L (For me 'no contact' is the best way to forget someone).

"How did you two meet?" My brother met him at an event and thought we had a lot in common, so he introduced us. He seems super busy, and I find myself more interested in him than he is in me. We've met a few times, but only for a quick lunch, he was a friendly and humorous guy when we met directly. The first time we talked, I told him I hoped we could be friends to share things. I made it straight to ask him out for a date to let him know what I really think.

This is our last conversation:

“Yuri: Are you free on Saturday morning for a coffee date? 😊

A: Hey didn't go anywhere

So busy :((

This weekend I have visitor so will be busyyyyy

Yuri:  Ohh, that's so bad...

I have time this Saturday and I really want u to be my date”

Is it too straight forward? :((((

[ExpatInItaly]

6 minutes ago, Yurii said:

I have time this Saturday and I really want u to be my date”

Yes, this is too much. 

It would have been better to ask if he was also free on Saturday, and leave it to him to let you know. What you said comes across as a bit pushy. Having said that, I don't think he was interested in dating you to begin with. He souds like a friendly guy but also that he was trying to keep things there and not take it further. 

I'm sorry. 

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, Yurii said:

I have time this Saturday and I really want u to be my date”

Is it too straight forward? :((((

Yes.

And it’s not because you’re a girl, don’t understand me wrong. I’m a guy and I’ve always been very straightforward, active, always initiated, but I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone “I really want you to be my date”. It just feels somehow… needy and pushy. 

It’s much better to just naturally ask a person to meet, and gradually develop romance without actually spelling things out. Next time, try not to start your sentences with “I need…” or “I really want…”, and don’t put labels on things (“we are good friends”, “are we dating?”). Just ask a guy, “Hey, are you doing something Friday evening? Do you want to have dinner with me?” or something like this.

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, Yurii said:

I wish I could unfriend him, but that would make me ruder and more immature than him L (For me 'no contact' is the best way to forget someone).

Unfriend him. He's not even an acquaintance, he's a nobody your brother randomly met. You don't have to be nice to people that are rude to you. Keeping him as friends on social media is not a sign of maturity on your part, actually a sign of weakness. A confident woman don't keep around men that rejected her. 

[Yurii]

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

Unfriend him. He's not even an acquaintance, he's a nobody your brother randomly met. You don't have to be nice to people that are rude to you. Keeping him as friends on social media is not a sign of maturity on your part, actually a sign of weakness. A confident woman don't keep around men that rejected her. 

 I will take your advice that "A confident woman don't keep around men that rejected her. " He met my brother at a business event, and they still stay in touch for business purposes. The supportive comments have made me feel better. I respect all the people I have a chance to meet and talk to. I will focus on my goals and will give an update when I totally forget about this. Thank you so much.