basil67 Posted July 30 Share Posted July 30 44 minutes ago, josh454 said: Yes, I was sent n*des by my ex 4 months prior to Sam and me dating. That is what she stumbled upon when she was making a video using my Snapchat on my phone, which led her to do more investigating. The relationship memes that were being sent to me were sent 1 month after I started dating Sam. ** I don't know if I can link memes here, but here are the links to a few she sent me: ** Okay, it seems like I can't link IG memes here since it put the comment on "hidden." But if you are still interested in seeing what memes, some of them were from the Instagram page @meetquack. I'm very poor with cleaning up old messages, but even I can't imagine forgetting that I had old nudes saved. And if my relatively new partner told me he "forgot" such recent photos with a woman who he was still messaging with, I wouldn't believe him for a minute. I also wouldn't continue dating someone who went through my phone. Basically, I'd walk away from this whole mess Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 30 Share Posted July 30 1 hour ago, SurfCity said: That's the thing, we don't know that the messages were non-sexual or non-romantic. There was a meme which was a "relationship" meme, but he will not answer if the text messages were sexual or not so there's a high chance that they were. That's break up worthy for most people. Hmm… So there are three possible scenarios here. 1) The OP’s messages to his ex weren’t sexual. People don’t break up over non-sexual messages, it’s not cheating. 2) The OP’s messages to his ex were sexual, but were sent prior to entering his new relationship. People don’t break up over something that happened before their relationship started, it’s not cheating. 3) The OP’s messages to his ex were sexual and were sent after he’d gotten together with the new GF. Only in this case is the GF’s reaction justified. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 30 Share Posted July 30 30 minutes ago, basil67 said: I'm very poor with cleaning up old messages, but even I can't imagine forgetting that I had old nudes saved. And if my relatively new partner told me he "forgot" such recent photos with a woman who he was still messaging with, I wouldn't believe him for a minute. I also wouldn't continue dating someone who went through my phone. Basically, I'd walk away from this whole mess When I started dating my now-fiancée, we made it clear to each other that we still had photos of our respective exes and that neither of us was going to delete them or ask the other to delete anything. That said, after a few months I discovered I still had some nude photos of my ex on one of my devices. I deleted them. I knew I could have kept them, because my fiancée would never snoop or control me in that way. I just felt like deleting them, it felt right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author josh454 Posted July 30 Author Share Posted July 30 She called today while I was working since it is night where she is. She didn’t say anything the whole time, just stayed on mute. The first time she called, I picked up and said hello, but there was nothing for a minute, and then she hung up. She called again, and the same thing happened. On the third call, I talked for a bit, probably around 8 minutes, reminiscing about some of the romantic things we did. Even then, she never spoke a word. I guess she wanted to hear an apology or something, but I'm not sure. Then I said something silly like, "I miss kissing your lips," and she hung up immediately. These games, man. I can't take it. Well, I'm not doing that again unless she actually talks next time. Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted July 30 Share Posted July 30 (edited) I think this sounds like a familiar story that's happened to me and probably a lot more people out there. You meet someone and get intoxicated by their looks and maybe some sweet/caring qualities you perceive in them, you get together and everything is "perfect" until they start off with jealous behaviour like looking through your phone, and you do mental gymnastics to tell yourself it's acceptable because they're so pretty/sexy/alluring and you're desperate not to lose them. I agree with @ShyViolet. If your version of the story is true yes your ex who still isn't over you sending you lovey texts and the nudes she sent from before you met your current partner could have been misinterpreted, but none of that makes it acceptable to go through your private messages just because your ex was one of your contacts.on your Snapchat. Even if you were to patch things up it won't get better. New reasons why you aren't loyal to her and want to cheat with X woman you come across will keeping popping up again and again. You can't let that boundary be crossed because the balance of power in the relationship have shifted her way and the whole thing just becomes an endless loop of her accusing, the two of you fighting and you apologising. I think it's for the best just to let this go. Edited July 30 by FredEire Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted July 30 Share Posted July 30 2 hours ago, josh454 said: She called today while I was working since it is night where she is. She didn’t say anything the whole time, just stayed on mute. The first time she called, I picked up and said hello, but there was nothing for a minute, and then she hung up. She called again, and the same thing happened. On the third call, I talked for a bit, probably around 8 minutes, reminiscing about some of the romantic things we did. Even then, she never spoke a word. I guess she wanted to hear an apology or something, but I'm not sure. Then I said something silly like, "I miss kissing your lips," and she hung up immediately. These games, man. I can't take it. Well, I'm not doing that again unless she actually talks next time. this is nuts. her opinion is very likely going lower and lower if you keep behaving like this. and, this girl sounds incredibly immature and not at all capable of having an adult relationship and you should run, not walk, RUN away from this as fast as possible. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author josh454 Posted July 30 Author Share Posted July 30 22 minutes ago, flitzanu said: this is nuts. her opinion is very likely going lower and lower if you keep behaving like this. Behaving how? And why is she even calling? I'm so confused. I've had nothing but good experiences in the past with other partners, I'm a simple guy; so I don't understand these games she keeps playing. Listen guys, I understand you want me to drop it, but what would have been the correct response in that situation to try to get her to stop playing these games and just talk to me properly. Should I just ignore it? Or respond with something else? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 30 Share Posted July 30 You need to pick higher-quality, more women. This one is still playing in the Sandbox Olympics. Link to post Share on other sites
Author josh454 Posted July 30 Author Share Posted July 30 13 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said: You need to pick higher-quality, more women. This one is still playing in the Sandbox Olympics. what does that even mean "sandbox olympics" lol Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 30 Share Posted July 30 39 minutes ago, josh454 said: what does that even mean "sandbox olympics" lol It means she is childish. If you want a decent relationship, forget this girl. She has way too much growing up to do. Link to post Share on other sites
FredEire Posted July 30 Share Posted July 30 (edited) 3 hours ago, josh454 said: Behaving how? And why is she even calling? I'm so confused. I've had nothing but good experiences in the past with other partners, I'm a simple guy; so I don't understand these games she keeps playing. Listen guys, I understand you want me to drop it, but what would have been the correct response in that situation to try to get her to stop playing these games and just talk to me properly. Should I just ignore it? Or respond with something else? If a girl is ringing you and muting herself just to make you feel insecure you shouldn't be romancing her, you should be justifiably pissed off and not entertain it. By tolerating and responding to the behaviour in this way it will just get worse and worse. This kind of childish woman is looking for a daddy figure who will tell her off and put her in her place, but then eventually with this kind of guy she will feel used and unwanted and employ even more desperate tactics to get his attention. So either way everyone loses really. The advantage of not putting up with her nonsense though is you don't let her in your head, preserve your self respect and don't have your confidence destroyed so you can meet a more mature woman. Edited July 30 by FredEire Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 30 Share Posted July 30 3 hours ago, josh454 said: And why is she even calling? Because you're allowing it. A very simple remedy to all of this is to block her and be done with it Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted July 31 Share Posted July 31 5 hours ago, josh454 said: Behaving how? By allowing her to walk all over you. She calls you and then mutes the call, and instead of hanging up and blocking her number you keep telling her how romantic your relationship was and how you miss kissing her lips. Don’t you see that you’re humiliating yourself by doing this? She can’t respect you if you don’t respect yourself. Either you did something wrong, and then you need to show remorse, not tell her how you miss her lips. Or you did nothing wrong, and then you should cut off all contact with her instead of letting her play with you and bully you like this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted July 31 Share Posted July 31 9 hours ago, josh454 said: Listen guys, I understand you want me to drop it, but what would have been the correct response in that situation to try to get her to stop playing these games and just talk to me properly. There is no "response" to this type of behavior. You can't make her talk to you properly. She is choosing not to. When someone acts crazy like this, you cut it off and block them. The fact that you are engaging in this, letting it continue, not recognizing how crazy she is acting, shows that you have very poor judgment. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted July 31 Share Posted July 31 23 hours ago, josh454 said: Behaving how? And why is she even calling? I'm so confused. I've had nothing but good experiences in the past with other partners, I'm a simple guy; so I don't understand these games she keeps playing. Listen guys, I understand you want me to drop it, but what would have been the correct response in that situation to try to get her to stop playing these games and just talk to me properly. Should I just ignore it? Or respond with something else? as the others have responded afterward, that you're humiliating yourself by talking to a completely silent phone with no one on the other end. what if she called and muted her voice and put you on speaker so you said all those weird things to a room full of people, or on a bus or something? you're not thinking about how much she is probably laughing at you when you do this. this is purely her way of knowing you'll do whatever she wants, and she doesn't even have to speak to you Link to post Share on other sites
Tm2024 Posted August 3 Share Posted August 3 On 7/30/2024 at 11:43 AM, josh454 said: Behaving how? And why is she even calling? I'm so confused. I've had nothing but good experiences in the past with other partners, I'm a simple guy; so I don't understand these games she keeps playing. Listen guys, I understand you want me to drop it, but what would have been the correct response in that situation to try to get her to stop playing these games and just talk to me properly. Should I just ignore it? Or respond with something else? Say exactly what you just said in your message. Link to post Share on other sites
Author josh454 Posted August 3 Author Share Posted August 3 After a week of no text, just received this from her: "I still question reality at times. Wondering how the f*** I got involved with someone as toxic as you" I still haven't responded to it yet, thinking if I should just leave it alone and wait for her to get back from her vacation and setup something in person. Or just call her but I don't think she is going to pick those up. I was thinking about responding with "Hey, this isn't healthy for either of us. Let's just hop on a call and talk this out." something like that Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted August 3 Share Posted August 3 Dude why are you ignoring--not even considering---all the wise advice you've gotten from the board so far. You seem to have a problem learning--as in taking in new information that would help you adjust your inaccurate, unhelpful view of reality. Dude, people have given you incredible wisdom, more wisdom that most people get with dealing with a strange and bizarre and manipulative partner. And yet, you return to your pre-programmed blindness. Just a suggestion that wisdom is wasted if our minds are closed. Link to post Share on other sites
Tm2024 Posted August 3 Share Posted August 3 10 minutes ago, josh454 said: After a week of no text, just received this from her: "I still question reality at times. Wondering how the f*** I got involved with someone as toxic as you" I still haven't responded to it yet, thinking if I should just leave it alone and wait for her to get back from her vacation and setup something in person. Or just call her but I don't think she is going to pick those up. I was thinking about responding with "Hey, this isn't healthy for either of us. Let's just hop on a call and talk this out." something like that I am in a similar situation but at least she’s responding in your situation. I was in a relationship where everything was fine and loving as well. Seems like what needs to be discussed is agreed boundaries with members of the opposite sex. There is probably some past hurt or trauma on her part that is being brought into the relationship on her end which is unfair to you. she will need to be transparent with her insecurities. Best of luck my friend Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted August 4 Share Posted August 4 (edited) 8 hours ago, josh454 said: After a week of no text, just received this from her: "I still question reality at times. Wondering how the f*** I got involved with someone as toxic as you" I still haven't responded to it yet, thinking if I should just leave it alone and wait for her to get back from her vacation and setup something in person. Or just call her but I don't think she is going to pick those up. I was thinking about responding with "Hey, this isn't healthy for either of us. Let's just hop on a call and talk this out." something like that Dude, really?.. The woman is straight up emotionally abusing you, and you’re still considering not only replying to her, but setting up a meeting in person? Did you read any of the advices the people here have given you? Have some self respect and block her. Edited August 4 by Gebidozo 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 4 Share Posted August 4 9 hours ago, josh454 said: After a week of no text, just received this from her: "I still question reality at times. Wondering how the f*** I got involved with someone as toxic as you" Why the heck would you even respond to this? If someone I was dating sent me that, I'd block them immediately Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted August 4 Share Posted August 4 9 hours ago, josh454 said: I was thinking about responding with "Hey, this isn't healthy for either of us. Let's just hop on a call and talk this out." something like that Are you really this dense? Why would anyone consider asking someone like that to set up a meeting to "talk this out"? What is there to talk out? As many people on here have advised you, she is the one who's toxic and you should have already blocked her and stopped engaging with her. Are you even reading the advice that anyone is giving you here? Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 4 Share Posted August 4 (edited) 10 hours ago, josh454 said: I was thinking about responding with "Hey, this isn't healthy for either of us. Let's just hop on a call and talk this out." something like that I see you have learned absolutely nothing from this experience, nor really taken the tme to consider what posters here are saying. You teach people how to treat you. You have taught her that you are a doormat. Edited August 4 by ExpatInItaly 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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