Author jake2123 Posted July 17 Author Share Posted July 17 On 7/16/2024 at 8:16 PM, Alpacalia said: Again, I am so sorry you lost your father, that is so awful and I am so sorry for your pain. It's totally understandable that you struggled after losing him, and it's great that you are taking the time to work through your own issues now. It's not fair or healthy to put all of the responsibility for the relationship on yourself. I'm sure there were things that both of you could have done differently or better in the relationship. So while it's great that you are recognizing your own mistakes, be careful not to put all of the blame on yourself. Thank you. I'm not putting it all on myself but currently I can only work on myself so that's what I will do! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jcourt Posted July 29 Share Posted July 29 Recently broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years. She thought that she didn't see a future with me. She has now said she is struggling to see a future but also that she can start to now. My main question is is there a difference between not seeing a future and struggling and would you go back if there was a chance. I know some have and it's worked I'm just wary as I don't want to be strung along! X Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted July 29 Share Posted July 29 If she told you she doesn't see a future with you, I'm not sure what your question is. Why would you want to try and force it to work with someone who has already told you they don't see a future with you? Link to post Share on other sites
jcourt Posted July 29 Share Posted July 29 Just because she has now said she's starting to. We had issues but we've both worked on them. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 29 Share Posted July 29 Can you tell us more about your history with her? It's really hard to answer without context Link to post Share on other sites
jcourt Posted July 30 Share Posted July 30 2 hours ago, basil67 said: Can you tell us more about your history with her? It's really hard to answer without context So we were together for 3 years, spent loads of time together etc, we hadn't moved in together due to trauma, mine which was one of the issues. It also made it hard for me to think of a future or at least discuss it. I would play it off like a game or wind her up as my defence. I also know she had issues that she wanted to work on however it's not my news to share, even if it is anonymous, but she has spent time working on it. We spoke about our future seriously in December and the issues were raised but maybe not fully approached or actioned we both sort of continued as it was. Since then We have been in and out of contact after breaking up having serious chats and just catching up. She said recently she is now only struggling to see a future and that she might be starting to. After that I've sort of left her to herself. Replying if she messages or speaks but no more than that. My theory was if she wants to shell bring it up. I don't know why but recently I've been thinking a) has her mind stared to change and was it her way of suggesting - then should I fight for it from there and b) could they just be separation feelings looking back thinking that it was okay and it could again. Sorry it's long. Hope it helpss Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 30 Share Posted July 30 17 hours ago, jcourt said: My main question is is there a difference between not seeing a future and struggling There's no significant difference in practical terms, no. You two need to talk. There's no sense playing a guessing game. If reconciliation is in the cards, both parties need to be actively working towards that together. Otherwise, you're just sitting aroud in vague limbo trying to dissect her choice of words. Have a clear conversation with her. If she still isn't interested in working this out, then it's not going to happen and you two need to stay out of contact so you can heal and move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 30 Share Posted July 30 (edited) I think you want to be with a woman who is excited about the future because you share the same dreams and life goals. If she can not tell you that she wants to be with you because she can not imagine a single day without you in her life - she is not your girl. It sounds to me like the two of you may have become comfortable in what is a not so healthy relationship. It can be scary and hard to let go, even when the relationship is not really what you want anymore. Edited July 30 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 30 Share Posted July 30 (edited) 11 hours ago, jcourt said: We hadn't moved in together due to trauma, mine which was one of the issues. It also made it hard for me to think of a future or at least discuss it. I would play it off like a game or wind her up as my defence. I would be working really hard on this - regardless of whether you get back together with this woman or not. For yourself, and your future relationships, I hope you are getting some counselling. Good luck. Edited July 30 by BaileyB Link to post Share on other sites
jcourt Posted July 30 Share Posted July 30 7 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said: There's no significant difference in practical terms, no. You two need to talk. There's no sense playing a guessing game. If reconciliation is in the cards, both parties need to be actively working towards that together. Otherwise, you're just sitting aroud in vague limbo trying to dissect her choice of words. Have a clear conversation with her. If she still isn't interested in working this out, then it's not going to happen and you two need to stay out of contact so you can heal and move on. Thank you. If we stay in contact I'm guessing it's just us both holding onto something we know deep down isn't right? Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted July 30 Share Posted July 30 it isn't clear how it was written saying "you" broke up with your girlfriend, but if you initiated the breakup, then you need to tell her you want to get back together. if she says anything but "yes" then you need to block and stop staying in contact, because all the nonsense about "struggling" and "maybe" and especially " i don't see a future with you" is a clear sign that she DOES NOT SEE A FUTURE WITH YOU. that's your cue to give her a future without you. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 31 Share Posted July 31 11 hours ago, jcourt said: If we stay in contact I'm guessing it's just us both holding onto something we know deep down isn't right? Yes, and one of you will get really hurt when the other starts seeing someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
jcourt Posted August 1 Share Posted August 1 So after all this I've just met her and it went well. We walked and just chatted as normal. The idea was to see what's what but we seemed to have just slipped into a comfortable chat which probably wasn't the best. We had a hug and agreed to meet up again who knows just updating on it incase anyone cares. If not as a personal journal. Link to post Share on other sites
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