Seymore Posted July 29 Share Posted July 29 (edited) I've worked with this woman over the past 3 years. She didn't speak English and I didn't speak Spanish when she started, but a mutual co-worker told me she liked me. She seemed nice, so I asked her out for coffee via translator and she turned me down. I was a little let down but I kept things business as usual.. Over the next year and a half we would have spurts of a month or so where we would talk via text/translator app. My Spanish was getting better and her English was getting better, so we were communicating better and getting along better. She'd say occasional flirty things and I could get a super strange feeling she was into me by the way her attitude would change when I talked to her at work, and the way she'd look at me and smile. I'm usually clueless about those things but sometimes it seemed like a dead giveaway. Anyway, last year we were flirting back and forth and she said "I wish I had met you sooner". Turns out she had a boyfriend that I didn't know about. I ended up pulling away and we kept things friendly at work. And we got along well. I get along with everyone at work, and it felt good getting along with her, whether she just had a boyfriend or not. A couple of months ago, it started up again. I found out from a third party that the boyfriend had become her fiance, and I was a little crushed, but ended up wishing her happiness and congratulations. She didn't seem thrilled but I left it alone. We ended up helping each other with our native languages and she admitted to liking me all this time, saying that the language barrier scared her in the beginning and she was so stuck in her ways that she didn't think we'd ever understand each other better. She wanted me to know that if for whatever reason the engagement didn't work, she would come looking for me without question. I thought that was kind of out of the blue, so I asked her if she was happy that she was engaged, because in my mind and from what I'd heard, it was otherwise. She said that she thought she was happy, but since she got to know me she has a lot of doubt about her engagement, and that if she 100% loved her fiance, she wouldn't have room in her heart for me like she does, so she needed to process her feelings. The next two weeks we were texting quite a bit. Language stuff, stuff about ourselves, etc. I took a day off a couple of weeks ago and she got upset that I didn't text her all day, and she admitted she thought I was with another woman and not texting her because I was being sneaky. So I figured that she did care. She apologized for jumping to conclusions and I told her it was ok, peoples' minds run wild sometimes. But we would text quite a bit, just friendly stuff. Last week, her texts got more and more sparse. She didn't initiate much anymore, and after a few days I asked if she was ok because she seemed distant. She replied that she was stressed from working multiple jobs and personal things she's trying to process and that everything is fine. So I said ok, I'll take her word. Friday morning she came up behind me at work and gave me a big hug, saying I smelled so good and she wanted to sit there like that forever and give me a kiss. I said thank you, and the rest of the day we got along well. Friday night I messaged her after work about a Spanish question and it took her 4 hours to even look at my message, then all weekend I didn't hear from her, so I let it go and just focused on my weekend, figuring if she wanted to talk then she could initiate texting for once, because she hardly would do that. She didn't all weekend, which is odd. I came into work this morning and acted like business as usual, friendly and all. And she's being friendly too, although a bit more reserved than usual. I don't want to be pushy and appear clingy but I feel like asking her what's going on. She said she was fine last week and Friday was affectionate towards me, so I'm just really confused. I get she's engaged and at the same time I'm uncertain what's going on with these lulls in us talking. Edited July 29 by Seymore Link to post Share on other sites
SurfCity Posted July 30 Share Posted July 30 That's the life of the other man. Hot and cold behavior is common for people who are cheating. She's trying to give you just enough attention to keep you hooked. 99% chance you're wasting your time with her. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted July 31 Share Posted July 31 Why are you even wasting your time pursuing someone who is not available? She's not giving you "mixed signals", she is literally in a relationship with someone else and not available. The fact that she has been carrying on an on-again, off-again emotional affair with you while at the same time being engaged to someone else doesn't speak very highly of her character. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 31 Share Posted July 31 On 7/29/2024 at 8:51 PM, Seymore said: I get she's engaged Then you also need to understand that this is how things generally go with a person who is not single. Sometimes they want your full attention and come on strongly. Other times, they'll retreat either because they feel guiity or their partner is around and they're spending time together. Lather, rinse, repeat. It's almost surely going tp prove to be a waste of your time and energy. Unless and until she actually breaks up with him, you're just an orbiter who feeds her self-estee, and need for attention when she wants. You really need to stop all this texting and what not. It's not going to lead anywhere happy for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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