Getting it from all angles, don't know what to do

[JJiggs]

Hello all, thank you for reading, and any advice would be appreciated.

Loving wife made false accusations against me, had me barred from returning home and contacting her except through legal correspondence, refusing to let me or my mother talk to our child (let alone see), but when I ask through legal correspondence, she says she's open to reconciliation but needs time to heal and is now asking for my tax return but isn't asking for a divorce. It's been 9 months, I can't go on much longer, and what's worse is the evidence against me is bogus, yet my lawyer refuses to scrutinise any evidence or supply any of my own like my statement which the police didn't take or the pictures of my wound (wife attacked me and almost murdered me, long story) despite the fact he put it in writing he was doing just that over 8 months ago. Lawyer refuses to answer any questions I bring up regarding it and said supplying evidence only applies to the trial phase (in pretrial phase) and demands $10k. He keeps pushing a plea deal that admits I'm at fault and I'm concerned I'll lose everything by accepting. I don't understand how a plea deal can be offered with zero evidence from the defendant, how is that justice?

It's much worse than this by the way, but I don't want to write a novel and discourage people from reading.

[tzorno]

First thing is first = Get a new lawyer.  Your present lawyer doesn't care about fighting for you.  He just wants a payday.

[JJiggs]

20 minutes ago, tzorno said:

First thing is first = Get a new lawyer.  Your present lawyer doesn't care about fighting for you.  He just wants a payday.

Thanks for the honest reply. Yes, this is what my gut told me but that means the little money I had which I spent on his retainer was for nothing, worse yet I burned all this time 

Strategy wise, would it be better to immediately file motions to dismiss the charges as there's no evidence to support the claims and I've diligently complied with all restrictions, or to supply my statement and defensive wound pictures and then file the motion? I don't want my ex partner to get in trouble, but I need this resolved asap. I would ask my future lawyer but clearly I'm a poor judge of character and reviews mean nothing (current lawyer has great reviews).

Edited July 31 by JJiggs

[tzorno]

17 hours ago, JJiggs said:

Thanks for the honest reply. Yes, this is what my gut told me but that means the little money I had which I spent on his retainer was for nothing, worse yet I burned all this time 

Strategy wise, would it be better to immediately file motions to dismiss the charges as there's no evidence to support the claims and I've diligently complied with all restrictions, or to supply my statement and defensive wound pictures and then file the motion? I don't want my ex partner to get in trouble, but I need this resolved asap. I would ask my future lawyer but clearly I'm a poor judge of character and reviews mean nothing (current lawyer has great reviews).

I wouldn't take the plea deal admitting fault to anything, but thats me.  It seems like your lawyer and wife are backing you into a corner and using money as the blackmail tool.  You desperately need a new lawyer and make sure you tell your current one why your dropping him.  9 months without seeing your child?  No court in America would allow that.

Honest opinion - Screw reconcilliation.  Get rid of her and lead a happier life.  If you don't proceed, she will eventually.  She wants the tax returns to figure out how much she's going to get in the divorce.  Unfortunately, she's going to get it too.  And how can she forbid you from entering your own house?  That I don't understand.  And she tried to kill you?  Good lord.  Get a new lawyer and fight for everything.  Yes its going to be a financial strain and hard, but you will be ok.  You deserve better and need out of that relationship.  Do it for your child and most importantly,,,,for you.

[Els]

 

19 hours ago, JJiggs said:

I would ask my future lawyer but clearly I'm a poor judge of character and reviews mean nothing (current lawyer has great reviews).

Do you have any friends who could recommend a lawyer? What sites are you looking at reviews on? Reviews can often be bought, if you're looking through Google you should be wary of reviewers with <10 reviews. This is probably a bit general since I've never had to hire a lawyer, but generally speaking, I'd rather pick a business with lower scores and fewer reviews as long as they all look genuine (I'll go through the reviewer's previous contributions, mostly wanting to see some photos and a good spread of businesses visited in one locality, or at least a timeline that makes sense), over a business with seemingly perfect score. And of course, never trust "reviews" that are posted on the business's website itself.

Good luck.

[JJiggs]

12 hours ago, tzorno said:

I wouldn't take the plea deal admitting fault to anything, but thats me.  It seems like your lawyer and wife are backing you into a corner and using money as the blackmail tool.  You desperately need a new lawyer and make sure you tell your current one why your dropping him.  9 months without seeing your child?  No court in America would allow that.

And how can she forbid you from entering your own house?  That I don't understand.  And she tried to kill you?  Good lord.  Get a new lawyer and fight for everything.  Yes its going to be a financial strain and hard, but you will be ok. 

Lawyer didn't tell me but it became painfully obvious that all he wanted to do was push me to take the plea deal after I declined to pay him $5k to be a divorce lawyer. If I get the false accusation dropped, divorce would be more equal, no? He's been stringing it out for as long as possible just adjourning every court appearance until I yield (guessing).

Wife has been provoking me for the past year but I was too blinded by love and too busy trying to figure out my health issue to notice (dying). I even pushed for couples counselling but she refused to listen to anything the counselor said. She finally snapped, assaulted me, I remained cool as a cucumber, but I did threaten to call the cops if we didn't talk about it. Instead she called the cops on me and said I assaulted her, hence the no-contact order. Straight out of a movie, I can't believe I was so oblivious, been together for decades. Other issue is, she has all my money forcing me to stop medical treatments, I'm $10k behind on home bills and I'm about to lose my income. I don't think I have any other option, she wins by default, because of a false allegation with zero proof and a crooked lawyer. Remarkable. I hired a family lawyer to correspond and asked about filing motions for child access but she suggested otherwise, and now the retainer is depleted. Thanks for the kind words.

10 hours ago, Els said:

 

Do you have any friends who could recommend a lawyer? What sites are you looking at reviews on? Reviews can often be bought, if you're looking through Google you should be wary of reviewers with <10 reviews. This is probably a bit general since I've never had to hire a lawyer, but generally speaking, I'd rather pick a business with lower scores and fewer reviews as long as they all look genuine (I'll go through the reviewer's previous contributions, mostly wanting to see some photos and a good spread of businesses visited in one locality, or at least a timeline that makes sense), over a business with seemingly perfect score. And of course, never trust "reviews" that are posted on the business's website itself.

Good luck.

Honestly, I'm terrified of lawyers now because I know they'd make a tremendous amount more off of me if they pushed a divorce instead of get me off bogus charges with zero evidence. I also know they talk to each other so once I update the court with my new representation, I'm 100% sure he'll reach out and say something. I got my current lawyer from a family member that showed good reviews on Google but I was more in shock at the whole situation and didn't double check. I do the same scrutinising of reviews as you do. I honestly thought they follow ethical and professional standards and this sort of thing can't happen. Guess not.

[tzorno]

10 hours ago, JJiggs said:

Lawyer didn't tell me but it became painfully obvious that all he wanted to do was push me to take the plea deal after I declined to pay him $5k to be a divorce lawyer. If I get the false accusation dropped, divorce would be more equal, no? He's been stringing it out for as long as possible just adjourning every court appearance until I yield (guessing).

Wife has been provoking me for the past year but I was too blinded by love and too busy trying to figure out my health issue to notice (dying). I even pushed for couples counselling but she refused to listen to anything the counselor said. She finally snapped, assaulted me, I remained cool as a cucumber, but I did threaten to call the cops if we didn't talk about it. Instead she called the cops on me and said I assaulted her, hence the no-contact order. Straight out of a movie, I can't believe I was so oblivious, been together for decades. Other issue is, she has all my money forcing me to stop medical treatments, I'm $10k behind on home bills and I'm about to lose my income. I don't think I have any other option, she wins by default, because of a false allegation with zero proof and a crooked lawyer. Remarkable. I hired a family lawyer to correspond and asked about filing motions for child access but she suggested otherwise, and now the retainer is depleted. Thanks for the kind words.

 

Jiggs, i'm so sorry you are going through this nightmare.  It's honestly,,,,well, horrifying.  I'm so sorry about your health issue too.  

Couples counseling is a joke.  It almost never works.  When the relationship gets to that point, its over anyways.

I think you definitely need to have the whole assault situation looked at.  That needs addressed.  You can't have that hanging over you.  She doesn't deserve to get away scott free with that visious lie.  And how does she have control of all of your money?  That's insane.  You have to be able to access it.  

Talk to people and network as hard as you can to gt recommendations for lawyers.  Get consults from different lawyers and find one that is willing to fight for you.  I have confidence that you will.

Yes, we are all oblivious to a lot of things.  Love does that to us.  Its only when stuff like this happens that we really open our eyes and see the world for how it truly is.  People are evil.  Not all, but a lot.  Its amazing how somebody you put so much time into, grew together and loved together, made a family with, know inside and out, can one day just destroy you like you never mattered and were meaningless to them.  I don't understand how people can be like that, but it happens everyday.  Never let those kind of people snuff your light though.  They have reservations and hell is waiting for them.  Be the person that people look up to.  Never stop fighting.  Never let them or life break you.

[basil67]

On 7/31/2024 at 11:10 AM, JJiggs said:

the police didn't take or the pictures of my wound (wife attacked me and almost murdered me, long story)

You were in hospital, with a life threatening injury (likely requiring extensive surgery) due to an assault and the police didn't even take a photo and statement?   I find this hard to believe

[MsJayne]

Something's not adding up here. Why did your wife attack you? Do the two of you have a history of domestic violence where police have been involved or was it a one-off situation? How has she managed to commandeer control of all money? If all is as you say I suggest lodging a complaint against police who attended the scene, because if she genuinely tried to kill you then we have to assume she should be facing attempted murder charges, and there would be the question of the safety of your children. You also might get some support and advice from community counselling services if you're in an area where that's available. Very sorry to hear you have serious health issues. 

[semble]

My divorce started the same way. Bogus restraining order to get me out of the house. Although in my case there were no murderous attacks and I wasnt dying. 
 

As you said you missed all the signs and she's got the jump on you. Doesn't mean she will ultimately prevail.  Was there a police report filed when she almost killed you? That would be a big help when you get yourself an attorney that is willing to advocate for you. 

[JJiggs]

@tzorno, thanks for the support

On 8/2/2024 at 5:53 PM, basil67 said:

You were in hospital, with a life threatening injury (likely requiring extensive surgery) due to an assault and the police didn't even take a photo and statement?   I find this hard to believe

I didn't go to the hospital, I did lose half a pint of blood on the floor, but tried to heal it myself. Ended up getting infected and took a few months to fully resolve. I was diagnosed complete and total immune system collapse, tested positive for every infection I tested for, given 1-2yr left to live that expired 1month before this. I think she was hoping I'd drop by then and when I didn't, she snapped? I don't know. What will really blow your mind is how I recently found I have a rare toxin 51x the max upper limit, one that I wouldn't encounter in my everyday life, one that was historically used as a poison, one that takes multiple exposures to reach these levels, one that changes your red blood cells, and upon reviewing my blood work, my red blood cells started to change 2yrs ago when her attitude changed and I pushed for couples counseling.

No, cops didn't care, I told the officer "there's always two sides to every story, but if you're implying I assaulted my wife, I most certainly did not", and then I'm in cuffs.

On 8/3/2024 at 12:07 AM, MsJayne said:

Something's not adding up here. Why did your wife attack you? Do the two of you have a history of domestic violence where police have been involved or was it a one-off situation? How has she managed to commandeer control of all money? If all is as you say I suggest lodging a complaint against police who attended the scene, because if she genuinely tried to kill you then we have to assume she should be facing attempted murder charges, and there would be the question of the safety of your children. You also might get some support and advice from community counselling services if you're in an area where that's available. Very sorry to hear you have serious health issues. 

No history of DV, never laid a hand on her in over 20yrs, I was sitting on the floor while she was on the bed (higher ground). I picked up the bowl to empty out and thought it was a great talking point. I held it up at eye level, public speaking 101, paused to choose my words carefully and she snapped and pulled the knife. Claimed she thought i was going to throw it but I never have thrown anything, didn't gesture or say I would. I immediately put the bowl down and my hands up like she had a gun, spoke calmly and softly but it didn't matter.

Safe is in the home.

I can't file complaints against the police if I take the plea deal which is all my attorney will advocate for. Also means i can't press charges for attempted murder, but all the court is doing is dragging it out and bills keep piling up.

 

On 8/3/2024 at 1:11 AM, semble said:

My divorce started the same way. Bogus restraining order to get me out of the house. Although in my case there were no murderous attacks and I wasnt dying. 
 

As you said you missed all the signs and she's got the jump on you. Doesn't mean she will ultimately prevail.  Was there a police report filed when she almost killed you? That would be a big help when you get yourself an attorney that is willing to advocate for you. 

No police report, didn't allow it even when i tried. I didn't know what was going on, head spinning coupled with brain fog from illness', and then I got concerned that our child would be in danger if I did say something. My plan was to resolve my issues and then pursue that but this is taking forever. 

The person you marry is not the person you divorce.

[semble]

1 hour ago, JJiggs said:

The person you marry is not the person you divorce.

I think they're the same person, only you're seeing the dark side possibly for the very first time.

Everyone puts their best foot forward at the start, I mean who farts loudly and intentionally on the first date?

Over time, the not so great stuff comes out and when things go south, the rest of the bad stuff is right there in your face.

[tzorno]

3 hours ago, JJiggs said:

The person you marry is not the person you divorce.

So true.  I dealt with evil stares and demonic grins for months with my ex.  She changed and according to my daughter, she hasent snapped out if it even now.

Your wife has been poisoning you.  One would think the toxicology report from the hospital would or could be reported.  I don't know how you could make that happen unfortunately.  Get that other lawyer quickly.

I fear for your child along with you.  Your soon to be ex-wife is downright scary.    Please know my heart goes out to you during this nightmare.

 

Edited August 6 by tzorno
reword

[semble]

34 minutes ago, tzorno said:

Your wife has been poisoning you.

I think I saw this episode on Discovery Channel.