mlchris2 Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 I had an addiction for several years that ruined my marriage. Four months ago, my wife had enough and wanted a divorce. Her actions was a slap in the face to me and I immediately went and am still seeking help for my problem. I'm making and have made a valiant effort to fix the problem and get my wife to see I know I screwed up and want to do everything (even if it takes years) to rebuild what we've both lost. To make a long story short... at first she said she wanted space, but then when I countered with "so you want to work on our relationship no matter how long it takes?", she responded back with "No I want a divorce". She would do this everytime we would talk, she would say "I just need space" and the I would assume she wanted to work it out and then I would hear "No, I want a divorce". After about 2 months, she brought me the uncontested divorce papers. I told her I was willing to work through our problems and didnt want a divorce, I asked for a long separation. She demanded that I fill them out. I told her I wasnt going to pay for the divorce. She said find... As it stands right now, she has the papers signed and ready to submitt to the state, but hasnt done so. She uses the excuse she doesnt have the money. Lately, we've been arguing and I've asked her many times to stop with the back and forth and if she wants the divorce, then submitt the papers, she then fires back..."she doesnt have the $". Also, she will threaten to submitt the papers if I dont agree or do something, cause she knows that's the last thing I want her to do. I believe, is she really wanted the divorce, she would have gotten the money and had it done by now, but when I tell her that, she gets on the defensive and says... "well if you want it so bad, why dont you pay for it"? I feel that if I pay for it, I'm showing her I dont really want to work things out. I tell you, the rollercoaster of emotions and events I've been through in the past 4 months, there are days where I would like something to go by... one minute I am under the impression that we are staying separated for how long I dont know, and then the next minute, we are divorcing and thats the end of it. So my questions is.... Do you all think she is just using the divorce papers, the no money excuses becuase she really does want a separation to work our problems out? Why does she keep saying "I need space" and then saying "I want a divorce"? Any information will help me... I'm at the cross roads where I have since moved out of state ( prior to separation, my wife and I were waiting on a job offer) and figure I have one last stand and have decided to act like I am moving on (thats what my wife wants), even though I cant stop thinking about her and how I shameful and pitiful I was to her. thanks... MC Link to post Share on other sites
Zetter Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 Aw, man, that's a tough one. I was kind of in a similar situation where my wife kept asking for a divorce, and when I would agree she would back off. It got kind of ridiculous...she kept using weird excuses like she couldn't afford it, etc. My thought is that your wife probably thinks she wants a divorce, but she is also scared of life after the big D, and is taking her time in the final decision. My advice is to have a sitdown with her to cut through the BS, and see if you can talk as rational adults. Tell her what you want, straight up. You will never regret that, and it isn't "chasing" her. I can't stand it when husband and wife play games, and you are cutting through all of that. I don't think an uncontested divorce is more than a few hundred bucks, but I could be wrong - I'm doing it on Tuesday. If you really wanted to find out the truth, and she isn't telling you directly, offer to pay half, or all. If she has made up her mind, it will do you good to get it over with. My life was on hold for 4 months while I waited out her games. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Mz. Pixie Posted January 3, 2006 Share Posted January 3, 2006 She's using the papers to manipulate you into doing what it is she wants you to do. For all you know she might have already filed them. If you filled it out and all she has to do is file it and not have an attorney, it's probably only about $75.00 to have it recorded. She probably wants you to pay for it. She's not doing it to reconcile with you or she would be trying to mend the marriage, spend time with you. She's ask you to come over for dinner or go on a date. She's not. She's already moving on with this other guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mlchris2 Posted January 7, 2006 Author Share Posted January 7, 2006 Yea, its $300 total. $95 for the court fee and $200 for the lawyer fees (she went to a lawyer to get the uncontested paperwork done) I will admit that when we discuss divorce items (her income, child support, who's taking what bills), we end up fighting and she tells me she will submitt the papers. She knows its what I dont want her to do, so I end up giving in, somewhat. we had a long talk the other day and she confirmed that she really wanted the divorce, but hasnt had the $ to pay for it. I broke down and going to pay half, to get it done. Even thought its now what I want, It will give me some peace of mind. Link to post Share on other sites
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