I have to heal from TWO heartbreaks. How do I cope?

[Gebidozo]

Just now, Teemacey said:

No, I get it now. I even told him he did nothing wrong. Like in the beginning I didn’t see what I was doing wrong because I expressed multiple times I don’t want to be in a relationship. Like I started trying to convince myself that it’s not what I wanted when really it was. What I wanted was unfair to him. What I wanted was for him to stick around and wait for me while I work on myself and heal.

It’s a good thing that you understand yourself so well in this situation. You’ve learned some tough, but valuable lessons here. The pain you’re feeling is a necessary step in your spiritual past.

 

2 minutes ago, Teemacey said:

Seeing him change into the person I never wanted to see is hard. 

I understand. That’s what happens when people break up. It’s a very surreal and utterly depressing feeling. It’s normal that you’re hurting now. You just need time to heal the wounds. Try to focus on other aspects of your life, it’s very important.

One of my toughest breakups (ouch, I went through so many) was my first divorce. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. I felt I was losing my mind. At some point I clenched my teeth, sat down, and wrote a complete schedule for an entire week. And then just forced myself to carry it through. That really helped.

[Teemacey]

1 minute ago, Gebidozo said:

It’s a good thing that you understand yourself so well in this situation. You’ve learned some tough, but valuable lessons here. The pain you’re feeling is a necessary step in your spiritual past.

 

I understand. That’s what happens when people break up. It’s a very surreal and utterly depressing feeling. It’s normal that you’re hurting now. You just need time to heal the wounds. Try to focus on other aspects of your life, it’s very important.

One of my toughest breakups (ouch, I went through so many) was my first divorce. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. I felt I was losing my mind. At some point I clenched my teeth, sat down, and wrote a complete schedule for an entire week. And then just forced myself to carry it through. That really helped.

I know it is different for everyone, but how long did it take you to get over the divorce? How long were you married. I just need to know there’s some light at the end of this tunnel!!

[basil67]

10 minutes ago, Teemacey said:

So when the opposite happened and everything I said would hsppen, did indeed happen it’s hard to accept. 

I guess you have to keep going back to what you said "What I wanted was unfair to him".   As much as it's hurting your heart, I trust your brain realises that his promises were foolish and he'd eventually stop waiting.  

Edited August 10 by basil67

[Teemacey]

2 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

It’s a good thing that you understand yourself so well in this situation. You’ve learned some tough, but valuable lessons here. The pain you’re feeling is a necessary step in your spiritual past.

 

I understand. That’s what happens when people break up. It’s a very surreal and utterly depressing feeling. It’s normal that you’re hurting now. You just need time to heal the wounds. Try to focus on other aspects of your life, it’s very important.

One of my toughest breakups (ouch, I went through so many) was my first divorce. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep. I felt I was losing my mind. At some point I clenched my teeth, sat down, and wrote a complete schedule for an entire week. And then just forced myself to carry it through. That really helped.

The toughest thing about it all of this is we had a GREAT friendship. I valued this more than being in a relationship with him. I didn’t want to lose it. Hence why I kept denying him a relationship with me 

[Teemacey]

1 minute ago, basil67 said:

I guess you have to keep going back to what you said "What I wanted was unfair to him".   As much as it's hurting your heart, I trust your brain realises that his promises were foolish and he'd eventually stop waiting.  

Yes, we were both being foolish. I just didn’t want to lose my friend. I will say, this thread HELPS. It makes me easy to not reach out. 

[Gebidozo]

1 minute ago, Teemacey said:

I know it is different for everyone, but how long did it take you to get over the divorce? How long were you married. I just need to know there’s some light at the end of this tunnel!!

Married for 6 years. How long to get over? Depends on what “getting over” really means. A part of the hurt always stays with you, I guess. Like a scar from a wound. I guess it took me about a month until I began to eat and sleep more or less normally. 

There is always light at the end of the tunnel. But you need to keep moving towards that light.

[Gebidozo]

4 minutes ago, Teemacey said:

The toughest thing about it all of this is we had a GREAT friendship. I valued this more than being in a relationship with him. I didn’t want to lose it. Hence why I kept denying him a relationship with me 

Yes, but that’s not fair to him. He wanted something else. He suffered, you suffered. Now it’s over. It’s like pulling out a decayed tooth. Very painful, and you miss the tooth. But it has to be done.

[Teemacey]

3 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Yes, but that’s not fair to him. He wanted something else. He suffered, you suffered. Now it’s over. It’s like pulling out a decayed tooth. Very painful, and you miss the tooth. But it has to be done.

I’m just having a hard time accepting the fact that he no longer cares like he used to. Today he said he I got what I wanted. He said it’s never too late he’s just accepting what I want. I told him it was because he will never look at me the same, especially because I acted desperate. Right now I hope that when I do heal from my past relationship, as well as whatever him and I had, that I will be in a better place and him and I will end up together. 

[Gebidozo]

6 minutes ago, Teemacey said:

I’m just having a hard time accepting the fact that he no longer cares like he used to. Today he said he I got what I wanted. He said it’s never too late he’s just accepting what I want. I told him it was because he will never look at me the same, especially because I acted desperate. Right now I hope that when I do heal from my past relationship, as well as whatever him and I had, that I will be in a better place and him and I will end up together. 

Please don’t hope for that now. You’ve put him through a lot and he is no obliged to keep waiting for you. It doesn’t matter if he said he would. Most people would move on and never come back when repeatedly told to wait and pushed out of a relationship. That’s the healthy thing to do.

[Teemacey]

2 minutes ago, Gebidozo said:

Please don’t hope for that now. You’ve put him through a lot and he is no obliged to keep waiting for you. It doesn’t matter if he said he would. Most people would move on and never come back when repeatedly told to wait and pushed out of a relationship. That’s the healthy thing to do.

Yes, I know this. That’s why I never understood why he stuck around for so long. I always would tell him I believe that if another girl came along he would drop me in a heartbeat, just like he did before. This is another reason I’m so sad he’s gone. Becusss I don’t feel like I will never be loved by someone like this again. 

Edited August 10 by Teemacey

[Gebidozo]

5 minutes ago, Teemacey said:

I don’t feel like I will never be loved by someone like this again. 

I don’t believe in one-sided love. I think love is something that’s being mutually experienced, built, cultivated by two people in a relationship. That didn’t happen in your relationship with him. You can be certain that, when you’re in a better spiritual and emotional place in your life, you’ll be able to find someone with whom you can create such love.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Teemacey said:

Yes, I know this. That’s why I never understood why he stuck around for so long.

Because he was a love-struck fool at the time. 

No judgement from me...I've done stupid stuff in the name of "love" too.  But we eventually wise up and realise that we need to make better decisions.  And so he did and moved on.

[Teemacey]

21 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Because he was a love-struck fool at the time. 

No judgement from me...I've done stupid stuff in the name of "love" too.  But we eventually wise up and realise that we need to make better decisions.  And so he did and moved on.

I’ve never done this before. Like I’ve dealt with heartbreak before, of course. But I never had to face it head on like I have to do now. I’m not ready for how hard this is going to be 

[basil67]

36 minutes ago, Teemacey said:

I’ve never done this before. Like I’ve dealt with heartbreak before, of course. But I never had to face it head on like I have to do now. I’m not ready for how hard this is going to be 

You will get through it. It will take time, but there is light at the end of the tunnel 

[Teemacey]

12 hours ago, basil67 said:

You will get through it. It will take time, but there is light at the end of the tunnel 

Ughhhhh I feel like I won’t. How do I find the good in all of this? What is the good in all of this? 

[stillafool]

37 minutes ago, Teemacey said:

Ughhhhh I feel like I won’t. How do I find the good in all of this? What is the good in all of this? 

No, you don't want to do it that is the problem.  You're going round and round saying the same things over and over with no plan or desire to move on.  If you're not ready to try to move on from him, at this point what do you want from this forum?  Because we have repeated the same conversation for 4 pages now.

Edited August 10 by stillafool

[Teemacey]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

No, you don't want to do it that is the problem.  You're going round and round saying the same things over and over with no plan or desire to move on.  At this point what do you want from this forum?

I don’t want to. I don’t want to lose an important person in my life, is that a bad thing? I have known him for 3 years and we had a great friendship and was important to each other before the relationship stuff happened. This forum really helps me see things from his perspective. It allows me to vent and keeps me from texting him. Last night we talked and he said “it’s not that I don’t want a relationship. I’m respecting what you told me. I tried and tried and tried and nothing worked and I’m done trying. You always said we should just be friends no matter how good things were going. If it happens it happens but I’m done forcing it”. After that we stopped talking and today is officially the day I’m starting this healing journey. This is just so hard. Like I said, I never really had to move on and go through heartbreak like I have to now. It’s hard. I think the reason a lot of ppl stay in situations we know we should move on from is because it’s easier than having to heal and go through loss. 

[Teemacey]

8 minutes ago, stillafool said:

No, you don't want to do it that is the problem.  You're going round and round saying the same things over and over with no plan or desire to move on.  If you're not ready to try to move on from him, at this point what do you want from this forum?  Because we have repeated the same conversation for 4 pages now.

Like for example, in the mornings we usually talk so this morning was super hard so instead of texting or calling, I came here instead. I really am trying. It’s a learning process. 

[Teemacey]

20 hours ago, basil67 said:

You will get through it. It will take time, but there is light at the end of the tunnel 

He attempted to reach out on social media. Should I block him on everything?! I am not understanding why he is still trying to communicate with me, it’s confusing af 

[basil67]

42 minutes ago, Teemacey said:

He attempted to reach out on social media. Should I block him on everything?! I am not understanding why he is still trying to communicate with me, it’s confusing af 

Of course you should block him on everything!    And do so without a word

As for why he's trying to communicate with you: its because he thinks his right to contact you is more important than your boundaries.  He's starting to cross into scary territory.   

[Teemacey]

6 hours ago, basil67 said:

Of course you should block him on everything!    And do so without a word

As for why he's trying to communicate with you: its because he thinks his right to contact you is more important than your boundaries.  He's starting to cross into scary territory.   

Will do!! He reached out first but of course didn’t respond to me. And I see he’s posting more on social media all of a sudden. I can’t do this anymore, I’m done. 

[basil67]

1 hour ago, Teemacey said:

Will do!! He reached out first but of course didn’t respond to me. And I see he’s posting more on social media all of a sudden. I can’t do this anymore, I’m done. 

Good to hear your fighting spirit.  Hit the block button on everything

Edited August 11 by basil67

[Teemacey]

On 8/11/2024 at 3:44 AM, basil67 said:

Good to hear your fighting spirit.  Hit the block button on everything

Today will be day 2 without us speaking. I feel terrible for not responding when he reached out, I know this is the right thing to do but I’m having a hard time getting myself to believe this. In the past when I tried to give him space to move on, he was the one reaching out and he said “you won’t be satisfied until we’re not speaking anymore because I won’t keep texting you first”. Even though I wanted to move on, I would respond because I know if I didn’t what it would mean. So I already know what this means and it hurts, not even gonna lie. 

[Teemacey]

On 8/9/2024 at 9:10 PM, Gebidozo said:

Please don’t hope for that now. You’ve put him through a lot and he is no obliged to keep waiting for you. It doesn’t matter if he said he would. Most people would move on and never come back when repeatedly told to wait and pushed out of a relationship. That’s the healthy thing to do.

Today will be day 2 without us speaking. I feel terrible for not responding when he reached out, I know this is the right thing to do but I’m having a hard time getting myself to believe this. In the past when I tried to give him space to move on, he was the one reaching out and he said “you won’t be satisfied until we’re not speaking anymore because I won’t keep texting you first”. Even though I wanted to move on, I would respond because I know if I didn’t what it would mean. So I already know what this means and it hurts, not even gonna lie. 

[stillafool]

5 hours ago, Teemacey said:

So I already know what this means and it hurts, not even gonna lie. 

No one said it would be easy.  But you just have to keep going and then you'll see the light at the end of the tunnel.  You have to detach.