Tips on re starting an old relationship?

[Spicydicey449]

 

Hello everyone,

I am 28, and single for a little bit after a year ish long relationship. It ended on okay terms. It just seemed neither of us were too crazy about each other. (If anyone is curious from my last post though it's not too relevant)

Well, I'm back in contact with an ex I've been in on and off contact with from 3 years ago. And to me, hes the one. The one I've never stopped thinking about. And our relationship didn't end badly. We just weren't in the place to make it work.

But a little while ago this man reached out saying he had been thinking of me, missed me, wanted to take me out and do better. And it was gut wrenching because i wasn't single at the time. But I told him he needed to not contact me because I was in a relationship. And I didn't hear from him after that.
Fast forward to a couple weeks ago, I reach out to him. I ask how hes doing and if he would like to grab lunch and catch up.
He says yes and asks if I am single/and confirms he is. We had lunch 2 days ago. And it was wonderful. We talked for a few hours and had a really long hug before we split ways for the day.

It's been a complicated situation for us over the years, but never mean, nor disrespecting each other if we were seeing other people.

But after his message from before I cut contact, I feel like he may want to try this again.

Our lunch was just casual. But our chemistry was still VERY palpible and there. We also just have so much history. And I'd dearly love for this to happen. I genuinely love this man and to me, he has been the one since we met. And I am 100% certain my feelings are returned. I'm just not sure how to move it forward as I feel like we are both hesitant. And I feel like since I rejected him last, it's on me to initiate.

The only contact we have had since, was I texted saying it was "very very good to see him." And he responded "likewise :)"

Advice on how to do that? I don't want to rush into it, but I also want to make it clear I am interested in pursuing this.

 

[Gebidozo]

I was in a somewhat similar situation a couple of years ago. I reconnected with a woman I’d known before and had feelings for, only to discover that I still had those feelings.

I asked her if she was single, and she said she wasn’t, she was in a long-distance relationship with a guy.

I said, “I still have feelings for you, it’s like those couple of years never happened. Do you still have feelings for me?”

She said yes. I said, “Then break up with that guy and be with me. I’ll wait for your decision”.

Two weeks later, she broke up with him, and we’re together now.

Just go for it. Make it clear to him that you have feelings for him. Don’t be afraid to initiate and to rekindle your relationship. If you both feel that you’re ready for that, it’s not rushing.

Edited August 7 by Gebidozo

[Sony12]

9 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

I was in a somewhat similar situation a couple of years ago. I reconnected with a woman I’d known before and had feelings for, only to discover that I still had those feelings.

I asked her if she was single, and she said she wasn’t, she was in a long-distance relationship with a guy.

I said, “I still have feelings for you, it’s like those couple of years never happened. Do you still have feelings for me?”

She said yes. I said, “Then break up with that guy and be with me. I’ll wait for your decision”.

Two weeks later, she broke up with him, and we’re together now.

Just go for it. Make it clear to him that you have feelings for him. Don’t be afraid to initiate and to rekindle your relationship. If you both feel that you’re ready for that, it’s not rushing.

While that worked for the particular situation you were in being that direct really would put off a lot of people. A lot of women would probably of felt like giving you the middle finger if you directly told them to break up with their current boyfriend and to let you know when it is done like you weren't going to have anything to do with them unless they gave into your demands.

So while being that direct can work from time to time it's not really the best way to go in the long run. It's better to allow them to make the decision for themselves on their own terms that you are worth breaking up with their current partner over.

If she left her former boyfriend like that for you don't think for a second she wouldn't do the same thing to you if she found someone she liked better or felt more attracted to than she does to you.

Edited August 7 by Sony12

[Gaeta]

11 hours ago, Spicydicey449 said:

And I feel like since I rejected him last, it's on me to initiate.

And you did initiate. 

Where is he at in his life? Is he recently single? How long have you been single?

[smackie9]

Ask him out for dinner

 

[introverted1]

17 hours ago, Spicydicey449 said:

Fast forward to a couple weeks ago, I reach out to him. I ask how hes doing and if he would like to grab lunch and catch up.
He says yes and asks if I am single/and confirms he is.

You did initiate.

And you are both single.

Seems to me that the ball is in his court now.

[ShyViolet]

You are already talking to him and so if it's meant to happen it will naturally happen.  Do not put massive expectations on this or try to rush it.  Just hang out with him again, do not put pressure on this to become some spectacular relationship.  Just let it unfold naturally and if it's meant to happen it will.  It sounds like you are already getting carried away with huge expectations and you are likely to get disappointed if you get ahead of yourself.  If you're saying things like "he's the one and I really want this to turn into a serious relationship" you are already going about this all wrong.  Just like if it was a person you are dating for the first time ever, you don't get carried away with expectations like that.  Just get to know each other again, spend time together and let it unfold.

[flitzanu]

On 8/6/2024 at 10:31 PM, Spicydicey449 said:

 

 I feel like we are both hesitant. And I feel like since I rejected him last, it's on me to initiate.

The only contact we have had since, was I texted saying it was "very very good to see him." And he responded "likewise :)"

Advice on how to do that? I don't want to rush into it, but I also want to make it clear I am interested in pursuing this.

 

you're right, it IS on you to initiate.

advice on how to do that?

"i just want to be clear, I am interested in pursuing this" or "i am interested in dating you again"

 

you don't need some secret language, just say what you want.

[Spicydicey449]

13 hours ago, flitzanu said:

you're right, it IS on you to initiate.

advice on how to do that?

"i just want to be clear, I am interested in pursuing this" or "i am interested in dating you again"

 

you don't need some secret language, just say what you want.

I did! After posting this. And he said he would like to "feel it out" 😂

Which is valid 

[Spicydicey449]

So we ended up having date #2. 

Dinner, a movie and back to his place. Where we did NOT hook up. 

We just hung out, joked around a lot and ended up cuddling and him holding my hand. 

Later I gave him a hand massage (massaged his hands), and we fell asleep briefly. Then I needed to go home. So he walked me to my car, gave me a hug and said to tell him when I was home. 

I think it's going well. 

[stillafool]

On 8/6/2024 at 11:31 PM, Spicydicey449 said:

I ask how hes doing and if he would like to grab lunch and catch up.

Okay so you've already asked him out once.  Now if he's interested in more, the ball is in his court.

 

12 hours ago, Spicydicey449 said:

So we ended up having date #2. 

Did he ask you out on the date or did you ask him again?

[Spicydicey449]

1 hour ago, stillafool said:

Okay so you've already asked him out once.  Now if he's interested in more, the ball is in his court.

 

Did he ask you out on the date or did you ask him again?

He asked 

[beenthere]

never go backwards in life-second time around only gets worse-i even tried it a 3rd time i think out of desperation for company-just get another cat-thats what i do.

[Spicydicey449]

On 8/16/2024 at 1:37 PM, beenthere said:

never go backwards in life-second time around only gets worse-i even tried it a 3rd time i think out of desperation for company-just get another cat-thats what i do.

I do feel that. I luckily do have my absolute soul mate of a cat ❤️