coasting Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 I am a 36 year old woman who had been living with a guy for almost three years. I love the man to death and would do anything I could for him, however over the past year there had been quite a bit of arguing but anytime we tried to talk it was always his way or no way! Six months into our relationship he had an affair with one of the women he was in the guards with. At first he denied it all, but then one night he looked at me and told me I should just move on because I deserved better. I asked him what he was trying to tell me. After he told me he had this affair I told him I needed to go for a ride to sort out my thoughts. I came back and told him I could forgive him, butcould never forget it. We moved on for the next year oryear and a half and I had a god for saken awful feeling that he was cheating again, I confronted hima nd he denied it. Now November 19,2005 comes around and we have an argument in the morning, before I leave for work. I come home at 3:30 to find a note on the table that reads "Sorry it had to be this way, but it seems to be what you wanted, I don't know what else to do." Traumatized i called everyone and noone knew where he was. Thinking one of his Navy buddies was covering for hin I though he was staying with him. Over the course of the next few weeks we communicated over via emails but I could never find out who he was staing with, and where he was bringing his two children from his previous marriageto sleep everyother weekend. A couple weeks into this I learned he had moved in with a woman that we both worked with at the hospital, who also has two children. Upset of course by this I confronted him in an emai, and his response ws,Please don't talk about it at work. Now he is a security guard, she is an admitting person and I am in the nursing field at the hospital so we all have contact with one another. Myself more with him then her because he is security in the ER. I have asked around and people tell me they very rarely seen him with her and were totatly shocked by the move. I asked him once if it had been a planned move and he said No it was totatly unexpected. I feel that was the truth only because he left half of the bigger belongings here, because he said he couldn't get a truck in such short notice. I am told by many what comes around goes around, and trust me I do want them both to feel some pain, but this pain I have been feeling over the past six weeks is awful. Everyone says give it time he will be crawlig back, my question is as much as I want him back, do I take him back if this happens? Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 Only you know if you should take him back or not reguardless of what people here say. However, IMO, my question to you is, why do even want him back? He has betrayed your trust at least 2 times that you know of. He cheated once, you forgave him, took him back, now he has done this again and even moved out. What does that tell you? Be strong, if he comes crawling back which he probably will at some point with a good ol sob story for you, so you will feel bad, take pity on him and take him back, don't do it. Sounds like he can not be trusted, and has caused you lots of unwanted stress. I really don't think you want that for your self. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Author coasting Posted January 2, 2006 Author Share Posted January 2, 2006 Why would I want him back? That seems to be the question. And I guess the answer is love is blind, and I do love this man with all of my heart and soul. I think his moving out and in with this woman was a drastic decission on his part, and i honestly do not think it will wor for the two of them, he more or less replaced me with her only in her home! She is doing all of the things I use to do for him, on such a quick note. I appreciate your advice and hopefully the more I hear from others the sooner it will sink in. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 I understand you love him, but is that enough for you? I'm not saying he will do this again if you take him back, but sometimes "love" is not enough to keep a realtionship together. It also takes, communication, trust, honesty, respect etc etc. Has he shown any of these things to you? Maybe at one point, but seems like not right now. I'm not knocking your love for him nor am I knocking the fact that you may take him back, but is this something you are willing to give another shot? Are you willing to see if he can be trustworthy again? Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Author coasting Posted January 2, 2006 Author Share Posted January 2, 2006 You are so right and I know it. It is just a matter of getting it through my head. I keep thinking, is it really cheating if he moved out, but then again I know I am making excuses for this person that is suppose to be a man! Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 Keep your guard up and "expect the unexpected and you will never be disappointed" that is my saying !! After being hurt i tend to only let someone get so close so that i won't get hurt again!! Might be stupid but helps getting in too deep and letting someone getting too close to be disappointed all over again!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author coasting Posted January 2, 2006 Author Share Posted January 2, 2006 I guess it is the betrayal feeling and the questions of why, and does he think what he did to me all right that keep me feeling so bitter. I am a very forgiving person and I fear after the bitter feelings are gone my guard will be let down once again. I know I just have to be strong but it seems like I should be stronger after six weeks but in reality it seems as if it were just yesterday that I walked in on this nightmare! Link to post Share on other sites
lilmoma1973 Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 I guess it is the betrayal feeling and the questions of why, and does he think what he did to me all right that keep me feeling so bitter. I am a very forgiving person and I fear after the bitter feelings are gone my guard will be let down once again. I know I just have to be strong but it seems like I should be stronger after six weeks but in reality it seems as if it were just yesterday that I walked in on this nightmare! It happened to me a long time ago and i think you can forgive the person ,but your heart still can't forget!! It hurts and you never want to feel that heartache again ,so you trust and love only as far as you can so that it won't be as bad the next time!! Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 Even after only 6 weeks, the wounds are still fresh. Hopefully over time those wounds will begin to heal. However I think if you continually take him back time and time again, your wounds will never really heal properly. You deserve someone who is good to you, is honest, respectful and trustworthy. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Author coasting Posted January 2, 2006 Author Share Posted January 2, 2006 Thanks Guys, You Are Going To Be My Saviors Through All Of This! Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted January 2, 2006 Share Posted January 2, 2006 You are welcome whis! Let us know how things turn out! Jade Link to post Share on other sites
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