Is it going anywhere? I'm a bit worried

[GingerCee]

So I was in a relationship with my now ex for 4 years. In these years I believed we had the best relationship.  I felt like he was the love of my life and vice versa. Last year things got a bit shaky. I was going through depression. I was a bit more sensitive, needed more attention and assurance which I never received from my partner. We started fighting a lot because of these imbalances then in August he dropped the bombshell via text and broke up with me. His reasons being that he felt our relationship didn't hit the same, we had drifted apart, doesn't have any energy left in him to fight for the relationship any longer and didn't see a future between us anymore. 

We immediately went no contact for a month then I later messaged him.

So since then we had been having small talk occasionally until the beginning of this year where we started talking everyday. In recent months he has been flirting with me a lot, sending relationship reels, talking about the future and more interested in my daily well being. As this was going on I asked him what his intentions were with our interactions and he said that he is seeing if he can try to bring back our spark. 

From that conversation he has been a bit aloof , we haven't been talking in the same intensity as months ago, his excuses are that he is busy with work and I feel embarrassed that I might have trapped myself in what may look like a FWB while I'm still interested in him for a serious commitment.

[semble]

17 minutes ago, GingerCee said:

As this was going on I asked him what his intentions were with our interactions

Never, EVER do this. It's absolutely cringeworthy and it will send most guys running for the hills.

 

[Alpacalia]

It's quite peculiar that he went from having ZERO feelings for you one month ago to  flirting and talking about the future. Now he's back to being  aloof, citing work as his excuse. 

I would not  hold my breath that 4 years of infatuation changed for him in just a few months. I also don't think it's productive to dwell on (albeit, completely normal) what could have been or if you acted differently in the past, things would turn out differently. 

Edited August 10, 2024 by Alpacalia

[ShyViolet]

You already tried being in a proper relationship with him, and he lost feelings for you and broke up with you.  Then he drifted back into your life and started flirting with you again, only to lose feelings for you a second time.  This guy is never going to really want to be with you.  If you did somehow get back together with him it's obvious he would get tired of you and dump you again.  Stop chasing after this guy and find someone who actually wants to be with you.  He isn't it.

[Alpacalia]

24 minutes ago, semble said:

Never, EVER do this. It's absolutely cringeworthy and it will send most guys running for the hills.

I think it really depends.

On one hand, she is asking for clarity on what the nature is of their relationship.

On the other hand, she is essentially asking him to make a decision on their relationship and pressuring commitment. It might be better to just communicate your own feelings and without asking him to make a choice. There already needs to be trust and connection before confronting a guy about his intentions or like if you've reached a relationship milestone.

Besides @GingerCee, if he had expressed a genuine interest in getting closer to you and more serious, then you would have already picked up on his readiness for a conversation about intentions.

 

[maggiemtn]

The answer to your question is no, it’s not going anywhere. It’s pretty obvious that he was bread crumbing you to keep you around, and when you said something serious he backed off. He wants to kill time with you until he finds someone else. It doesn’t make you less than, you shouldn’t feel stupid. We’ve all been there. But now that you’ve seen his reaction to you wanting to move things forward, you should move on and never talk to him again because it’s not going anywhere and will just make you sad. 

[stillafool]

It may have been different if he were the one to contact you after he broke up with you and wanted to try again.  Since you were the one to contact him it's hard to know if he really missed you and had an interest in getting back.  You said you backed yourself into a corner by being a FWB (sex) and it seems that after he got that he started backing away again.  He's not serious about you and does not want to get back.  I wouldn't waste any more time on him if I were you.