How can I forget her

[TheLostOne1]

First of all, this topic is the second part of this.

But anyways, basically what just happened was that I told her that I love her, although I knew that she doesn't have the same feeling towards me. I didn't plan for that, It just sorta happened. She had some kind of concern about us talking, some kind of worry. She said that "What would others think about us talking. Talking until 4 a.m doesn't look like a normal friendship. If you had a girlfriend she definitely wouldn't be comfortable about us talking, so If it really is nothing between us, then why is it like that", at that moment I was completely shocked, I wasn't expecting a discussion like that, I wasn't ready for it. but it got even more crazier when she said that "I'm feeling like I have disappointed my parents, They wouldn't even guess that I'm chatting with a man, and even if they find out, how should I tell them it's just a friendship, our chats don't look like "normal friendship"."

And then I saw how important is this topic to her, It looked like she's been thinking about this for a few weeks, It was hard to see how she desperately needed an answer, an answer to "what is our relationship". The thing that our relationship could be more than "just a friendship" seemed like a concern to her. I knew that it's probably because of my feeling towards her, and I knew that I gotta eventually tell her, so I told her. I said that I know the answer, and told her that I like her way more than just a friendship. She didn't believe me for a while, but eventually did. She was in shock, I was too, I still can't believe it happened.  She told me "How could you trust me, You can't trust anyone online." "You only hurt yourself by telling me, I told you since the beginning that all I'm seeking is friendship.". I told her that "I did try to be just your friend but I couldn't." She then tried to comfort me, told me that "I don't blame you, it wasn't under your control. but it's not love that you are feeling, it's some sort of attachment. You are gonna grow, become successful, and find the right one." , And told me not to fall in love online again.

She then asked me not to message her ever again, and to forget her and don't think about her, like she didn't exist at all. And then we said our last farewells.

But I only fell more in love with her when she was saying all those things, It was like she said she doesn't feel the same in the most angelic way. I really regret telling her, we could spend more time with eachother before ruining our relationship. The fact that she had just lost contact with almost all of her other friends made it even a worse time to tell her. But it happened and I can't change it now.

I just don't know how can I forget her, and not think about her. I still love her and think she is perfect.

Edited August 10 by TheLostOne1

[Alpacalia]

Okay, so you feel you fell in love with someone you never met, who told you to not contact them ever again? Sometimes feelings can be stronger or more intense on things or people we don't necessarily know in real life. Your love was mostly one-sided. She made it clear that she saw your relationship as strictly platonic and she has her own concerns about talking to someone she barely knows online. Sometimes we can love someone from afar and appreciate them for who they are, but that doesn't necessarily mean we are meant to be in a romantic relationship with them. 

There are other people out there who can make you feel just as loved and appreciated, if not more. Look, I am not saying that people haven't forged relationships, romantic or not, online - of course it's possible, but your case is one of the majority where it ends in heartbreak and disappointment. It was you who imposed the idea that she liked you more than a friend. Love must be constantly and mutually fed. She stopped talking to you because it was only you who had this idealized version of your relationship in your head. She was straight forward, and I give her kudos for that. She never mentioned the specifics instead she remained clear on the principles. 

You have to get to know that one day when you do find someone, it will be much better, we can talk about signs some other time. Just remember, it won’t be all “ideal”. Your perfect person does come with flaws, which will drive you insane some days, and make you love them so much more at other times. Don’t keep finding a perfect person to date, find someone who can make days much better, something that’s real. Someone who you can text late at night, even when you’re both too tired to keep your eyes open. Someone who makes you laugh. Usually, those times when we think we could never date someone because we have “nothing in common” is most telling. We do have things in common. It’s called mutual love, shared companionship, trust in the person you love, et cetera.

Just don't let yourself get caught up in this idealistic version of love, that some people emit online. You will be demotivated and disappointed. And real life they’d anger you, or disappoint you, because they’re not living up to our expectations. 

[Gebidozo]

So you prefer not to heed the wise words that girl told you:

7 hours ago, TheLostOne1 said:

it's not love that you are feeling, it's some sort of attachment. You are gonna grow, become successful, and find the right one

…and keep insisting that

7 hours ago, TheLostOne1 said:

But I only fell more in love with her when she was saying all those things

You’re lucky that she seems to be a good person who was honest with you, insisted on breaking off the contact, and didn’t string you along. Can you please follow her wise advice? And the advices of literally everyone on this forum in that other thread?

[TheLostOne1]

12 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

And the advices of literally everyone on this forum in that other thread?

I literally remembered your advices when she was saying thise things lol.

[TheLostOne1]

I think I should make an update here.

After posting this, Although she asked me not to message her again, She did, and told me that we didn't talk about it enough. So we had a long conversation, basically I opened up more about my feeling and she listened. She said "We are close friends and I couldn't just say goodbye like that", we agreed to remain friends, she was just worried about me hurting myself by having the feeling, so she asked me to forget the feeling. She said "I do respect you, and I like you as a friend, but we are gonna remain friends, so having the feeling can be disturbing for yourself." I told her that I will try to forget it. I just accepted that she doesn't feel the same way and it's not going anywhere. So I'm processing forgetting the feeling and It's going pretty good so far.

Edited August 11 by TheLostOne1

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, TheLostOne1 said:

So I'm processing forgetting the feeling and It's going pretty good so far.

I sincerely wish you good luck. It would be much easier if you stopped being close friends with her, though. Otherwise you’ll keep clinging to hope, perhaps even subconsciously, and the ambiguity of the situation will eventually make you (and her) very uncomfortable.

[ExpatInItaly]

You aren't going to be able to remain close friends, OP. 

It will devastate you if you try to stay in her life and then one day hear about a new guy she's met. Please, take some time away from her and cut way back on communication. You will make things a lot harder on yourself if you don't.