Does love exist for us all?

[sammy24xx]

I am a 33 year old women - So I am told often very attractive, blonde, petite and big eyes. I am not stuck up, vein under any circumstances and when you get to know my soul I am extremely loving, soft and kind. I have been single for over two years. I have had long term relationships when I was younger but now I have hit my 30's, it seems impossible. I have met people in person, dating apps, you name it but men just don't treat me well. They either have sexual intentions too soon, they are either very insecure and their red flags become apparent or if I am seeing anyone it seems that they go into a shell and freak at the sight of their own emotions. It's becoming an issue for me because it's making me take a dislike towards men and feel they are somewhat threatened. What happened to the days when men were gentlemen, normal and had pure intentions towards women. I feel as though my friends are settled, but it's not happening for me. Will it? or will I always be alone due to the sad population in the UK? I try my hardest to stay postive and continue to be open when something finishes, but it leaves me questioning what country of males do I live in now...  

[Gaeta]

The answer is pretty much always within ourselves.

At first when I was single and looking I always ended up meeting these very charming men who turned out being players. I came to think all men were players but then I'd look at my 3 brothers, my male friends, colleagues who were all loving devoted boyfriend/husbands....these men still existed, I had the proof under my nose. Somehow it was me picking the wrong men to date. I had to do a lot of inner work to understand why I was attracting the wrong type of men. It started within myself. I wanted to be 'loved' then I did my search with 'I wanted to be respected'. It changed the WHOLE game.

[FredEire]

6 hours ago, Gaeta said:

The answer is pretty much always within ourselves.

At first when I was single and looking I always ended up meeting these very charming men who turned out being players. I came to think all men were players but then I'd look at my 3 brothers, my male friends, colleagues who were all loving devoted boyfriend/husbands....these men still existed, I had the proof under my nose. Somehow it was me picking the wrong men to date. I had to do a lot of inner work to understand why I was attracting the wrong type of men. It started within myself. I wanted to be 'loved' then I did my search with 'I wanted to be respected'. It changed the WHOLE game.

Agree. I think love exists for us all but some of us will bang our heads off a brick wall our whole lives due to developing negative attachment patterns and not being able to change them. It's difficult but that's what you have to change if you're forever the most attracted to people it seems to go badly with in the same way.

[basil67]

 

9 hours ago, sammy24xx said:

What happened to the days when men were gentlemen, normal and had pure intentions towards women.

Where did you get the idea that this was ever a thing?   You're hankering for a time which has never existed.  

Men have only ever been human, with a range of personalities which reflect the broad human experience.   Some come on fast and heavy, some are reticent.  Some want relationships and some don't.  Heck, I've got my grandmother's diary from when she met my grandfather in the late 1930's and let's just say she had to keep swatting his hands away.

What is your criteria for selecting a suitable man?  

[basil67]

10 hours ago, sammy24xx said:

So I am told often very attractive, blonde, petite and big eyes. I am not stuck up, vein under any circumstances and when you get to know my soul I am extremely loving, soft and kind.

I also feel it would be worth considering how you put yourself forward. 

You say that you're not vain, but you've just opened a post talking about how attractive you are and what a wonderful person you are.   Thing is though, a person who is not vain would not do this.  They'd likely make no mention of any of these things (especially appearance) because they don't want to draw attention to themselves.   Or they'd put a more subdued description (I take care of myself and try to be a good person) in the last paragraph, kind of like a last bit of information. 

If you're presenting this level of vainness in real life, it could be affecting your dating

 

Edited August 13 by basil67

[Gebidozo]

As a man, there are four things that I find somewhat unattractive in your statement. Perhaps other men feel similar, and it would help you to understand better why you haven’t been had much success dating lately. 

1):

11 hours ago, sammy24xx said:

They either have sexual intentions too soon

11 hours ago, sammy24xx said:

What happened to the days when men were gentlemen, normal and had pure intentions towards women.

You seem to equate sexual desire with impure intentions. That’s not the way most men I know (myself included) see it. If a man wants to have sex with you very soon, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he doesn’t respect you and just wants to use you for sex. It might mean that he is really into you. It depends on the man.

Instead of dividing men into those who want sex soon and those who don’t, divide them into those who you trust because they respect you, and those who you don’t. Only date the first kind.

2):

11 hours ago, sammy24xx said:

So I am told often very attractive, blonde, petite and big eyes. I am not stuck up, vein under any circumstances and when you get to know my soul I am extremely loving, soft and kind.

If this was how you described yourself to me, I probably wouldn’t date you. It sounds like you’re boasting. Hopefully, this is just what you’re telling us and not men you’re dating. The rule “show, don’t tell” applies here.

 

3):

11 hours ago, sammy24xx said:

it leaves me questioning what country of males do I live in now

If a man wrote this about women, he’d be accused of misogyny, and rightfully so. Try not to generalize. There are good men and bad men everywhere. If you can’t find the good ones, perhaps the problem is not theirs, but yours.

4):

11 hours ago, sammy24xx said:

or will I always be alone due to the sad population in the UK?

This is the most unattractive thing in your post. Not only you’re blaming an entire gender in an entire country for your own discontent, you’re being whiny and needy about it.

Try changing your attitude, be open and nice, start genuinely liking men with all their faults, think about what you could give them rather than what they could give you, don’t complain, and men will start flocking to you like goats to a wise, kind goatherd.

[FredEire]

5 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

As a man, there are four things that I find somewhat unattractive in your statement. Perhaps other men feel similar, and it would help you to understand better why you haven’t been had much success dating lately. 

1):

You seem to equate sexual desire with impure intentions. That’s not the way most men I know (myself included) see it. If a man wants to have sex with you very soon, it doesn’t necessarily mean that he doesn’t respect you and just wants to use you for sex. It might mean that he is really into you. It depends on the man.

Instead of dividing men into those who want sex soon and those who don’t, divide them into those who you trust because they respect you, and those who you don’t. Only date the first kind.

2):

If this was how you described yourself to me, I probably wouldn’t date you. It sounds like you’re boasting. Hopefully, this is just what you’re telling us and not men you’re dating. The rule “show, don’t tell” applies here.

 

3):

If a man wrote this about women, he’d be accused of misogyny, and rightfully so. Try not to generalize. There are good men and bad men everywhere. If you can’t find the good ones, perhaps the problem is not theirs, but yours.

4):

This is the most unattractive thing in your post. Not only you’re blaming an entire gender in an entire country for your own discontent, you’re being whiny and needy about it.

Try changing your attitude, be open and nice, start genuinely liking men with all their faults, think about what you could give them rather than what they could give you, don’t complain, and men will start flocking to you like goats to a wise, kind goatherd.

I agree.

The OP is basically "where have all the good men gone?"

Why do people need to say they are not stuck up or vain? Probably because they've been told this in the past and they aren't sure themselves if there might be a bit of truth in it.

When you feel the need to describe yourself as "very attractive, petite, blonde, and big eyes", it comes off well... pretty vain.

Is it possible you go into dates with a stuck up, entitled attitude, already convinced that the guy you are seeing is going to display some undesirable quality, and because the whole thing has already almost become a conflict in a sense the good guys go running and what you're left with is the ones determined to get into your pants?

Something to consider.

[sammy24xx]

12 minutes ago, FredEire said:

I agree.

The OP is basically "where have all the good men gone?"

Why do people need to say they are not stuck up or vain? Probably because they've been told this in the past and they aren't sure themselves if there might be a bit of truth in it.

When you feel the need to describe yourself as "very attractive, petite, blonde, and big eyes", it comes off well... pretty vain.

Is it possible you go into dates with a stuck up, entitled attitude, already convinced that the guy you are seeing is going to display some undesirable quality, and because the whole thing has already almost become a conflict in a sense the good guys go running and what you're left with is the ones determined to get into your pants?

Something to consider.

it comes off vain to men! the description of myself and comments I receive play a big part in the point of the question. I do believe men feel threatened by me and even if I hide that whilst meeting them, I can see it. 

[FredEire]

28 minutes ago, sammy24xx said:

it comes off vain to men! the description of myself and comments I receive play a big part in the point of the question. I do believe men feel threatened by me and even if I hide that whilst meeting them, I can see it. 

That doesn't suprise me, I think it's probably a fair assessment.

But I think maybe rather than framing it as something like "these guys just can't handle me", think about it from their perspective.

Even if you were going out with the ideal guy, nobody wants to arrive on a date where they're already being put through their paces so to speak, starting on minus points having to prove themselves. They want something easy, fun and natural that flows effortlessly, with a girl who's into them rather than someone who expects flaws and problems from the off. More often than not it will make you both uncomfortable.

Most of the guys who will stick around in that situation are players who are into your looks and want to see if they can pass your tests to get you into bed, which would lead to what you're describing in OP.

[sammy24xx]

17 minutes ago, FredEire said:

That doesn't suprise me, I think it's probably a fair assessment.

But I think maybe rather than framing it as something like "these guys just can't handle me", think about it from their perspective.

Even if you were going out with the ideal guy, nobody wants to arrive on a date where they're already being put through their paces so to speak, starting on minus points having to prove themselves. They want something easy, fun and natural that flows effortlessly, with a girl who's into them rather than someone who expects flaws and problems from the off. More often than not it will make you both uncomfortable.

Most of the guys who will stick around in that situation are players who are into your looks and want to see if they can pass your tests to get you into bed, which would lead to what you're describing in OP.

you're an example of my OP. Thank you for taking your time to answer. Happy Tuesday

[FredEire]

12 minutes ago, sammy24xx said:

you're an example of my OP. Thank you for taking your time to answer. Happy Tuesday

I rest my case 😂 I'd advise not coming on to public forums for advice if you can't take it.

Good luck!

[sammy24xx]

5 minutes ago, FredEire said:

I rest my case 😂 I'd advise not coming on to public forums for advice if you can't take it.

Good luck!

Parden? I just wished you a happy Tuesday? I'm fine and singing to Spanish music as I visit Spain next month. Again thank you. 

[sammy24xx]

8 minutes ago, FredEire said:

I rest my case 😂 I'd advise not coming on to public forums for advice if you can't take it.

Good luck!

Fingers crossed I meet a Spanish man! 🤣

[FredEire]

Haha I see. Disfruta!

[happyhorizons]

4 hours ago, sammy24xx said:

it comes off vain to men! the description of myself and comments I receive play a big part in the point of the question. I do believe men feel threatened by me and even if I hide that whilst meeting them, I can see it. 

Why do you think that men are threatened by you? I do believe that ALL of us are capable of loving and finding love in our lives. Having said that, love means different things to many people.

[sammy24xx]

Just now, happyhorizons said:

Why do you think that men are threatened by you? I do believe that ALL of us are capable of loving and finding love in our lives. Having said that, love means different things to many people.

I meet good looking men, average men, rich men, poor men, kind men, funny men - they're all the same. From what I am seeing they can't handle women who are strong minded, make their own good money and have life goals. I don't think England is the place for me. I don't think I would see the same from Spanish men etc.  Sad generation of people now. What happened to the good old days when our grandparents met, and life and love was loyal and beautiful.

[happyhorizons]

I also feel that it is not healthy to compare one’s life to those around you. Everyone experiences different things in life that may cause our lives to be different than others. Be happy with who you are and where you are going.

[happyhorizons]

2 minutes ago, sammy24xx said:

I meet good looking men, average men, rich men, poor men, kind men, funny men - they're all the same. From what I am seeing they can't handle women who are strong minded, make their own good money and have life goals. I don't think England is the place for me. I don't think I would see the same from Spanish men etc.  Sad generation of people now. What happened to the good old days when our grandparents met, and life and love was loyal and beautiful.

That type of love and relationships definitely do STILL exist so do not think otherwise. You deserve that OP and never think differently.

[sammy24xx]

15 minutes ago, happyhorizons said:

That type of love and relationships definitely do STILL exist so do not think otherwise. You deserve that OP and never think differently.

thank you lovely ❤️ 

[Gaeta]

2 hours ago, sammy24xx said:

I meet good looking men, average men, rich men, poor men, kind men, funny men -

That is not enough of standards. On your list there should be respectful, patient, considerate, generous, full of courtesy. You probably waste too much time on the wrong men because they're good looking. I've been there, done that. If you dropped these prospects at the moment they say something off or do something off you would not have exhausted yourself looking. When one of these men try to touch you inappropriately on a 1st date it rarely comes out of the blue, they usually have said something inappropriate that you've let slide. 

When I was online at first I use to let go of a lot of inappropriate vocabulary because it was 'online' and it seemed to be the norm on there. I decided to cut that BS. If a man did not address me online with the same respect I expected from a stranger in a public place I dropped him. Any message starting with hey sexy! hey gorgeous and that type of stuff BLOCK. I only answered to messages that were well written & engaging. The same applied to when we met in person. I passed on most men messaging me but the men I met in real were of a much higher quality. 

[stillafool]

7 hours ago, sammy24xx said:

it comes off vain to men! the description of myself and comments I receive play a big part in the point of the question. I do believe men feel threatened by me and even if I hide that whilst meeting them, I can see it. 

Why did you think those men felt threatened by you?  What did they do to make you think that?

[sammy24xx]

1 minute ago, Gaeta said:

That is not enough of standards. On your list there should be respectful, patient, considerate, generous, full of courtesy. You probably waste too much time on the wrong men because they're good looking. I've been there, done that. If you dropped these prospects at the moment they say something off or do something off you would not have exhausted yourself looking. When one of these men try to touch you inappropriately on a 1st date it rarely comes out of the blue, they usually have said something inappropriate that you've let slide. 

When I was online at first I use to let go of a lot of inappropriate vocabulary because it was 'online' and it seemed to be the norm on there. I decided to cut that BS. If a man did not address me online with the same respect I expected from a stranger in a public place I dropped him. Any message starting with hey sexy! hey gorgeous and that type of stuff BLOCK. I only answered to messages that were well written & engaging. The same applied to when we met in person. I passed on most men messaging me but the men I met in real were of a much higher quality. 

I absolute agree - it makes my blood boil when they think after paying for my meal they can even attempt to try - it's not attractive and gives me an ick! I just block them now. I feel sad for them. These are blokes in their 30's who are still acting like we all did at 18. I am too strong for it and I will not tolerate. I do sometimes think i need to soften perhaps and not feel all men are the same, but gosh my brain is convinced of it.

[sammy24xx]

Just now, stillafool said:

Why did you think those men felt threatened by you?  What did they do to make you think that?

belittling comments, showing off, acting insecure and asking me if I feel the same if I haven't text good morning by 09.00 am, making sexual comments after meeting me once when I give no impression of that - making me feel cheap is what they're trying to do because they're insecure. It's a sad dating world 2024

[Gaeta]

2 minutes ago, sammy24xx said:

I do sometimes think i need to soften perhaps and not feel all men are the same, but gosh my brain is convinced of it.

The mind is a very powerful tool. If you believe all men are players then that's what you'll be meeting. You have to believe what you're looking for does exist. You have to have an exact image in your head of the type of qualities you want in this man. 

Yes you can soften on a few stuff, we're all human and make mistakes. If the guy is 15 mins late you soften on that type of mistakes, if the guy grabs your butt while walking you to your car - no, that type of stuff you don't soften.

[sammy24xx]

6 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

The mind is a very powerful tool. If you believe all men are players then that's what you'll be meeting. You have to believe what you're looking for does exist. You have to have an exact image in your head of the type of qualities you want in this man. 

Yes you can soften on a few stuff, we're all human and make mistakes. If the guy is 15 mins late you soften on that type of mistakes, if the guy grabs your butt while walking you to your car - no, that type of stuff you don't soften.

I need to manifest a kind soul!