He's a player and it's silly that this bothers me (just a vent)

[Uptown182]

So I went out with this guy on a few dates, I really liked him but had my suspicions that he may be a player.  It would take him forever to schedule a date with me, and when we would text he would often text during the day but then wouldn’t respond to texts after 7pm until the next morning often.  However he did text me pretty often, and was always sending me pictures of him and his daughter.  On our last date (it was our second date) we had a good time, but there was a lot of making out (initiated by him, which I did enjoy lol) and kept saying how good a kisser I was which got me thinking he may just be trying to get laid, but he was a gentleman and we did have good conversation. After that date his texts increased and he mentioned a few times how he was looking forward to seeing me again, the following weekend he was taking his daughter away for the weekend (which I think was true since he sent me a bunch of pics of their trip) but said he was looking forward to seeing me once he got back.  Well he got back and was again just texting me but not making a date to the point where it was becoming awkward, I even hinted at a place we can do and he didn’t take the bait. So after that I just sort of ended the conversation that evening and never heard from him again.  That was a week and a half ago, at the time I assumed he met someone he liked better or someone who slept with him sooner lol.  But this morning I went on the app we met on, and saw he just updated his profile (I only saw because he changed his profile pic and he’s in my recent chats), which means he’s still looking lol.  I never slept with him, and I’m glad I didn’t (all we did was make out), and it’s silly that this even bothers me, but I’d think he would at least  go out with me one more time to try to sleep with me lol.  Ok vent over lol

 

just for context I’m in my early 40’s and he’s in his mid 40’s we’re both very attractive, he’s an MD and I’m a professional in the medical field as well.

[Calmandfocused]

I’ve had a recent, very similar experience. Dated a guy, professed to really like me, but when we weren’t together his behaviour was very flip-floppy. 
 

Turns out that the behaviour was deliberately orchestrated to keep me at arms length. He wasn’t  looking for “anything serious” and was only interested in a “now and then” situation. 
 

I politely declined his “offer” to continue seeing him on a casual basis, ended it and moved on. 

You should too. 

Got a feeling your guy is up the same street. 
 

 

[Uptown182]

6 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said:

I’ve had a recent, very similar experience. Dated a guy, professed to really like me, but when we weren’t together his behaviour was very flip-floppy. 
 

Turns out that the behaviour was deliberately orchestrated to keep me at arms length. He wasn’t  looking for “anything serious” and was only interested in a “now and then” situation. 
 

I politely declined his “offer” to continue seeing him on a casual basis, ended it and moved on. 

You should too. 

Got a feeling your guy is up the same street. 
 

 

Yea in my mind this is over.   I haven’t heard from him in a week and half so I don’t think there’s a need for me to say anything at this point.  This was more of just vent.  But I totally agree this was just a way of adding me to his roster, but looks I fell off haha. 

[Uptown182]

10 minutes ago, happyhorizons said:

Venting can be a good thing. His interest has definitely waned for some reason.  He might have met someone else that he is more compatible with regardless, it's time to continue with your dating life.  Men can be FICKLE as they say.....

I thought he met someone else too until I saw he updated his profile this morning, which leads me to believe that was not the case

[stillafool]

Yeah, but it sounds like he's looking for someone else at this point.

[fred123]

1 hour ago, Uptown182 said:

Yea in my mind this is over.   I haven’t heard from him in a week and half so I don’t think there’s a need for me to say anything at this point.  This was more of just vent.  But I totally agree this was just a way of adding me to his roster, but looks I fell off haha. 

How many dates and what was the timespan

[Uptown182]

2 hours ago, fred123 said:

How many dates and what was the timespan

Only 2 dates in the course of a month, and a lot of texting between dates

[fred123]

15 minutes ago, Uptown182 said:

Only 2 dates in the course of a month, and a lot of texting between dates

Why only 2 dates may I ask? That doesn't seem like a lot in a month

[Alpacalia]

I wouldn't deem him a player. His interest in you seemed lukewarm at best. Two dates in one month and either he's super busy being a doctor and a dad or not. Take it as a blessing and move on. I'm sure you can find someone who is equally as attractive and as accomplished without being a wishy washy dud.

[ExpatInItaly]

Why is he a player?

He went out with you a couple times but no longer seems interested. That is perfectly legitimate, and it happens all the time. I don't see you're jumping to this conclusion:

12 hours ago, Uptown182 said:

this was just a way of adding me to his roster,

Can a guy simply not be interested without assuming these things about his character? 

[Uptown182]

9 hours ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Why is he a player?

He went out with you a couple times but no longer seems interested. That is perfectly legitimate, and it happens all the time. I don't see you're jumping to this conclusion:

Can a guy simply not be interested without assuming these things about his character? 

So to me a player is someone who is dating multiple women and just wants casual sex.  I was getting the vibe that he was dating other woman (and I don’t mean just one other woman), so you can call it whatever you want. I also failed to mention he did ask me to go home with him on our second date, I declined. I think what through me was the text messaging after our last date, he was constantly texting me, sending me pics of him and his daughter and made multiple references to seeing me again.  However our last few text conversations did seem forced (on both ends) since I was getting frustrated at him not asking for an actual date, and I think he was sensing that frustration, so maybe he was just looking for a pen pal lol.

[stillafool]

I think I would always assume someone is dating other people because if I'm interested in him more than likely others are as well.  So that wouldn't put me off.  If I liked him enough my goal would be to be so awesome he'd only want to date me.  If it didn't work out that way, I would move on to the next.

[stillafool]

On 8/12/2024 at 12:26 PM, Uptown182 said:

I never slept with him, and I’m glad I didn’t (all we did was make out), and it’s silly that this even bothers me, but I’d think he would at least  go out with me one more time to try to sleep with me lol.  Ok vent over lol

 

More than likely he is not hard up for sex.

[Uptown182]

17 minutes ago, stillafool said:

More than likely he is not hard up for sex.

Good point

[Sony12]

5 minutes ago, Uptown182 said:

Good point

You two were making out on your second date and you then turned down his offer to go back to his place. The whole thing was pretty much done when that happened. 

Just like a lady gets to decide if she wants to sleep with a guy or not the guy also gets to decide if he is going to continue pursuing the lady after she does turn down his proposition.

While there are women who prefer waiting for sex there are also women who are completely fine with having sex on the first or second date.

[Uptown182]

10 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

You two were making out on your second date and you then turned down his offer to go back to his place. The whole thing was pretty much done when that happened. 

Just like a lady gets to decide if she wants to sleep with a guy or not the guy also gets to decide if he is going to continue pursuing the lady after she does turn down his proposition.

While there are women who prefer waiting for sex there are also women who are completely fine with having sex on the first or second date.

Agreed, and had I never heard from him again after that date I would’ve thought the same.  However he kept texting for the week and a half following that date saying how he was looking forward to seeing me again and all that good stuff 

[Sony12]

2 minutes ago, Uptown182 said:

Agreed, and had I never heard from him again after that date I would’ve thought the same.  However he kept texting for the week and a half following that date saying how he was looking forward to seeing me again and all that good stuff 

He probably enjoyed talking to you.

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Uptown182 said:

was looking forward to seeing me again and all that good stuff 

He's probably good and experienced in dating and knows what women want to hear.

[MsJayne]

He updated his profile, and that tells you all you need to know. If you'd gone ahead and slept with him you'd wish you hadn't because he still would have updated his profile. I say kudos to you for identifying his motivations . 

[Uptown182]

46 minutes ago, stillafool said:

He's probably good and experienced in dating and knows what women want to hear.

That’s usually what a player does