How common is this amongst people in the late 50's+ age group

[Sony12]

I'm currently hooking up with a lady in her 60's. We have a good time but one thing I have become curious about (and she isn't the first lady around that general age group that has told me this) is that she says that up to this point she hasn't had that much experience in pleasuring men. That her husband of 20 years and then her long-term boyfriend wouldn't let her do it. And like I said I have had several other women around that same general age range who have told me almost the exact same thing that they never gave their husband a BJ. Not because they didn't want to do it but because their husbands wouldn't let them. 

Which is a little surprising to me because for many guys these days it's practically a deal breaker if a lady doesn't pleasure them.

So is there something to that and men in the past didn't like women to do that and it's just been within the past couple decades that it has been normalized that women will do things to men as well? 

I feel like I have heard it too often at this point for it to just be a coincidence. 

[Gaeta]

Could be cultural ? Religious?  Because l'm late 50s and oral has always been part of my intimate life. Same with friends my age or older.

[Sony12]

11 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Could be cultural ? Religious?  Because l'm late 50s and oral has always been part of my intimate life. Same with friends my age or older.

For this particular lady it's possible it was partially because of religion as she did grow up Mormon. I do find it interesting though that people can go through a multi decade long marriage without performing what is today considered a very common sex act.

Kind of explains why some of them are looking for younger men if that is a fantasy of theirs.

Edited August 14, 2024 by Sony12

[Gebidozo]

I’ve noticed that people who come from authoritarian, repressive societies often have been brainwashed to believe that some consensual sexual acts and practices are intrinsically “indecent”. It doesn’t matter whether the society in question was religious or not. People from completely atheist dictatorships tend to be very similar to religious puritans in that way.

That said, it is completely normal if a woman genuinely doesn’t like giving blowjobs, and even if a man doesn’t like receiving them. People are different. If both spouses love blowjobs, great. If both hate blowjobs, also fine. What matters is that both are on the same page.

Also, people change. I used to be completely indifferent to blowjobs when I was young. I went years without having one, while being married. The women didn’t offer, I didn’t ask and didn’t care. Suffice to say that this has changed greatly in recent years.

 

 

[Sony12]

5 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

I’ve noticed that people who come from authoritarian, repressive societies often have been brainwashed to believe that some consensual sexual acts and practices are intrinsically “indecent”. It doesn’t matter whether the society in question was religious or not. People from completely atheist dictatorships tend to be very similar to religious puritans in that way.

That said, it is completely normal if a woman genuinely doesn’t like giving blowjobs, and even if a man doesn’t like receiving them. People are different. If both spouses love blowjobs, great. If both hate blowjobs, also fine. What matters is that both are on the same page.

Also, people change. I used to be completely indifferent to blowjobs when I was young. I went years without having one, while being married. The women didn’t offer, I didn’t ask and didn’t care. Suffice to say that this has changed greatly in recent years.

 

 

That's true. And in these older woman/younger man pairings blowjobs does tend to be one of the main sex acts that happens and if a lady feels like she has been a little repressed in that area during her life that would make her more likely to be interested in that particularly pairing. So chances are if you date older women like I do you are probably more likely to come across that situation where they are trying to make up a bit for lost time.

[FredEire]

12 hours ago, Gaeta said:

Could be cultural ? Religious?  Because l'm late 50s and oral has always been part of my intimate life. Same with friends my age or older.

Yeah I think the most realistic explanation is culture and religion. Giving oral to a woman is considered disgusting and demeaning to a man in some cultures and backgrounds, while blowjobs are fine and expected.

Anything involving anal I'd say is also at least a little taboo pretty much everywhere as well, though there are people from some backgrounds who are a lot more into it than others. There's also some bizarre ideas that have popped up like young strict Catholic girls only having anal sex because they think it preserves their virginity, even though sodomy is considered a much worse "sin" in that religion.

[justwhoiam]

14 hours ago, Sony12 said:

I'm currently hooking up with a lady in her 60's. [...]

is there something to that and men in the past didn't like women to do that [...]?

I feel like I have heard it too often at this point for it to just be a coincidence. 

I’ve heard that too. I’m not a boomer; I’m Gen X. But among middle-class American couples in their 60s and older, sex can be very vanilla, if it’s even still happening. Oral sex is a no-no for many couples, more than you might think. Hand jobs seem to be more acceptable, although they’re probably rare among couples who have been married for over two decades.

So that doesn’t surprise me at all. With your partner being Mormon, I guess the above is amplified.

[Gebidozo]

1 hour ago, FredEire said:

There's also some bizarre ideas that have popped up like young strict Catholic girls only having anal sex because they think it preserves their virginity, even though sodomy is considered a much worse "sin" in that religion.

Oh yes, that is so utterly ridiculous…

[FredEire]

7 minutes ago, justwhoiam said:

I’ve heard that too. I’m not a boomer; I’m Gen X. But among middle-class American couples in their 60s and older, sex can be very vanilla, if it’s even still happening. Oral sex is a no-no for many couples, more than you might think. Hand jobs seem to be more acceptable, although they’re probably rare among couples who have been married for over two decades.

So that doesn’t surprise me at all. With your partner being Mormon, I guess the above is amplified.

I'm almost 31 myself and thankfully still have a pretty healthy sex drive so can't speak personally but I always hear it's pretty normal for sex lives to tail off as you get into your 50s and beyond. Men's testosterone will have reduced over 20% from their youthful levels and women go through the menopause, plus being married to someone for decades sex is bound to get at least somewhat routine and predictable.

I guess that's the test for most long-term marriages and when one partner still wants to have sex and the other has no interest it's going to lead to a lot of frustration and infidelity. I'd like to settle down with someone who I'd still have a healthy sex life with well into middle age, so I'm looking after my physical health and plan to take TRT when I reach my 40s, but it's hard to predict these things I guess.

[Sony12]

1 minute ago, FredEire said:

I'm almost 31 myself and thankfully still have a pretty healthy sex drive so can't speak personally but I always hear it's pretty normal for sex lives to tail off as you get into your 50s and beyond. Men's testosterone will have reduced over 20% from their youthful levels and women go through the menopause, plus being married to someone for decades sex is bound to get at least somewhat routine and predictable.

I guess that's the test for most long-term marriages and when one partner still wants to have sex and the other has no interest it's going to lead to a lot of frustration and infidelity. I'd like to settle down with someone who I'd still have a healthy sex life with well into middle age, so I'm looking after my physical health and plan to take TRT when I reach my 40s, but it's hard to predict these things I guess.

Yep and many women who have become interested in younger men in recent years state that very reason. That men their age aren't able to have sex anymore. I'm currently talking to a lady thirty years older than me (due to distance we aren't meeting) and she flat out refuses to talk to men her own age. That they just aren't appealing to her. 

The problem some of these women face though is that while they fully know that younger men are the ones they have eyes for they at the same time aren't completely comfortable with casual sex. And with younger men that is what it is going to be 90-95% of the time.

 

[FredEire]

36 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

Yep and many women who have become interested in younger men in recent years state that very reason. That men their age aren't able to have sex anymore. I'm currently talking to a lady thirty years older than me (due to distance we aren't meeting) and she flat out refuses to talk to men her own age. That they just aren't appealing to her. 

The problem some of these women face though is that while they fully know that younger men are the ones they have eyes for they at the same time aren't completely comfortable with casual sex. And with younger men that is what it is going to be 90-95% of the time.

 

It's a fairly tough spot/lonely place to be in. As a younger man you're probably there to provide a bit of the excitement that they used to have in their youth. Wouldn't be something I'd be drawn to but as long as it's all open honest and consentual each to their own.

The only bit I disagree with is that it's started in recent years. I think that older women always hooked up with younger men once men their own age lost the desire, it was just much more of a taboo in the past and something people did but was never really acknowledged or spoken about.

[smackie9]

I'm 60 and have never heard such a thing...are you talking women that are part of the bible belt?  We were wild and feral growing up...starting at 15, some younger than me doing everything under the sun. 

[Sony12]

1 hour ago, FredEire said:

It's a fairly tough spot/lonely place to be in. As a younger man you're probably there to provide a bit of the excitement that they used to have in their youth. Wouldn't be something I'd be drawn to but as long as it's all open honest and consentual each to their own.

The only bit I disagree with is that it's started in recent years. I think that older women always hooked up with younger men once men their own age lost the desire, it was just much more of a taboo in the past and something people did but was never really acknowledged or spoken about.

True. Though it did start becoming more common when the dating site age came around. As there is more available to people now and people can also do that kind of stuff without many from their regular life finding out about it if they so wish If a lady secretly has fantasies about guys around the same age as her kids but wants to keep it in the closet it's easier to do that on the internet.

[Sony12]

3 hours ago, smackie9 said:

I'm 60 and have never heard such a thing...are you talking women that are part of the bible belt?  We were wild and feral growing up...starting at 15, some younger than me doing everything under the sun. 

Basically what I do is send messages to women around a certain age range and see if they respond. Usually I am talking to several at a time (had another lady get back in touch with me today). Of the ones I talk to on the phone some I end up meeting and some I don't. Some I just give phone sex to. 

 I generally send messages to women usually at least 20 years older than me. Other than that there is no pattern other than I think they look attractive and I like the fact that they are older. Finding out about their sexual history isn't something I usually find out until after we have had sex. Most women don't advertise that they like younger men so you just have to send them a message and see if and how they respond.

 

 

 

 

[Els]

It probably depends on their culture and upbringing. Where I grew up, oral sex (for either gender) is indeed considered a relatively "modern" phenomenon. Considering the fact that most of the older generation that I know spent their younger days in massive shared houses with no individual rooms, I think it probably makes sense that sex was something that you had to do quickly under the covers. And considering that they, uh, didn't have much in the way of accessible running water (there was just one tap in the village square and you had to carry your own water into your house, so daily showers weren't a thing), it makes sense that putting your mouth near someone's genitals didn't exactly appeal to most people.

In developed countries it would be different, I guess.

Edited August 15, 2024 by Els