Flowerpower Posted August 14, 2024 Posted August 14, 2024 Howdy ya'll. Coming in with another situation where I'd like your input. What would you do? I understand that at the end of the day, the decision is up to me. I have this internal battle of what my brain knows (don't text) and what my hearts wants (text). I have posted a situation that occurred within this relationship in March, there's another glimpse there of our dynamic. To sum it all up - we triggered each other too much, which ended up being a toxic cycle or a lot of arguments. I still love him and miss him everyday. It's been about a month and some weeks and his birthday is this Sunday. How it ended. Well, we got into a stupid argument. I'll try to sum this up the best I can. We had a date, after two weeks of not seeing each other like we usually do, because his teenage daughter was in town and he was hosting. Mind you this was the first time I met his daughter after a year and like 8 months of dating. So it sucked that our first time after not really hanging, we got into an argument. and its always for the dumbest reasons. Anyways, we ended the night with him mad and me anxious. He drops me off and speeds off. The next morning, I decided to let it go and I texted him as I normally would, cheerful. Hours later, he finally replies. And the text aren't good. He goes off on a rage text. This is the worst its been. He goes off, just text after text, after text, not letting me reply. He is just disrespecting me, talking me dow, making crazy accusations, it was just wild. All while I stayed calm and suggested he'd get back to me once he was calmer because I just knew he's a bull seeing red right now. So he goes on, until finally he breaks it off. Three days goes by where we don't text. He then reaches out with an apology. explains how he's sorry and embarrassed and how I dont deserve that, and blah blah. But still stands by his decision on breaking up. We texted some more during that thread and left it at that. I think weeks later, I broke no contact and that was short-lived. and now we're here. Weeks later again, of no contact and his birthday is coming up. I think im not sure because his birthday happened to be recent from the break up. I do wish him a happy birthday and I do want him to know but what gets me is how much of an a**h*** he could be at times. Mind you the actions I just described wasn't the first time. The popular feed back ive gotten is NO. I've also been advised to try to focus on my feelings and not so much his. I'm 35 and he's going to be 45, I dont know if that makes a difference. just wanted to point out where not teenagers lol. Looking forward to your replies. Thank you!
Gebidozo Posted August 15, 2024 Posted August 15, 2024 I always text my ex on her birthday. My fiancée also texts her ex on his birthday. I don’t see anything wrong with texting exes, especially when it’s just a nice, sincere, cordial wish on a special day to a person who was dear to you and whom you wish all the best. Wish him a happy birthday, and then go no contact, the one doesn’t really contradict the other.
flitzanu Posted August 15, 2024 Posted August 15, 2024 he sounds ridiculous, he yelled at you and insulted you and dumped you. five months ago. why do you want to send a happy bday? do you think he is suddenly a completely different person and saying happy bday is going to erase how he treated you? 4
basil67 Posted August 15, 2024 Posted August 15, 2024 I would never have texted an ex for their birthday....and that's if they weren't abusive. Your ex doesn't deserve the time of day, let alone a birthday greeting 2
Author Flowerpower Posted August 16, 2024 Author Posted August 16, 2024 6 hours ago, flitzanu said: he sounds ridiculous, he yelled at you and insulted you and dumped you. five months ago. why do you want to send a happy bday? do you think he is suddenly a completely different person and saying happy bday is going to erase how he treated you? Thanks for your reply. You're right. I appreciate the tough love. I've decided I am not and I just better keep my promise to myself on Sunday. And thats a great question. 1
Author Flowerpower Posted August 16, 2024 Author Posted August 16, 2024 3 hours ago, basil67 said: I would never have texted an ex for their birthday....and that's if they weren't abusive. Your ex doesn't deserve the time of day, let alone a birthday greeting Thanks for your input. I appreciate it. That's basically what my friend advised, and she read the texts. I'm not exaggerating when I say they are pretty bad. Trying to now figure out what unhealed part of me, is still entertaining the idea of this man. *sigh
Author Flowerpower Posted August 16, 2024 Author Posted August 16, 2024 On 8/14/2024 at 6:13 PM, Gebidozo said: I always text my ex on her birthday. My fiancée also texts her ex on his birthday. I don’t see anything wrong with texting exes, especially when it’s just a nice, sincere, cordial wish on a special day to a person who was dear to you and whom you wish all the best. Wish him a happy birthday, and then go no contact, the one doesn’t really contradict the other. Thanks for your input. I appreciate it
ShyViolet Posted August 16, 2024 Posted August 16, 2024 No. Absolutely not. When a relationship ended this badly, when the person was abusive, you need to go no contact. This isn't a situation where the breakup was amicable and you can stay friends. His birthday coming up doesn't change that. There is no exception for birthdays. When the relationship was toxic, you do not contact them. It's not your job to wish him a happy birthday. He is not in your life anymore. 1
Alpacalia Posted August 16, 2024 Posted August 16, 2024 (edited) If you want to get back together with them then don't. If you're both over each other and on friendly terms, fine. Abusive? No way. You still want him back, he went off on you like a crazy person. He will probably do so again. I think it's better to steer clear and wish him a happy bday internally. On 8/14/2024 at 4:11 PM, Flowerpower said: He drops me off and speeds off. The next morning, I decided to let it go and I texted him as I normally would, cheerful. Hours later, he finally replies. And the text aren't good. He goes off on a rage text. This is the worst its been. He goes off, just text after text, after text, not letting me reply. He is just disrespecting me, talking me dow, making crazy accusations, it was just wild. Edited August 16, 2024 by Alpacalia 1
basil67 Posted August 16, 2024 Posted August 16, 2024 4 hours ago, Flowerpower said: Thanks for your input. I appreciate it. That's basically what my friend advised, and she read the texts. I'm not exaggerating when I say they are pretty bad. Trying to now figure out what unhealed part of me, is still entertaining the idea of this man. *sigh Perhaps you're worried about him calling you a 'terrible girlfriend"? People who display abusive behaviour tend to think that all their exes were terrible partners - and this is because they are incapable of self reflection. (If they were capable of honest self reflection, they wouldn't be abusive). Would I be right in thinking that this guy has told you about all the terrible women he's dated in the past?
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