mikesteel Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 Ok first off we've been married almost 30 years and like everyone else its been up and down.(bumpy) But recently she has refrained from being sexual with me. Flirting with her gets a dead stare or just ignored. However she still dresses in as little as possible around me and when out and about. Her boobs are always on display for all to see and loose shorts (small) without panties so when she sits or walks around doing yard work her naughty bits are also exposed or close to it. Mind you this dosent bother me but the fact she ignores all my advances and praises is sending mixed signals. any help would be gratefully apricated 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 How does your wife explain her refusal to be sexual with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author mikesteel Posted August 15 Author Share Posted August 15 She says she's just not interested in sex anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 Ask yourself if you are willing to do without sex for the rest of your life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 (edited) 38 minutes ago, mikesteel said: She says she's just not interested in sex anymore. Ooook… but… you’re still interested, right? If she really loves you, she could still agree to perform certain sexual acts that would perhaps satisfy you without bothering her too much. Have you discussed that? Edited August 15 by Gebidozo 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mikesteel Posted August 15 Author Share Posted August 15 Yes I have been open with her about everything. I even asked her in a non-threatening way as possible does she find someone else attractive? I told her I would be ok with her exploring that as long as I was in the loop. I love my wife and want her happy. If bringing another "friend" into our sex life male or female. I was fine with it if we stay together and get to experience it together. I am not and never was a jealous guy. I'm very confident in myself and what I bring to the relationship. But she shut it all down without hesitation. Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted August 15 Share Posted August 15 1 hour ago, mikesteel said: Yes I have been open with her about everything. I even asked her in a non-threatening way as possible does she find someone else attractive? I told her I would be ok with her exploring that as long as I was in the loop. I love my wife and want her happy. If bringing another "friend" into our sex life male or female. I was fine with it if we stay together and get to experience it together. I am not and never was a jealous guy. I'm very confident in myself and what I bring to the relationship. But she shut it all down without hesitation. How did she respond to you mentioning her bringing someone else in? Would you be ok sitting and watching them have sex? Some couples do do that and as long as it is agreed upon it should be ok. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted August 16 Share Posted August 16 11 hours ago, mikesteel said: Yes I have been open with her about everything. I even asked her in a non-threatening way as possible does she find someone else attractive? I told her I would be ok with her exploring that as long as I was in the loop. I love my wife and want her happy. If bringing another "friend" into our sex life male or female. I was fine with it if we stay together and get to experience it together. I am not and never was a jealous guy. I'm very confident in myself and what I bring to the relationship. But she shut it all down without hesitation. I don’t know, man… I know some couples do that, but that probably comes from an excess of sexual dominance (“hotwife” style), not as an attempt to get some sex for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Sony12 Posted August 16 Share Posted August 16 34 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: I don’t know, man… I know some couples do that, but that probably comes from an excess of sexual dominance (“hotwife” style), not as an attempt to get some sex for yourself. Most people who do that have a bit of an interest in exhibition. Link to post Share on other sites
beenthere Posted August 16 Share Posted August 16 i was 27 years with my wife-you will know if she is seeing someone else-changes in habbit-lack of conversation-no sex-no kissing-being sketchy when you ask questions-has she been going out more lately-does she take her phone to the toilet with her-does she pull down her laptop screen when you are near her or change its angle so you cant see it-does she smile when she is texting on her phone-is her tone of voice different from what it used to be Link to post Share on other sites
Author mikesteel Posted August 16 Author Share Posted August 16 I don't think she's cheating cause I'm her cash cow. Without me she's unemployed and homeless. Link to post Share on other sites
S2B Posted August 17 Share Posted August 17 (edited) On 8/15/2024 at 7:05 AM, mikesteel said: She says she's just not interested in sex anymore. Ok then. Tell her you aren’t interested in being married to her anymore then! If she’s cutting out an important part of the vows and agreement - then you have every right to tell her that doesn’t work for you. and check her phone bill asap. Edited August 17 by S2B Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted August 17 Share Posted August 17 21 hours ago, Sony12 said: Most people who do that have a bit of an interest in exhibition. Yes, but they want to exhibit something they already have. When sex life is great and there is passion and full trust between the spouses, I can understand the motives behind sharing. But in the OP’s case, he suggested that out of desperate need. He wasn’t having trust or good sex with his wife, so he played that very dubious gambit. It doesn’t feel right. Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted August 17 Share Posted August 17 4 hours ago, mikesteel said: I don't think she's cheating cause I'm her cash cow. Without me she's unemployed and homeless. If this is the tone you use to speak about your wife, and if that is really what your marriage is based on, then I have no further advice. If a woman marries someone for money or doesn’t cheat only because of money, then there can be no love, respect, or trust to begin with. Why you’d be willing to stay in such a marriage is beyond my understanding. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mikesteel Posted August 17 Author Share Posted August 17 This attitude comes from frustration. This has been going on for a few years. I hate feeling this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrin Posted August 17 Share Posted August 17 Couple ideas: 1) Menopause: based off of what you said about how long you've been married she's either menopausal or postmenopausal. Has she had her hormone levels checked? Menopause can absolutely kill a woman's libido. HRT can reverse that of course. 2) Ethical non-monogamy: That's always an option to try to change your marriage to an ENM relationship. I don't think adding a third is an option here If she has no libido. She says "she's not interested in sex anymore". If that's the case then she would have zero interest in the third. Unless she's not saying the silent part which is, "she's not interested in sex anymore with you". Then you could look at adding a third - either in a MFM or FFM type situation. Swinging (actually swapping) is harder to pull off because of elusive 4-way chemistry. Another option is to just open the marriage. That often happens when one spouses libido falls off the face of the Earth. It's no longer a team activity but rather an individual one. A few things to consider though - she will be able to find a hundred men for every one woman you find. That's just the nature of it. But if she doesn't have a libido then that's not really an issue. If you do decide to go the open marriage route highly suggest finding an ENM friendly marriage counselor to help you through that. 3) This is probably the most important of my three suggestions and sorry I put it last. How's your communication? Are you guys really open and transparent with your feelings with each other? Does she feel self expressed? Do you? Can you have really vulnerable and difficult conversations without it turning ugly? If you aren't a yes to all of the above I would highly recommend working on your communication first. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted August 17 Share Posted August 17 There's obviously a massive issue with your marriage that you need to unpack, preferably with the help of a counsellor. I'm not sure how her clothing is in any way related to this, though. Contrary to what you might think, not everything is about you - some people just feel more comfortable with less clothing at home, it's not necessarily a sexual thing. Your problems would still exist regardless of whether she was wearing a bikini or a burqa at home. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mikesteel Posted August 18 Author Share Posted August 18 (edited) Thanks for the information but I'm not looking to leave her or catch her with another. I love her and if she is cheating on me I just want to know what he has I don't. And can I change something to get her back attracted to me. She can continue with him I don't care as long as I get some I'm cool. Edited August 18 by mikesteel 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gforce77i Posted September 16 Share Posted September 16 If she's not feeling it, then maybe you need to adjust your approach. Start with date nights, be romantic and sensual rather than making moves on her. Someone above also mentioned menopause which is also valid. These are all just as likely than cheating is. Can't rule cheating out, but less work required if that's the case because the relationship is done.. Go back to basics, you have to try and reignite her spark. Touch, stroke, feel and Peck. Don't expect anything more, just start somewhere. Link to post Share on other sites
jasonblackheart01 Posted September 18 Share Posted September 18 Maybe she just like wearing short skirt or revealing dress? Its trendy this days. So about mix signal...how about instead of waiting for her to act, as a man why don't show her your muscle, your skills, my meaning is try teasing her, show her your abs or your stomach whatever you have. Do something that make your wife turn on instead of waiting for the crow to turn white. Link to post Share on other sites
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