Was I too harsh?

[lilbublik]

I just ended things with a guy. Although by “things” I mean very little. We’ve been texting intermittently for over a month as we were unable to meet due to various circumstances (vacation, being stuck abroad). He asked to meet and we agreed on a date the day after I returned from vacation, but he didn’t message in the days leading up to it. He did ask how I’m doing the evening we were supposed to meet - so he either forgot that we had decided on that day, or was playing the fool. Then he went abroad the following weekend, but we had a concrete plan (i.e. with a day, time, place) for the week after that. In the end that fell through because he lost some documents abroad (I know this was definitely the case). He let me know promptly and I wished him all the best, but we otherwise didn’t text in the two weeks that followed. I do know he was using the apps, though. He texted me after he returned last weekend and we had a brief exchange. I floated the idea of meeting again, and he said that he found me very cool and would definitely love to meet. I suggested we just move our original plan to today. He agreed and said he’d make a reservation. I assumed that the ball was in his court but he didn’t text for 5 days, and was again back on the apps. Normally I’d chase the other person to confirm in advance - but since I’m typically the one doing most of the work in these sorts of situations, I decided to just wait and see what he does. I found it funny that a person that supposedly wanted to see me would prioritise looking for new prospects over locking in plans with me, and just assumed that he was going to ghost or flake. He reappeared today at midday asking if we were still on and what time was best for me. My initial thought was “I don’t know, you tell me” and I basically told him that it’s better to confirm these kinds of details well in advance, and that I didn’t think that we’re a good match for each other after all. He just said no problem, have a nice day, and that was that. 

 

I often second-guess myself but this felt like a lose-lose situation. Agreeing would’ve set a pretty low standard. And I’d never behave as he did because I’m more of a “s*** or get off the pot” type of person. The way he went about this made me suspect that his plans with another girl fell through and so he just reached out to plan B (/ C / D / …).

But maybe I’m too jaded, and this sort of thing is normal now. What do you think?

Edited August 17, 2024 by lilbublik

[Gaeta]

You don't get off the pot quick enough. I would have dropped him for not organizing a meeting with time and place in the week upon his return from vacation. 

If you want to date men with good manners you need to drop those clowns asap! 

[Gaeta]

1 hour ago, lilbublik said:

But maybe I’m too jaded, and this sort of thing is normal now

One more thing about this. If you beleive this is the new normal than this is what you'll get.

When l was online dating l expected men to treat me with the same respect as if they met me at the grocery store. Meaning respectful language, exchange of phone number, quick meeting.  Anything that did not follow these guidelines l was out. I was not waiting on anyone on vacation or on business trip. I would tell them to contact me when they return if they still saw my profile online. 

It's not that men are wishy washy these days, it's about women lowering their standards and giving chances to all types of bozzos.

[smackie9]

I agree...stick to your own standards, never let others influence you otherwise. Like I always say, date those who treat you the way you expect to be treated. An interested man is willing to see you asap, sets a time and date, and shows up on time, all neat and tidy, fresh smelling and ready to impress. A true gentleman. Never waste your time on these other a$$hats.

[happyhorizons]

1 hour ago, smackie9 said:

I agree...stick to your own standards, never let others influence you otherwise. Like I always say, date those who treat you the way you expect to be treated. An interested man is willing to see you asap, sets a time and date, and shows up on time, all neat and tidy, fresh smelling and ready to impress. A true gentleman. Never waste your time on these other a$$hats.

Agree with this ^….be true to yourself and never compromise your standards.

[stillafool]

It was clear early on that he had low interest.  You should have ended it earlier but it's good you finally did.