What would you do?

[Ingrid A]

My LDR boyfriend (who I see in real life), traveled to Dallas on Thursday night so he could work at his partner’s office seeing patients since his partner was out of town. They each have medical practices in separate states.

He told me he was going out for dinner with a “friend” Thursday night and then out for drinks with his cousin. I asked him if we were going to talk that night and HE said yes… that he would call between dinner and drinks. Well, he texted around 10pm that he was still at dinner.  I called him an hour later and it went right to Voicemail. He has his phone set to go on Do not disturb automatically and it was set to that. I called again, because it will ring through on a second call, and he didn’t answer. So, I sent a text an hour later and noticed it didn’t go through. It was like he turned the power off to his phone or it ran out of battery.

The message was pushed through the next morning around 9:15am and he texted me at 10:30am saying he’d call me after his next meeting. He called me back at 3:30pm and didn’t say a word about not calling the night prior when he said he would. We’ve talked about it on at least two other occasions, too.

When I asked him what happened, he said he fell asleep at his cousin’s house and his cousin didn’t wake him up. 

He’s had similar shady behavior in the past. 

I explained that I thought he was going to call and that we’ve talked in the past about him not following through on his word. I also said I found his behavior very unattractive. He then said he knew we talked about it before. But no apology, nothing. He said that maybe I should call him back when I was in a better mood.  I asked him if that was all he had to say and he said yes and that he didn’t like being chastised.  He then went stone cold silent! No words, nothing. It felt like a staring contest. So, I said it seems we have nothing more to say and he said yes, have a nice day and we hung up. 

He also said he was seeing patients all morning. (Well, I called the office and no doctor was in the office that day, just the nurse practitioner. So, he wasn’t working at his partner’s office.) I didn’t even bring this up but clearly he lied! He’s told me that no doctor sees patients on Fridays.

He hasn’t called me and I haven’t called him.  I feel like I know that I need to let him go, but need some moral support.  
 

Any words of advice or encouragement would be appreciated.

 

 

 

[BaileyB]

If the trust is gone from the relationship, you need to let him go. And clearly, the trust is gone. 

I was about to say, don’t worry about the fact that he didn’t text you… maybe the dinner ran late, he just wasn’t able to call. But, there is obviously more happening here. This has happened before, such that you feel the need to monitor him. He is resentful and shifting the blame to you “you can call me back when you are in a better mood.” If this is a pattern, it’s a very unhealthy pattern. I think you know what you have to do, you are just looking for confirmation. 

[Ingrid A]

7 hours ago, BaileyB said:

If the trust is gone from the relationship, you need to let him go. And clearly, the trust is gone. 

I was about to say, don’t worry about the fact that he didn’t text you… maybe the dinner ran late, he just wasn’t able to call. But, there is obviously more happening here. This has happened before, such that you feel the need to monitor him. He is resentful and shifting the blame to you “you can call me back when you are in a better mood.” If this is a pattern, it’s a very unhealthy pattern. I think you know what you have to do, you are just looking for confirmation. 

 

you’re right. I know what I have to do and feel like I need the moral support to do it. What a jerk. He was so resentful. He was stone cold towards me for even bringing it up. Stonewalled me. The day prior he was saying the sweetest things to me. Feels so upside down. Who does that? I get it that he might be mad for me bringing it up, but to turn the tables and be so cold… who the heck have I been dating? 

[Gaeta]

I would not put up with that BS at 6 months dating, long distance, and l see you're above 45! C'mon  Girl ! Don't get sad-get mad! Life is too shirt to waste it on a flake like him! 

[BaileyB]

18 hours ago, Ingrid A said:

He was so resentful. He was stone cold towards me for even bringing it up. Stonewalled me. The day prior he was saying the sweetest things to me. Feels so upside down. Who does that? I get it that he might be mad for me bringing it up, but to turn the tables and be so cold…

People don't generally like being called on their bad behavior. 

This is why we date - so that we can see him at the best of times, and at the worst of times. You now have one more piece of information about this man, and it’s not flattering. Ignore that at your own peril. 

[Goodguy05]

On 8/18/2024 at 8:53 AM, Ingrid A said:

My LDR boyfriend (who I see in real life), traveled to Dallas on Thursday night so he could work at his partner’s office seeing patients since his partner was out of town. They each have medical practices in separate states.

He told me he was going out for dinner with a “friend” Thursday night and then out for drinks with his cousin. I asked him if we were going to talk that night and HE said yes… that he would call between dinner and drinks. Well, he texted around 10pm that he was still at dinner.  I called him an hour later and it went right to Voicemail. He has his phone set to go on Do not disturb automatically and it was set to that. I called again, because it will ring through on a second call, and he didn’t answer. So, I sent a text an hour later and noticed it didn’t go through. It was like he turned the power off to his phone or it ran out of battery.

The message was pushed through the next morning around 9:15am and he texted me at 10:30am saying he’d call me after his next meeting. He called me back at 3:30pm and didn’t say a word about not calling the night prior when he said he would. We’ve talked about it on at least two other occasions, too.

When I asked him what happened, he said he fell asleep at his cousin’s house and his cousin didn’t wake him up. 

He’s had similar shady behavior in the past. 

I explained that I thought he was going to call and that we’ve talked in the past about him not following through on his word. I also said I found his behavior very unattractive. He then said he knew we talked about it before. But no apology, nothing. He said that maybe I should call him back when I was in a better mood.  I asked him if that was all he had to say and he said yes and that he didn’t like being chastised.  He then went stone cold silent! No words, nothing. It felt like a staring contest. So, I said it seems we have nothing more to say and he said yes, have a nice day and we hung up. 

He also said he was seeing patients all morning. (Well, I called the office and no doctor was in the office that day, just the nurse practitioner. So, he wasn’t working at his partner’s office.) I didn’t even bring this up but clearly he lied! He’s told me that no doctor sees patients on Fridays.

He hasn’t called me and I haven’t called him.  I feel like I know that I need to let him go, but need some moral support.  
 

Any words of advice or encouragement would be appreciated.

 

 

 

Sorry to hear I too had a experience similar to this where a girl I'd gone on a few dates with circled back around who knows why maybe she was bored or lonely I don't know. Anyway I fell into the trap of chasing her again and the same pattern repeated itself flaking out on dates. A leopard doesn't doesn't change its spots.

Edited August 30 by Goodguy05

[bpb2017]

This is a problem with LDRs, it relies on remote communication, which can be misinterpreted. Things like a phone being off or running out of battery suddenly becomes a big deal because it's the main form of communication.

It could be that he's very busy, stressed, or depressed, but over the phone this translates to being cold.

You can't see the other persons face, so maybe he didn't see that he should have apologised.

The lie about being at work could be because he just didn't want to talk, for whatever reason.

 

Edited September 17 by bpb2017

[jasonblackheart01]

If you feel its time, its time. Don't linger on anything unnecessary. Either he cheated or not, clearly your relationship is already at the edge of the cliff. Let go, maybe someone will catch you no?

[justwhoiam]

Hi Ingrid, did you break up with him, or are you two still together?

I suppose I would have had two options: sending him a break-up text since he didn’t deserve more of my time and then moving on, or taking it a step further by ignoring him and finding out who he was with during his trip, then letting her know he’s shady and not to be trusted.