Tina Parnell Posted August 19 Share Posted August 19 Long story short, I loved my ex, but I broke up with him two years or so ago because we were incompatible. We were together for a few months. We were still on friendly terms after the break up. He was extremely caring and nice, but he was extremely quiet and lonely before we met because of his shyness and low self esteem. I decided to take a chance on him and show him he deserved love. Anyway, as soon as I got a new boyfriend, he started telling me hurtful things and confessions but I have no idea what's true or not and I will never trust him again for the rest of my life. He also had a go at all my insecurities, said it was a good thing my baby was aborted (6 years ago) etc. He also blackmailed me for pics and videos. He didn't want to tell me why he did what he did to protect me, so I told him to tell me or I would go to the cops. He said he didn't mean all the hurtful things he said and was never serious about the blackmail. His reason was that he wanted to hurt me so much so that I would hate him and not care when he killed himself. I told him he was a psychopath for thinking I wouldn't care and I told him to get help. He said I saved my life by caring if he died and promised he would get help and not kill himself. He did get help. He said it wasn't formalised yet, but he was likely to be diagnosed with clinical depression dating back to his early teenage years (15 or so years ago) and that the depression caused ASPD and schizoid personality disorder (In the hurtful things he said, he did tell me he only dated me because he felt he had to experience at least one relationship). That was about 10 months ago and I haven't responded to him since. I woke up to an email from him this morning. *** Subject: No response required Dear Tina, I hope you're more than doing well. I don't even know how much time has passed, but I just want to sincerely apologise for everything I did to you because you never deserved it. However, I am glad of the outcome (you hating me and wanting nothing to do with me). I just wish I didn't hurt you in the process and I'm so sorry I did. I told you why I did it and in a way I succeeded. I'll spare you the details of how I've been, but just because I could never kill myself now (and that's because of you), it doesn't mean I want to live. Anyway, I'll leave it at that because my only aim was to apologise for hurting you. I know you don't trust me anymore, so I'm only sending another apology after all this time so that you know I'm sincerely sorry. That all I want you to know. That I'm really am sorry even after all this time. I don't care about anything these days, but for some reason I still care about you, just from afar. I really did, and still love you, and meant it when I used to say I only ever wanted the best for you and it still stands. I obviously have no idea how you are these days, but if you're anything like the Tina I knew, you're still amazing and incredible. Ps. I never gave you an update, but I didn't end up having schizoid personality disorder and it turned out I only had sociopathic traits (not ASPD) caused by years of being clinically depressed. Pps. You'll never hear from me again unless you ever reach out and I will never not be here for you. *** So should I ignore him or say something? Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted August 19 Share Posted August 19 I would ignore it. You have no obligation to him, and his email suggests things aren't going as well as they could be for him. If he hadn't threatened to blackmail you I might be a bit more forgiving, but once someone's done something like that there's no going back. There's also the fact that he's still thinking about you this far down the track, and if there's serious mental issues you might want to think about a fixation like that. It could be as simple as him feeling guilty and ashamed of himself and wanting to clear the air and reach out for a friend, or it could be a more sinister reason. Even if he's harmless, if you have a new partner you don't need some needy guy hanging around the periphery of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tina Parnell Posted August 19 Author Share Posted August 19 (edited) 10 minutes ago, MsJayne said: It could be as simple as him feeling guilty and ashamed of himself and wanting to clear the air and reach out for a friend, or it could be a more sinister reason. Do you think it might not be genuine? What could be a more sinister reason? I don't trust him ever again, so I wouldn't even let him close? I can't help but worry by him saying he doesn't want to live Edited August 19 by Tina Parnell Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted August 19 Share Posted August 19 13 minutes ago, Tina Parnell said: Do you think it might not be genuine? What could be a more sinister reason? I don't trust him ever again, so I wouldn't even let him close? I can't help but worry by him saying he doesn't want to live I think there could be genuine intent, but a more sinister reason could be that he still feels anger towards you and is looking to draw you back in so he can punish you. He mentioned the word "sociopath" in his email, and that's not to be taken lightly, particularly when he says he doesn't want to live. You don't want to go being all buddy-buddy with him and then find out that he's going to end it all and intends for you to join him. Also, bandying around suicide threats is a favourite tactic of people who are looking to make you responsible for their emotional well-being, especially when they know you're a caring and compassionate person. He's shown you who he is, take note. Again, he threatened to blackmail you....this person is capable of turning in the blink of an eye. You're obviously a kind person, but you don't have to be so kind that you put yourself in any sort of jeopardy, ever. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tina Parnell Posted August 19 Author Share Posted August 19 7 hours ago, MsJayne said: I think there could be genuine intent, but a more sinister reason could be that he still feels anger towards you and is looking to draw you back in so he can punish you. He never said he was angry with me though. He said he did it because he wanted me to hate him. Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted August 19 Share Posted August 19 3 hours ago, Tina Parnell said: He never said he was angry with me though. He said he did it because he wanted me to hate him. So that you wouldn’t be upset if he ended it all? How altruistic and magnanimous of him, while contemplating suicide he had the decency to think of other people’s feelings. Only you can make the decision on whether you want this person in your life, but my advice is to do some reading on sociopathic behaviour patterns, and on how people with these type of personalities tend to manipulate others. Just my opinion, but he sounds like an immature, self-absorbed, manipulative type, and you sound like a ‘rescuer’ type of personality. These often attract each other. There’s plenty of information available online, academically reviewed articles are more reliable sources than pop psychology sites, but sites such as psych central.com present accurate info in a way that’s easy to understand. I’m unable to paste links for some reason, but if you type ‘rescuer and sociopath’ in your search engine you can find helpful info on the subject. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 19 Share Posted August 19 He may have only been threatening suicide to get a response. Most people who really want to kill themselves make sure no one knows their plan so they can't be stopped. I think since you promised yourself you would never talk to him again, that is what you should do. Why isn't he blocked if you decided you'd never talk to him again? That is the best way to make sure it never happens. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 19 Share Posted August 19 13 hours ago, Tina Parnell said: can't help but worry by him saying he doesn't want to live If you're concerned, call the police to do a wellness check. But don't get any further involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tina Parnell Posted August 20 Author Share Posted August 20 8 hours ago, stillafool said: He may have only been threatening suicide to get a response. Most people who really want to kill themselves make sure no one knows their plan so they can't be stopped. I think since you promised yourself you would never talk to him again, that is what you should do. Why isn't he blocked if you decided you'd never talk to him again? That is the best way to make sure it never happens. I can't block emails. It just goes to spam Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tina Parnell Posted August 20 Author Share Posted August 20 (edited) He emailed me again and said "I forgot to mention that I don't have any motive, but to say sorry. You are my biggest mistake and I refuse to forgive myself because I don't feel like I deserve to. I have no intention of befriending you or seeing you or anything like that if you're worried about that because I'm not ready. I have so much work I have to do on myself and to be honest, I haven't made much progress and I don't know if I ever will. Maybe I will in 5, 10, 20 years , I don't know, but until then I would never allow myself to get anywhere near you. I can't hurt you again. I know you don't trust me at all, but I just hope you know I'm sorry, I love you and will never stop." Edited August 20 by Tina Parnell Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 20 Share Posted August 20 (edited) Have you blocked him yet? If you have blocked him but are still checking your spam folders, you must quit doing it. Edited August 20 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tina Parnell Posted August 20 Author Share Posted August 20 (edited) 4 minutes ago, basil67 said: Have you blocked him yet? If you have blocked him but are still checking your spam folders, you must quit doing it. I have to check spam because I work in the media and sometimes important emails go there Edited August 20 by Tina Parnell Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted August 20 Share Posted August 20 23 hours ago, Tina Parnell said: Pps. You'll never hear from me again unless you ever reach out and I will never not be here for you. 19 minutes ago, Tina Parnell said: He emailed me again and said 🙄🙂 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tina Parnell Posted August 20 Author Share Posted August 20 (edited) 9 minutes ago, MsJayne said: 🙄🙂 What do you think he wants? Edited August 20 by Tina Parnell Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 20 Share Posted August 20 15 minutes ago, Tina Parnell said: What do you think he wants? It doesn't matter what he wants. He is now part of your past. And stop reading his emails! If you see his name, hit delete Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tina Parnell Posted August 20 Author Share Posted August 20 (edited) 6 minutes ago, basil67 said: It doesn't matter what he wants. He is now part of your past. And stop reading his emails! If you see his name, hit delete I highly doubt he will, but what if he threatens me? How would I know? What if he becomes crazy? What if he says something like that and I don't know about it and then he does something? Edited August 20 by Tina Parnell Link to post Share on other sites
Gebidozo Posted August 20 Share Posted August 20 You aren’t responsible for that man’s happiness. His threats are just words, as long as he doesn’t harass you in person, you can just ignore him. Resist the temptation to open his emails, delete them as soon as you see his address. Sooner or later he will stop. People who behave like him crave attention above all. If you don’t give him that, he’ll eventually stop. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 20 Share Posted August 20 48 minutes ago, Tina Parnell said: I highly doubt he will, but what if he threatens me? How would I know? What if he becomes crazy? What if he says something like that and I don't know about it and then he does something? Has he got any history of making threats towards you? If so, then I guess you may have to read his emails....if for no other reason than collecting evidence for the police. Otherwise, just keep ignoring his emails Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tina Parnell Posted August 20 Author Share Posted August 20 15 minutes ago, basil67 said: Has he got any history of making threats towards you? If so, then I guess you may have to read his emails....if for no other reason than collecting evidence for the police. Otherwise, just keep ignoring his emails I have to keep reading them just in case Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tina Parnell Posted August 20 Author Share Posted August 20 I was just wondering, can I still report him for blackmail say in 3 years time or is there a time limit? I feel comfortable if I still have something on him if that makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
MsJayne Posted August 20 Share Posted August 20 2 hours ago, Tina Parnell said: What do you think he wants? Your attention, because that will maintain his hope that you care. Just ignore, but keep the emails just in case he steps it up. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted August 20 Share Posted August 20 2 hours ago, Tina Parnell said: I was just wondering, can I still report him for blackmail say in 3 years time or is there a time limit? I feel comfortable if I still have something on him if that makes sense. We are a global audience, so laws would vary. Best to talk to your police 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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