Doctrine of socialisation.

[Admiral Thrawn]

On this 'mode' of behaviour, you are not interested in any special girl, other than getting used to or comfortable with interacting with people, and ultimately getting comfortable with women.

 

There is no 'outcome' in mind, such as getting a phone number, getting her to say 'yes' to go out with you, or no pressure at all. Send out business cards if you want, if you want to. Whatever you do, or how interact with her is not going to mean anything - even if she comes on to you or makes a pass.

 

When you feel comfortable that your interactions are not going to mean life or death, or you are not going to care what she really things of you, and it is not really that * big * of a deal, then you are at a comfortable point.

 

Ideas supporting this include going to places to meet women, saying "Hello" to different girls a day (six attractive girls a day), taking 'baby' steps, such as, smiling at cashiers or people in the service business - and talking with them, talking with everyone you are meeting, joining clubs or groups, etc....

 

Ultimately, the goals, are to feel comfortable with women, striking a good conversation, social touch, and getting them to laugh, employing various styles of humour such as sarcasm (saying the opposite of the obvious), and being cocky (she is only so lucky to be talking with you), and confident.

[Lonely nice guy]

It's funny that abnormal behviour has all sorts of names, and so does normal behaviour. This doctrine of socialization sounds to me like normal behaviour. Obviously, for some it is something that has to be learned later in life. But, better late than never. If you pattern yourself on this, you'll fit into society a lot more naturally than some of the other patterns of behaviour you seem to show in other posts.

 

My criticism: take out the notion of talking to six attractive girls a day. Talking to all girls, whether hot or not. You might pass over a really nice girl who might actually like you and your quirks because you didn't initially think she was hot. Try not to use the language of the "players": cocky, sarcastic humour to score. You'll never be a player, but you might meet someone if you behave normally.

[Admiral Thrawn]

It's funny that abnormal behviour has all sorts of names, and so does normal behaviour. This doctrine of socialization sounds to me like normal behaviour. Obviously, for some it is something that has to be learned later in life. But, better late than never. If you pattern yourself on this, you'll fit into society a lot more naturally than some of the other patterns of behaviour you seem to show in other posts.

 

My criticism: take out the notion of talking to six attractive girls a day. Talking to all girls, whether hot or not. You might pass over a really nice girl who might actually like you and your quirks because you didn't initially think she was hot. Try not to use the language of the "players": cocky, sarcastic humour to score. You'll never be a player, but you might meet someone if you behave normally.

 

Of course. Also I think it is a good idea, to crack something with cashiers, or whenever you have the opportunity to say something, say what is on your mind.

 

For example, today, a cashier checked my money to see if it was counterfeit, and I told her after it came out clean "Don't worry, I would never cheat on you." You know, she sort of gave a little grin afterwards. Or, another cashier was asking me to write my name and phone number when I was returning an item. It popped in my mind to tell her "Don't call me after Eleven because I got to bed early", but I held it in this time, because it felt too ackward to say at the time (she told me to sign the customer form).

 

It's important to be able to actually make a remark - it makes me feel happy to express myself in some way. After I made the first remark, although it seemed I failed miserably to connect with the girl, or so I thought, I really felt good afterwards. Even a romantic radio song was playing inside the mall, and it seemed a bit more real. Expressing yourself is very important.

 

A dating guru, named John Alanis, suggests, to take baby steps. You talk to people in contrived situations, like a cashier, or people who will likely be nice to you, and throw in a remark here or there. Following this, your confidence will gradually go up due to positive reinforcement. To me, it is still positive socialising, to just make a remark here or there, assuming it is in good taste.

 

As far as your criticism is concerned, the goal is just to feel comfortable with everyone, and expressing yourself to the ladies. The main point, is saying "Hi." to an attractive girl, does not necessarily mean you are panting over her, you are just saying "Hello", just like you would to anyone else.

[portableversion]

bull**** because that's what it is.

 

Yeah, like i really want to hang out with a cocky and sarcastic a**h***.

[Admiral Thrawn]

bull**** because that's what it is.

 

Yeah, like i really want to hang out with a cocky and sarcastic a**h***.

 

The point is that girls like to laugh. Unless you are a stand-up comedian, or are making some really lame jokes - cocky and sarcastic is actually a humour strategy.

 

Hey, if you can think of better ways of making women laugh, with you, then feel free to post - what are your ideas?

[Admiral Thrawn]

There seems to be a mis-understanding on some other threads that I have made, and would like to rectify this doctrine as being my position.

 

I believe in social/flirtatious hugs, touches, dancing, etc...

 

I believe in meeting girls, flirting with them, making them laugh, or anything that otherwise falls into this thread.

 

I believe in non-sexual but social intimacy, in forms of non-verbal and verbal intimacy, and that an experience of intimacy does not mean having sexual intercourse or sexual touching.

 

I am interested in interactions that are going to be 'playful', without being too serious, or without pressure of 'outcome'.

 

Any other thread that may indicate otherwise is just a poor understanding of expressing the English language in terms of sexuality. This current doctrine codifies my current socio-sexual conviction.

[portableversion]

try as you might, you are always interested in the 'outcome'. You can't avoid that.

 

Just give it up. Hookers aren't that expensive.

[Nicholas]

Hey, if you can think of better ways of making women laugh, with you, then feel free to post - what are your ideas?

 

It's been my experience that you don't really need to be funny to make women laugh, and that when you're at your funniest, often they won't think so.

 

Women laugh at your jokes because they're into you, they're never into you because they laugh at your jokes. Careful with the cocky/sarcastic business, there are many situations in which behavior like that isn't socially acceptable, and it's good if a woman is confident that you know when those times are.

 

This current doctrine codifies my current socio-sexual conviction.

 

That's the most charming phrase I've ever seen turned. Good luck with everything, I think if you realize your goal of becoming more comfortable in social situations, everything else will sort of come naturally.

 

One suggestion is to not treat it so much as a doctrine or stratagem. Socialization comes naturally to most people, but if you're working towards it, the less you visualize it as work, the better. Don't think "Okay, now I must come up with a witty comment," or anything like that. Just be nice, and don't take yourself too seriously.

[Admiral Thrawn]

try as you might, you are always interested in the 'outcome'. You can't avoid that.

 

Just give it up. Hookers aren't that expensive.

 

 

The 'outcome' in socialisation is feeling comfortable, being able to express yourself in a socially acceptable manner and make remarks that wont give away that you are interested in a girl, but where you are coming across just like you are talking with anyone. So, what you do, say, or gesture, means NOTHING - that way you can feel more confident.

 

This is a 'search' section of a love-board - which is about 'genuine interactions, connection, and relationshiops', not an escort review board, so those vulgar suggestions may be better appreciated somewhere else. This section is alive and well, and nobody is giving up here.

[SuperMonk]

It appears Admiral Thrawn is a follower of the alpha male (alpha male is the false alpha male here on LoveShack) - Admiral Thrawn, "Be yourself" really works if you think about it. You cannot tell a quiet office worker to start acting like a marketing salesman.

[Admiral Thrawn]

It appears Admiral Thrawn is a follower of the alpha male (alpha male is the false alpha male here on LoveShack) - Admiral Thrawn, "Be yourself" really works if you think about it. You cannot tell a quiet office worker to start acting like a marketing salesman.

 

What are you talking about? This thread is about socialising.

[portableversion]

used car salesman.

 

AT, you are 30 years old. You are who are, and you can't change that. Either you'll find a woman who likes you for who you are, or you won't find anyone.

 

And judging from your 'touching' post, i'd say your social retardation points you towards the latter outcome.

[Admiral Thrawn]

try as you might, you are always interested in the 'outcome'. You can't avoid that.

 

Just give it up. Hookers aren't that expensive.

 

 

Thanks for letting us know how your mother paid for college!

(I'm sure you dont like this remark, so why dont you think twice before calling people 'social retards' or telling people to see whores.

Hookers are also mothers, and I'm sure you are glad your mom isn't one, right? So, why dont you think twice about recommending them?)

[Admiral Thrawn]

Withdrawing previous post.

[lindya]

"Be yourself" really works if you think about it. You cannot tell a quiet office worker to start acting like a marketing salesman.

 

Yes. I'm not going to start trying to talk for all women here, but personally I'd much rather have an "alpha quiet office worker" than a "beta marketing salesman".

[Outcast]

they're never into you because they laugh at your jokes.

 

Not true. Well partly true. Wit is very attractive - but that's true wit which arises from a good intellect. 'Telling jokes' isn't quite the same thing. So maybe laughing at 'jokes' won't influence a woman for the positive, but being witty will.

[realeve20]

Hellow this is a young lady: who likes a man with a healthy sense of humor, spirituality , attitude, energy, with honest y and respect. Well tell me does it make any difference if a man approaches first in certain social environments verses a woman making the same move. I mean after all it should not namatter if they like each other and they are communicating together.