shootingstars87 Posted August 21 Share Posted August 21 I was dating a man for 4 months. He was decent enough, no obvious red flags at the time. There were a couple of times he would distance himself and when we got back to talking, he always blamed it on his "depression" or being scared and worried something would go wrong. I am (unfortunately) a very understanding person and know people have fears and also go through things, but once I started addressing my issues with his behavior, he would distance himself even more. He would come back around, apologize and say he didn't want to do anything to hurt me, said I was amazing, did nothing wrong, liked me very much and cared for me alot. He had gotten out of a long term relationship a year prior (according to him). Of course it was her fault, she suprised him out of nowhere with a breakup after 4 years. No reflecting on his part of the issues and no accountability with that relationship or any one prior to that. The typical "woe is me, I am a good man and didn't deserve any of it. They all treated me bad in some way." He told me he would not disappear, then out of nowhere he did it again. I had enough and called him out on all of his nonsense and how he made me feel. I truly cared for this man and treated him well. I know I didn't deserve his behavior, just where I was at fault was not nipping it in the bud sooner. I cared for him and wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt you know? I never heard back from him. All I know is his most recent ex got into a relationship right around that time, he was facing some legal issues regarding his kids and he was financially struggling despite working and staying with family at the time. He is 36. We still followed each other on social media despite not speaking, and then this past week he started posting things about how he always gets hurt, how the good guys finish last, how why can't he find someone who cares...blah blah blah. This made me so incredibly angry because it was a massive slap in my face and I wondered is he really that blind, ignorant, selfish or just plain stupid? He wasted my time, feelings and took me for granted and to act like an absolute victim set me off to the point where I publicly called him out saying how he is feeling is exactly how he made me feel and that maybe he should see his part in his own suffering rather than blaming everyone else. Deleted and blocked lol. I am not upset he didn't want me anymore...I got over that because I didn't really lose much, but to use the "poor pitiful me" act pissed me off and to say you never had someone that cared is an absolute lie! Anyone else experience something similar and feel free to leave your thoughts. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 21 Share Posted August 21 No, I haven't experienced anything like this with a man but it's good that you told him how you felt and got it off your chest. It will do you good to not look at his social media or read his stories. Let sleeping dogs lie. Otherwise it will keep him on your mind. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 21 Share Posted August 21 8 minutes ago, shootingstars87 said: is he really that blind, ignorant, selfish or just plain stupid? Yes he is. At least you did not waste too much time on the wrong man. Now you need to block him on every possible platform he could use to reach you. Do not peak at his social media. Delete him from your life. Let this be a life lesson. It sucks but that's how we get better at life, it's by experiencing all sorts of deceptions, getting back on our feet and moving forward. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted August 21 Share Posted August 21 Yes, I dated a guy like this about 10 years ago. It was never, ever his fault because he was just so perfect and how could a woman do him like this?? Pfft. Behind closed doors he was a total mess and not a good boyfriend. It was almost comical what a poor-me act he tried to put on. I deleted him off my social media. Boy, bye. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Calmandfocused Posted August 21 Share Posted August 21 Yes there were red flags. You simply chose not to see them. When a man you barely know disrespects you and compromises your boundaries you give them one chance at a second chance. Not multiple. His “poor me” position, and failure to take any responsibility was presented to you on multiple occasions before his latest social media post. This is a man who clearly blames the world, and anyone and everyone except himself. He's got a victim mentality, yet i suspect his exes would paint a very different picture. Be glad he ghosted you. A bullet well dodged. You saved yourself any further mental anguish, time and probably a whole heap of money to get him out your life. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
happyhorizons Posted August 21 Share Posted August 21 People like him have a tendency to “suck the life out” of you. Do not spend a moment thinking about this guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyViolet Posted August 21 Share Posted August 21 You shouldn't have wasted your time continuing to look at his social media after he ghosted you and getting all angry about it. That is pointless and just a waste of your energy. You should have ended this relationship earlier when he started developing this habit of becoming distant. You stuck around too long. Getting all angry about it is a dead end. You can't change another person, you can only know when to walk away. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mark clemson Posted August 21 Share Posted August 21 People tend to live "in their own reality" to a certain extent. His reality (or rather, his experience of it) seems to be this no-one-really-loves me-poor-me business. So, what you saw as communication he possibly interpreted quite differently. His coping strategy/response seems to be distancing himself and in his case it sounds like that got taken to its ultimately conclusion when he ghosts. He may have also "learned" to break up with you pre-emptively when things start to look less rosy as a defense mechanism of sorts. Perhaps one day he can gain enough self-awareness to understand what he's doing and/or try to address his issues. However, it's his responsibility to address that, while yours is how to best move on with minimal impact from this short lived "thing" you had with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Alpacalia Posted August 22 Share Posted August 22 He's still reeling from his break a year later. He's playing the victim because he can't own up to his own fears and shortcomings. And unfortunately, he will just continue to hurt people until he deals with his own issues. When someone is posting on social media saying they "always get hurt" and they can't find anyone who cares, it's a cry for attention and sadly, he is seeking validation from strangers rather than himself. I hope he can find peace at some point, but until then, let him be someone else's problem. I'm glad you've moved on and found your self worth, and maybe next time when a man ghosts you like he did 100 times, you'll drop him a lot sooner! ;) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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