Girlfriend dislikes brother and wants me to cut him off for good

[Ralph71492]

I’ve been with my girl friend for 8 years and we’ve had our ups and downs. During the 8 years I wasn’t loyal at least once each year. It was either hiding things, lying and not communicating. It was social media cheating also. I am 32 and she is 26. So we have diff mindsets. We both have our insecurities and have flaws. 
she wants me to cut my brother off because he has had times where he did or say disrespectful things to her. She feels like he doesn’t respect her or respect this relationship. She has forgiven at some moments and then they would be good. But now she is upset that he may influence me to cheat and/or persuade me to do something to hurt her. My brother was willing to speak to her but she didn’t budge. 
I feel like due to her not trusting me, me cutting him off is an easy way off feeling less insecure and more comfortable being with me. But my infidelity has never involved him. I am not asking her to be besties with him but I can’t just cut off family, I grew up in a tight knit family and do family gatherings a lot esp. the holidays. For me to choose someone I love over someone I grew up with and bonded with. My brother is 27 and yes he has had the childish moments and done his s***. But he has grown and he loves her unconditionally and he cares if we are together. But she doesn’t think so.

How do I choose and do I even choose? What advice can someone  offer ? I think this a non sense situation that can be fixed if she communicated with him. 
We don’t live together or have kids either. 

[ShyViolet]

So you've been in this relationship for 8 years and at least once a year you have lied, cheated or been unfaithful?  I don't think your brother is the main issue here.  Why are you even in this relationship if you can't give your girlfriend a basic level of respect and refrain from constantly cheating and lying?  If she thinks that insisting on you cutting off your brother will fix your relationship, she's incredibly foolish and naive.  You both need to wake up and see that this relationship is dysfunctional.

[MsJayne]

Your girlfriend knows something isn't right with you but instead of blaming you she's projecting the blame on to your brother. It's not her or your brother who's the problem. 

[Gebidozo]

The problem is neither your GF nor your brother, it’s you. You’’real talking about your infidelity like it’s something trivial. 

Hopefully your GF will stop deflecting the blame onto your brother and see your actions for what they are.

[stillafool]

Regardless of what you've done, I would let her go before I let her force me into cutting off my sibling for life.  Something is terribly wrong in your relationship anyway if you've been cheating on her off and on for 8 years.  It's time to let her go and find happiness and for you to find someone who you care enough about to not cheat on them.

[ExpatInItaly]

Your girlfriend doesn't want to admit to herself that the problem is you, and you alone. 

So, she's looking for a scapegoat to ease her fears that you will cheat again. Honestly? She should have been done with you a long time ago. You don't respect her or your relationship. Your brother has nothing to do with it, and cutting him off isn't going to change anything. 

It's way past time to set her free. 

[Sony12]

Yes the real problem is you. However minus a direct family member murdering someone anytime a girl tells you to cut your brother out of your life instead of doing that cut the girl out of your life.

People you are dating in no way have any right to break up a blood relationship. If they try to that is just them trying to take over your life.

I think you need to break up with this gal.

 

 

[smackie9]

Your GF is has very low self worth/low self esteem for keeping herself in this relationship. She doesn't want to face the fact that you are the problem so she blames your brother or whatever else she can find. You are obviously unsatisfied with your relationship or you wouldn't be cheating on her several times. Now it has come down to her telling you to cut off your brother. Punt her to the curb...it would be doing you both a favour.

 

[justwhoiam]

Your girlfriend must really care about you to not let you go like this. I don't agree that she has low self-esteem; she's just young and thinks things can get better. I do the same, and I'm older, but there comes a time when you have to adjust your aim, and everything comes to a head.

Anyway, to answer your question: no, you can't cut your brother off, so that request is out of the question.

I don't see her request as being so much about you stepping out of line, but more about the ongoing lack of respect from your brother and the consequent failure to acknowledge her role. So,

1. You need to have a serious talk with your brother if you truly care about her—he needs to stop if he cares about you;

2. The demand for a drastic gesture, like cutting ties with a family member, might be meant to test how far you'd go for her, especially after constantly failing her for all eight years of your relationship—in short, it’s a turning point. So, by rejecting that, you should make up for it with something else that shows her you’d bend over backward for her. This doesn't excuse you from stopping your cheating.

That said, why do you do it? Boredom? Can't control your impulses? Curiosity? Strong attraction to someone else? If you got married, the problem could only get worse. You wrote you have different views: she doesn't want an open relationship. Therefore you need to make up your mind. She knows what she wants. What do you want?

[Sony12]

4 hours ago, justwhoiam said:

Your girlfriend must really care about you to not let you go like this. I don't agree that she has low self-esteem; she's just young and thinks things can get better. I do the same, and I'm older, but there comes a time when you have to adjust your aim, and everything comes to a head.

Anyway, to answer your question: no, you can't cut your brother off, so that request is out of the question.

I don't see her request as being so much about you stepping out of line, but more about the ongoing lack of respect from your brother and the consequent failure to acknowledge her role. So,

1. You need to have a serious talk with your brother if you truly care about her—he needs to stop if he cares about you;

2. The demand for a drastic gesture, like cutting ties with a family member, might be meant to test how far you'd go for her, especially after constantly failing her for all eight years of your relationship—in short, it’s a turning point. So, by rejecting that, you should make up for it with something else that shows her you’d bend over backward for her. This doesn't excuse you from stopping your cheating.

That said, why do you do it? Boredom? Can't control your impulses? Curiosity? Strong attraction to someone else? If you got married, the problem could only get worse. You wrote you have different views: she doesn't want an open relationship. Therefore you need to make up your mind. She knows what she wants. What do you want?

Anytime a significant other tries to get their partner to cut ties with their family member (unless they are just legitimately a bad person) it is just the significance other trying to take over their partners life.

The girl in this situation needs to go no ifs ands or buts about it. And I guarantee you the next boyfriend she gets she will try to pull them away from their family as well.

Edited August 26 by Sony12

[Alpacalia]

If the fate of your relationship rests in cutting off family/friends you are at a point of no return. 

Your girlfriend is on heightened alert for anything that might indicate you could potentially cheat again. I don't think it really matters who that person you hang out with is, for her, it can be your own mother that she thinks you might cheat (given your past indiscretions).

She can't demand you cut off someone from your life just like that, that you genuinely love.

Sorry that you're in this predicament but, the cheating is going to be an uphill battle for her, either she wins or not, the paranoia is going to be there. I am not condoning, just me expressing my view that this is how the mentality is going to be like from her POV.