Boyfriend is avoiding sex

[Sandy]

Hi,

 

I have a rather bizarre question. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years now and things have been good and bad for the last 3 years.

 

I don't know whether or not there is something bothering my bf but when we both went away on a trip to Europe for 2 weeks he didn't want to be initimate with me. I asked him why but he just said he was tired and plus we didn't have any condoms. We did however had sex the weekend before. What I don't understand is because we both live apart and rarely see each other except on weekends that I would think he would have had the desire to make love. The fact that he didnt' made me wonder what exactly was wrong.

 

He says he is stressed out from work and on our trip he didn't want sex. Is my boyfriend cheating on me?? Is it a possibility now?? Could it be that he is tired?

 

It seems like before when we both go away on vacation that we always, at least once or twice become intimate but now he doesn't want it anymore. I am so confused here.

 

Could someone please help with some advise. I am sure that someone out there may know the reason.

 

Could it be that he is slowly losing interest in me? Do you think that he doesn't find me appealing anymore? IS IT NORMAL?? Now that we are back from our vacation, I don't want to be intimate with him until I find out why he was behaving strangely while away.

 

Please help,

 

Sandy

[Tony T]

His explanation for not wanting sex on vacation is certainly believable. He also may very well be seeing someone else but I doubt it. That certainly wouldn't keep him from having sex with you on vacation.

 

It is highly likely that he has some psychological problems that he needs to address. The fact that he is dating you but only sees you on weekends indicates he is attracted to relationships where togetherness and intimacy is at a minimum. There are many possible reasons for this but chances are good the root is in his childhood.

 

It's also very possible he has anxiety problems that he won't tell you about. Men who are stressed out or even perhaps phobic about travel aren't going to expose their vulnerability to a lady usually...at least not for a long time. If he was anxious about flying, for instance, the stress would have drained him of energy. He may have just been anxious about the vacation working out OK...and that could have drained him as well.

 

It's not very likely you will ever get a guy like this to the altar unless he gets some help. And if you catch him at a weak moment and do marry him, you would find the intimate moments would be far in between.

 

I'm sure you are appealing to him but no, this is not normal. My best bet is he's got problems he doesn't realize he has. Don't jump to any common conclusions here. The underlying answers to your questions and the causes are rather complex.

 

If you want a guy who's interested in more frequent sex, you better go searching.

[Ed]

It is impossible for me to know why he did not want to have sex with you while on vacation. You asked him and he gave you an answer. I don't know if he is telling you the truth or not. He is the only one that knows for sure. Either way, you are not satisfied with the answer/reason he gave.

 

If what you said is true, it sounds like he is just making excuses, but that's just a guess. Nevertheless, it seems as though you feel the same way. You can ask him again, but I don't think you will get a different answer. I really don't think you would be satisfied with any answer/reason he gives.

 

You said that you don't want to be intimate with him until you find out why he behaved that way. If you stick to that, you may not ever be intimate with him again. I say this because the only other reasons I can think of that he would do this would be a lot tougher than the ones he has already given, however lame they may be.

 

It's your call. If you want things to work out with this guy, you are going to have to forget the missed opportunity and move on. But, if this type of behavior continues or gets worse, then you may need to breakup with him and find someone else.