Finding Myself Again After a Heart-breaking Breakup

[Maria124]

Hi Everyone,

I’m Maria, and I’m here because I needed a place to share my story. A year ago, my heart was shattered when my five-year relationship came to an end. It wasn’t something I ever saw coming, but slowly, we began to drift apart, and no matter how hard we tried to fix things, it became clear that we were better off going our separate ways. The decision to part was one of the hardest I’ve ever made, and it left me feeling lost, like a part of me was missing.

The months that followed were filled with deep self-reflection. I realized how much of myself I had given up for the relationship, and I knew I needed to find that part of me again. It’s been a journey—one filled with moments of loneliness, doubt, but also growth and rediscovery. I’ve started doing things that make me happy, exploring new passions, and learning to love who I am on my own.

Now, I’m at a point where I’m cautiously thinking about opening my heart to someone new. It’s both exciting and terrifying, and I don’t want to lose myself in the process this time.

If you’ve been through something similar, how did you find the strength to move forward? How did you rediscover yourself after such a deep loss?

Thank you for listening, and I’d love to hear your stories.

 

[Gebidozo]

Well, I’m 48 years old, and I’ve had my share of breakups, divorces, and such. Some were harder than others, but in all those cases, time healed wounds and I moved on without thinking too much. My last breakup, about 2 years ago, was very difficult, because it followed the longest relationship I’d had so far (7 years), and I was emotionally and even physically very exhausted. I got out of the depression, but I had unexpected and, dare I say, miraculous help from another person.

I think you’ve already understood the most important thing. You wrote, “I’ve started doing things that make me happy, exploring new passions, and learning to love who I am on my own”. That is the key. If you truly love yourself, not in the selfish sense, but being at peace with yourself and having moral integrity and confidence, you’re ready to love others. Don’t lose yourself now, just share yourself with someone you could love and who could love you.

[Gaeta]

I was in your shoes not so long ago. My 5 year relationship ended abruptly after discovering his cheating. It was like the earth opened underneath my feet.  I was ok with going back to dating about 16-18 months later. A full year was not enough for me. What I did during that time was concentrate on things I enjoy, family & friends, I traveled, I repainted my home, bought new furniture, changed my wardrobe, changed my hair. You might think it's crazy but I bought a new bed. There was something very symbolic for me in buying a new bed. Probably because of the betrayal. 

When I went back to dating I felt like if this happens to me again, sure it will hurt but I will get over it and be just fine. 

If you still feel giving your heart to someone would destroy you then you're not ready to date yet. I would caution you to date in that state of mind. 

[stillafool]

2 hours ago, Maria124 said:

I’ve started doing things that make me happy, exploring new passions, and learning to love who I am on my own.

Sometimes women will put everything to the side once they get in a relationship, so don't stop doing the things you listed above that make you happy.

[justwhoiam]

Just out of curiosity, are you considering going from one long-distance relationship to another? Have you tried dating locally? I can appreciate LDRs if they happen, but it’s not usually something people willingly choose.